Zatania Duvall
Dec 31st, 2002, 05:57:02 PM
I got bored, decided to make a list for laughs. Dunno if it worked though.
Women(A guide for men)
10.) Don't mention the diet, or else she'll bite your head off or stop dieting. Its an arguement that you'll never win.
9.) If the dress looks horrible, don't tell her. Or she'll go into a temper tantrum about how big her thighs are.
8.) They will find a way to blame you for everything.
7.) If you're planning on having children with her, also plan on having good medical insurance for yourself. She'll break both your hands when blaming you.
6.) When asked "whats wrong" and she answers "nothing", then you've done something to p*ss her off.
5.) When she claims to have a headache, that means that she doesn't want anything to do with you. Go sleep on the couch.
4.) It is common knowledge that her father has a shotgun.... all I have to say is run.
3.) Women are the cruelest creatures alive. Why you continue to adore them is beyond me because I know well enough that she'd kick you where the sun don't shine with stilletto heels just to hear you scream.
2.) Most are never happy with the present you bought them. They'll take it back to the store if it isn't a diamond ring and get the money back from it. When you ask where it went they'll claim that they lost it or it was stolen.
1.) You will never truly understand them. Why? It's called PMS, they change on a monthly basis.
Men(A guide for women)
10.) Walking around the house in their underwear is the norm, even in the blistering cold of winter.
9.) They think they can fix everything. Hide the tools unless you know for sure he knows what he's doing.
8.) If they feel like you know more about something than them, they'll stare blankly for several minutes before changing the subject to cars or sports.
7.) If they're trying to get a date with you, they will lie about everything because they aren't thinking. Later, when they realize how stupid that was, they try their hardest to be what they said they were.
6.) It isn't dirty if it doesn't look it. If it does, then flip it over and he's all set to go. They will also keep the same ratted up shirt or pair of pants for years until you get so sick or it that you run it through the trash compacter, burn it, or throw it out. Even poor people wouldn't wear that old thing.
5.) They panic if they see the words "we need to talk". The first things that come into their heads are: "She's breaking up with me" or "shes pregnant" or "oh my God, she wants to talk about getting married" or even "what did I do now".
4.) It's in their nature to turn their heads at every pretty face they see. They can't control that primal rage within long enough to save themselves the aggrivation of your glare.
3.) They think about sex every five seconds. Sometimes they'll even mistake something you said to be something else because of this.
2.) When asked "what are you/were you doing" he will answer "nothing". When this happens, you know that he is doing or has done something he knows he shouldn't have.
1.) There will never come a time when a man will not do something to tick off a woman in his entire lifetime. There is either something in the water, something wrong with them genetically, or maybe women are just too uptight... or maybe women just have more common sense. :p
Women(A guide for men)
10.) Don't mention the diet, or else she'll bite your head off or stop dieting. Its an arguement that you'll never win.
9.) If the dress looks horrible, don't tell her. Or she'll go into a temper tantrum about how big her thighs are.
8.) They will find a way to blame you for everything.
7.) If you're planning on having children with her, also plan on having good medical insurance for yourself. She'll break both your hands when blaming you.
6.) When asked "whats wrong" and she answers "nothing", then you've done something to p*ss her off.
5.) When she claims to have a headache, that means that she doesn't want anything to do with you. Go sleep on the couch.
4.) It is common knowledge that her father has a shotgun.... all I have to say is run.
3.) Women are the cruelest creatures alive. Why you continue to adore them is beyond me because I know well enough that she'd kick you where the sun don't shine with stilletto heels just to hear you scream.
2.) Most are never happy with the present you bought them. They'll take it back to the store if it isn't a diamond ring and get the money back from it. When you ask where it went they'll claim that they lost it or it was stolen.
1.) You will never truly understand them. Why? It's called PMS, they change on a monthly basis.
Men(A guide for women)
10.) Walking around the house in their underwear is the norm, even in the blistering cold of winter.
9.) They think they can fix everything. Hide the tools unless you know for sure he knows what he's doing.
8.) If they feel like you know more about something than them, they'll stare blankly for several minutes before changing the subject to cars or sports.
7.) If they're trying to get a date with you, they will lie about everything because they aren't thinking. Later, when they realize how stupid that was, they try their hardest to be what they said they were.
6.) It isn't dirty if it doesn't look it. If it does, then flip it over and he's all set to go. They will also keep the same ratted up shirt or pair of pants for years until you get so sick or it that you run it through the trash compacter, burn it, or throw it out. Even poor people wouldn't wear that old thing.
5.) They panic if they see the words "we need to talk". The first things that come into their heads are: "She's breaking up with me" or "shes pregnant" or "oh my God, she wants to talk about getting married" or even "what did I do now".
4.) It's in their nature to turn their heads at every pretty face they see. They can't control that primal rage within long enough to save themselves the aggrivation of your glare.
3.) They think about sex every five seconds. Sometimes they'll even mistake something you said to be something else because of this.
2.) When asked "what are you/were you doing" he will answer "nothing". When this happens, you know that he is doing or has done something he knows he shouldn't have.
1.) There will never come a time when a man will not do something to tick off a woman in his entire lifetime. There is either something in the water, something wrong with them genetically, or maybe women are just too uptight... or maybe women just have more common sense. :p