Remember: Love Lost

[Xazor Elessar]

I'd Do Anything
Simple Plan




Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many thing were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be the one last chance
To make you understand

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know
I won't forget you

Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
To never come back

So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Nanana (....)
And I'd do anything for you

I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
'Cuz I know
I won't forget you


* * * * *


It was a cool day -- warmer than the last few but a breeze blew gently through the streets of Coruscant and chilled the lives of all who happened to be out that day. Nevertheless, the sun's rays beat down upon the cityscape and warmed the hearts of the coming and going crowds to the point that nearly everyone wore at least a partial smile. Today, though, one person would not be out enjoying this day -- she would be elsewhere.

Earlier in the day, a young woman clad in black robes had slinked down the halls of the Jedi Order and had slipped a piece of white paper under the crack in a door before slipping back to her duties as a Jedi Knight. Behind the door of her own room was a black bag which, an hour and a half after leaving the message, she went to retrieve. Bag in hand and hood drawn up to conceal her identity, the Knight was off toward the Spaceport where she boarded a transfer flight to Yavin IV.

So many things had changed in her life and still, Xazor was working to redeem her lost memories of people and events. Today, though, she hoped that this would change. Yavin IV -- a place she missed -- the place where she joined the Jedi and trained in the forests. It was a beautiful place and she would return there once again to perhaps calm her spirit and get to know again someone she had forgotten memories of. Back on Coruscant, perhaps, the one who received her message was reading it.

Dear Dasquian,

I know I haven't spoken with you in some time -- but I ask you to please join me on a short vacation to Yavin IV. Maybe we can catch up and even train a little while visiting. Above all -- I miss you.

Love,
Xazor

Only time would tell if he had considered her offer and -- if he had accepted it. Perhaps she would find a friend in him once again -- maybe even more.

[Dasquian Belargic]

The message was between Dasquian’s fingertips, just as Xazor was thinking about it. He read over it once, then again to make sure he was reading correctly. For a moment, he was hesitate about accepting the offer of a vacation – deep down he still harboured strong feelings for Xazor and was reluctant to nurture them of the Garou could not reciprocate, but the impartial half of him told him that a vacation with a fellow Jedi would prove fruitful. This latter part of his personality, and perhaps a little hope on the part of the former, concluded that he would go.

The Knight alighted a speeder and within no time was on a transport to Yavin IV. Within due time, after a journey of pondering over what could possibly come of this trip, the craft was coming to land on the jungle planet. Dasquian looked out of the window and smiled; it had been too long since he had seen the forests here, and he was eager to test the soil beneath his feet once more.

Carrying naught but his saber and a communications cylinder, he strode out into a large bustling spaceport, filled with hundreds of people. His violet eyes scanned the area, his keen sight picking out figures and shapes miles off in the distance before honing in on Xazor. He sensed she had not seen him, and so began to stride calmly towards her.

[Xazor Elessar]

It had been but a half an hour since landing before the Garou Knight turned around and laid her cyan eyes upon the welcome sight of Dasquian. Smiling gently, she began walking his way at note that he too was approaching her. Anticipation and even a bit of excitement sprung up in her heart once again as they gaped the distance between eachother. Now she was just a meter from her fellow Knight where she stopped and bowed.

"Dasquian -- Nae saian luume'."

She said softly, rising to full height once again before stepping forward and nervously wrapping her arms around his neck. Somehow, despite everything, the gesture felt natural to her. Smiling, she whispered softly into his Elven ear.

"Cormamin lindua ele lle."

Then the Garou Knight pulled away, but reluctantly. Her eyes gazed skyward and then to a terminal where speeders pulled up and crowded the street, waiting on people to hop abord one. She glanced back at Dasquian and smiled, still, before gathering a thought among all of the excited ones that ran through her mind.

"Shall we catch one and go?"

Xazor questioned softly, hoping that perhaps they would begin to relax and talk once they reached their destination.

[Dasquian Belargic]

There was a certain buzz of electricity about Xazor today. Her mind seemed to be reeling with thoughts and emotions as she spoke and embraced him. To say that Dasquian too was not somewhat overwhelmed would have been false, but he thought that somehow his counterpart seemed even giddier.

“Sounds like a plan,” Dasquian replied with a smile as the two began to walk towards the turbo lift that would take them skyward.

As they walked, they remained silent for a while and in this time Dasquian wished that for just a second he could regain the mental link he had developed with Xazor – to see what it was that was making her so anxious and excited.

“So, we’re are we headed, Mellonamin?”

[Xazor Elessar]

Once in the turbolift, Xazor turned to Dasquian as he questioned their destination.

"I was thinking of visiting the forests where we trained and walked together. I love it there -- I miss it."

She said with a whistful look in her eyes. The Knight's attention was drawn to a line of speeders now as the pair reached the top of the lift and exited the shaft. They walked together quickly toward a free speeder and the hopped in.

"To the A'jerra Forest -- please."

With that the driver nodded and took off from the parking place, whizzing past stationary and moving vehicles.

"Did you have any place in mind, heru en amin? I would like to go where you wish as well."

She said softly as her eyes searched his for a moment. Perhaps it was an awkward moment -- the speeder was rather small and they were seated quite close to one another, so Xazor turned away to look out the window and put her fellow Knight at ease.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian leant back comfortably in the speeder beside Xazor. As she spoke he looked out over the edge of the transport and admired the scenery below, only turning back to her once she’d finished speaking. There was a light flush of pink in her cheeks, perhaps from the brisk air, or perhaps from something else.

“Anywhere you choose is fine by me Xazor. I trust your judgement.”

Cramped as they were, Dasquian had hardly any room and thus stretched out his arms over the seat – one draped across the speeder door, the other across the back of the seat both Jedi Knights were in.

[Xazor Elessar]

The flight was swift and took them just under ten minutes to reach the edge of the forest a long way from the bustle of the city. They landed and climbed out of the vehicle where Xazor handed the driver a few credits.

"Thank you."

She bowed her head and he offered a toothy smile before charging up and buzzing off, leaving Xazor and Dasquian alone in quiet solitude. The sounds of the forest sang throughout and Xazor heard everything through her ultrasenstive ears knowing that Dasquian did as well. Her farseeing eyes glanced around at everything as she inhaled deeply.

"It's just as beautiful as I remember."

The Knight said softly as her heart swelled with joy. How she missed this -- it was so different from Coruscant. With a nod, her eyes danced over to Dasquian and quickly she grabbed his hand and slung her backpack over one shoulder.

"Let's go!"

It was spontaneous as adrenaline rushed through the Knight's veins and she took off with her friend into the thick woodland. They were now running -- but not too fast for Xazor was heavy with child and it was a burden for her to hurry, but short sprints did fine by her and this was no exception.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Without pause Dasquian followed, a wide grin spreading over his lips as he ran with Xazor. Both, by nature, were agile and could run through thick woodland without a flinch or glance at the ground beneath them – Xazor’s enhanced Garou senses alerted her to danger, whilst the blood of the Hallaer that ran through Dasquian aided him.

Heart racing while running through the wet grass, falling a step behind, Dasquian laughed aloud as he watched Xazor. She was in her element here; seeing her on Coruscant was like watching a caged bird. Nature and all of its glory shone and with her within it, it shone all the brighter.

“Oh,” he sighed, “I’ve missed this…”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor laughed loudly as they continued on going deeper and deeper within the forest. The pair hopped over fallen logs and doged brush holes in the ground. Suddenly the Knight Xazor stopped after nearly running for eight minutes straight. She breathed heavily and closed her eyes, drawing in deep breaths of the clean crisp air around them. Her ears were picking up sounds that a normal being would not have heard -- the beating of a butterflies wings nearly a mile off -- the sounds of chirping baby birds as they hungrily awaited their mother nearly all the way on the other side of the forest. Mostly, though, she heard the sound of water upon water -- water smashing into rocks and -- the swift sound of a running river. These were magnified and amplified within her sensitive ears and she opened her eyes then darted down a brush covered path to their right. What seemed to be a dead end was exactly what Xazor had been looking for -- and when she pulled away a large brance of lazy moss, a beautiful scene was enveloped by her cyan eyes.

"I'm home again!"

She gasped before stepping into what seemed like a piece of heaven in the middle of the large forest. Thick green grass dotted with flowers of every color and scent imaginable surrounded a large waterfall that came pouring forth from a huge cliff. The crystal clear water fell nearly fifty feet until it reached the river bed below and cut through a wide path before emptying out into a placid lake at the other end of the forest. Xazor took a few more steps before kneeling down in the grass at a bush of flowers. They seemed to be speaking to one another, and the buzz was about the forest that one of their own had returned. It was more of a home to the Garou than even Eden was -- for many wars had happened on her home planet and fires had burned the beautiful woodlands to the ground. This remained untouched, though, and for Xazor -- it was her heaven.

"Isn't it beautiful, Dasquian?"

The Knight whispered softly as she leaned over and smelled the pretty blue flowers before her. They swayed in the breeze and seemed almost to smile as she touched their petals. Rising to her feet once more, she turned to face her fellow Knight.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“It is beautiful.”

As are you.

Dasquian smiled to himself, not even minding his thoughts wandering. He knelt for a moment and traced his fingertips through the grass, feeling the Force flowing through and from it. The noises around them seemed to merge into one for him; a tundra of joy-filled calls, smoothed over by the gentle rolling of the water.

A patch of violet flowers growing on a rock caught his attention. The Hallaer plucked one from its place and lifted it, inhaling the fragrant scent before turning to Xazor, who now stood by him. He poked his tongue out at her cheekily and slid the stem of the flower into her hair.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor caught Dasquian's thoughts as if it was normal -- like it used to be. She blushed and looked down for a moment as he plucked a flower into his hands and drew closer to her, then stuck his tongue out playfully. The Knight laughed to herself and canted her head to the side as he slipped the stem into her hair and set the flower nicely by her ear. She remembered something suddenly -- it was like deja'vu. He had done that once before while they visited this place. Her eyes examined him closely as she recalled the situation, then she smiled and nodded.

"I can remember more things of you now -- and that was part of why I called you out here. I wanted you to help me remember more -- I'm finding difficulty trying to remember on my own."

She said softly, looking down with a bit of embarassment. A giggle escaped her lips as she turned from him and took a few paces toward the large rocks just beside the river. Xazor sat down on the warm stone and touched the smooth material with her hand before turning back to find Dasquian in her gaze.

"I -- I miss you."

She said softly, hoping he did not find her comment overly strange. The young woman spoke her mind freely and allowed him access to her thoughts.

"I have since the day we said goodbye."

[Dasquian Belargic]

Slowly, whilst admiring crest of the waterfall, Dasquian made his way to where Xazor sat. He watched her, halo’d in the luminescent glow created by the sun reflecting off of the water, and felt her mind wash over his. It was a soothing and most welcoming experience to feel it so keenly again.

“You know I feel the same way.”

He stepped up onto the rock beside the Garou.

“There isn’t a waking moment I don’t think about you and wish that …”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded and lowered her eyes to see the reflection of herself in the water. Dasquian appeared slowly as he stood up on the rocks beside her. She smiled as their faces blended together in the water almost symbolically.

"There isn’t a waking moment I don’t think about you and wish that …”

The words echoed in her mind and she closed her eyes, knowing what he was thinking. Indeed -- in many aspects she felt the same way but a future was cut out for she and Terran -- it had always been that way, or so she thought.

"What is it that you wish?"

She questioned softly as her right hand slowly reached over and took his left. Her fingers weaved gently between his and for a moment, all became silent save for the beating of their hearts. Every other thought was put from Xazor's mind as she questioned Dasquian -- wondering where this was headed.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Returning the touch, Dasquian laced his fingertips with Xazor’s and felt his heart skip a beat.

“… To be with you of course. It’s a terrible thing that every day I should see your face and every time know that you aren’t mine, that I can’t share what I feel with you.”

With a sigh, he lowered himself down to sit, with his legs hanging off over the outcrop of rock. Still he held onto the Jedi Knights hand, his grip gentle yet unyielding. It was so bittersweet. He knew that each time they shared a moment such as this it would end in parting their separate ways, with Dasquian returning home alone. In his heart he would always feel connected to Xazor, of course, but it wasn’t the same anymore.

“If I am selfish for loving you, then so be it.”

[Xazor Elessar]

His words touched her heart and she couldn't help but feel a longing within her once again. Sighing softly, Xazor turned to face him more, allowing her eyes to look deeply into his once again.

"Everytime I see you with someone else -- I feel a pain inside. It's like -- I'm jealous and I hate being that way."

She said sofly in his mind as her eyes drifted down to their hands. Smiling still, she brought her other hand up to his face and gently ran her fingers down along his jawline until her hand fell back again.

"Fate has kept us apart, but maybe someday it will not always be so. I suppose -- I suppose the only reason I really left you was because I was afraid. I had hurt Terran by finding someone in his absence and I wanted to mend our past. Honestly I --"

The woman paused, not wishing to reveal too much, but this was Dasquian. She still loved him and she knew it very well.

"I don't feel with him what I feel with you."

Finally she admitted it, and her eyes fell once again from his face to hide the shame she felt in the truth.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Why are you ashamed of that?” he questioned adamantly.

A spark of hope arose in his mind. The little glimmer of longing that he harboured, with all its trappings of envy and jealousy, lived in the back of his mind, and it fed upon his need for Xazor. It was almost like a plague on him, limiting him and holding him back from progressing whilst he was infatuated with the woman before him.

“I know how you feel Xazor…”

Love me, he pleaded to himself, his thoughts more closely guarded

Nothing can compares to you.

His eyes even pleaded to her, as he canted his head faintly, staring down into the Knights sky-blue eyes.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor looked deeper into Dasquian's eyes and noted the pleading effect in them. She sighed deeply within herself as she canted her head to the right.

"I know you know my thoughts and feelings -- it scares me that I made such a mistake and now I'm torn apart by it daily."

She paused a moment after her words to think before speaking once again.

"I can't live without you -- Melamin."

[Dasquian Belargic]

After months now, it seemed like his prayers were being answered. Noticeably, he shuffled a little closer to Xazor.

“Ai, A'maelamin…”

All prior thoughts of apprehension discarded, Dasquian bent his head towards Xazors and – ushered by the atmosphere around them – moved to kiss her.

[Xazor Elessar]

The feeling around the pair seemed magical as Dasquian ever so slightly bent his head and moved closer to Xazor. She knew not what to do save for act upon her feelings. The young Knight moved her head closer to Dasquian's until their lips met in a light brush. It evidently was not good enough, for both Jedi moved closer and indulged in a deep sinful kiss that neither should have given -- but it was too late now -- and, they only broke to breath.

[Dasquian Belargic]

To Dasquian it wasn’t sinful at all. He didn’t care anymore, to be frank – he loved Xazor, and to him there was nothing more right in the world than two people accepting how they felt and expressing it. When eventually he did break from the kiss, the Knight lingered close still, forehead leant against Xazors.

He said the first thing that came into his mind that had brewed there throughout the kiss.

“… What does this mean?”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor closed her eyes and shook her head slightly before gathering thoughts on the impending matter.

"I -- I don't know. All I do know is that I cannot suffer as I have been and I suppose I'm selfish for this -- for hurting others just so I can be happy."

She sighed inwardly and opened her eyes, still keeping her forehead against Dasquian's.

"No one has to find out about this -- we'll keep it a secret! Maybe -- we could speak our affections in your language, like you taught me that one time so long ago."

It struck her then that she was beginning to remember more and more in large fragements by just being with Dasquian. He had unlocked some secret door within her mind and now the memories poured forth.

"And if they eventually find out -- who cares! I can't keep my true feelings quelled any longer -- it's killing me inside."

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian chuckled to himself. It was a laugh that suggested happiness and also relief, as though a great weight had been lifted from him. He sighed and nodded somewhat at what Xazor said. He remembered being in this situation previously, but obviously had not learnt from it – or perhaps he had, and was unwilling to give up on what could potentially be the best thing in his life.

“You know I love you and would do anything for you so, if that is what you wish, Xazor, very well,” he replied with a smile.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently and wrapped her arms around him tightly. This was a happy day -- though worry had touched her heart once at the thought of what could happen. It mattered not for all things worked themselves out in the end.

"This is what I want -- because I love you. I have always loved you and somehow, I am beginning to believe that you really had no choice in what you did. I remember all now -- and the person who told me you didn't love me, well, he was a liar."

She smiled gently and kissed his cheek before holding him closely once again.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Embracing Xazor warmly, Dasquian returned a loving kiss.

“That doesn’t matter. So long as,”

His voice trailed off for a moment, as for the first time he was able to look closely at Xazor again. Her soft, forgiving features, each line of her face and the shine in her cyan eyes. It was all very comforting for him.

“So long as we can be happy, together, now.”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently and touched Dasquian's face once again, trailing her fingers down his jawline before they touched his lips ever so softly.

"Yes -- we cannot let the Universe dictate our love -- no matter how much people may hate me for this. I still could never fully deny my love for you and be happy with myself."

She said softly before drawing closer to him and resting her head against his chest. His heart beat rang in her ears and melodically mixed with the other sounds of the forest. The water of the river splashed against the rocks and misted their skin with its cool feeling. Xazor smiled and closed her eyes once again, feeling quite content to be where she had belonged all along.

[Dasquian Belargic]

As Dasquian looked down into the water below at the reflection in the tumult of the water, he smiled. It was like some wonderful dream. After a long, yet comfortable, silence, the Knight came up with an odd question as a playful grin danced over his lips.

“Do you fancy a swim?”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor laughed at Dasquian's question but looked down at the cool water and smiled, shaking her head.

"Not with this body!"

She pointed down at the bulge in her stomach. A sigh escaped her lips and she smiled once again.

"I'll either horrify you or sink!"

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Oh don’t be silly.”

With a smile Dasquian settled one hand down onto Xazor’s ‘bump’ and gave it a gentle caress. In there was his daughter and even though she was not even born yet he still felt proud to be her father.

“You look as beautiful as you always do, even more so infact.”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor giggled and blushed slightly as Dasquian spoke. She could see the sincerity in his eyes and knew that he spoke the truth.

"You really think so?"

She smiled gently and kissed Dasquian as lovingly as before.

"Sure, a swim sounds wonderful then."

[Dasquian Belargic]

Tugging at his outer cloak, Dasquian set it down on the grass behind the rocks they sat upon and without removing any other clothing stood up. Almost reluctantly he let go of Xazor’s hand and cast a grin down at her before spring boarding up into a flip that sent him diving down into the water below. He hit the water and plunged below, without resurfacing …

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor grinned with a playful look in her eyes as she rose to her feet and removed her outer cloak. Beneath she was wearing black pants and a white tank top which, of course, rose up and over the bump in her mid section slightly. Smiling, the Knight followed Dasquian and jumped into the depths of the river. She dove down as much as she could and opened her keen eyes underneath the water to try to catch a glimpse of the one she loved.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Beneath the surface the waterfall churned the current into frenzy. All of the animal life was stirred up to the point of constant movement, so tiny little aquatic creatures of all kinds rushed back and forth in front of Dasquian’s eyes as he watched Xazor descend in front of him. At his side he weaved his hands back and forth to keep himself lowered down in the water, partially hidden by a clump of river reed. Little bubbles of oxygen floated up out of his lips as he exhaled, betraying his position and causing him to push himself backwards partially as he grinned through the blue haze at his love.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled to herself and with ease swam the distance between she and Dasquian to meet him in the water. Her hands were not working as much as his and if nothing else, she was trying to keep herself up instead of down. Smiling still she moved closer to him and kissed her love beneath the water. A giggle escaped her lips as did hundreds of bubbles.

"Amin mela lle."

She spoke softly in his mind as their hands brushed eachothers for but a moment.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“I love you.”

Dasquian replied, through the Force as he took Xazor’s hands loosely in his own. With a push against the soft river bed the Jedi Knight floated upwards, bringing Xazor with him, and bobbed up above the waters edge.

A deep well needed breath was taken before he pushed back some damp hair from his eyes, looking across at Xazor as he shivered slightly, laughing:

“Cold!”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor inhaled deeply as she rose to the surface of the water with Dasquian. His word described it all and the Knight quickly dove beneath the surface once again to stay warm. Bubbles escaped her lips though and again she surfaced.

"It -- is -- sssso cold!"

Her teeth chattered a bit but then she recalled something. Though not extremely powerful in the area of nature, she was moderatly good at controlling heat, even if things cold by nature were her forte. Closing her eyes, the Knight called upon the Force and let it flow through her, then she thought about molecules moving quickly around one another. They moved throughout the water, exchanging electrons -- taking them and giving them up, sharing them and on occasion, colliding with others. Suddenly the water began to warm up until it gradually became quite pleasant compared to the air. She smiled and opened her eyes, allowing the Force to flow through her and keep the water warm.

"That's a lot better."

She smiled with satisfaction before sending a giant splash right at Dasquian's face. Laughing, the woman turned from him to avoid being splashed in return as was the normal reaction of such a thing.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian was about to say how nice the change in temperature was when water was splashed up into his eyes. He squinted and rubbed his eyes, laughing as he caught sight of Xazor trying to slink out of getting splashed in return. With a grin he ducked back down under the water and pushed himself against the current so that he popped up right in front of Xazor, causing a spray of water to hit her in the face.

“Ha!”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor screamed right in Dasquian's ear as he came up and surprised her, getting her wet with a splash. She giggled after getting over the shock before swooshing more water into his face.

"Serves your right!"

She laughed again before putting her hands on his shoulders and forcing him beneath the water, using the Force to aid her strength. She wished not to drown him, but a little play never hurt anyone.

"Ha!"

A mocking voice said softly within his mind, mimicking the very word he spoke to her just seconds before hand.

[Dasquian Belargic]

If he was going under, he was taking Xazor with him. Wrapping both arms tightly around her legs, Dasquian began to pull downwards, trying not to laugh beneath the water.

“I have you now!”