Save your money, don't buy duct tape

[Jedieb]

Duct tape sales are up because people are gullible. I went through chemical weapons training. If something were to hit your local area you'd be screwed, it's as simple as that. I'll give you this example. If you sealed yourself in one of the rooms of your house and made it airtight you might have around 5 hours of breathable air. THEN WHAT? Chemical suits and gas masks are designed to be TEMPORARY. You have to be part of a system that will come to your rescue by transporting you, replenishing your oxygen supply, or providing you with a NEW chemical suit. Those suits that are issued to soldiers are only good for a limited time. You're supposed to go to a decontamination area, get washed down, and then put on a new suit.

Duct tape, plastic sheeting, chemical suits, it's all HYPE. The only reason to buy hundred mile an hour tape is because it's one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind! Not because it will save you from a chemical weapons attack. It's great, but not THAT great.

[Zeke]

What? Where did this come from?

[CMJ]

No kidding, did you mean this for another thread Jedieb?

[JMK]

Methinks the old man may finally be losing it! :lol

[CMJ]

We've had our suspicions for some time. ;)

[Jedieb]

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2003-02-10-qna-usat_x.htm

That's an article from USAToday on survival planning. In all of it's wisdom the Office of Homeland Security is providing citizens with valuable tips on how to protect them selves. Here's a quick excerpt;



Q: What else should be in a kit?

A: At least three days' worth of water (one gallon per person per day), canned and other non-perishable food, over-the-counter medicine and regular prescription medicines. Flashlights. A non-electric can opener. Diapers and baby food. A wrench, if needed, to shut off utilities. Copies of important documents, such as wills, deeds, bank account numbers, insurance papers and immunization records in a fire- and waterproof container. Duct tape and plastic sheeting.

Q: What are the duct tape and plastic sheeting for?

A: If authorities tell you to stay in your home during a chemical or biological attack, seek shelter in an internal room or basement and turn off all ventilation, including heating and air-conditioning units. Use the plastic and tape to seal off doors and windows. This will help prevent lethal agents from seeping into your home.



In some areas duct tape sales are up 1,000%. I say, don't worry and enjoy the tingly feeling your skin is feeling!

[CMJ]

Man I'd probably just kill myself. I hear chemical weapons are among the worst ways to go.

[Sanis Prent]

I laugh at the duct tape stuff. Mostly that zany, uneducated ultra-right that's buying into this mess. Silly people.

Then again, I don't laugh much at the prospect of a chemical weapon attack. Having seen what mustard gas does to somebody, its precisely at the bottom of my list of ways I'd like to die. And mustard gas, while ghastly deforming, isn't as lethal as VX, Sarin, etc. You'd have to be extremely liberal with duct tape to avoid contact if there was an attack.

[Jedieb]

I've had a taste of what a chemical attack is like. Your lungs burn, your eyes tear up, your skin itches. Basically, it's like being forced to watch Celine Dion live and in concert.

[Sanis Prent]

Mustard gas turns every exposed surface of your body that it touches - into a blister. Not only do you blister on every bit of your skin, but if you breathe it in...you blister in your mouth, in your nose, in your throat, and in your lungs. Your blistered lungs are eventually what kills you, as blisters rupture and you slowly drown on yourself.

[CMJ]

Yeah, living in a big city(potential taget) sucks. I'm gonna move to Montana. ;)

[Sanis Prent]

Eh...the crazies only concentrate in bigger numbers.

I'm in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. My mom called me, to tell me that I should stock up on duct tape, bottled water, etc. I laughed, and told her that she needed to relax and eat some fruit. She means well, though.

[JediBoricua]

This seems like the atomic attack drills from the 50's.

"Get under your desks kids, a wooden board will save you from a nuclear explosion!"

[Darth Viscera]

Those desks must be made of some powerful stuff.

People are going nuts here outside D.C. The grocery stores are completely backed up, lines going back 200 feet. What is this, people only get crazy on weekends now? Nobody gave a shet during the weekdays, now everyone is thinking that survival supplies are a weekend hobby.

I keep hearing jets overhead, sounds like another F-16 is circling above. That always reminds me of 911.

[JonathanLB]

"I've had a taste of what a chemical attack is like. Your lungs burn, your eyes tear up, your skin itches. Basically, it's like being forced to watch Celine Dion live and in concert."

LOL!!!

This whole duct tape sales being up thing is just because McGyver is beginning syndication on Fox. Haha, j/k

I remember 9/11 when the planes were all grounded, I've never seen anything so eery. I lived 3 miles from LAX at the time, so we heard jets overhead CONSTANTLY. That's one of the world's biggest airports and it was always noisy somewhat. Well that day, it sounded perfectly quiet, except from time to time I would hear the sound of a helicopter or a fighter or something like that, which was just weird.

[Admiral Lebron]

I live next to Quantico marine base... and used to live next to Andrews Air Force Base... I don't like it when there aren't any commercial airliners in the sky. :(

[ReaperFett]

Jon nailed it. Its a slow plan.

1 - Government tells people to buy plastic sheeting, water and duct tape.

2 - Macgyver shows us how to make ANti Air missiles, to protect from chemical warheads.







;)

[Jedi Master Carr]

LOL Reaper. I know it is stupid, why did the Homeland security say this is beyond me. I love Leno the last two nights he has been having a ball with it, he said something like, "Homeland security? Sounds more like Home Depot security." That was great I thought. Personally I am not worried living in a smaller town I doubt I have to worry about it. I am not too sure I worry about it anyway it may never happen, at least not in the US.

[Sanis Prent]

See, this is why Martha Stewart getting busted on insider trading is a bad thing. Her and MacGuyver, teaming up on the Homeland Security advisory panel, could have a show of arts, crafts, and makeshift destruction :)

In all seriousness though...even if the DHS are issuing these ludicrous statements, its better than saying nothing on the matter. Yes, we all know that in the astronomical chance that a chemical or biological agent is released in our immediate location, that we are all...screwed. We're not going to work in detox suits. That much is obvious...and if somebody decided to, he would likely be hauled off in a paddywagon. So, what's the harm in pushing some innocuous, BS safety measures? It at least keeps those too stupid to realize the obvious busy and occupied, and they can channel their hysteria into the economy. I wonder if 3M, Scotch, or any other duct tape producers are experiencing stock windfalls today ;)

[Sanis Prent]

Just checked 3M's daily report :lol....their shareprice has jumped by about $2 a share today....thats hilarious!

[Darth Viscera]

Any announcements that 3M has released a new, premium line of Homeland Security duct tape? :p

[Wei Wu Wei]

People get crazy like that. I wonder if my mom is jumping on the bandwagon? Sounds like something she would do. And She hasn't bothered me about it yet, which is another surprise. I'm going to pray it stays this way. :lol

[Sanis Prent]

I went to Henkel Consumer Adhesives website (makers of "Duck Tape") and they have an announcement about increased "Homeland Security" production.

:lol Mad...mad, I say! Damn I wish I was out there, making a buck right now.

[Darth Viscera]

ROFL! Just in case the unthinkable happens, my mom is downstairs "drinking all da wine so it don't go bad" and laughing like an idiot. That is one funny woman.

[Sanis Prent]

I need to apply for a government grant, to pioneer a study of whether lots of alcohol will prevent exposure to VX and Sarin attack

[ReaperFett]

If our government said about Duct tape I WOULD buy some though, simply because it could all dissapear.

[Sanis Prent]

You're serious, aren't you?!?!

Fett...exactly how often in the past six months have you experienced a pressing need for duct tape?

[ReaperFett]

I dont think we own any. That's the point! :)




maybe the other things more than Duct Tape though.

[Figrin D'an]

I actually carry a small role of duct tape in my backpack (did when I was in college, still do when I go hiking, climbing, etc.). I find all kinds of crazy uses for it. :)

But, no... I'm not rushing out to stock up for the "Homeland Security" rush... :p

[ReaperFett]

I used to carry a paperclip round for lockpicking my own bag.

[Sanis Prent]

Duct tape is the cornerstone of modern engineering. It has billions of uses. Never know till you try.

And you'd be suprised what you can do with a paperclip. I had to disassemble a computer for a job once. I didn't know how, I lacked the tools. I used a paperclip and a piece of gum :) ingenious :)

[Loki Ahmrah]

Just veering off from the main discussion here but I have noticed that Americans seem to have this remarkable admiration of duct tape. What is so good about it? :)

[Loki Ahmrah]

Originally posted by Sanis Prent

Fett...exactly how often in the past six months have you experienced a pressing need for duct tape?

To reinforce my theory that I think this is a cultural differecne, I will answer that question as if it were asked of me.

None that I can remember. :p

[JonathanLB]

"What is so good about it?"

MacGyver uses it, therefore it must be good! You know some people argue that people go on killing sprees from seeing Natural Born Killers or watching the WWF? Well this is the same thing; people like MacGyver, they see him save the world with duct tape, now they figure if they saw it on TV, it MUST be true! :)

[Sanis Prent]

Because duct tape is at the very least, a quick fix to a million and a half problems. I've seen cars held together by the stuff before. You'd be suprised what you could do with it all. Its very much an american cultural thing, I think.

[AmazonBabe]

This is true. My fiancee took a role of the stuff with him to Eurpoe and used it for various things, including a band-aid (he didn't actually have any band-aids, and he'd cut his finger, so he grabbed a napkins, wrapped the finger in it, then applied duct tape to keep the napkin in place... hey, it worked... he even took a picture of it :lol).

[Darth Viscera]

Apparently, the Israelis too are buying lots of duct tape, as well as plastic boxes (?). Maybe they're advising us on what to do with regards to homeland security? :lol

[JonathanLB]

I just bought a roll of tin foil today and a tent -- I figure I can hide in the tent and cover myself in tin foil, held together by duct tape, of course (duh), and I'll be fine :D

[Sanis Prent]

Poor Jon...we knew him well....God rest his soul...

[Darth Viscera]

Either you'll end up fine, or you'll end up as the strangest, most half-<smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont> mummy ever unearthed in human history.

[JonathanLB]

Oh man, that's hilarious. Yeah I'm just praying that tin foil will deflect the various chemicals and whatnot, instead of baking me like a hot potato... mmm.... that sounds good, baked potatoes.... Oh wait where was I?

Oh yes, well, does anyone else find it much more worrying that North Korea could technically strike the West Coast than the whole situation in Iraq?

I watched Blix today on ABC in a special report early this morning (I hadn't even slept yet) and honestly I'm not sure I see what threat Iraq poses at all right now. As long as those inspectors are there and we have our military close, why not just wait for these proceedings to take their course? Unless, of course, Iraq becomes uncooperative entirely, then I guess we have to be harsher, but I don't know, it just seems to me that the U.S. isn't being entirely reasonable here. I guess I don't see the harm in just waiting, if it means saving human lives, and I don't think human lives are at stake in us waiting.

I wish we could resolve the N. Korea incident somehow peacefully too, I wish (this would never happen) that Bush would just be humble about it to them (he really shouldn't have to do this, but you can sometimes put pride aside) and say, "Hey, you know, I should not have remarked that your country is part of an axis of evil, so I am sorry about that. What can we do here to have you guys cool down the war and weapons talk, or how can we help the peace process here?" It seems that sometimes you just have to let the other person spout their rhetoric and vent, then when they're done, try to work things out. If both sides are just exchanging insults or threats, I don't see how that's going to do any good.

The only other solution, if everyone has too much pride, is, IMO, to forcefully remove the weapons capability from North Korea, which just seems like a far worse idea to me than trying to work with them peacefully, not threatening them, and somehow arriving at a solution.

[Keerrourri Feessaarro]

I think that the whole "what about me" slant on our foreign policy is retarded. Neither Iraq nor North Korea are likely to launch an assault against us any time soon. I'm FAR more concerned about them launching attacks against others. Whether it be Kurds, Shiite Muslims, or South Koreans. These are the ones that are in jeopardy, not us.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I WANT TO HAVE SEX BEFORE I GET POISONED BY THE IRAQIS!

:cry

















:mneh

[Keerrourri Feessaarro]

lol, you shameless hussy ;)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Hey, it's my dying wish. :p

[Keerrourri Feessaarro]

Well you know...a girl like you and a cat like me....:smokin ;)...

[Darth Viscera]

I could go for a bit of pre-poison sex as well. Charley, how many Heathers do you owe me? :p

Hoo hoo hoo

[Leeloo Mina]

I'm with hollie on this one... er, well.. not with.

[JonathanLB]

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX BEFORE I GET POISONED BY THE IRAQIS!"

LOL, I echo that sentiment.

I'd settle for just kissing a girl in the meantime :mad LOL :x

[Bette Davis]

:x = kissing a girl?

I feel sorry for her already.

[JonathanLB]

Lol, no that's not what I mean at all! My :x face was to indicate that I haven't even kissed a girl, pathetically, so I'd settle for just that. :\

Anyway I don't know anything about all that, so don't ask me. I wouldn't know.

[Bette Davis]

Well, its nothing to be ashamed of. I've never kissed a girl either. :)

[JonathanLB]

LOL, ugg.

I do not think I'm a bad looking guy either, I don't think I'm a hunk (LOL), but I think I gotta be a 6/10, shoot, you wouldn't think that considering I'm very nice to girls in my real dealings with them and that I'm a smart, thoughtful guy that I would have had such bad luck. Ironically, in grade school, a few of the best looking girls in the class were interested in me, and that's as good as it gets, LOL. Pathetic. Truly pa-thet-ic.

I do think "nice guys finish last" is a true statement, though, not to be negative or pessimistic, but I think you have to be more assertive with girls than I am, you have to be more forceful. I'm too non-chalant and "nice," I'm a good friend, but nobody wants to get to know me any better really. Even so, I've never found a girl who was a good friend to me. I have certainly worked so hard at being good friends with a few girls, spending money on them, spending time with them, complimenting them whenever it was appropriate, even sending them e-mails asking how they were doing, and in many cases they never asked how I was doing, never asked anything about me, and basically ignored me.

I think it's so naive and incorrect, in my experience, that girls are "more caring" than guys. Heck guys I know from my high school were a lot nicer and kept in touch, but the girls who I really worked hard to maintain relationships with just left me in the dust. I don't know what to make of it, except that obviously I'm not worthy of their attention right now apparently. In the future, I hope they see that they made a mistake, but right now, I guess that's just the way it is -- no way to change it.

I find nothing more frustrating than relationships with people, in general. I have had many great friends in my life, but they have let me down at times when I had placed so much faith in them, and I thought I was right to trust them with that much confidence, but I was not. I was perhaps assuming their loyalty to me would be greater than it was, which I guess is a persistent mistake of mine. If I want to achieve any other goal, heck I just do it. I wanted great grades in high school, no problem, I got them. I want an A in a class, I can do it almost always. I wanted to get a literary agent, eh, no problem, I landed one of the top agents in the country just after my 18th birthday. It all comes so easy sometimes, then it's so difficult with relationships. People are so much more unpredictable. It doesn't matter how nice you are. It doesn't matter what you do to help them. It didn't matter that, for instance, I helped Emily on easy math I understood for about 10 to 15 hours of my semester at LMU, after she got her A in the class, she wouldn't talk to me and couldn't even say hello to me. She had no interest in talking to me anymore because I had served my purpose as a free tutor, then I was no longer useful. I hope I have never used anyone like that in my life, at least I work to avoid it. I have never ignored anyone on AOL when they sent me a message, I just couldn't fathom it because I know how it is to be ignored.

My opinion of people is not very high. I don't think loyalty and goodness are human traits. I think they are only the characteristics of truly remarkable individuals who deserve praise, so when I find such people I express my appreciation of their friendship.

I guess for that reason buddy movies appeal to me somewhat -- in my experience, relationships don't last. Something always happens to destroy them.

[Wei Wu Wei]

Well, re-visiting the reason why Americans like duct tape so much...

People have made very large bags out of the stuff. Some have made clothes out of duct tape, and it's true, you can fix just about anything with the stuff. I remember it was a small fad at high school one year to make your own duct tape bag to carry books in. Those things were marvellously tough. I was impressed. But I never made my own duct tape bag.

[Sanis Prent]

You're what...20 years old, and haven't kissed a girl? Even in grade-school when there weren't any connotations behind it? Wow. You know...have you thought of throwing politeness to the wind and ambushing one, because that is a scary statistic.

Same goes to you, LD. You should've experimented by this phase in your life. I'm very disappointed ;)

[ReaperFett]

You're what...20 years old, and haven't kissed a girl? Even in grade-school when there weren't any connotations behind it? Wow. You know...have you thought of throwing politeness to the wind and ambushing one, because that is a scary statistic.
Thought about it, but Im willing to risk doing it pwopa :)

[CMJ]

Originally posted by Sanis Prent
You're what...20 years old, and haven't kissed a girl? Even in grade-school when there weren't any connotations behind it? Wow. You know...have you thought of throwing politeness to the wind and ambushing one, because that is a scary statistic.


Give the kid a break. I was 20 before I kissed a girl as well(and when it finally happened SHE was the aggressive one). Now I'm a seasoned veteran of 24. :smokin

Some folks just get there later than others.

[JonathanLB]

"You're what...20 years old, and haven't kissed a girl? Even in grade-school when there weren't any connotations behind it? Wow. You know...have you thought of throwing politeness to the wind and ambushing one, because that is a scary statistic."

lol, must you remind me that it's a scary statistic? Haha.

In grade school, nope, no in grade school I was in the "I hate girls" phase and I did hate girls, before I was 10 or whatever.

Now I hate them, still, but for different reasons! Haha, j/k

Hey I held hands with a girl once! It was in music class in 4th grade ;) LOL, j/k, that happened many times, duh.

No I've never thought about just grabbing someone and doing that, haha, I think I'd get in trouble. Not to mention that I don't care ultimately about "getting in trouble," but just the fact that it wouldn't be a moral thing to do. Girls deserve their privacy and right not to be touched unless they want to be.

[Admiral Lebron]

I'd settle for just kissing a girl in the meantime


I feel like a slut. :D


err... :(

And Jon, wear a cup and you'll be fine.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Experimented? Well, I've had the opportunity, but it just doesn't interest me, Charley.

:mneh

[ReaperFett]

Hey I held hands with a girl once! It was in music class in 4th grade LOL, j/k, that happened many times, duh.
Even the ones who havent kissed a girl can make me look bad! ;)



And hey Charley, couldnt doing that end up as a lawsuit? ;)

[JonathanLB]

I have actually done one other thing with a girl that I refuse to mention, but it was no big deal, just was pretty funny and did not mean anything. :D

I remain 99% untainted by girls, but 100% damaged by them, haha.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

If its funny, didn't mean anything, and was no big deal, why won't you say? :mischief

JON HAS A SECRET! He did dirty things with a girl DIRTY JON DIRTY JON!!

;)

[Admiral Lebron]

I bet he touched her butt one time on accident. :o

[Lilaena De'Ville]

:eek

*faints*

[Dirjj Mordrai]

Originally posted by JonathanLB

I remain 99% untainted by girls, but 100% damaged by them, haha.

:lol

[Dirjj Mordrai]

Originally posted by Lilaena De'Ville
Experimented? Well, I've had the opportunity, but it just doesn't interest me, Charley.

:mneh

You are not 99% untainted by guys, are you, LD? I have seen pics of you and there should not be any difficulty. Shy?

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I was answering Charley who made a comment about me experimenting with other females.

I've been 100% tainted, but three years sober. If you can navigate that many mixed metaphors, lemme give you my phone number...

[Admiral Lebron]

I think I understand... :o

[Dirjj Mordrai]

:lol I am no longer lost, thank you!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Yeah not giving out my phone number either. I'm Bette Davis, that might help sort out things as well, if you read post #52. ;)

[Admiral Lebron]

LIES! ALL LIES! :cry

[Lilaena De'Ville]

OMG I just realized something.!!

:o


I was answering Charley who made a comment about me experimenting with other females.

I've been 100% tainted, but three years sober. If you can navigate that many mixed metaphors, lemme give you my phone number...

SHOULD READ::::


I was answering Charley who made a comment about me experimenting with other females.

I've been 100% tainted BY MEN, but three years sober. If you can navigate that many mixed metaphors, lemme give you my phone number...

[Darth Viscera]

Considering that Walter enjoyed living in his cozy little glass house, he wisely decided not to start tossing rocks.

LOL. my zips are lipped with regards to anything pertaining to sex and me, other than future aspirations.

[Admiral Lebron]

LOL ROFLMFAO

Walt = manslut

[Darth Viscera]

manslut? haha

[Admiral Lebron]

Yup.

[Darth Viscera]

crazy cracka.

[Admiral Lebron]

I'M JEWISH!!

[Darth Viscera]

I didn't ask for your life story!

[Admiral Lebron]

Err

walterlabiche:*snaps fingers circularly in an ebonical fashion*

wtf?!

[James Prent]

LMAO Stewie isn't it past your bedtime?

[Darth Viscera]

yes, that's what we're talking about! death by iraqi gas, and how it shouldn't happen unless you get a good round of sex in first!

[Admiral Lebron]

.... o_O

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by Admiral Lebron
Err

walterlabiche:*snaps fingers circularly in an ebonical fashion*

wtf?!

cracka please!

[Admiral Lebron]

You are white too...

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by James Prent
LMAO Stewie isn't it past your bedtime?

Silence, vile wench!

*fires toy raygun at her with great animosity*

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by Admiral Lebron
You are white too...

Yes, I'm a texan. The good thing about OUR hispanic peeps is they're all conservative.

[Admiral Lebron]

They aren't even registered voters!

[Bette Davis]

yes, that's what we're talking about! death by iraqi gas, and how it shouldn't happen unless you get a good round of sex in first!

That's right!

Ok now back on topic. Duct tape is versatile, but not good for keeping out poisonous gasses. Sex is healthy, but also not good for keeping out poisonous gasses.

And yes, I've entirely given up on only posting with my LD name. :p Ok not entirely.

[Darth Viscera]

Are you implying that sex contributes to the spreading of poisonous gasses?

[Admiral Lebron]

Yes and of the black syph!

[Bette Davis]

NO! Iraqis never have sex!

[Darth Viscera]

Iraqis do have sex, but only in the shower.

Might be rather smart of them, actually, so long as the water is not too cold.

[Admiral Lebron]

Why?

[Bette Davis]

I don't want to know...

[Darth Viscera]

There's no privacy in the middle east-many houses have like 10 family members living in them. Showers mean privacy, so middle easterners use that time to have sex. It's against their religion to subject anyone else to the unholy sight.

[Admiral Lebron]

Oh. Maybe they should get bigger houses?

[Bette Davis]

Showers are goooood....BUT ALSO NO GOOD AT KEEPING OUT POISON GAS!

[Darth Viscera]

And maybe you should buy a jet pack.

[Admiral Lebron]

K.

[JonathanLB]

"Sex is healthy"

Haha, ok. Like eating your vegetables right?

The "secret" was not that bad, but if you really want to know...

It involved one of my sister's friends, a bet, money, her boobs, and touching. lol.

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by Bette Davis
Showers are goooood....BUT ALSO NO GOOD AT KEEPING OUT POISON GAS!

Too many oooo's there, silly :rolleyes

Are you saying that a person having relations in the shower suffers a high risk of being afflicted by some sort of poison gas?

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by JonathanLB
"Sex is healthy"

Haha, ok. Like eating your vegetables right?

The "secret" was not that bad, but if you really want to know...

It involved one of my sister's friends, a bet, money, her boobs, and touching. lol.

YOU PAID YOUR SISTER'S FRIEND MONEY TO TOUCH HER BOOB AS PART OF A BET?!?! o_O :eek

[Bette Davis]

You touched your sister's boobs after her friends bet you wouldn't?!?! :eek :x

[Admiral Lebron]

:huh :huh

[Bette Davis]

....and sex IS healthy. :cry

[Admiral Lebron]

Unless you get the black Syph.

[Darth Viscera]

sex is nothing like eating vegetables!

[Bette Davis]

Sex is like pizza: When its good, its great! And when its not so great, its still pretty good.

Vegetables won't protect you from poison gasses either, I'm pretty sure....

Can you imagine what it would be like if sex WOULD actually save your life from poison gas? SLEEP WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! (this paragraph appears courtesy of Figrin and my recent conversation)

[Darth Viscera]

So instead of 100 people going to the hospital for vaccinations...

[Bette Davis]

EXactly.

[Darth Viscera]

Walter: Sleep with me if you want to live!
Girl: I think I'll take my chances!

[Admiral Lebron]

Me: Sleep with me if you want to live.
Girl: Okay.


Thats how it would go. I'm a pimp. :D

[Bette Davis]

You're too young to be a pimp.

[Darth Viscera]

I think that by stating that he's a pimp, he's saying that he is rather sexually potent.

[Admiral Lebron]

Nah. I pimp all the nerdy chicks.

[Bette Davis]

...must...not...comment....!

[Admiral Lebron]

Oh? Have something to say, ph00?

[Bette Davis]

BOOYAH, FOO'!

[JonathanLB]

Ok no, it goes like this...

I can't believe I am telling you people this, because I tried to bury it where it belongs -- as though it didn't happen :)

Ok, so basically my sister is always making fun of me because she's a playerette.

Anyway, this girl Meghan came to us when we went to Vegas, my friend Bryan had went to bed. I was talking with Meghan alone for quite some time before my sister got off the phone with her boyfriend.

Ok so anyway my sister eventually says basically that she'll give me and Meghan $10 if we kiss or something, and I said hell no, I'm not wasting my first kiss for MONEY, which I don't need. But anyway eventually she was like, ok $20 if you touch Meghan's boobs and Meghan thought this was a good idea because she wanted the money. I did not give a damn at all. So it ended up after like an hour of debating about this, I actually did, with my sister basically closing her eyes but not all the way, haha, she was like, "EWW gross," well anyway so yeah.

Here is the joke of the whole thing, this is damn funny and would have made a good magazine article only I ain't telling this to a national audience, haha. So ok I get $20, right? Wrong. Because they are both like, "Oh we'll tell Bryan, right?" and I was like, "HELL NO you won't." So guess what? I had to pay them each $10 to shut up about it, leaving me with $0 and nothing gained, because honestly it wasn't a big deal that I saw this chick's boobs and barely touched 'em.

Haha, other than that I've only ever touched a girl once, and that was when I gave this Lauren chick a foot massage, another of my sister's friends, but that's another matter. ;)

[Bette Davis]

As long as it wasn't your sister's boobs. ^_^; :)

[JonathanLB]

Haha, jesus no. Man that is so wrong.

I didn't much like this Meghan chick, I mean she is nice, or was, but my sister hates her now (not my business), and she was decent looking, I suppose, but it's just that she was SO BIG. I mean she weighed like 150 and there is nothing wrong with that 'cept I weigh only 135 to 138, and she was like 2 inches taller than me. Personal preference, I just like smaller girls... 5'4" is great, heck 5'2" is ok by me :)

[Darth Viscera]

Think of it this way-you touched a boob or two for free. You should be thanking your sister!

[JonathanLB]

But I felt it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it at all. I only did because Meghan was so keen on the idea. She wanted the $30, and I was like, well, I guess more good is done than harm. Well in retrospect, I think it wasn't really right. I'm not sure, I guess it didn't hurt anyone, but it was awkward and I kept thinking what if she ever said something about it?

I don't know... but her and my sister aren't friends now, and that's probably worrying too, haha, but oh well.

[ReaperFett]

Jon, I doubt that event caused them to not be friends :)


Out of curiosity, how tall are you?

[JediBoricua]

Showers, sex, iraquis and duct tape...

Now that's my idea of a good time!

[Gabran Darkysa]

O_o

[CMJ]

*Reads thread*

Dear lord you people...:p

[JMK]

I just got off the phone with my alien friends. I've asked them to come and take us over because there's obviously nothing left for humans to achieve on this planet! :lol

What a thread....

[Jedieb]

I take a few days off and a duct tape thread diverges into first kisses and sex?! Well, at least my time away was well spent, HAVING SEX! :smokin

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Jedieb! >_<

You know there *is* such a thing as TMI. ;)

:mischief

[Jedieb]

TMI? What's that mean? I'm always mentally fatigued, after SEX!:smokin

[Marcus Telcontar]

Originally posted by Jedieb
TMI? What's that mean? I'm always mentally fatigued, after SEX!:smokin

Marcus says:
james pic = eye candy. holly = even better eye candy
xxx says:
heh
xxx says:
don't you let Helen catch you saying that
xxx says:
you'll have a foot up yer <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont>
Marcus says:
helen = gives me a boner.
Chris says:
tmi
Marcus says:
and gives gread head.
xxx says:
! WTMI
Marcus says:
LOL
Chris says:
you asshat.
Marcus says:
^_^
xxx says:
I nearly gave my monitor a shower

and later....

xxx says:
done
xxx says:
took me ten
xxx says:
mostly detailing the hair
xxx says:
hair = evil
Marcus says:
yes hair is evil
xxx says:
well, in graphics
Marcus says:
and also when your growling at the beaver
xxx says:
Yah, no pubes stuck in teeth pls

[Senator Paelotu]

Mod note:

There IS such thing as TMI. Please keep the lewdness down a notch :)

[Jedieb]

Ahhhh, I overloaded the 'information' superhighway. And then Marcus dragged it into the gutter! ;)

I have to brag. The wife is in the midst of 1st trimester misery and my opportunities are few and far inbetween.:|

[Loki Ahmrah]

<CENTER>http://panic.hopto.org/swf/gav/misc/highvoltage.jpg</CENTER>

Yep, that generally sums it up pretty much.

[Darth Viscera]

far tmi

[Admiral Lebron]

You have warped my fragile little mind. |I

[imported_Eve]

Wanna know what I think?

Well I'm gonna tell ya anyway...

Some of you have been round here for a long time. The sexual tension is high. Crushes build. Sassy pics have been thrown down. Many are in need of a good shag.

Maybe you should all get together and see what happens; help one another out with some sexual healing. Gawd knows you WANT TO!

Then come back.

To Jon: About planting one on a woman. DO IT. Women like men to take control. Better story when you got shoved against a wall in a mad kiss, than an akward too-long-in-the-waiting kiss. Then she'll think about it, and return the favor ten-fold.

About duct tape... is it just American? How is tape American?

I once heard England didn't have ranch dressing. How sad.

[Silus Xilarian]

You know....Eve is very much correct about the sexual healing thing. In a direct response to this.....

ATTENTION ALL FEMALE BOARD MEMBERS!!!!

Im now accpeting applications ^_^;

Warm and with a pulse requirements must be met :)

[Admiral Lebron]

Good advice Eve. :D

[JonathanLB]

Eve, you are hilarious.

I think the first part of your post was great, haha, man that's so funny. Ugg.. lol.

"Jon, I doubt that event caused them to not be friends"

No, Reaper... it didn't. What did was Meghan going and telling people at school that my sister is really weird, blah blah, she does this, does that, and this was just recently, like 7 months after that whole event. My sister and my mom went and egged Meghan's house (IS MY MOM THE COOLEST OR WHAT?! lol). Meghan is kind of not very loyal I guess.

My sister has never held a friend for long, maybe a year or two at most. I've never had that sort of problem to such an extent. I mean most of my friends last perhaps 5 years, I hate to say "last five years," that sounds so bad, like they are batteries or something. I mean, in most of those cases I sure wanted them to last forever, but either we just parted ways somewhat without problems because we had changed, or the person simply didn't seem to want to be friends anymore, or even I didn't want to be friends with them for various reasons.

Bryan and I have been friends for about 4 years now, but the relationship has been strained off and on for the last year, since Stacey. It has had its ups and downs, many more downs, but right now at this point, we are getting along better than perhaps any other time so far in the last year, which is good. I mean he knows I will always care about him, and I think he is a good guy, he'll always be there if I need him.

That brings up another unrelated issue, but suffice to say I am worried about my friend Ben. He's the one who smoked pot a lot, well anyway... he had something of a major collapse this last week, it's hard to explain without knowing all of the facts yet, but he literally just snapped, I'm telling you it was just weird. He was acting all paranoid, talking in metaphors, and then his parents began suspecting something when he talked to them. They came down to Corvallis and picked him up on Thursday night. He was home until Sunday, apparently seeking some mental help and just trying to sort things out or something. I don't know, but I didn't think he was in that much trouble and he literally just snapped. He is usually so well adjusted and optimistic, but it was scary. I saw his AIM profile, "IDLE: 2 days, 7 hours," and that is not normal at all. I knew he must be gone... I figured something was up. I still have to talk to him and see how he's doing, but he has been very weird for about 10 days now. I hope he's ok now, and from what I hear, he is a lot better.

I have just never seen anyone snap like that. I wouldn't blame it totally on the weed, but let's put it this way, I think I have been smart to avoid using any type of drugs like that. I use caffeine sometimes, haha, I have two energy drinks a week and they always really help me focus and remain alert, which helps my grades and my mood in general, but that's obviously a totally legal, useful drug.

Other than that, I even avoid much alcohol. I mean I had a few drinks Friday night, but I limit myself strictly...

I just think any body or mind altering types of drugs should be used very carefully and that includes caffeine. Those caffeine pills have major side effects, but sometimes they are worth it if I just won't be able to stay awake through class otherwise. I used my first caffeine pill in a year just Tuesday I guess it was. Rough week, haha. I used to use a few pills per week sophomore year, but that was terrible.

As for just randomly kissing a girl, Eve, haha, I would NEVER have the courage for that. I can't even talk to girls sometimes ;) Well I usually don't have problems with that, actually, but anything more than just talking in an arranged setting like a classroom, well, no.

[Jedi Master Carr]

This is a weird thread, usually its Buff that starts these :p

[Marcus Telcontar]

(courstesy of a email from my wife)

Men's' five most feared questions:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ie tells the truth). therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Nothing
b. Football
c. Jennifer Lopez
d. How fat you are
e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you"

Question #2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh yeah, sh/t loads
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love
d. Does it matter
e. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you
d. I've seen fatter
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define "pretty"
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (With a hurt look on her face)
MAN: (Makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.
WOMAN: ...silence...
MAN: Sh/t.

[Figrin D'an]

Originally posted by Eve
Wanna know what I think?

Well I'm gonna tell ya anyway...

Some of you have been round here for a long time. The sexual tension is high. Crushes build. Sassy pics have been thrown down. Many are in need of a good shag.

Maybe you should all get together and see what happens; help one another out with some sexual healing. Gawd knows you WANT TO!

Then come back.

To Jon: About planting one on a woman. DO IT. Women like men to take control. Better story when you got shoved against a wall in a mad kiss, than an akward too-long-in-the-waiting kiss. Then she'll think about it, and return the favor ten-fold.

About duct tape... is it just American? How is tape American?

I once heard England didn't have ranch dressing. How sad.


A grand idea... the only problem being that more than 90% of the people here would be too shy or embarassed to actually let anything happen...

Unless, of course, there is lots of alcohol present.

;)

[Admiral Lebron]

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.


ROFLMAO

[JonathanLB]

That was hilarious, Marcus. I had heard the last joke before, but not the rest of it.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Alkyhol!

[Senator Paelotu]

I'm far too picky. I'd have to be ensured of perfection before I acted.

[JonathanLB]

I think everyone has a right to be picky.

I suppose I must be amazingly particular to want a girl who is smart, nice, fun to talk with about important matters as well as anything else, good looking, and loyal. I've so far not met one single girl like that except maybe Stacey and she is with my best friend, haha, so that just proves how few there are like that.

I don't think it's expecting too much. If you aren't able to talk about matters of importance and aren't smart, or if you're not even a nice person and fun to be with, then what interest would I have? No way. Plus, since this is a girl we're talking about, looks are still paramount. She's gotta be good looking. Not necessarily "hot," but cute, attractive, etc. Otherwise, I'd just get a guy if I didn't care about looks. Any guy who says he doesn't care about looks is either an idiot or he is lying. Maybe he's gay, perhaps. But the whole point of a girl instead of a guy is because of the attraction. If I wanted just someone who was nice and smart, hell I HAVE those traits already in my friends like Ben, Bryan, and Sean. I already have that, don't want a girlfriend just like that, obviously. She's gotta be attractive.

[Senator Paelotu]

No, I'm far pickier than even that. I have plenty of constricting, demanding, and irrational criteria that I have of girls, and I can't do much if they're outside of that. If so, I know for a fact that I wouldn't be single. There are plenty of girls that would like to be dating me. I just don't feel comfortable.

[CMJ]

Marcus that was hysterical! Maybe one of the best posts I've ever read.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

There are plenty of girls that would like to be dating me. and that, folks, is what we call confidence.

Or delusion. ;)

*hugs Charley*

[Jedi Master Carr]

Yeah Marcus that was hilarious.

[JonathanLB]

Yeah, or dellusion. That was funny. :)

There are plenty of single girls who would li... forget it. There aren't :( lol.

When I'm a hotshot new Hollywood director, though, and if I'm still single then, ahh yeah I'll be in power. :D

[Senator Paelotu]

And that is what we call denial, which isn't the river in Africa ;)

[JonathanLB]

What is denial? That I think no girls are interested in me? No that's the truth! :)

I will be a hotshot Hollywood director, maybe a hotshot indie filmmaker (that would suit me well, too, I'm not sure how into the idea of major blockbusters I am really), but count on it.

[Senator Paelotu]

Not you. LD denying that she wants me. :)

[Darth Viscera]

no way, LD wants everyone equally :)

[Darth Viscera]

attached: funny eye test

[Sene Unty]

:lol to Marcus....that is so funny.

[James Prent]

Hey, I do want everyone equally. :p

So figure out everyone's chances from that, esp. if you think of EVERYONE.

[Dirjj Mordrai]

Ew, James Prent! Can I have first dibs? :lol

[Jedieb]

:lol Marcus

My answers;

1. What are you thinking about?
How can I fake interest in our obligatory post intercourse small talk.

2. Do you love me?
You make 30K more than I do, of course I love you!

3. Do I look fat?
You're not as thin as I am, but I wouldn't call you fat.

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
No, her breasts are much bigger, but she's not prettier than you.

5. What would you do if I died?
Make sure my alibi was in place.

[Dirjj Mordrai]

:lol @ Marcus and Eb

[CMJ]

1. What are you thinking about?
What did you say?

2. Do you love me?
Would you leave me alone if I said yes?

3. Do I look fat?
Can I take the 5th?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Do you want me to lie?

5. What would you do if I died?
Goto a strip bar.

[Jedieb]

This is why CMJ's women always throw drinks in his face. ;)

[CMJ]

:lol :lol LMAO! :lol

[JonathanLB]

CMJ's women?! WHAT women?! ;) haha, j/k.

I like your answers, CMJ.

Honestly those questions would be rough, lol. I mean I guarantee whatever girl I am with is unlikely to be the hottest girl in the entire world, so if she asks if another girl is better looking, you bet your butt I would lie, haha.

Although this would not be true if I was with either Stephanie Reaume (this chick who goes to U of W, hottest girl I have ever seen) or Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazilian model born on Apr. 11, 1981, hehe, she models for Victoria's Secret and is on almost every cover). Ambrosio is incredible. She has the naughtiest look I have ever seen on a girl's face, and it's just the way she looks, it's not an expression, lol. I don't understand how someone can look like that all of the time, it's just insane! She torments me from the pages of Victoria's Secret, hahaha. If I was with her and she said, "Do you think so and so is better looking than me?" I would be like, "What?! Why are you asking that? Is she a goddess? NO. Are you a goddess? YES! 'Nuff said." lol

[Darth Viscera]

Darlene and Carol Bernaola:cat :thumbup :hat

ho-la!

Twins, Basil. Twins.

[Admiral Lebron]

Angelina Jolie ... mmmm ....

[Darth Viscera]

*smacks Lebron*

Foowell! She drinks blood, paints t-shirts with blood, practices self-mutilation, never goes 5 feet away from a knife. What would you do if you woke up one morning and your winky had done been disseparated?

She's like Elvira, only she's not nice and busty with nice long red hair, she's scary and busty!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I would never ask a guy if he think's I'm fat.

Good rule of thumb: Never ask a guy his opinion on your clothes or how you fit into them.

And when I said everyone had equal chances, that just meant that no one has any chance at all. So THERE.

[Diego Van Derveld]

Whatever. You know you want me :)

[Sigil Roland]

SO does that mean that...oh wait thats No chance.... Nevermind..

[Lilaena De'Ville]

[dumb and dumber] So...you're saying there's a chance...[/dumb and dumber]

[Dirjj Mordrai]

:lol @ LD

[JonathanLB]

I love that quote :)

"*grunt* Ugg... about a MILLION to ONE!" "So... you're saying there's a chance?!" Haha, god what an optimist.

I am more like, "So there's a one in a million chance this will fail? CRAP, that's no good..."

[Lilaena De'Ville]

You're a defeatist. :mneh