Jedi Pilgrimige: The Beginning

[Pierce Tondry]

All stories, all tales of lives, have both a beginning and an ending.

Sometimes, those two points are so firmly fixed, so pressed into place by the circumstances of living, that they can be read as an open book. Other times, destiny lies so heavily on the shoulders of a being that, try as they might, they will be bound to travel from start to finish on a specific course dictated by their breeding, even as the exact course traveled can change in an instant.

And then, there are those Prophesied Lessers who must sail their way into the winds of destiny on the shoulders of the drudging masses. What they are is exactly what they choose to be.

This is the story of one of those who was born a man, and who will always be a man even as the paths of the future turn him into something more.

This is the beginning.


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Helenias was looking at him with the funny expression she always got when she was trying to figure out someone else's brain. As if accidentally picking up on people's intents wasn't bad enough, as if Pierce was not about to go back into a hotzone of conflict, here he was about to have his brain picked.

Maybe, it was just as well, though. The previous few months had been a long journey that Pierce hadn't told anyone about. Maybe it was time.

Maybe.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"You know, Calan has already been under fire for several months," Pierce replied, still struggling on a decision.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Oriadin asked.

Helenias held out a hand to forestall the question. "That's just his roundabout way of getting on to a subject. Whatever he's actually going to say, it'll come from that."

Pierce had to admit, she was right about that. Maybe it was a sign.

Maybe. Unconsciously, Pierce half-grinned at the irony.

"The two of you sure seem to know each other fairly well."

"We're alike in a lot of ways," Pierce replied, dropping the look. "Similar kinds of people tend to connect like that."

He looked back to Helenias only to see the 'probing' expression on her face intensified. "Alright, out with it. Whatever you're going to say, just say it. Enough beating around the billabong."

With a sigh, Pierce made his decision. "I've been on Calan during the recent hostilities. I don't think anybody in the upper echelons of the Cizerack government will know about it, but it is a potential liability."

"But that's not the real reason you've gone quiet all of a sudden," Helenias replied.

"It's a place to start," Pierce said. "I don't know what's up, but my gut's telling me something is."

"Tell us how you ended up on Calan. Maybe it has to do with that."

She'd left him an opening, deliberately. "How I ended up on Calan is a story in and of itself. Do you remember how I left a couple of months ago, all sudden-like? Decided I was walking too thin a line and had to figure some things out?"

The Jedi Master's eyes widened fractionally, as though she'd come to a conclusion. "Yes," she said, picking the pike back up. "You don't mind if I practice some more, do you?"

"Go ahead," Pierce shrugged. "Anyways, I was just leaving that meeting we had at the shooting range when I thought of something."

"Or maybe I should say, I remembered something."

[Pierce Tondry]

The Jedi Temple on Coruscant had become a familiar place over the past several months in a good way. Even after Pierce had walked its entire layout, mentally mapping out what was where in case of an emergency, there was still something else to it that made him feel comfortable. Peaceful, even, for a man that knew true peace was rare.

But today, things did not feel familiar.

It was the talk he'd had with Helenias, he knew, that had caused it. It made everything feel all wrong. From reminding him of certain mistakes he'd made recently to memories of Lilaena and what had happened between them, it had not been easy.

He'd kept his cool, of course. Long practice at not showing emotion had paid off. But how he felt inside right now...

His feet were carrying him as fast as they could down a corridor that led back to the Jedi Temple. Past Padawans as young as his son, past beautiful and exotic ferns, past people he knew and people he didn't. And then he stopped.

There was a window in this hallway he was now in and Pierce could just barely see his reflection in the glass. Sweat was on his neck and his face was contorted with worry.

What am I running from?

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce ran a hand across his face, taking beads of moisture along with it. He was sweating faster than a Naboo junglefrog left on Tatooine. His heart was racing. And the man in the window did not look anything like him.

If there was one thing being a Jedi Padawan taught you, however, it was how to calm down. One could make it through a firefight on instinct, but to be truly calm about it was a trigger's length shy of impossible. And, in a way, that was something his Imperial combat training had done to him, pushed him always towards a killing frenzy rather than maintaining a clear mind.

It was fair to say he'd resisted those drives. Completing the mission had always been the most important thing and keeping his eyes on the prize had pulled Pierce through a number of tricky situations he might otherwise have gotten killed on.

But what if his time spent in the Empire had changed him in a way he hadn't noticed? What if, somewhere inside, there was still fear?

Pierce snorted. Obviously there was still fear in him. Had that not been the case, he would still be talking with Helenias. He would never go on pre-mission rituals that calmed him down, or find a quiet spot to relax after those operations were over. The real question he needed answered was where it came from.

An uneasy feeling settled into Pierce's stomach. That was the trick, wasn't it? Find out where one's own fear came from. Best way to do that was to get help.

Then again, he'd just come from a talk with Helenias about why he needed to run solo for a while. Getting help from someone else was out.

So what options did that leave him?

[Pierce Tondry]

The computer screen was unrelenting in its bright glare. Pierce scrubbed his eyes with his palms and stretched.

After some walking around and calmly thinking about his problem, he'd decided to go hunt through the archives to see if the Jedi and all their collective wisdom had anything to say on the subject. So far, he'd found fifty-seven different calming techniques and twenty references to the Republic Bureau of Species Psychology, but nothing on how a person could work their fears out of hiding. That process, apparently, was something best handled with other people.

Stubbornly, Pierce had pressed on.

He was currently in the middle of plowing through a document regarding mental strength, something he'd often been worried about. After all, if a Sith or Dark Jedi could mess with your mind, they could make you do things you didn't want to do without you catching on. The document had mentioned developing a mental "center" that the Jedi related to the world from and gave a few techniques that could accomplish this. Interesting reading, but hardly what he was looking for.

Pierce saved the file and closed it, opting for his next query response. "Master and Apprentice Bonding" it was called. He opened the document.

In the instruction of Jedi Padawans, Masters have always been given great leeway to respond to the needs of their pupils as they see fit. Combined with leeway on the part of the Master, this can be a useful method for bonding with the Padawan that can be used to sort out problems together...

Hell. Another suggestion he talk to someone. Pierce snorted, but kept reading anyway.

... and such is often the case. On occaision, however, a Padawan will need to seek solace from a particularly great trauma, or do searching and meditation to find an answer that he seeks. A Jedi pilgrimige where the Padawan goes off by themselves for a time is not an unheard of thing in these cases. Often, the Padawan will find what answers they are looking for and return to the apprenticeship, recharged and demonstrating some new facet of the Force they are now familiar with. Because this is an unusual case, this text will not delve into it in further detail.

Pierce's attention dissipated almost as fast is it excited. This pilgrimige thing sounded perfect for him and the document had decided not to go into detail on it.

Pierce leaned back in his chair and thought. The more he considered the idea, the more he liked it. This was definitely an option to do some more searching on.

A pilgrimige. A Jedi pilgrimige. What a concept.

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce turned back to the computer console, keying for further search info on the Jedi pilgrimige. He came up with only three references, but the titles seemed promising. He downloaded them and opened the first.

The Jedi Pilgrimige is a sacred journey, often made by Jedi Padawans and sometimes by Jedi Knights or Masters in need of personal balance. It starts from their place of training and also ends there, ensuring balance in the journey. However, the Pilgrim must also choose a midpoint. When the Pilgrim reaches the midpoint will be determined by themselves and by the Force, so long as they follow it.

The Force is always with the Pilgrim, and therefore they should not take anything more than themselves and their personal effects. The Pilgrim should also expect to journey through the wilds, and there they will be tested.

The piece went on, but Pierce closed down the file, shunting the information to his personal datapad. This had him interested; no, excited! It was like an answer to his personal problems, a way-

Abruptly, Pierce grinned. It appeared that the Force was with him after all.

Plus there was that midpoint nonsense. Why, he might as well just up and choose somewhere like Calan. Yeah, Calan, in the Cizerack cluster. Why not?

His hand picked up his datapad and he looked at it, looked at his reflection in its' screen. If he really was serious about this, he needed to treat it seriously, sitting down with some people and talking out this grand plan of his to make sure it still sounded sane once the euphoria wore off.

The face reflected in the datapad sobered. And maybe, while he was out on a personal trip, he could take care of some personal business.

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce tossed the datapad back onto the desk. It was true he had very few regrets in his life. Skipping class that one time, getting caught with Kadia Mazzic- those were small things that he brushed off. But there were one or two big things that he regretted. Maria Fethwyr was dead and he'd already honored her sacrifice.

But Khabarkh, clan K'imbar was unlikely to feel the same way about Pierce that she had.

Pierce pressed his palms together, only to find they were sweating. There was that fear again. Clearly, he needed to go to Wayland and visit the Noghri. Somehow, some part of himself had to get untangled there.

Dare he hope that his life could change? That he could really be a Jedi in name, truth, and the eyes of all? That people like Airen Cracken would shed their constant distrust of his motives, simply because of his past?

His eyes fell once again on the datapad and he stared at as a man might stare at Pandora's Box. There was no way of knowing what would come from this proposed journey.

Abruptly, Pierce reached out and grabbed the datapad, standing in nearly the same motion. Whatever the answer before him was, he would find it.

And he would begin with this.