Markets and Meddlin' Preachers (open)

[Jesse Custer]

"You buy, you buy? Fi' credit, fi' credit!"

She won't stop bugging the hell out of me. I've told her I don't want her frellin' fruit.

"I've got no money, ma'am."

She can't understand me. Doesn't know any more Basic than the brokin' up words she learned to peddle her merchandise. I feel for her, I do. Can't help her though. Can't tell her to go elsewhere neither, an' she do as she's told. Only works on the people who can understand me.

I empty out my pockets, my pant pockets anyway. I keep my money in my jacket, the few credits I have left. Robbing a bank has become very tempting...

She gets the message. Universal sign I reckon.

This here is an in door marketplace, one where normal folk do the sellin'. Never heard of one myself. Not sayin' much seein' as how I ain't never been outside of my birthplanet, since recently anyway.

I light up a cigarette and only get two puffs off before a suit walks up to me.

"No smoking!" He points to the sign. Well, this one can understand Basic alright.

"Change your mind."

"New market policy, smoking is encouraged!" He proclaims to everyone, walking off in a much better mood.

"Yeah!" A voice yells out.

"Smoke 'em if ya got 'em!" Another one yells.

Before I can enjoy my cigarette an elderly woman walks up to me. Not anoth--

"Help me, sir! Please, help me!"

I notice only now that I am mighty close to the entrance. Come to think of it, I remember her comin' through that door. I reckon I'm the first one she sees.

"A devil, he's stolen my child! Help me, sir! Help me, preacher man!"

Oh, so it's my collar that she's after. Guess some bastard's gone and napped her little one. Well, shouldn't be that bigga hassle.

"Where's this devil at?" I ask, my eyes squintin' with thought.

"Outside, sir, outside! He right out there!"

"Alright, alright, calm down. I'll get 'em back, ma'am."

"Thank you, thank you, preacher man!"

"Mm-hmm."

I make my way to the door, walking out onto the streets...

[Jesse Custer]

"Oh, dren."

She couldn't have been speaking figuratively, now could she? Nope. Had to of been spot on.

Right there, sure as day, is what has to be the biggest sonuva bitch demon I've ever seen. First demon period if you don't count evil old whores who lock little boys in coffins.

"Why don't you go along and put the young'an down? Deal with me?"

He's 'bout... say we round it off to 10 feet too tall? Little pardner ain't more than a pint.

"What you say?" He ain't brushed his teeth in a while. I'm 'bout 20 paces from the heap o' dren an' I still smell his god awful breath. Those foot long chompers must not be easy to clean.

"I said, put 'em down."

One of his two yellow eyes opens wide, inspectin' me....

"I say... no."

"Okay then."

Well, seems I'm doin' this the hard way. No other way but hard when it comes to demons, I reckon. I'll think on that later.

I walk strong to him. I drop my cigarette at my side as I do. My face turns red without thinkin' 'bout it. I reckon he intends to eat this little guy, seein' as how he's holdin' him awful close to his jaws, so it's enough to make me mighty pissed.

Before I can get in punchin' distance, the locals swarm to me. The marketplace spills out into the great out-doors, with tables and booths all 'round. Now the merchants out here are hassling me, though I have a feelin' it ain't about fruit.

"No, suh, no. You musnt ent fight tha big devil! He kill us all den!" A male local pleads.

"What in the hell you talkin' 'bout, boy?"

"If he no eat the child, he eat all o' us in return!" Another one chimes in.

Oh, I get it now. It's a sacrifice. Big monster comes down whenever he feels an' gets a prize.

"In that case..." it turns on, "...run like hell."

They do as ordered. Never seen people run so fast. They can't stop neither, not that they would.

When most of 'em are good an' gone, I go back on my path, straight towards the creature.

"Once more, put him down."

The creature chuckles an' I swear steam comes from his nose.

His hand raises, the one with the boy in it, straight for his mouth. Yep, he's gonna eat 'em right here an' now to prove he's not 'fraid of me.

I punch up, an uppercut you could call it, and connect with his jewels. No creature, man or no man, can ignore that. He trembles and drops the boy. Not too hard, as to break 'em, thank the Lord. Now he's mad. He swings his club of a hand at me, knockin' me clear across the walkway. Goddamn it he's fast...

When I get my bearings, I raise up to see the boy runnin' to his mother's arms. Good, I'm glad. Too bad the devil's headed right this way.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

*Click*

The sound of the blaster cocking made the big guy stop in his tracks.

"Why don't ya decide t'pick on someone who's got a chance," the gravelly voice said as the man in the bowling shirt stood behind him.

The demon guy stopped in his tracks.

Aurelias Kazaar stood there, a smirk on his face.

"You gonna face me or ya gonna take out a man of th'cloth?"

He raised the blaster up to take aim.

"So...what ya gonna do?"

The guy began to turn.

[Jesse Custer]

"What I am to do?" the demon said in his deep, throaty voice.

He was turning now, facing this new gunslinger. I 'preciate the help, though I'll save my thanks 'till the demon's in the ground.

"What I am to do?" he repeated. I got the feelin' he'd never been challenged before. Or else he'd have a little more fear in his voice. Blasters like that blow off things no matter where they come from. "I say... eat you."

Well then, that's a plan I suppose. Even though I can tell this guy can shoot a gun, seein' as how he holds it like he ain't scared of what it can do, I know it's my place to lend a hand. Just in case this ugly SOB decides to eat the blaster first...

Seems like I remember hittin' something'... Now I see, I slammed into one of these tables. Okay, got it...

I stab a stake from one of the tables into the devil's thigh.

Uh-oh, now he's mad. Maybe I should have let that fella take a shot first? Nah, if he didn't kill him with the first shot, it was over for him. Far as I can see, he's done a good thing for me so I should atleast try to do one for him. I kick 'em square on the back of the knee cap. He buckles from it. Now he's got a free shot, no penalties.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

And Kazaar took it.

Double Tap...right in the head.

The demon hit the ground and lay still.

Kazaar smirked, then pulled a cigar out of his pocket. His blaster was still drawn as he started walking towards the still creature.

Then he shot him again.

"Never can b'too sure with people. Sometimes, they don't stay dead.

"Gotta light pal?" his black eyes were still on the creature.

[Helenias Evenstar]

What an odd creature I thought, pushing my way through the crowd that was gathering. Not really concerned for myself in this poverty stricken area, I even preferred being here over the backstabbing and politics of the Senate. A dark hood and cloak faded me into anomimity, just made me look like another loser down on their luck.

Not so of course. I was here to quietly look over this area, to see for myself how they lived. To see their lives so I could act on their behalf in the Senate with their best interests in mind. Why should I be beholden to big business and other influences that just sought to keep these misreble beings as they were?

However, even in this place where all sorts of strange beings were, a person dressed as a preacher was enough to make me look again. Who in the name of the Force dressed like that and why?

[Jesse Custer]

"Mm."

I took out my lighter. My father's lighter. On it were the words "Screw the Empire". I pop open the top lid before I turn it on, lighting his cigar. I light my own cigarette before returnin' the lighter to my jacket pocket.

"Saved this town, I reckon. Name's Jesse," I extend my hand.

Of course, I know it couldn't be that easy. When the roar comes in, I'm not half as suprised as the locals are. They're terrified, rightfully so. Sounds like it comes from the same brand of scum of this dead fella.

Yep, confirms it. I look up to the source. It's a mountain range that surely is a pretty sight, if it wasn't for the horde of demons chargin' down it. Yep, it wasn't far off, an' from the unhumanly rate those SOBs are runnin', they'll be here quick. Guess they can sense their own. Their own gettin' shot dead too.

Even though I told those group of villagers to scram, there are dozens to take their place. They've all gathered 'round to cheer us on. Now they're scatterin' again. Won't have to use my influence again.

"Well, crap..." I mutter as I watch that ungodly troupe rush down that mountain side. I'm bettin' they're a minute away.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

Kazaar was cool 'bout the danger. He'd faced it before after all.

"Nice lighter by th'way. Screw th'Empire. Too true!"

He took a puff off his cigar, then walked over to where a speeder was. After a minute, he returned with a large weapon over his shoulder.

"Sumthin' I stole from th'Empire last time I was on onea their planets."

He hefted the Dark Trooper weapon.

"Whatta ya want 10% of th'profits?" he smirked then fired a missile at the running group.

[Jesse Custer]

He lost me with the profits comment.

It seems this fella's no novice. How he can even aim such a big ol' gun like that... Though I don't 'spose there's much aimin' needed.

Well, it seems he's got the far way's covered. I'd imagine he's screwed on the front runners. They're comin' few and far between though. Seein' as how some are faster than other and out for more blood. I figure I can handle one now an' again, long as he keeps the others from runnin' so hard to the forefront.

One comes on up, growlin' like a rabid dog. He's shorter, my size. Guess they come in all shaps. I 'spose this one, bein' shorter than most, is by logic one of the fastest.

I smack this one on his mouth, actually breaks one of those long pointy fangs out. I follow up with a solid blow to his stomach, than a knee to his face. He goes down. Guess they're skin an' such ain't made outta any tougher stuff than us humans. Though I do admit, it'd take less of a punch than I'm throwin' to hurt a normal human. I'm puttin' my all into these.

Another one follows behind, a little taller. I kick his thigh, stoppin' him in his tracks. I chase that kick with a well placed uppercut. Takes him out cold. I relise now I'm still suckin' on my cigarette I blow off a puff of smoke, before placin' it back in my mouth.

I take the time to turn back to my pardner.

"You got 'nough ammo to last?"

[Aurelias Kazaar]

Kazaar smirked as he launched another missile towards the oncoming hoard.

"I came prepared..." He fired a plasma blast into an approaching creature's stomach. It fell to the ground in pain.

Another plasma blast silenced it.

"These guys ain't goin' no where."

[Jesse Custer]

I smile...

Then my arm's bitten into by one of those god forsaken monsters. The pain is terrible but it isn't tearin' into any heavy meat just yet. My fist connects with his jaw before that happens.

"Die!" I order.

The monster stops movin'. He just hits the ground. Oh my God.

"Did I ju--?"

I never knew it could work that way. I reckon these beings ain't as smart as they come. Naturally dumb I 'spose. I haven't tested it much to find out to the contrary, so I reckon it could work that strongly on such a weak minded creature. Still, that's just... that's just not right. How--?

No time to dwell on it. I'm forced to put it behind me as another one approaches. I just kick it down low and punch it in it's nose as it drops to it's knees.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

It'd thinned out enough to where Kazaar could draw a blaster and not worry 'bout the Dark Trooper weapon. 'Sides...his arms dealer had a limited supply of 'em.

He turned to the preacher, then pointed the blaster at the falling creature.

"You ain't gonna hurt any child anymore."

Then pulled the trigger.

There were still more on the way. But the bounty hunter and preacher had about five minutes to catch their breath.

"Nice job on th'ordering," Kazaar took a long puff off of his cigar. Somehow it'd stayed in his mouth through the fight.

"Look I don't care what other tricks ya got. We got more on th'way."

Then pulled several missile casings for the Dark Trooper weapon. He'd need 'em.

[Jesse Custer]

I'm startin' to like 'em. Seems like someone you could depend on when the goin' got tough. I especially like that he doesn't ask questions about my power. I don't have any answers.

"Mm-hmm. They ain't gonna stop neither, I reckon. Not 'till they're all dead."

I blow off another ball of smoke that had been waitin' to come out. Now I turn to the villagers. They've moved, sure. Not nearly enough though.

"Y'all gonna have to move back! Get on! Let-- let us handle."

First time I 'spose I relised what we were doin'. A small army of demons, against two men? Not the kind of thing that you come out of alive. Though we were just fine at the moment.

"How many you figure they got left in that mountain?"

[Aurelias Kazaar]

"How th'hell should I know," Kazaar gave Custer a 'look', then another puff of the cigar.

"Info I got said, th'town was bein' bugged by a buncha monsters. Never said I'd hafta face 'The Army of Darkness'," the bounty hunter squinted his eyes.

"Far as I'm concerned," he muttered under his breath, "The 600K ain't gonna cover it."

A sidelong glance towards the preacher, "How many d'ya think're up there?"

[Jesse Custer]

I thought I heard somethin' bout 600 K... Reckon that's his estimate on how many critters are up there. What did start to buggin' me was his sayin' he got 'info' on this here town. Is he NR? Would explain' his stealin' from the Empire, on a mission an' such I 'spose.

"Well that depends on how fast their spawn pop out, I reckon. They strike me as the folk that fornicate like nobody's business. Probably got a flock up there approachin' a thousand atleast."

Well, now they're comin' in fast again. Rest's up.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

"Shouldn't they have some sorta king then?" Kazaar said as he fired a missile towards the approachin' hoarde.

"If we take 'im out...others might run."

[Helenias Evenstar]

Oh now this was fun. More of them. So far I stayed in the background, not really worried. Altough when one got too close, having a rail gun atomise it's brain was even more fun.

"Maybe if you blow them a kiss, they will think your gay and run off scared" I muttered.

[Jesse Custer]

I gave him a dren eatin' grin. Now why didn't I think of that?

"Well now, that's a plan. Problem is, this town is good as dead if we leave post. If I know kings, he'd be sittin' his fat behind on his throne, waitin' for his minions to do the work."

I ducked a claw, raising back up to break the passin' arm, hittin' the elbow while holdin' the wrist.

"One of us is gonna have to take it alone."

My elbow met the demon's face as I still held his wrist, which by the way felt like fried pig guts, an' he dropped.

Seein' as how this fella's got the big gun, I reckon he's the one to keep the army at bay as I sneak in on the big devil.

"Reckon it oughtta be me?" I ask, takin' the time to release some smoke from my mouth.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

Kazaar was busy. After all, he was considered the bigger threat, with the Dark Trooper weapon and all.

"Tell ya what," he said, as the recoil on the plasma cannon sent him back a few inches.

"You take out that leader, and I'll give ya 20% of m'earning 'nstead of ten.

"Hell," Kazaar blew a hole in one of the demon's legs, "I'm sure th'townsmen'll love ya. Prolly let ya have ya pick of th'daughters around here too."

[Jesse Custer]

What the frellin' hell is he goin' on about? Earnings, 20%, hmm? Well, no time for that. I'll find out and deal with it when I get back. This town won't hold off for long. They're gettin' angry, I reckon.

"Hell, that'd be a nice thank ya," I chuckled. I might be a Reverend but I have all the male parts. Hell, I ain't practicin' currently anyhow.

I didn't say anythin' else, didn't need to. Time to get started. I haven't a frellin' clue how I'm gettin' past these retarded demons. Goin' the wrong way in a mob an' all.

Then it purred. The speeder bike that must had been handed down by Lord o' Mighty. A young rebel type was revvin' it, ready to get the hell out. He'd have to take a shot for the team.

"Hold it, pardner. I need this."

I put my hand on one of the handles.

"Step off, Preacher!"

Yep, he spoke basic alright. I could do it to 'em. But hell, funner this way.

Not too badly hurt, just his pride I guess. The locals must've looked at 'em as some kind of rebel without a 'cause, I reckon. Punched out by a Preacher will wound your reputation.

"Thank ya, son."

It was already revvin', even though I'd be able to hotwire if it weren't. Used to make a life out of doin' just that.

I started down a small bump of a hill, raisin' back up to a field that led up to a mountain path. I weaved in an' out of the horde, punchin', kickin', and bitin' when I had to. Finally, the bike started up the rocky road that winded up the mountain.

[Aurelias Kazaar]

As Custer got nearer the wall of demons an explosion rocked about 15 feet in front of him. Kazaar smirked...he had t'give the son of a bitch a chance t'get through hoarde of aliens comin' down.

'Least Kazaar thought they were aliens. He wasn't exactly th'most religious of people, nor did he plan to.

It was time t'change weapons now, he was running outta missiles.

The bounty hunter ran towards his speeder, destroying another two demons as they charged. One leaped in the air and he ducked. The demon flew somewhere, Kazaar didn't know where.

Kazaar popped the trunk of the speeder and pulled out a concussion rifle.

He fired towards four of the charging creatures and watched the blue energy engulf and destroy 'em.

[Jesse Custer]

I wave my hand at him, behind my back as I ride on. That cleared a pretty nice wedge. Won't do much good for long though.

I gun the sucker. It tears 'tween two ugly, even for demons, SOBS and goes on. I'm slowly makin' my way up now but the demons are comin' down on top of me as I get closer to their camp.

"Clear out you sonuva bitches! I'll rip your goddamn hearts out!"

Works on some of 'em. 'Course I'm not orderin' right now, just askin' with authority. Some of these hell creatures ain't too keen on takin' me straight on. Must have sensed that one I killed down there, the one I did by commandin'. Hell, scared me, I reckon it'd do the same to them. Still, most of them I have to claw my way through. Gettin' thick, it is, an' I'm not wantin' to use my power but I oughtta. Maybe if I'm just not so lethal 'bout it.

"Part you pieces of crap! Move!"

That works. They're clearin' away from me, making a wedge for me to drive through. I 'spose I could tell 'em all to drop dead. Maybe even to all just stop this nonsense and go back home. Both don't sit to well with me though. The first one just doesn't seem right. The second, well that might work, but what about the ones that aren't in ear shot? They're still goin' down. No, best way outta this is to take out their king. That is, if we're right, and there is in fact a leader.

Now I've gotten to their.... town? Hell, I guess it is. There's some caves clawed out of the side of the mountain. I even see some mother and baby demons. They don't try anythin' and that's good. Seein' as how I don't take to hurtin' women and children. Though I'd be hard pressed to not do just that if they did jump on me, but they're not.

I see now where the men are comin' from. I didn't think to check, but I reckon all those warriors were boys. This is a clan like mentality up here I 'spose. Things like equal rights for women ain't come to 'em yet. The warrior demons are pourin' out of what seems to be a big ol' cavern. I reckon it stretches damn near close to the center of this mountain. They're two holes they're comin' out of an' there's on they're not. They're all lined up side by side.

I take the middle one, the one no one's comin' out of. Way I figure it, this is where they do they're manly demon things. Reason no one's keen on comin' through this way is 'cause they have a king to protect. 'Spose they're stayin' behind to do just that. Which is why I'm thinkin' this way leads right to the sucker.

I speed in like a bat out of hell, 'cept I feel like I'm goin' in to it.