So afraid (Ryla)

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian walks quickly and quietly through the halls of the Living Quarters. Logic, her new droid guardian, has abandoned her once again, and she doesn't want to be alone. Its late and she's dressed in her pajamas, which consist of an oversized t-shirt and a pair of loose fitting pants. She can't sleep. Every time she closes her eyes her mind takes her back to the cold laboratory, shows her visions of the beasts that kidnapped her and brought her before the sadistic madman that tortured and raped her. She'll never forget his expression, the animalistic smile or the predatorial gleam in his eyes. A light catches her eye, shaking her from her reverie. Someone else is awake. Maybe...maybe she can talk to them. The door is cracked open slightly, so she pushes it open a bit further.

"Um...h-hello?" she asks nervously. "I was awake and saw the light on in your room...m-may I come in?"

[Ryla Relvinian]

I had been unable to sleep for the first time in a very long while. After pulling back my long dark locks into a loose braid, I pulled on a pair of comfortable, worn pants along with my usual sleep shirt and walked into the little kitchenette in my quarters.

As I began to fix something hot to drink, I heard a small peep from my doorway. My senses, still dulled from darkness of my room and attempts at sleep, I immediately reached for my lightsaber, which (being that I was in my pajamas) was not on my hip. After another second, I realized that it was only a little padawan... A young girl I had not seen around very much asking to come into my room.

"Yes, come in..." I replied, heading towards the door and opening it all the way.

"However, I'm afraid we haven't met yet."

[Lillian Snow]

"O-oh...I'm sorry. My name is Lillian..."

The padawan's face lights up with relief at seeing Ryla standing there. She can't place the woman's name, but recognizes her as a council member. This woman can help her...she's sure of it!

"I couldn't sleep...I've been having nightmares and...well..."

[Ryla Relvinian]

I could easily sense her fear, and softly put my hand on her shoulder. "Come in, let me fix you something hot to drink, maybe it will help you calm down. You must have had quite a fright there."

I directed her to a comefortable couch and went towards the kitchen. "What would you like? Some tea always helps me relax."

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian steps inside and quietly shuts the door behind her and goes to the offered seat on the couch. She feels better with someone with her, but the frightful dreams continue to nag at her heart.

"I'm fine...you don't have to get me anything."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Ok, I'll just get my own mug."

I walked back into the little kitchenette and picked up my mug with hot tea and a splash of milk in it. Heading back towards the room, I greeted her with a friendly smile.

"I'm Ryla, by the way. I don't think I've seen you around here that often."

[Lillian Snow]

"I...I just got back..." she says quietly. "I've been gone for quite a while, actually..."

[Ryla Relvinian]

The young woman looked more repaxed but only slightly. "Well, it's good to have you back again. Tell me, what is troubling your sleep tonight?"

[Lillian Snow]

"...the stuff that happened while I was away..." she says quietly, drawing her knees to her chest.

Lillian shudders, hiding her face against her knees.

"It was horrible. Hours and hours of nothing but..."

Her voice cracks, muffling the last word of the sentence.

"...torture..."

[Ryla Relvinian]

I could not sit there and watch this young creature sob her heart out on my couch without doing something, and I finally gathered her in my arms and held her close, patting down her sleep-toustled hair with one long slender hand.

"Shhh... it isn't here... It won't be anymore, don't let these things trouble you! You are safe with us!"

Something in me made my soul cry out, for I had heard of the abduction of Lilian and her master, and the ensuing violence that no woman should have to bear. I cried for her in my heart, as a woman, as a Jedi...

"Shh... be at peace..."

[Lillian Snow]

"It...it was terrible! He cut away our clothes and molested us, then he spent hours simply cutting us to pieces..."

The girl clings to Ryla, burying her face against the other's shoulder.

"Then...then his partner took Master Salemn away...he left me alone with that mon...mon..."

Lillian coughs violently, her disease gathering strength as the fear and stress of her ordeal come back to her. She's sweating, eyes shut tightly against he memory, with tears flowing hot down her face. Her throat is dry and tight, making her coughing more painful than it normally would be.

[Ryla Relvinian]

My healing senses could tell that Lilian was fairly healed in body, but not in spirit. There were ways... a deep, dreamless sleep for renewal, but the dreams would return if she did not face them while awake. I gently continued to calm her, holding her in my arms as she sobbed into shoulder. Through the force, I let a gentle feeling of calm flow towards her, hoping that she would relax and let her mind be free of these images.

"It will take time for your spirit to heal, Lilian. For now you must be strong, and in time, you will be allright. I will help you be strong, but you must make the steps."

I had no doubts that she was strong enough to recover... Jedi women have a history of being tenacious, but I did not know if she knew it.

[Lillian Snow]

Strong. The one word that doesn't fit her at all.

"How can I be? I can't even go out into the city without Logic..."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Change happens slowly, and it hurts sometimes to learn to live for yourself. You must take little steps and find out who you are, just you, and what you can do for yourself sometimes."

Something I had learned at her age, self-reliance, was now second nature... but not for all young women, I soon remembered.

[Lillian Snow]

"I...I guess I do depend too much on others...but I...I can't defend myself at all. Master Salemn tried to teach me to use a staff and even though it was a training exercise, I still needed saving..."

Lillian coughs, bringing the collar of her shirt over her mouth. The white cloth carries the crimson red of blood.

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Lilian, you must not blame yourself for the actions of horrible people... there is a line between victimhood and inexperience. You are still learning, don't beat yourself up about that."

I thought for a moment, letting her calm down a bit, then continued.

"Perhaps your skill lie elsewhere, beyond the physical defenses."

[Lillian Snow]

"She...she taught me some of healing too...I did the best at it, but..."

No buts. Ryla is right. She should focus on something positive.

"I did my best at it."

There, much better.

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Well, if you would like to work sometime with me on your healing skills, I'd be more than happy to help you get better, if your master approves, that is."

Looking up at my kitchen counter, I saw a box of tissues and used the Force to call them to me. I reached the box out towards Lilian for her to dry her tears.

"The bottom line is that every skill comes with practice... this is not an easy life, the life of a Jedi. The fact that you have made it this far means that you are made of stronger stuff than most of the galaxy!"

[Lillian Snow]

She takes the offered tissue with a slight smile, feeling her face warm up as Ryla compliments her.

"Thank you..."

Lillian feels like she should say more, but can't think of anything else to say. She sits up, leaning away from Ryla, wondering if she should leave. The thought of her empty room sends a slight shudder through her. Now she has something else to say.

"Can...can I spend the night here? I don't want to go back to my room..."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"If it would make you feel better, you can stay here as long as you like." I replied, smiling down at her. "There's always room here, whenever you need it."

[Lillian Snow]

"Oh! Thank you!"

Lillian bows as best she can from her seated position, sighing with relief and smiling lightly.

"You're very kind, Miss Ryla."

Now she won't have to be alone.

[Ryla Relvinian]

I stood up and walked over to a closet at the end of the hallway, gathering up a big blanket in my arms and gesturing for Lilian to follow me around the corner.

"You can sleep where you like... the couch is comfy, but if you'd feel more safe, you can take the bed."

[Lillian Snow]

"Oh, no, I couldn't. I'll be content with the couch."

Lillian follows her obediently, beaming with happiness at the other Jedi. She feels safe. It's such a good feeling to have...

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Okay then, let me get some blankets for you, and I've got another pillow around here...."

I went back to the closet and found a pillow for her, and then proceeded to make up the couch as a bed, making sure she had an extra blanket in case she got cold in the night.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian hesitates. She would like very much to move in with Ryla, but Logic's odd behavior may be a bother to the Knight. Lillian certainly considers it to be a bother to herself.

"Thank you...but I'll be alright. Just tonight...."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Well, the offer always stands, if you ever need it."

I smiled again at her, and although she was under different circumstances, I thought that she reminded me of myself at a young age, but with the benifit of a supportive order behind her.

"You know, sometimes after terrible events, one may tend to hide away inside safe walls... I believe it would help your healing to visit some place relaxing, where you can figure out who you are and what you want to do. There's a garden, not to far from here, that is just beautiful. Perhaps you would like to go there sometime? I can find the coordinates for you, if you'd like."

[Lillian Snow]

"Oh! Would you? I would like that very much."

Lillian helps to make the sofa into something of a bed, taking a seat on it to arrange her pillow. Already she feels that Ryla has been a great help. However, the girl is uncertain as to how she should voice her thanks...a simple 'thank you' just doesn't seem to be enough.

[Ryla Relvinian]

"Then I'll get the coordinates for you first thing tomorrow morning."

I stood up and headed back towards my room.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to get me, ok? The bathroom is right over here, and my room is down this hall. Sleep tight!"

[Lillian Snow]

"Good night!"

Lillian lies down, gathering the blankets around her and hunching her shoulders to hide the redness of her face. Why is she blushing? All Ryla did was offer a place to sleep...