The Dawn of a new Life Part II (open)

[SashaKovalev]

He had not gone to the Black Hand immediately. In fact, he had taken the past few months to distance himself from everyone and everything he had known. A part of him was in mourning, for leaving the Sith Order had been a very difficult decision for him. But he had finally done it. Done it because his heart just wasn’t in it, and he had known that he deserved something better than living a life that was not entirely his.

Telling Gouyen had been difficult. She was like a sister to him. And telling his mentor, Lady Vader, had been just as difficult. And while it had hurt, in the end, he knew that it was something he was destined to do.

During these months he had, on occasion, questioned his decision. In anger he had struck out – anger that this was what his life had come to – that he wasn’t strong enough to be a Sith. Perhaps it was a part of him putting in a last ditch effort to try to be something that he wasn’t. In any case, it had at the very least provided him with the ship he now owned. It hadnt been the most honest method of obtaining one, but being a force user had its advantages, and there werent many transport companies that would fly to Vjun. Not to mention, he wasn’t sure he would be welcomed there. His last visit hadnt exactly been one to advertise in tourist magazines.

What brought him to Vjun was simple, though he complicated it in his own mind. He told himself he was coming to get his lightsaber back, but the truth was that he was coming to learn more about the other darksiders – and he knew it. His lightsaber, the one currently in Hob’s possession, had once carried sentimental value. But his past few months alone had taught him that it was time to sever a few ties here and there. A lightsaber was a weapon, plain and simple. And that saber represented a part of his life that he was about to put behind him. Not that he was ashamed of it, for he wasn’t in the least. But it was time for him to move on.

As the ship set down, he secured the few belongings he had taken with him, and then set out for the castle gates.

The wind whipped brutally around him, and he walked with his shoulders hunched and his head bent for some time. The closer he got to the gates, the less the wind seemed to mock him. And eventually, he stood before the gates able to stand straight and meet this new challenge head on.

He inhaled deeply, exhaling and refusing to allow the guilt that crept up to bother him. He knew the Sith Order would consider him a traitor for what he was about to do. But he had left there on good terms – or as good a terms as you can when leaving an organization of those who followed the Sith ways. And the simple fact was that he had left. His life was his to do what he felt he needed to do. And what he knew he needed was to learn about what else was out there. What he needed was to begin to lead a life that did not feel like a lie. And something within him told him that it was here that he might begin that journey.

His violet eyes gazed up at the castle, his senses unconsciously alert, for it was second nature to him now to use the force for such things.

He kept his distance from the gates – having learned the last time from Lady De’Ville not to venture too close to them, or they would knock him flat on his back. He found himself somewhat humbled, for the last time he had been less than completely civil to De’Ville and Vega, who had greeted him. At the time, he hadnt ever thought he’d have a reason to ever care what they thought of him. And now he did. Some lessons were learned the hard way, he supposed. He just wished fewer of the lessons he learned had been learned that way.

Above, the sky seemed to threaten rain. This, too, he knew was not a good thing. Vega had wanted to leave him to die in the acid rain on his last visit. For a moment, a small smile appeared, amused only for a moment by the fact that he now had to find a way to gain Vega’s approval. Or, a the very least, his tolerance.

As quickly as it had come, the smile faded. And then he reached out to the force, bidding it to project his presence. It was time. Time for his life to begin.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

For a time, twenty minutes as the Jedi meditates, Sasha received no answer. Neither wind, nor rain, nor opening of door, nor presence in the Force revealed anyone to be nearby.

And then, abruptly, the silence was broken.

"So."

On a defensive parapet, not of the old style but of Imperial construction, Hob had appeared. He gazed downward at Sasha, his eyes neither revealing nor expressing. For all the young boy knew, Hob was made of the same stuff as statues.

Then a moment passed between the two. It was akin to shared understand, but it was something else as well- a recognition of similar beliefs and values that defined each of them as they were.

The face of the small alien lost its hardness; although it could not be described as warm and friendly, it was accepting.

"What seek you here?" Hob asked.

[SashaKovalev]

Twenty minutes was a long time to wait. But then, he had not expected to be welcomed with open arms. And twenty minutes gave him plenty of time to reconsider his decision if he needed to. But he did not. This was what he wanted, and he knew it.

Hob’s presence was somewhat of a relief after the silent treatment he’d received thus far. In the moment of silence that passed between them, the expression on the dwarf’s features had softened. This made it easier for him to speak candidly in answer to Hob’s question of what it was he sought.

“More than I probably deserve.” He replied, his violet eyes still cast on Hob.

“But I figure I’ll miss 100% of the chances I never take, so that makes it worth at least coming here to ask.”

His left hand flinched involuntarily. He had severed this hand from his wrist some time ago at the request of Lady Vader – payment for a mistake he had made. But even with the mechanical replacement, he was constantly reminded of the power that lay out there in the galaxy. And how one mistake could cost him. His words he chose carefully.

“Ive come seeking opportunity.” He watched carefully the features of Hob as he listened to the former Sith knight speak.

“For some time now Ive questioned my beliefs and whether or not they were consistent with the life I was leading.”

His gaze left Hob’s only for a moment, flickering to the ground in a hint of sadness before his gaze returned to the jedi.

“It took some time to come to grips with the idea that Ive been living a life that doesn’t reflect what I believe. I believe in the power of the dark side, but I disagree with the way I’ve been taught to use it. I’ve come to ask for the opportunity to learn from those here, in hopes that what I learn will feel less like I’m living a lie, and more like I’m living a life that is mine. That I truly believe in.”

His words were spoken sincerely and his gaze did not leave Hob. He knew that what he was seeking was not something to be given freely. There would be a price that he would pay in return – he was not so naïve to think there would not be – but it was something that he felt would be worth it. Any price would be worth a life that he could find happiness with.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

The small alien listened quietly to Sasha's explanation knowing the young Adept could speak no lie on Vjun that Hob could not detect. In a way, it was good to hear that he had managed to correct the young boy's misunderstandings, but it was also troubling to hear some of his words. They sounded all-too familiar, and the dwarf harkened back to some of the Jedi platitudes he'd been forced to sit through during fights against the enemy.

What Sasha would need is a firm grounding in why the ways of the Dark Jedi were right, and those of the Sith and Jedi wrong.

"You may never find what you believe in," Hob growled softly. "Prepared are you, to accept that as well?"

[SashaKovalev]

You may never find what you believe in. Prepared are you, to accept that as well?

The question caught him slightly off guard and it might have shown momentarily in the softening of the serious expression of his features. It hadn’t really crossed his mind that he would never find what it was he was searching for. He hadnt let it. Perhaps out of fear of feeling lost or insecure with the decision he had recently made.

“Not right now, I’m not, no.” He answered.

“I don’t feel like I’ve searched enough, yet. Maybe when I get to that point I’ll concede, if I have to. But not yet…..” He added, shaking his head.

He was a determined kid and he wasn’t going to give up and give in and accept a simple fact such as that without his wholehearted effort first. It was, perhaps, why he had learned to many lessons the hard way – he was so determined it had turned into a fault - he was stubborn.

He shifted his weight slightly as he stared up at Hob. He wondered how old he was, and from where he had come. He knew him thus far to be wise and skilled, and though he didn’t admit it out loud, he did commit to mind this suggestion that he might never find what he believed in. It was better – it was always better to be prepared…..

[Maester Wargrave]

"Why?" a new voice came, this time from behind Sasha.

"Why have you not searched enough?" it was Maester Wargrave, Sasha's uncle.

[SashaKovalev]

Why? Why have you not searched enough?

He recognized the voice that came from behind him and turned to acknowledge it. He was glad to see his uncle, certainly, but would have been more relieved to see Millard standing there rather than Wargrave. Wargrave was a side of his uncle that intimidated him.

And he was unsure of whether he was asking why Sasha had not begun his search before, or why he didn’t feel now that he had searched enough. So he answered on both counts.

“I thought I’d found what I was searching for when I joined the Sith Order.” He responded after a moment of thought.

“But when I entered their halls I was younger and knew much less about myself than I do now. And while I’ve got a lot more to learn, I know myself well enough to know that the life Ive been searching for isnt going to be found there, or following the ways of the Sith.”

His gaze shifted to Hob and then back to his uncle.

“I’d like to believe that my search will end here. I wouldn’t have come here if I believed otherwise.”

[Evil Hobgoblin]

"What you seek comes not from outside you," Hob stated matter-of-factly. He sat down on the parapet guard wall and let his legs hang over the side, revealing two tripod feet. "If you were told your search would never end, what then? Would you search still, and hope? Or would you face the galaxy as it is?"

[SashaKovalev]

What you seek comes not from outside you.

He considered the words of Hob. It took perhaps a moment longer than it might normally have taken for him to reword the sentence in his mind so that he could understand the meaning of it.

Rather than responding, though his first reaction was to debate these words, he kept his mouth shut and allowed them to sink in. Perhaps the strange dwarf was right. Perhaps.

If you were told your search would never end, what then? Would you search still, and hope? Or would you face the galaxy as it is?

His gaze shifted, looking momentarily to the sky, studying the clouds in idle thought before he looked back to Hob. He shrugged and sighed.

“With no disrespect to the one who would tell me such a thing, I’d never give up hope that one day I would find what Im searching for.”

His violet eyes held within them a determined gaze.

“But Ive also got a level enough head to know that I live in a very real galaxy. I know I have bills to pay, I know I have to work just like anyone else out there to make ends meet. And if that’s what I have to do, then I’ll suck it up and do it. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up hope that one day I’ll find exactly what Im looking for.”

[Trent Donovan]

"And perhaps" the ghostly voice said, as the figure emerged from out of nowhere.

Sasha looked, and noticed the amulet he had, the one Taylor Millard had given him was glowing.

"It is tough to stay like this for long..." Trent Donovan, Millard's brother, said, "But...perhaps you are taking steps in the right direction."

He looked at Wargrave and nodded.

[SashaKovalev]

He had worn the amulet about his neck from the moment it had been given to him. On occasion, he had turned to it in hopes that he might have once last conversation with his father. And recently, since his departure from the Sith Order, he had turned more often to it, seeking some sort of guidance. And now, his father had finally come to him once again.

And perhaps….It is tough to stay like this for long...But...perhaps you are taking steps in the right direction

This was all that he needed to hear to know that what he was doing was right for him. All his life he had wanted to know his father, had wanted, at the very least, to have known approval from him. And now it was approval that he felt. He felt the heaviness that had surrounded him lift and it was with renewed determination that he would now pursue admission to the Black Hand.

“Thanks…Father.” His words were spoken quietly, for they were not intended for anyone but his father to hear. His father would understand. Would understand that his son was thanking him for giving him the guidance that he sought – the guidance that a father was supposed to give to a son. Violet eyes that would have mirrored his mother’s watched the ghost and then flickered to Wargrave.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

The small creature watched the ghost appear with great curiosity. Few people were aware of his particular ability to see forms of energy as though they were corporeal, but this ability had the downside of making Hob unsure whether what he was viewing was similarly visible to anyone else.

However, the boy Sasha seemed to see the spirit and that was enough to indicate that Hob could talk about it openly.

The dwarf pushed himself off the edge of the parapet and fell straight to the top of the grand stairs. He watched Sasha curiously and then gestured towards the doors which opened seemingly of their own accord.

"If you are willing to accept what comes, you will indeed find what you seek," he said.

[SashaKovalev]

His gaze shifted as he not only heard, but felt the movements of the dwarf. Hob was standing now at the top of the grand stairs staring curiously at him. Sasha’s gaze fell curiously upon him as well until a moment later when Hob gestured towards the doors to the castle and behind him, they shifted mightily open.

If you are willing to accept what comes, you will indeed find what you seek.

He was willing. There was no doubt that he was willing to accept when came to him. And so with a lingering gaze back to the fading image of his father, he smiled. And then he turned and began to walk the steps to the castle, beginning at last the journey to find that which he sought.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She slipped from the doorway and stood in front of the young man, her slim body barely blocking his way. But block it she did, most effectively. Kovalev stopped, with one foot over the threshold.

Lilaena stared down at his foot, and he frowned slightly and moved it back a little. She returned her gaze up to his eyes, and then over his shoulder to where Wargrave and the Goblin still waited. "You wish to enter these gates?" Her green eyes were icy.

[SashaKovalev]

This was more what he’d expected in coming here. Vjun and its inhabitants had never been friendly, nor had they ever been inviting. Up until now it had not been easy, but it had been easier than expected. His violet eyes stared into hers for a moment, then shifted away in a quick glance to search for Vega as well. He half expected the two of them to make his life as miserable as possible, for clearly there had been no love lost between them during his last visit.

Not seeing him, he turned back to De’Ville.

A hasty snide remark came to his tongue, but wisely, he prevented it from escaping. Instead he made an effort to swallow his pride.

“I do.” He replied, his gaze not leaving hers.

“But not against your wishes.”

He took a step back, his gaze shifting for a moment before he looked back to her.

“I’ve left the Sith Order.” He stated. He knew that this remark had several possible returns to it – she would perhaps care not at all and would scoff at him, or perhaps….perhaps she would understand that he had come here not as an enemy this time, but as one who had finally begun to understand that life offered much more than what lay behind the walls of the Sith castle on Corellia – that life offered a more complete understanding of the force – and this was what he now pursued.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Left?" Her face was indifferent. If he'd stayed, perhaps she could have gained an edge on Vader. "It is of no consequence. What have you done with your time, between there and here?"

Her body did not shift, remaining planted directly in his way. If he tried he could have walked past on either side, but there was something about her presence that demanded this conversation on the threshold.

[SashaKovalev]

His head tilted slightly, as her question was curious to him. It wasn’t the reaction he’d figured she might have.

He cast a quick glance back in the direction of Hob and Wargrave. It wasn’t that he expected their help on this, for he knew, without knowing either one of them all that well, that they wouldn’t give it. This conversation was between he and De’Ville – and to some degree, another test among the many that were to come.

He shivered slightly against the soft wind, an involuntary reaction to the chill that Bast and its inhabitants seemed to radiate. His fingers clenched and unclenched at his sides, a nervous habit he would likely never break.

“Its been nearly six months now, since I left.” He stated in answer to her question.

What had he been doing in that time? For a good month he had holed himself up, returning, uncharacteristically to the planet where he’d spent most of his life. He hated it there and for him to return was a strange decision for him. He hadn’t told anyone of his return, did not seek out old friends, but had instead found a room in a house, rarely ever leaving it, refusing to interact with anyone. It was a period of depression, perhaps. A time of reflection while he dealt with all that he had given up in leaving the Sith Order.

When a fire swept through the house, destroying it and razing it to the ground, Sasha had been forced to come out of the shell he’d crawled into. And from there, in the middle of the night, the blaze of the fire lighting the streets, he had turned his back on all that he’d ever known and begun the next chapter in the book of his life.

He’d spent time on Coruscant, his decision causing him to lash out, perhaps a last ditch effort at believing he was meant to walk the path of a Sith. He had killed more during this time than in the past few years combined. And though he had friends on Coruscant, he had not sought them out. And he had not remained there long.

He’d traveled, mostly, during his time since he’d left the order. Alone. Always alone, he traveled. And always searching. Searching for something that seemed there, but just, frustratingly beyond his reach.

He could feel Vjun calling to him, and he had, for months, denied it. To return to Vjun would be to further betray the Sith Order. Would forever sever the last ties he held to those who had given him shelter and given him the tools to begin crafting his future. But he could only fight the call for so long. He had left the order to pursue a life that was his. A life worth living. And he knew that Vjun was where he would learn to do this. Despite its unforgiving nature. Despite those who lived there. He knew it was where he was meant to be.

But no one would take him there. It seemed you couldn’t pay charter companies enough to go there. Apparently Vjun’s unwelcoming presence extended far beyond the gloomy gates of Bast Castle.

And so he did what he had to do. He acquired the ship that he now called his. It had not been fair, by any means, the methods he’d used to make it his, but he’d recently bought a ring for his now fiancée, and a plot of land for the two of them. This had cut significantly into what he’d saved, and without an income, there had been only one way to acquire a ship.

He’d had no qualms about it. And for a moment, this had surprised him. But as he’d traveled to Vjun, it had shocked him less and less. Of course it had not bothered him – his actions hadn’t bothered him because he was finally acting – using his knowledge of the dark side to accomplish something that he wanted. Using it to bring him closer to the life that he wanted to live.

These thoughts he allowed De’Ville access to, briefly, before he answered.

“Ive been searching.” He answered, rather simply.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She could respect that answer. She herself had done some searching before finally settling on her decision to join the Black Hand.

"Yet, I sense something else in you...there is another who will tug at your affections, perhaps?" His emotions had briefly spiked as he had thought about his answer. De'Ville couldn't read minds, and was useless at telepathy, but emotions and body language she could read well. "Will she come before the Hand?" Her voice continued in the same tone as before, but this question was even more weighted than the previous ones.

[SashaKovalev]

Yet, I sense something else in you...there is another who will tug at your affections, perhaps?

His eyes closed for a moment as he realized that he had allowed his emotions to float a little too close to the surface. He hadn’t wanted them to know about her, but now it was too late.

Will she come before the Hand?

Softly, he sighed as he considered her question. It was not one to be answered quickly, blindly giving the answer that he knew was on the surface correct.

Finally, he spoke.

“Affiliations mean nothing between her and me. I don’t know to what organization she belongs, and accordingly she will not know where I belong.”

He sighed softly.

“Im not going to lie to you. If the circumstances arose, I cant tell you that I wouldn’t plead with you for her life, or that I wouldn’t give my own in return for hers.”

“But you need to know that Im not coming here seeking admission because I need shelter, or because I need someone to teach me, or because I need to feel I belong somewhere.”

He paused for only a moment.

“Im coming here seeking admission because the members here have come together for a common purpose, a purpose that I believe in. For too long I’ve allowed myself to have my life dictated to me by a purpose I did not believe in, and Im not going t allow it any longer. I will destroy those who seek to come in the way of what I, and the Black Hand, seek to achieve.”

His gaze did not leave hers. He was fiercely loyal. Even when he had not agreed with the ways of the Sith Order, he had fought for them. He had pledged to do this, and he had been true to his word. His departure from the Order, while not supported by the Elders, had at least been done on friendly terms – he’d kept his end of the bargain, and in turn, they had kept theirs and let him go.

And now it was the Black Hand to which he offered that loyalty. If they wanted it.

“That is…if you’ll let me.” He added, his gaze flickering to a spot somewhere beyond the threshold that she blocked, and then back to her.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She stepped forward, and took his hand, the biomechanical hand which replaced the one he had lost while at the Order. "Relationships are a danger. Never forget that. Both your enemies and your allies will use them against you." Lilaena's eyes softened and her voice was quiet, for his ears only.

Then she stepped back, and tugged him gently over the threshold. For an unexplained instant Sasha thought he saw a tear in her eye, and then the Dark Jedi released his hand, turned, and walked away.

[SashaKovalev]

As she stepped forward, he stood where he was, his eyes following her movements. He was surprised as she took his left hand in hers.

Relationships are a danger. Never forget that. Both your enemies and your allies will use them against you.

His gaze dropped to the ground for a moment, and then lifted, meeting hers. Slowly, he nodded in understanding. In that instant, he felt an odd understanding of this woman that he knew very little else about.

And then she had shown her acceptance of him, and tugged him over the threshold. It was as he stood there that he thought he caught a glimpse of something that only made her more likeable – more human – but she was gone before he could be sure.

And there he stood, watching for a moment as she walked away. A thoughtful, and perhaps even appreciative expression on his face.

Thank you... He mouthed in silence before he turned to look back to Wargrave and Hob.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

Hob nodded to the young Dark Jedi Apprentice. His image abruptly became ghostlike and faded away, leaving Sasha to wonder whether he had actually physically been there at all. Clearly, however, he had been there in some way and that was what mattered.

[SashaKovalev]

He knew he saw the nod. He knew that he had actually spoken with Hob only a few minutes ago. But the odd little dwarf was gone. Sasha shook his head slowly a small smile tugging at his lips. Bast would have may surprises in store for him, of that he was sure.

He gave a quick glance at the horizon beyond Wargrave, and then his gaze came back to settle on the man.

“You knew I’d come here eventually, didn’t you?” He asked.