Quizas.......(Dasquian Belargic)

[Xazor Elessar]

Maybe


Hello old fellow how are you?
The years have passed and we haven’t talked
And I don’t want you to think
That I have forgotten you
On my part I can not stay quiet
Working like always
But I confess that in my life
There is much loneliness
In the end you and I are alike
And I go crazy just thinking

Course:
Maybe life separates us even more
Maybe life moves away the reality
Maybe you look for a dessert and I look for an ocean
Maybe thanks to life I love you more

Hello old fellow how are you?
There is so much I want to explain
Because one night who knows
If morning will be here
At times we walk behind
And you always wanted to take the credit
But I’m tired
I don’t want to argue
In the end you and I are alike
And I go crazy just thinking

Course:
Maybe life separates us even more
Maybe life moves away the reality
Maybe you look for a dessert and I look for an ocean
Maybe thanks to life I love you more
Maybe life will separate us more
Maybe life moves away the reality
Maybe you look for a dessert and I look for an ocean
Maybe thanks to life I love you more

Hello old fellow how are you?
The years pass and we haven’t spoken again
And I don’t want you to think
That I have forgotten you



______________


A lone figure clad in white robes slowly paced down the halls of the Jedi Living Quarters. Her mind was still a jumble after her run in with Alana Stormcloud. The deep gash on her forehead was quite visible to all who looked upon her fair face. As she walked, her eyes occasionally looked down to a picture she held in her hands...a picture of a man she had loved once, the Father of her child. She knew not who he was though...just as she had forgotten many people since her head trauma.

"Where shall I find you, mysterious man of the picture?"

She wondered aloud and came to stop at a door just down the hall from her own. Her eyes looked upon the number and for some reason, she remembered it. Why is it so familiar? Maybe I know who resides within... her mind questioned as she approached the door and gently rapped upon it a few times.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Her soft voice called out before stepping back and looking at the picture once again. The door unknowingly belonged to Dasquian, but she knew that not. Sighing without satisfaction, the Knight turned on her heal and began walking away from the door, wondering who it was she was looking for...or was she really even looking for him? Xazor knew not and neither did her heart. She was quite confused, but something within her told her to wait, so she stopped and breathed silently...listening with her ultra-sensitive ears for any sign of movement from the room down the hall.

[Dasquian Belargic]

The Jedi Knight’s heart skipped a beat.

He sat up from his bed, placed his book down, and looked to his door. In the past few weeks he had been away from the Order a good deal of time, and only know had he sensed her since his return. Eager, Dasquian sprung to his feet and jogged to greet his guest. As the door slid aside, he frowned, seeing no visitor. It was only when he looked down the hallway that he saw the frozen figure of the one he loved.

“Xazor!”

Had he not concentrated, his voice would have failed.

“Cormamin lindua ele lle!”

[Xazor Elessar]

“Cormamin lindua ele lle!”

The words rang in the Knight's mind as she stood and looked at the wall down the hallway. Her heart nearly stopped as she turned around and saw the smiling face of the man from her picture. Puzzled, she cautiously moved forward a few paces and stopped to look down at the picture in her hands before slowly tracing his body with her eyes.

"Ya naa lle?"

She questioned with a bit of surprise at his proclamation. My heart sings to see thee spun in her mind over and over as she wondered of this man. Knowing very well that she had been hurt and had lost part of her memory helped, for she knew that she probably knew this man in the past....but alas, she had no memory of him now save for fragments of things surrouding him such as the language they now spoke.

"I'm Xazor....Jedi Knight of this Order."

A few more paces forward she took and introduced herself, though she recalled that he shouted her name down the hall. Lofting a brow at the short term rememberance, she shook her head.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Xazor’s uncertainty was barely noticed, as Dasquian made his way to her quickly, embracing her. As he pulled away he took up her hand in his and a stream of syllables all mingling together eased off of his lips.

“Lle tyava quel? Sut naa lle umien? … Nae saian luume’.”

He fumbled at his last words, and then laughed softly, drawing in a light-headed breath.

“I’ve missed you dearly.”

[Xazor Elessar]

"Mani?"

She questioned, pulling herself from Dasquian and taking a step back before eyeing him curiously.

"Mankoi lle uma tanya?"

Her voice was a bit shaky as she set her gaze upon the man. Shaking her head, she stepped back again and looked down at the picture in her hands. I must have loved him.....why can't I remember? she thought quietly in her mind. With saddened eyes, she looked up to him and sighed.

"I.....I don't even know your name.....how could you miss me so?"

She wore an expression of seriousness beyond words.....something he knew from past not to take lightly. Truthfully, she had no rememberance of this man....but deep within her heart, she longed to.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Mani?”

Dasquian’s face seemed to contort on every plain into a frown.

“You do not know my name? What … Surely I have no offended so to warrant denial from you that I even exist?”

The Jedi Knight expanded his mind instantly towards Xazors, hoping to mesh with the bond they had once shared. It was at this moment that he felt something unusual; repelled. From what he was feeling, there had never been such a bond, nor had Xazor ever shared a single moment’s time with Dasquian.

He took in a heavy breath and shook his head. How could she speak his tongue if she did not remember him?

“…Amin n'rangwa.”

[Xazor Elessar]

"Amin hiraetha, heru en amin."

She lowered her eyes sadly and set her gaze upon the picture. She knew that he had been a part of her past, but she knew not how. Xazor needed answers and so she looked up and advanced a step forward.

".....Amin mela lle?"

Her words were a bit shaky, but she thought perhaps Terran had deceived her somehow and had tricked her into loving him. Perhaps everything that she remembered about him was fake and this man in the picture was the one he loved. Obviously he loved her and cared for her, but because of her head injury, she remembered him not.

"Amin mela lle?"

She questioned again, taking his hand in hers and looking down at it. Her eyes shifted to the ring upon her finger....her engagement ring. Was this another trick of Terran? Marcus had never mentioned him and now she was so utterly confused.

"Tell me.....please."

[Dasquian Belargic]

The question Xazor asked was said in such a way that it drained those three words of all sense of meaning. As his hand was taken, he looked down to it and saw the engagement ring Xazor bore, and felt her mind buzz with thoughts of Terran. He had proposed to her? … Perhaps this was why she was shunning him. Again, he sighed.

“You once loved me; though those feelings died the day I sacrificed my fidelity in exchange for my life.”

The Jedi took his hand up away from Xazor’s. He would always love Xazor even if she did not return the feelings, though at this moment in time he felt such a dagger in his heart that if twisted might unearth bitterness towards her.

“… Why is it that you pretend not to know me? Is this some manner of game to you?” his voice was damp, though his eyes remained dry and serious with concern.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor looked deeply into his eyes and saw that he was serious. Her heart broke in two as she still could not pull any memory from her mind of him. Though, his news made her feel that perhaps in her past she had made a mistake. Her hand fell to the buldge in her stomach and she thought for a moment. If this is Terran's child, then why would Dasquian feel so strongly toward me? I left him, right? she shook her head and dropped her arms to her side, allowing her eyes to wander up Dasquian's figure and meet his.

"....A game? You think I am lying? I know you not, why cannot you accept that? I know that I must have known you but....but...."

Then it hit her, she had not told him of what had happened with Alana....but of course, she did not remember most of that herself, just the fact that she was thrown into a wall and had a massive head injury, rendering her memory a jumble and her powers of telekenisis useless.

"I was hurt very badly about two weeks ago. See this scar?"

She pushed back the hair atop her head so that he could see a deep gash healing nicely at her hairline. Not only deep but long it was. Sighing, her arms fell once again.

"I lost my memory, a good deal of it save for certain faces and other things. I cannot remember my Padawans and for a few days I did not even realize that I was a Jedi. Terran found me and I remember him well but I cannot remember you to save my soul. I know that I knew you...I have this picture....I would not have kept it if you didn't mean something to me. If you say I loved you and left you, then I shall take your word for it. But, I don't understand why I would do such a thing."

Her eyes fell once again and she turned away from him to hide the tears that were stinging at her eyelids preparing to fall.

"Amin hiraetha....I shall leave you. I just wish....I wish you believed me."

With that the Knight took a few paces foward, slowly to see if perhaps he would come after her. It was a test of sorts, but if he refused to believe her...she would go. All she spoke was the truth and it pained her deeply to be missing parts of it.

[Dasquian Belargic]

This was the reason that she could not place him? Dasquian would have breathed a sigh of relief had he not feared for her returning memory. As she began to walk away, he followed with two quick steps.

“No… wait.”

He stopped in his tracks, and took in a breath.

“You keep that picture as it is my child you carry… we are good friends, and have been since I joined the Order. You fell in love with me, and left your husband to be with me. I too was and am fallen for you, however your old love’s strength was far too great and overrode my presence in your heart…”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor lowered her eyes at Dasquian's words as she felt tears sting at their lids. Her heart nearly stopped when he said that she had once loved him but it was removed from her heart by another. It crossed her mind that perhaps Terran was not lying, she had indeed forgotten everything about this man standing behind her. Turning slowly, the Knight's eyes came to rest upon Dasquian and she took a few steps forward to stand but two feet away from him. Her hand gently reached out and caressed his face.

"I left one for you.....yes, I think I remember him....."

Her eyes closed for a moment as her mind desperatly searched for a name to place upon the face she could clearly see. Magus..., she thought to herself.

"Shade Magus....I had loved him. We married but....what happened?"

It was a question to herself as she again searched to remember. Suddenly it hit her and she nodded with a sad understanding in her eyes.

"He went off on a mission and....I was unfaithful. So I left him for...you. Now I am to have your child?"

This was too much for her to accept. Her hands went to the buldge in her stomach and she tried to remember Dasquian more, but could not. It was like a computer having a corrupted file.....Dasquian was the corrupted file in her mind's computer. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts completely, she searched through the Force.

"Please....if you show me with you in a memory you hold, I may remember."

The Knight was hoping that Dasquian would transfer a memory to her via the Force. This was an ability she possessed, and hoped that he too did as well.

[Dasquian Belargic]

The Force began to flow through Dasquian’s fingertips before his hands had even moved upwards. With a solemn nod, he brought his palms to cup Xazor’s cheeks and in an instant memory flooded into her mind. Each came as a momentary somewhat hazy scene, often richer in one specific colour than any other. In the pictures everyone seemed to be slowed down, though when the memories shifted they became incredibly fast and rushed in front of the Jedi Knight’s eyes at a painful speed.

A starlit evening at a party with the rest of the Jedi, sharing their feelings for the first time. A sense of anxiety and yet at the same time relief.

A white steed beneath her and a dying sun up ahead, with the stars just beginning to show themselves, tiny pearls in the sky.

A waterfall in front of her, Dasquian at her side as they ate dainty food from a wicker basket. A few of the tastes of the home cooked picnic touched her pallet for a split second, mingling with the scents of the forest.

The day she told him of their baby.

The Council’s troubled expressions at the confession of their transgressions. The judgement they had endured as a result of their secret.

One hundred ‘I love you’s, a constant wish to impress with sweet deeds and an endless compassion that to this day lived on.

Completion.

Tears.

No, now this wasn’t a memory, was it? Reality rushed back, with traces of Dasquian’s current emotion flooding into the open gate of her mind. The Jedi lowered his hands. He frowned, and felt his own past rearing its head in his mind as the side-effects of the transfer flickered dully before his eyes. A blink, a shake of his head, and he righted himself.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor could not believe everything that she saw in her mind. Shaking her head, she opened her eyes and allowed her vision to correct itself as she set her sights upon Dasquian. Tears slowly fell from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. In turn...this reaction came from her as well. She reached over and wiped the moisture from his face before lowering her eyes to the floor. This all happened....why can't I remember? I must trust him....it's the truth, she thought silently to herself before moving forward and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"We really did love eachother...why...why would I leave you? What happened to us?"

Suddenly a sharp, painful stab came at her mind and everything seemed to go black around her. There she stood, speaking to someone who she could not recognize at that moment. He held her hand and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Xazor...it's true...."

She looked at him and tears welled up in her eyes, then fell. The man opposite her took his hand and caressed her face, gently wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"Please don't cry...there is nothing we can do now. He obviously didn't love you enough to take the chance and sacrifice his life. He's a Jedi Knight for God's sake! He could have lived...but he chose the easy way out....and he hurt both of you."

Xazor wept now and shook her head, unable to believe what he was saying. She turned away from the man and put her head in her hands.

"Why? This can't be happening to me!"

Suddenly the Garou's eyes opened and she pulled away from Dasquian, letting her eyes melt into his. It was a flashback...a painful memory. Was it true, though? Stepping back once more, she shook her head. No...it was a lie, wasn't it? Someone was playing with her mind, they had to be. She turned her back and refused her eyes to look upon his face again.

"....Did......did you cheat on...me?"

[Dasquian Belargic]

He didn’t know what had prompted the sudden response, but it instantly caused a stab at his chest. It had taken him so long to get over the fact that he had betrayed Xazor, somehow… so long to push it out of his mind and think of Xazor as a friend… and now she wanted to bring it to the surface all over again. It was to be expected, of course. She had to remember eventually.

“I…”

How was he going to explain this? No matter how he told her, she had always thought he had done a wrong.

“I was put in a situation which would either forfeit my life or my fidelity to you.”

That alone sounded bad, and so he continued.

“Three Sith Masters were to fight with me to the death if I did not spend… a single night with one.”

Dasquian slowly turned away.

“I thought it would be better to save my life, at the small cost… I thought you would understand that I would have died if I had not done what I did… I could have never have hoped to escape, let alone fight them…”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor turned and kept her back to Dasquian as he explained what had happened. Something in her heart told her that he was speaking the truth, and perhaps -- perhaps the man in her vision had lied to her. Maybe Dasquian had not hurt her intentionally. This was a bit too much to handle and it brought tears to the Knight's eyes as she realized her mistake in things.

"I -- I was wrong then, Dasquian. Why didn't -- why didn't I listen to you? Did you even explain anything to me?"

This she could not remember either. Nothing of this situation, save for the memory that had jolted her mind moments beforehand. Sighing and lowering her head, the Knight pondered over the "what could have beens" and the "what might be's" at that moment. This brought great sorrow to her heart as she attempted to understand everything surrounding their fall out.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“I tried to, but you had already made your decision as to what had happened.”

The Jedi turned back to face Xazor, “I don’t condemn you. It looked bad- it was bad… and after all, you were much closer to Terran than to me. It’s… what you wanted.”

How often he had tried to convince himself that if Xazor was he, then so was he, but he couldn’t help but feel downhearted. His child would come into a family where his father figure would not be Dasquian, but Terran instead. He had no doubts in his mind that he would make a good father for Xazor’s daughter, but he would find it difficult to not feel as though he was intruding on something.