The Dawn of a new Life (Lady Vader)

[SashaKovalev]

This was one of the most difficult things he would ever have to do. But he knew it had to be done. For quite some time now, he had been living a life that felt to him as if it were a lie. His heart just wasn’t in it. True, there was much anger in him, but he felt none of the things he should have felt. It wasn’t conflict that he sought, nor was it power. What he sought was some sort of understanding of himself, and a life that would bring him satisfaction with himself and what he had become.

He loved the Sith Order. The members had taken him in and given him a home – a family – for years now. But something was missing. And with every apprentice that had trained, he had felt that he was teaching them to be something that he would never be able to be. He had taught them all the principles of being a Sith, yet in his heart, he himself did not feel these things.

The guilt of it, of living a life that was not his was destroying him. He’d found himself spending less and less time at the castle, searching, just searching for answers. And he had not yet found them. But he did know, what he knew for sure, was that he would not find them in the halls of the Sith Order.

With a heavy sigh, he entered the room where his mentor was waiting for him. He knew what is was he needed to ask of her, and he knew that it would not be an easy discussion. Nor would she be pleased with him. But he hoped that she would, at the very least, understand. And perhaps, that she would respect that he had come to her and been honest with her, rather than slinking off into the night without a word.

(ooc: not sure if you wanted this posted somewhere else instead. Just move it if you think it should be somewhere else. :) Thanks, LV)

[Lady Vader]

*Long ago, when Sasha had first joined the Order, LV had foreseen something that had left her displeased and disbelieving. She had always felt the future could be changed. But sometimes, some things were just destined to be, and the day she had foreseen and dreaded had come.*

*Sitting at her usual seat within the room where the Elders gathered to discuss things for the betterment of the Order, she brooded silently, waiting for Sasha to show himself.*

*At the time he said he would come, he did. He walked in silently, never taking his eyes from his intended route. It was always errie to LV how visions came to pass, step for step, word for word. Sometimes she viewed visions as a blessing, and other times a curse. Today, she didn't know which to give to this situation.*

*Sasha stopped at the foot of her large ornate chair, there he bowed and then looked at her, but before he could say anything, she spoke one simple sentence.*

I knew this day would come.


(OOC: I'll move it to the Palace so that the others may read it. :) )

[SashaKovalev]

I knew this day would come.

His violet eyes displayed the sadness that he felt. He knew this was displeasing to his master and he didn’t blame her one bit for it. Though her emotions were controlled, he knew her well enough to know that she was not happy with what had now come to be. And this bothered him. He respected her. And more than that, he cared for her. And in caring for her, it hurt him more to know that he was displeasing her.

“Im not sure whether to be relieved by that and to know it has always been my destiny” He replied his voice faltering slightly, “Or to be angry that it has been allowed to happen.”

There was no anger in his voice, only a quiet respect and a dull ache that would not soon come to pass.

He sighed softly, though it was heavy with the pain that he felt. Unconsciously, his left hand, the one he had severed for her, clenched and unclenched in a mixture of discomfort and sadness.

“Was there a way to have prevented this?” He asked, his voice seeming quiet in the looming silence of the room. His question was not asked with resentment or any sort of impudence, but with a sincere desire to know.

[Lady Vader]

*She shook her head, never letting her eyes drop from his.*

Once something is written, it is written. The path in getting there may be changed. But I believe in the end the outcome remainds the same.

*She leaned forward, her eyes growing cold.*

I cannot tell you what to do, Sasha, but be it known that the path you choose can be your undoing. I believe I told you as much when you first arrived here at the Order.

[SashaKovalev]

He found some sort of solace in her response, knowing that nothing could have been done. Knowing that while this was not easy, it was the path he was meant to take.

But when her eyes grew cold, his gaze dropped from her to the floor. He could not bear to see the change in the way his mentor responded to him. This decision had been difficult enough without the addition of her disapproval – and the emotional pain of losing the affection of someone that he respected.

I cannot tell you what to do, Sasha, but be it known that the path you choose can be your undoing. I believe I told you as much when you first arrived here at the Order.

Slowly, he nodded. He understood her words as well as the meaning that he knew lay behind them.

He inhaled slowly, his breath ragged as he released it.

“Ive tried.” He stated softly.

“I’ve honestly tried to make myself believe in the ways of the Sith, to honor and respect them.”

With this, his violet eyes cast to his mentor.

“Outwardly I have, but something inside me…” He paused and shook his head.

“My heart just isnt there.” He added, a slight tremor entering his voice. His eyes were glassy as he forced any emotions back. Lady Vader had no respect for the weak, and if there was one small thing he could leave the Order with, it was her respect that he wanted.

“Would you have me live a life that’s a lie?” He asked her, the earnestness in his features making him look every bit as youthful and innocent as he had been when he’d first entered the doors of the order.

[Lady Vader]

*A corner of her lip rose into a half smile, though it didn't have much warmth to it.*

No, I suppose living a lie wouldn't be the wisest thing.

But...

*The half smile disappeared.*

... I'm not so sure the step you are taking is wise either.

*She fell silent for a moment, leaning back in her seat and steepling her fingers, before speaking again in a low voice.*

I just hope you know what you're doing.

[SashaKovalev]

I just hope you know what you're doing.

He shifted his weight and gazed for a moment around the room. There were many things he would miss about the order. And the truth was that he didn’t really know what he was doing. For a moment, he questioned his decision. Questioned leaving. Bu in the end, despite all that he loved about the order, it wasn’t making him happy.

“I wish I could say that I did.” He finally replied, looking back to his mentor.

“But I don’t. I don’t know what Im doing any more now than I did when I walked in here a few years ago. And that’s part of the reason that I need to take this time away. I need to figure out who I am and what I want out of life, and Im not doing that here. That’s the one thing I know, for sure.”

He sighed.

“This isnt an easy decision for me to make, you know…” He stated, his voice carrying sadness and perhaps a hint of defensiveness. It was the only way that he knew of to deal with the change in his mentor. Though he refused to show it outwardly, he did allow her open access to his emotions, perhaps, to a point, even projecting the hurt caused by her coldness toward him.

(ooc: Don’t forget the thread in joining for Maxim.. :) )

[Lady Vader]

“This isnt an easy decision for me to make, you know…”

*A small sigh escaped silently from her at his last sentence.*

...I know, Sasha.

*She straightened in her seat.*

You have been a good member of the Order and upheld it's rules. You have supported and defended the Order and it's name. For that, no harm will come to you for leaving.

But I cannot control the actions of the other members if you were to choose a path other than just to "explore" what life is calling you to.

There is no need to say goodbye to everyone of the Order, or make a grand speach. I stated at the beginning when you first came, that if you wished to leave, you would be allowed to, so longas it was done respectuflly and properly.

And you have done as much.

*She took a breath before continuing.*

But, aside from saying goodbye to me, I do believe there is one other who would appreciate to see you one more time as a friend, for the furture may not hold such luxeries.

*She gestured towards a hallway that among other places, disticntly led towards the gardens.*

[SashaKovalev]

There was a slight change in the way that she spoke, though he could still feel her displeasure. He didn’t blame her. But she was giving him what it was that he sought. The freedom to leave the order.

Her last comment caught him off guard.

But, aside from saying goodbye to me, I do believe there is one other who would appreciate to see you one more time as a friend, for the future may not hold such luxuries.

Shenraun.

His gaze looked to the hallway that he knew led to the gardens and then back to her.

“Thank you.” He offered, his voice sincere and struggling not to break. He loved and respected Lady Vader, and he wished that he could have shown it to her in a better way than he was. But he couldn’t. And they both knew this.

And so before it became any more difficult, his violet eyes stared one last time into those of his mentor, and then he was gone, headed down the hallway to the gardens to say one last goodbye.

************************************************** ************************************
As he stepped into the gardens, he felt the sting of the tear as one finally escaped. Angrily, he brushed it away with the palm of his hand. He was not going to break down. He wasn’t.

He couldn’t.

This decision was not an easy one to make. Particularly when he wasn’t sure that he was making the right decision at all. But something told him that he was – something, however faint. And he trusted his instincts.

A deep sigh escaped as he walked the gardens.

He had no doubt that Shenraun would find him, and so he made his way to the lake, sitting for the last time upon one of the rocks there and staring out at the water as he waited.

[Shenraun]

*It was not long after Shasha had sat down, that Shenraun appeared from behind, lumbering to sit in a clearing next to the lake.*

*There he lay, crossing one forearm over the other and looking at Sasha silently. It was his animal instincts that told him the young man was deeply troubled and sad, and he waited patiently for him to speak first.*

[SashaKovalev]

He brushed another tear from his eyes. His mannerisms as he did this suggested that he felt it a weakness to show any sign of emotion or sadness, yet he could no longer keep it contained.

He felt Shenraun draw near and could not bring himself just yet to look upon the dragon who had become a friend, a confidant, a mentor even to him throughout his time there.

"I have no idea what Im doing." He stated, rubbing his forehead and inhaling a ragged breath. What he would not show to Lady Vader, for fear of her thinking him weak, he would allow for Shenraun to see. Shenraun was different and around him, Sasha could allow himself this weakness. Shenraun had seen him at his most vulnerable of times, and now was no diferent.

"Do you think Im making a mistake?" He asked, finally turning to the dragon, his eyes glittering with emotions held so fragilely in check.

[Shenraun]

*The dragon looked at the young man sob for a moment longer, his golden eyes almost sad.*

It is not I who should think whether you are making a mistake. It is yourself that you should ask such a question.

*He brought his armored snout near Sasha.*

What is it you feel in your heart?

[SashaKovalev]

His hand reached out to the snout that had dropped to his level. Idly he rubbed it, the presence of the dragon calming him.

“I feel that I need to take some time away. It just doesn’t feel right for me, being here right now. My heart just isn’t in it.”

He shifted slightly on the rock, turning to face the dragon.

“But it feels wrong to be leaving, too. For years now Ive walked the halls of the order. Ive spent more nights than I can count sitting here and looking out at the lake. This is my home.”

He sighed softly.

“And this is my family. And I feel like Im disappointing them. Her, mostly. I feel like Im disappointing Lady Vader.”

His gaze shifted to the ground and a finger traced a pattern on the rock upon which he sat.

[Shenraun]

*Even through the thick scales, the touch felt warm. And to Sasha, though the scales would appear rough, they in fact were smooth, with a thin layer of what one might call peach fuzz on them.*

*The red dragon let out a sigh, a small smile appearing.*

Ah, but if only life were black and white... then things would be so easy.

Too easy.

*The smile faded.*

But life does not deal us such amneties.

Yes, this is your home, and yes, you are more than likely disappointing my Mistress, but ultimately it is you who must make the decision in what path your life shall take.

I know this... and Mistress Vader knows this...

*He brought an enormous claw up and gently pointed it at Sasha's chest.*

...and you know this.

[SashaKovalev]

Sasha sighed softly and nodded.

“I know.” He replied quietly, his gaze going back out toward the lake.

He was silent for some time, gazing at the calm waters and remembering times spent here. He remembered learning to swim for the first time – with Shenraun’s help. The dragon trying to tell him he had to learn patience. So many fond memories.

A small smile appeared.

“Im going to miss this…” He stated, turning back to the massive dragon. What he meant was that he would miss not only the time spent in the garden, but mostly, the times with Shenraun. The dragon was wise and had given him excellent advice throughout the years. Not only that, but he had been kind to Sasha, allowing him to roam freely through the gardens at all times of the day or not – access that not all members of the order had been permitted.

[Shenraun]

"I'm going to miss this..."

*The young man's words touched Shenraun and the smile he had been holding turned sad, as his golden eyes gazed at the young man.*

As will I, Sasha. As will I.

*Both fell into a comfortable silence, no more words needed to state how each felt. Shenraun knew that as much as he would miss Sasha, that it would be even harder on his mistress. But being the proud woman she was, she would not show it.*

*The dragon lifted his head and looked to the west, where the sun was beginning to set, setting the lake ablaze with oranges and reds, as though the waters themselves were on fire. Soon it would be night, the closing of the day... much like the closing of this chapter of life for Sasha.*

*But tomorrow would hold a new day and new chapter.*

[SashaKovalev]

Slowly, he nodded.

"Yeah." His reply was soft, carrying a mixture of excitement and sadness. A new chapter was very much needed for him.

He wondered if ever again he would sit upon these rocks to gaze out at the lake. If ever again Shenraun would regard him as friend rather than foe. If ever again he would be able to sit with Lady Vader and talk with her without having to have concern for his life. These were things he couldnt know, and for fear of what the answer could be, did not want to know.

They sat there for some time, watching as the colors changed and light began to fade.

Finally, Sasha stood and turned to Shenraun.

"I cant thank you enough for all that you've done for me, Shenraun." He stated, his hand coming one more time to touch the snout of the might dragon.

"And I know I dont have to ask it, and I know she hardly needs it...but...."

His eyes flickered to the ground and then back to Shenraun, sadness reflected in the violet depths.

"Watch out for Lady Vader for me, will you...?"

[Shenraun]

*The sad smile remained, the sun having set, and the torches in the garden mysteriously lighting of their own accord, thanks to the Sith magiks that encirlced them. Shenraun's golden eyes seemed to glow softly in the dim light, a saddness there which showed how old he truely was.*

"And I know I dont have to ask it, and I know she hardly needs it...but...."

*The young man's eyes showed a saddness that almost made him boyish looking.*

"Watch out for Lady Vader for me, will you...?"

*Keeping his head lowered for Sasha to keep his hand on his armored snout, he raised one clawed forepaw to his chest, over where his heart lay within.*

As always, with my life.

*He lowered the forepaw and looked earnestly at the man.*

And you watch out for yourself. The galaxy holds many paths, treacherous and otherwise.

[SashaKovalev]

He inhaled a shallow breath and nodded.

"I will." He replied. He wanted to stay. He wanted to remain here the entire night and awake to find that the dawn had made this all a bad dream. Wanted to wake to find that he'd never questioned his life as a member of the Sith Order. But he knew that wasnt going to happen. And the longer he remained here, the more his decision was beginning to confuse and hurt him.

He gave a last longing look out at the lake and then turned back to Shenraun.

"I should...." He paused, forcing a brave smile.

"I should probably....go." He finished.

[Shenraun]

*The dragon raised his head high, still looking at the young man.*

Good luck in your travels, Sasha. I pray the next time we meet, it is still as friends, and not as foes.

[SashaKovalev]

He wanted to promise that such a thing would never happen. That they would never meet as foes. ut he knew better than to promise these things. Time and destiny had a funny way with things, and he would not promise what he could not deliver.

"Know that I'll be wishing the same thing." He replied as he looked to the dragon and finally found a small small. It hinted at sadness, but also at the fact that this young man was growing up.

He had a life somewhere out there - and tonight he would begin his journey to find it.

There were so many words unspoken between he and Lady Vader and between he and Shenraun. But he knew that they both knew how much he would miss them.

With a nod of respect and a wave goodbye, Sasha turned and walked, for the last time, through the gardens. He returned to his room briefly to grab the bag he'd already packed, and then he left the castle, standing for a few moments in its shadows before he began the long walk down the hill into the city in search of his destiny.