My friend Ben...

[JonathanLB]

Well I just felt I should kind of post on this because it has been weighing on my mind quite a bit and, well, I don't know all the details but I have been thinking about him.

As some of you know from what I have said, Ben smoked a lot of weed, I mean like every day several times. In fall term, he had a 4.0 in 19 credits of engineering classes and is a great student. His high school GPA was just higher than mine, something like 3.92 vs. 3.85 (for me). His SAT was 1270 (I had 1350, hehe), almost perfect on what he loves, math, he got like a 760.

Well anyway Ben had a serious issue this last week and I was not fully aware of it, and am still not, because I haven't talked to him and it's all very confusing and somewhat depressing.

I guess, from what I know, Ben stopped using weed and, umm, either slightly before that or after, I think just after, he was unable to sleep for about a solid week, like he COULD NOT SLEEP at all. Well he kind of just snapped, I mean he went nuts and started giving us all these weird metaphors and all kinds of nonsense, very scary, and he was acting all paranoid and seriously it didn't seem like he was in this reality.

He missed some days of class as I understand from what Brendon said, and I knew this, and I knew that he was acting weird, and yet... I just didn't get it. I mean these are obvious alarms in retrospect, right? But he has acted weird before, and he went an ENTIRE WEEK last year without going to class and it didn't hurt his grades at all because he only didn't go because he knew the stuff already. He's a brilliant guy, really.

Ok so last week, on Thursday apparently, he talked to his parents and I don't know what he said, but they were worried, came down to Corvallis, and he has since moved back to Portland, withdrew from 18 credits of classes, and has moved almost all of his stuff out. There is literally just nothing there in his room but the bare basics, computer gone, everything is gone. It's just very eerie, it's devastating, to be honest. I mean I moved into this quad for him and now he's gone, and I feel really bad though about it all because I can't help but feel maybe I wasn't there for him, or maybe I wasn't observant enough, like I should have known earlier these warning signs and tried to help more. I just can't help but think I am guilty and worthy of blame somehow.

I ultimately think blame is not mine to decide, but his, like if I accuse someone of treating me poorly, I am automatically right just because that's how I feel, or that's my view, and in this case, no matter what if I wanted to deny it, if Ben thinks somehow that I wasn't there for him, then he is right no matter what I may say. I just don't know, but the point is, I'm quite worried about the guy, he's really one of my best 3 friends, at many points been the most loyal of my friends, and this is just so unlike him.

Well I guess I'm going to try to see him next weekend, I mean if he's in Portland as I have been told, but I get all this partial information and not the real story as it may really be. All I know is what I have heard and seen, and that's that Ben is not here and he obviously has withdrawn from classes.

:(

[Dae Jinn]

He's probably having a rough time, you just have to be a good friend and be there for him. *hugs for jon*

[J'hrea Alsac'lynol]

I just hope for this situation to brighten up and he can manage to find light at the end of the dark tunnel. Hope you as well feel relax at one point soon with your relationship between you two. I just hope this weird thing doesn't come to an extreme, and their will be no painful large problems involved.

I will pray for ya..

[JonathanLB]

Thanks, Dae.

EDIT: Oops, thanks you too, J'hrea Alsac'lynol

Ugg this whole situation is terrible, I mean I feel really sorry for Ben, but I feel bad too, I mean I have lost my best friend here at college. Ben and I were best friends at least at OSU because we live in the same quad, or did, and we talked all of the time.

Well more information on this...

You guys probably remember my rant about how mad I was about transporting weed from Ben to my sister, without knowing it was weed because the package was sealed.

There is reason to believe that something in that weed caused this incident. My sister didn't seem to have the same reaction, but she also couldn't sleep well lately and that would seem to indicate that something is up.

Also my sister only barely used it, whereas Ben used it probably many times a day, as he always does with weed. Well anyway it is VERY SERIOUS because it's not a matter of weed, I mean I guarantee you that weed will not do that to you. Not a normal person, not anyone. It was laced with something, perhaps PCP, or something else, but it was most definitely not pure herb. I think that smoking weed every day could be very damaging too, it could create a similar problem in that it could distort someone's reality constantly and force them into "breaking down" or whatever, but not in the exact way that's happened to Ben -- this is characteristic of harder drugs, typically ones that have major, major dellusional effects.

In any event, he has seen a psychiatrist now four times this last weekend, he has been out of it entirely, not in this reality, since Thursday night. He is saying he doesn't want to continue school, he just wants a job, he wants to quit, doesn't want to return. He's already withdrawn from this term. Now here is a guy who is on ALMOST a full academic scholarship here at OSU. He's one of the best and brightest at our school, which is not that great of a college anyway. He's absolutely top of the class...

I hope he reconsiders this in a more stable state of mind, but the whole incident is awful. At the least, I am alone the rest of the term here with no friends nearby except that I see Bryan a few times a week, but Ben was sort of a social tentpole for me too. I am not trying to think of myself here, like, "Oh poor me," because HE is the one I really care about, all I'm saying is I am sad about the whole event and I really hope he is better soon.

[Dae Jinn]

Most drugs are never "pure" when they're sold on the street. My mum works in a detox, and I've heard some nasty stuff they use to cut drugs with :x

Hopefully Ben will get the help he needs. It's nice of you to want what's best for him, that's what any good friend would want, he probably needs time to get this all sorted though.

[J'hrea Alsac'lynol]

I also hope he will get the aide he needs, as well as your sister now that you bring it up. I just hope that everything around you will once again be on a stable field, and their wont be anymore troubles for you, as well as your friends. These kind of subjects are very depressive, though I've been in them, it's just irritating to see it happen.

All the love to your sister and your friend Ben, hope they get through this safe.

One Love

[JonathanLB]

Yeah, drugs sold "on the streets" as you say, or really just any illegal drugs not regulated, are just dangerous. That is why I refuse to touch any of that. Alcohol may be dangerous, ugg, I mean, it IS really dangerous, but at least it is sold by publicly held companies that are accountable to society and to the public and to laws and regulations.

I honestly think weed should be legalized and heavily regulated to avoid issues like this. I mean the weed alone didn't damage Ben that much likely (well his lungs...), because last term he had a 4.0 and was smoking weed the whole time.

It's gotta be whatever else was in it.

Apparently that PCP can last "months" in its effects. He just isn't sane right now, the guy has slipped over the edge and nobody is really sure what to do. I mean he THINKS he sees reality perfectly, he doesn't see any problems really, except with the sleep. He understands there is some problem, in a vague sense, but from what his brother says he believes that what he is thinking now is totally clear, like about quitting college.

Now I don't mean to imply that anyone who quits college is just making a horrible decision, but in Ben's case, he really needs college because I know he loves engineering, he has told me this many times, he is totally great at science and math, and this is where he needs to be to study it so he can be more than just an employee at Computer Renaissance (local store he works at) or whatever.