Sanis Prent
Feb 22nd, 2003, 06:03:57 AM
I love people who can not only argue their own position, but have enough of a sense of humor to take their opponents' accusations and use it to charicature themselves.
This is from a random funny post, on a random funny website, somewhere in the great abyss:
War with Iraq still seems like a distant dream; it's hard to believe it will ever happen. Everything we do seems to bring us closer to finally killing Saddam and stealing his oil, but it's like asymptotic approach where war still always be just beyond our reach. Well the U.S. and it's trusty sidekick Great Britain are going to give the push to war another try, drafting a resolution to the U.N. that gives Saddam a deadline before we own his <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont>. I have a few suggestions, though, to make it extra resolute.
First of all, use lots of exclamation points. Exclamation points are much more threatening than periods (and tons more threatening than question marks). Also, using lots of big, fancy words like "asymptotic" can also be intimidating. Most importantly, make sure its worded in such a way that we can still bomb Iraq even if Saddam does everything we ask; if we don't get to bomb Iraq, that would just be horrible beyond words.
The problem, though, is getting the U.N. Security Council to accept the resolution. Some may want to hold their decision until March 1, when Hans Blix is scheduled to make his next presentation. So, if it's not already obvious enough, that means we need to kidnap Hans Blix and throw him down a well. Then all that's left is convincing the members of the Security Council. I'd say our best bet is to make sure our diplomats to the U.N are large and scary looking. This way, other diplomats may worry that our people will hurt them if they don't do what the U.S. wants. This feeling can be added to by having our diplomats announce on the U.N. floor, "Do what the U.S. wants or we will hurt you."
The main holdouts to worry about are France, Russia, and China. For France, just grab their diplomat by the head and pound it into the table. This will make him hurt and scared, and thus he'll do whatever we tell him. The Russian won't be so easily intimidated, because they have their Russian mob. A good old-fashioned bribe should work nicely. Lastly, there is China, the evil Commies, and the way to handle Commies is to kill them. Just have our diplomats pull out a gun and shoot the Chinese dead. Being dead counts as abstaining on a vote. Some may worry about us doing this, but, remember, we're the United States of America, and we can do whatever the hell we want. The only reason we're going through the U.N. must be because we get some sort of sick pleasure from pretending the opinions of other countries matter.
:lol
This is from a random funny post, on a random funny website, somewhere in the great abyss:
War with Iraq still seems like a distant dream; it's hard to believe it will ever happen. Everything we do seems to bring us closer to finally killing Saddam and stealing his oil, but it's like asymptotic approach where war still always be just beyond our reach. Well the U.S. and it's trusty sidekick Great Britain are going to give the push to war another try, drafting a resolution to the U.N. that gives Saddam a deadline before we own his <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont>. I have a few suggestions, though, to make it extra resolute.
First of all, use lots of exclamation points. Exclamation points are much more threatening than periods (and tons more threatening than question marks). Also, using lots of big, fancy words like "asymptotic" can also be intimidating. Most importantly, make sure its worded in such a way that we can still bomb Iraq even if Saddam does everything we ask; if we don't get to bomb Iraq, that would just be horrible beyond words.
The problem, though, is getting the U.N. Security Council to accept the resolution. Some may want to hold their decision until March 1, when Hans Blix is scheduled to make his next presentation. So, if it's not already obvious enough, that means we need to kidnap Hans Blix and throw him down a well. Then all that's left is convincing the members of the Security Council. I'd say our best bet is to make sure our diplomats to the U.N are large and scary looking. This way, other diplomats may worry that our people will hurt them if they don't do what the U.S. wants. This feeling can be added to by having our diplomats announce on the U.N. floor, "Do what the U.S. wants or we will hurt you."
The main holdouts to worry about are France, Russia, and China. For France, just grab their diplomat by the head and pound it into the table. This will make him hurt and scared, and thus he'll do whatever we tell him. The Russian won't be so easily intimidated, because they have their Russian mob. A good old-fashioned bribe should work nicely. Lastly, there is China, the evil Commies, and the way to handle Commies is to kill them. Just have our diplomats pull out a gun and shoot the Chinese dead. Being dead counts as abstaining on a vote. Some may worry about us doing this, but, remember, we're the United States of America, and we can do whatever the hell we want. The only reason we're going through the U.N. must be because we get some sort of sick pleasure from pretending the opinions of other countries matter.
:lol