mY PiaNo reCitAL (open to a padawan)

[Mr. Happy]

I glittered.

Like a million credits! Oh, if I was a chocolate, I'd eat myself up, which was probably not a good thing. Reincarnation by cannibalization? Oh, its the stuff of beatniks!

Anyhoo...I adjusted my rhinestone jacket, and gigantic white carnation on the lapel, and gracefully slid my hair into place. The hall was rented, the orchestra struck, and it was time to see who would...

<font size=7>...<font color=FF00FF> DANCE</font>!</font>

In front of me, I had rolled out my gigantic walk-on keyboard...but to no applause. How disappointing.

"Applause! I demand applause!"

Of course, being as my audience was bound, gagged, and had explosives strapped to them, I guess they weren't much for making noise. Shrugging, I pulled a gigantic remote control from my lapel pocket, and pressed the big red button, with as much due drama as I could. My audience flinched, anticipating the one-way express trip to oblivion that was sitting on their chests. Instead, an "APPLAUSE" sign popped up behind me, and canned clapping played on the loudspeakers behind. I, the star, naturally returned my affection, bowing deeply.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! Good evening, Coruscant! I hope you've got shovels on your shoes, cause its time for a shindig!"

I reached to a nearby stool, with a glass of water resting on it.

"First, I'd like to tell you a little about myself. My own little A&E Biography, per se. Did you know I used to be a brain surgeon?"

I picked up my water glass, but my hand shook so furiously that the water spewed from the top of the glass, and eventually the glass itself was dropped, smashing to the ground.

"Funny what a little Parkinson's Disease will do to a career. Oh well, Mother always said to make lemonade, when life gives you lemons.

I have happy hands
I have happy feetses
And now I'm playing ragtime rags
That'll leave you all in pieces!

My condition is a burden
An ordeal so sadly tragic
But add some pyrotechnics
And my music's truly magic!"

I waltzed over to one balding man, who was sweating profusely...and extended the microphone to him.

"What's your name, sir?"

-mmmhmmhmmm!!!-

"I hate that name! I'll call you Teapot! Want a drink, Teapot?"

I extended him my flask, full of Ol' Mother's Milk.

-mmmhmmmhmmmhmm!!!!-

"No? Don't be a prude, lad! Ah well, I didn't want to part with it anyway."

I tipped the flask back, and upended all of the contents down my throat.

"Ahhh.....uh-oh! I guess I probably shouldn't be drinking, what with the show and all. You folks wouldn't want me to hit any BAD NOTES!"

At this, my entire audience was in an uproar. No, they didn't want bad notes. Not from me! I'm a bright, shining star!

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei walked in and looked about. It was supposed to be a piano recital. Wei looked at the people tied and gagged with bombs on them.

"Strange musical event."

Wei looked at the man on stage and raised an eyebrow. "Very strange."

[Mr. Happy]

"Thank you, m'boy!"

I bowed to the new member of the audience. Even though he was improperly attired, I suppose I had room for well-wishers in my peanut gallery.

"Any requests?"

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei looked about at the audience again. He walked over to one man and stared at the enormous thing strapped to him. Yep, it was a bomb.

"Uh, could to tell me why there are bombs tied to these people? It doesn;t look like a very safe idea to me."

Wei removed the gag from the lady sitting next to the man. "He did this," she said, her voice strained from al the crying she looked to have done.

Wei looked at her quizzically, then looked at the auditorium. A full house. thousands of people all wearing their own bomb. Wei was fast at Force boosting, but to untie all the bombs from these people before the clown pulled the switch was a little too much for even him to handle. He could try telekinesis, but Wei was not too good at that. Wei didn't want to set the bombs off by accident.

"Could you remove the bombs from these people? I think they would enjoy your show more if they were able to breathe comfortably."

Wei had made his request. It was very logical, and the Padawan thought it would make the show much more enjoyable for both the audience and the performer.

"I somehow get the idea that he's not going to listen..." Wei muttered under his breath."

[Mr. Happy]

"No sense of style! That just won't do! I'll have to educate you!"

I skipped and cartwheeled back to my piano.

"Do you know Camptown Races? How bout a duet? It'll be a blast!"

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei's ears perked up at the word "blast."

"What do you mean?"

Wei thought he already knew the answer, but if Wei could keep him talking, maybe it would buy him enough time.

The Padawan reached out with the Force, and began to use telekinesis to untie two people's bonds. Wei decided to start with the back row so as not to alarm the clown right away.

This will take some time. I need to keep him distracted for a while. Wei throught to himself.

Wei did Force Boositng best. It was a basic skill, but that's why Wei liked it so much. It was a simple skill to learn. And Wei was simple person. Telekinesis was a little bit harder.

[Mr. Happy]

"What do I mean, I'll show you!"

With as much pomp and show as I could muster (thats a lot), I stepped up to the piano...and began to prance on top of the keys, singing as I went along.

"Oh...Camptown Races sing this song
Doo-Da, Doo-Da
Camptown Races five miles long
Oh Doo-Da-Day!

Oh..,"

Tarnations! I hit the flat when I should've hit sharp. The note came off slightly off-key, but was soon drowned out by a thundering explosion, as one of my guests was completely immolated in a blossoming explosion. As his char-broiled bits rained back down to the ground, I smiled.

"Yes, why I know that tune as well!"

"Goodness gracious, Great Balls of Fire!"

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei heard several muffled shrieks as a person was blows to bits. Wei winced and turned his attention to the piano. A quick Force Push got Mr. Happy off of his mat. The Padawan used a Force Boosted jump to get on the stage and stood between the clown and his instrument of death.

"You will not play your silly piano again. I won't allow it." Wei held his arms out to the sides, barring the clown's path to the musical pad. Wei returned his focus to untying the bonds that held the remaining members of the audience. Just a few more seconds, and two people were free. Now for two more.

I've got to save these people

[Mr. Happy]

"Not a piano fan? Oh well, you can't win em all!"

I reached behind, opened a black case, and pulled out a trombone. Setting up, I inhaled, drew the slider up, and paused suddenly.

"Y'know....I really don't know any trombone songs."

I shrugged.

"Oh well! Its the thought that counts, right?"

I put my lips to the mouthpiece, and blew, causing a gargantuan jet of fire to streak out of the trombone's business end, and head towards Wei and the captive audience behind him.

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei had no idea what to do. If he dodged, then the people would be burnt, and the heat would cause the bombs to go off. But if Wei took it, he's be burnt to a crisp.

That's when Wei did what he did best. He quit thinking, and just did. The Force was his guide on this adventure. Wei backflipped over the piano mat and held it up so that it shielded his entire body from the fire. As far as Wei could see, the bombs were triggered when the wrong note was hit, so burning the instrument would not set off any bombs.

"I hope he runs out of breath soon," Wei said tersely as the mat began to blacken and burn away.

[Mr. Happy]

"My piano!"

Inconceivable! Who would stoop so low? I threw the trombone aside, and tore the smoldering piano from the Jedi's grasp. Frantically, I threw it to the ground, and desperately stamped on it, hoping to put out the fire. Another explosion roared as I hit another live key, blowing another poor idiot to kingdom come!

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei would have laughed at the clown's shenanigans if they had been but harmless fun. But the clown's nonsense was anything but harmless.

Wei quickly activated his saber, and let the tip of it drag into the floor and charged at Mr. Happy, causing a large tear to form in what was left of the keyboard.

That ought to do it, and I'll be frelled if it doesn't

Wei used his free hand to aim a punch at the clown's nose, and set his mind back to setting the audience free. Another two people rescued, only about a thousand or so left to go.

[Mr. Happy]

THWACK!

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!"

Well! I sure didn't see THAT one coming! The Jedi punched me square in the nose...and what a whallop it was! I stumbled back, doubled over, and put both hands to my face, trying in vain to dull the pain.

"AAAHHH!!!! MY NOSE!!! I THINK YOU BROKE MY NOSE!!! AHHHH!!!"

I stumbled away from the Jedi, whimpering.

[Wei Wu Wei]

At last some brave soul in the crowd caught on and began to help people get loose from their bonds. Wei continued to use his telekinesis to untie people, and more people began to join in the helping, taking courage from the one man who decided to help Wei out.

"Not smiling so big now, huh? My grandpa always told me to yield with things. Yield to the law of the government, and the laws of nature. Any resistance to either one will get you into a lot of trouble. If you didn't go breaking the law, then your nose would still be in its place."

The young Jedi advanced on the clown man. "Now if you come quietly I promise you'll be given a good lawyer."

[Mr. Happy]

"Oh....ohhhh....I think its broken, oh.....its so...swollen!"

I turned around suddenly, removing my hands from my nose, to reveal a large, round red prosthesis attached.

"Heeeheeheeeheee!!!"

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei stopped suddenly and looked at the clown's red nose. It looked to Wei to be something a circus clown might wear.

"You give all the other clowns a bad reputation," Wei said. Thanks to the help of the audience,everyone was soon out the door.

Thank you for your help Wei told his helpers through the Force. None of them answered, but Wei knew they all heard him.

"Now quit this nonsense and come with me." Wei removed the tip of his lightsaber from the floor and held his weapon in a more appropriate stance. "I don't want to have to hurt you."

[Mr. Happy]

"Well its a bit too late for that, isn't it?"

I looked as hurt and indignant as my indefatigable features would allow, and then squeezed my nose, which replied with a trademark HONK. Laughing riotously, I pulled the prosthesis off my nose, and tossed it to the Jedi.

"Aww...c'mon pal! No hard feelings!"

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei batted the ball away with the back of his hand. "No hard feelings here."

The fake nose rolled under one of the now empty seats in the front row of the auditorium.

"However, I do feel a small inkling of pity for you." Wei grabbed the man by the lapels on his jacket and shook him once. Not out of anger, but just to get the clown's attention. Once Wei was sure he had it, the Jedi let the clown go, but still stayed close to the mad man. Wei wanted to be able to get a hold of him if he tried to escape.

"Why did you have to tie all these people up? I'm sure that your music can't be all that bad when it's not killing people."

[Mr. Happy]

"C'mon! Have you heard the crap on the radio these days? I'm doing them all a FAVOR!"

Three...two...one...BINGO! My little red nose did the trick, and the time delay tripped the explosive within, causing a sizeable blast that sent both me and Mr. Prude to the ground. I hefted him up, this I was the one holding him by the lapels. I shook him violently and over-dramatically.

"Can't you see??? IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS THE ONE-ARMED MAN!!!"

My left hand let go of him, but my right didnt. Instead, it "detatched " from my arm, remaining fastened firmly to Wei's shirt. I hooted with laughter, and slid my real hand back through my sleeve.

"Ohhhh....I do love a story with a...shocking ending!"

Prosthetics these days are such wonderful things. Even to the point where you can imbed a 500,000 volt tazer into one! Its quite an electrifying experience! The air hummed audibly, and Wei's hair stood on end, just a few seconds before the first zinging pops of electricity rocked through his bones!

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei was suddenly on the ground, then up in the clown's hands. The electricity wasn't fun at all either. Wei's long hair frizzled and he felt his nerves lock up and freeze him in place, outside of some minor convulsions.

It was difficult to focus on anything. Wei clenched his jaw and tried anyway. First he had to move his fingers. Then he worked on moving his arms, slowly raising them up to where he could get a hold of the false hand by its thumb. Fighting the electricity with all his might, he applied leverage to the wrist, making it let go.

The electricity, combined with the effort just to move left Wei extremely exhausted. Breathing heavily, the Padawan retreated into the Force to recuperate before trying to get the clown into custody.

[Mr. Happy]

OOC: I had separated from you before using the false hand to shock you. After all, I wouldn't want to ground myself to live current :)

IC:

"Hee-hee-hee-hee.....HOOO-hoo-hoo!!!"

I leaned over, slapping my knee in hysterics, as I watched the Jedi smolder a bit.

"Aw...c'mon! Laugh!"

Leaning down, I put my fingers to the corner of my mouth, and made a jolly face.

"Its healthy! Don't be a spoilsport! Admit it, you thought it was funny!"

For some inexplicable reason, Wei began to feel compelled to laugh. To laugh long and hard, Not that anything was particuarly amusing, but just that he had to laugh.

[Wei Wu Wei]

OOC: I kind of figured, that, but I wasn't sure. Thanks for the info.

IC: In Wei's weakened state of mind, Wei did indeed crack a smile. And then he laughed. It felt good to laugh.

"I don't know..what's so...funny," Wei said between fits of laughter.

Wei held his sides and tears began to cloud his vision as he continued to laugh. The Padawan eventually fell over onto his side and continued to laugh. Wei was beginning to run out of breath, and he wasn't going to stop laughing anytime soon.

[Ansatsu]

I leapt from the darkness where I had been watching. My foot planted itself into the back of the mans skull. I had my filter on, in case he was using a gas for Wei. I smiled and spoke, "You bastard! Don't touch my cousin! You wanna tell me what's going on, " I drew my sword, "Or I can remove both your arms." I smiled my old smile. I held my sword in it's proper position. I narrowed my eyes, and then I felt some weight leave me. The spores! That stupid doctor! I told him not to alter anything. He had triggered the tiny spores. They released themselves on contact with a hard kick. They were microscopic, and they disentegrated after about thirty seconds in the lungs, and after about 10 minutes in air. They still would cut up peoples lungs pretty well. They just made it hard to breathe. WEI! They would destroy Wei's lungs the way he was laughing. I jumped over the man and stuck a filter in Wei's mouth. "Don't swallow it. I'll take care of this guy." I knew those spores would cut up his lungs. I readied my sword again. I stood up and turned quickly. I stared at the man with an odd look. "Your off your rocker." I readied myself for anything. This guy was a lunatic.

[Mr. Happy]

"Eau de Asbestos! What a thrilling bouquet! Hack-hack-WHEEZE"

I quickly brought up my polka-dotted hanky, coughing up a nice bit of phlegm.

"What're ya trying to do? Give me cancer in 30 years? Where's your Surgeon General's warning? Cough-cough!"

I tied the hanky over my face, to keep the noxious cloud at bay. I felt like a reguar Bandito!

"Well now, pilgrim...this town ain't big enough for the both of us."

The first guy had stopped laughing when I got the boot to the head. Must not be a fan of the new guy's slapstick. I had to admit, he had a lot to learn. But, at least it seemed that my latest quip would do the trick just nicely, as he doubled over again in hysterics, nearly gagging on the filter stuffed in his mouth.

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei had no time to mess around. He kicked his cousin in the stomach, making him spit out the filter. Wei ran around and scooped up Mr. Happy, then gathered up his cousin and took them out the back door to the alleyway. A quick punch made Satsa cough up the filter, and Wei spit out the filter that had been put into his mouth.

"Where were we?" Wei asked, straightening up to his full height and squaring his shoulders. The Padawan began to walk toward the clown and got face to face with him.

"Oh yeah. We were about to go talk to the authorities, weren't we?" Wei's voice was firm, but not angry.