Sage Hazzard
Dec 12th, 2002, 01:01:18 AM
For those that don't remember me (or chose not to), or for those who never got a chance to know me, howdy. I'm Sage Hazzard Jedi Master, AKA too many names to mention.
I'd like to start off this return announcement with an apology, as the title hints. While on the subject of my title let me say this, it's fitting. I've spent about two sleepless nights now trying to decide how I should announce my return. This is the best title I came up with. Because really, apologising is all I should be doing. Heck, maybe a little explaining too.
<hr>
<u>Apology</u>
I bet I know what the first person who responds to this will say. Something akin to "Hey, it's just a game. Real life comes first." True, true. When Lucas came up with Star Wars I'm sure he didn't intend on people sacrificing their lives to pretend to be characters in it. However, whoever says those reassuring words will be one of the many hardworking, considerate people on this board. People who have a right to take a break from this. I on the otherhand have no real commitments to real life things. NO, I'm not saying this is my life, or that my life is less important than Sage's. I'm saying, I have no job, no real school work to speak of, no chores, no girlfriend(this one hurts the most :) ), and so on. Things that the person reassuring me will more than likely have (or boyfriend, whatever). Meaning, when I take a break from RPing, I sit on the couch, eat, and watch TV. Not really a real life that I'm needing to fix or monitor, huh? Actually most of the times I take one of these long breaks is in pursuit of a life. Thinking that this board is taking up the time I could be using to conquer the world. Even though 10:00 to 2:00 at night is not the place for a mid-teenage to conquer.
I'd like to apologise to the people that were starting to like me. Honestly, during the last stint here I felt like I started making real friends. Not saying everyone here isn't one. Just I started talking OOC to people more. Creating bonds about more than Star Wars.
I apologise to anybody I had a RP with, anybody that depended on me, anybody I let down. Really, everytime I come here I feel like I'm letting someone down. I don't take on Padawans, I don't help people with signatures, I don't coordinate RPs, I don't contribute. What do I do? I write some stupid stories than moan and complain in RL because no one is reading them. Really, I'm one of those people with so low of esteem that when twenty people tell me I'm good at writing, I think they're all conspiring to make me feel better. Like I have no talent. Something really bad when your goal in life is to be a screen writer. Of course this is no one's fault but my own. Lots of people tell me I'm good. Heck I got promoted to Master, the highest rank for a Jedi, I've been on the council, yet I always think people are just being nice to me.
<hr>
<u>Explaination</u>
The first month or so I was not here, I didn't have a choice. A lightning storm wreaked my modem when I was sleeping. So after a month of banging it and the like, it started working again. I don't know why. It makes no sense with the laws of reality. BANG BANG and it worked again. Although sparingly. It seems over time it warmed up or something. Now you guys and gals out there that know about the inner workings of the computer are pulling your hair out over my lunicy. There must be a logical explaination, right? Things don't fix themselves, right? Sorry, you're asking the wrong guy.
After that, I was actually not interested in the internet. I had started reading books again and other things. I started and still am drawing again. I once wanted to be a Comic Book artist, now I've picked it up again.
When I finally did get back on the internet, about a month ago, it was to find out about comic book coloring, I want to, after I get a scanner, draw, write, and color my own online comic. Heck, sounds fun right?
Also, I'm going into the field of web programmer. These guys get over $100 dollars an hour to design web sites for people. I figure I can get some local businesses and make some quick cash. Enough to buy a scanner and eventually a new computer, this one is begging to be let out to pasture. Plus a nice revenue source to dip into anything my heart desires. It isn't that hard, ya know. I'm pretty nifty at it now.
Anyway, in the last month or so I've wanted to come back. But I've felt sick everytime I thought about it. I didn't know how I'd be accepted. Since this is about the fourth time I've left without a single notice. Not a good trait for a Jedi Master. Leaving my buddies out in the cold. Plus, like I said before, I have self-esteem issues. Since this is a hobby where you really don't know how well you're doing, other than rank, it's kind of cruel to your ego. Since I'm a Master, I really have nothing to gauge my success by. Is this RP good? Is this post good? Am I good enough to be a screen writer? After reviewing my own stuff, I give myself a, "probably not chum. better luck next life".
But I've decided to go ahead and come back. Actually, I'm probably not going to be posting much in character until I get some confidence back. It's something I have to work at alone. No one can really help me just by saying "you're good ya dope." Once I get a scanner I'll probably be drawing all my characters. Which will add incentive to post. Think about it, I could post samples of my characters with every facial expression and post them for emphasis in stories.
Anyway, it's good to be back, and I'm really grateful to anything someone says to me. I hope you'll accept me back. If not, that's okay. Once the dog bites you twice, you should put him to sleep.
Also, if I am forgiven, can anyone fill me in on the happenings around here? I don't see Xazor anywhere. That girl reminds me so much of me, except she has confidence.
I'd like to start off this return announcement with an apology, as the title hints. While on the subject of my title let me say this, it's fitting. I've spent about two sleepless nights now trying to decide how I should announce my return. This is the best title I came up with. Because really, apologising is all I should be doing. Heck, maybe a little explaining too.
<hr>
<u>Apology</u>
I bet I know what the first person who responds to this will say. Something akin to "Hey, it's just a game. Real life comes first." True, true. When Lucas came up with Star Wars I'm sure he didn't intend on people sacrificing their lives to pretend to be characters in it. However, whoever says those reassuring words will be one of the many hardworking, considerate people on this board. People who have a right to take a break from this. I on the otherhand have no real commitments to real life things. NO, I'm not saying this is my life, or that my life is less important than Sage's. I'm saying, I have no job, no real school work to speak of, no chores, no girlfriend(this one hurts the most :) ), and so on. Things that the person reassuring me will more than likely have (or boyfriend, whatever). Meaning, when I take a break from RPing, I sit on the couch, eat, and watch TV. Not really a real life that I'm needing to fix or monitor, huh? Actually most of the times I take one of these long breaks is in pursuit of a life. Thinking that this board is taking up the time I could be using to conquer the world. Even though 10:00 to 2:00 at night is not the place for a mid-teenage to conquer.
I'd like to apologise to the people that were starting to like me. Honestly, during the last stint here I felt like I started making real friends. Not saying everyone here isn't one. Just I started talking OOC to people more. Creating bonds about more than Star Wars.
I apologise to anybody I had a RP with, anybody that depended on me, anybody I let down. Really, everytime I come here I feel like I'm letting someone down. I don't take on Padawans, I don't help people with signatures, I don't coordinate RPs, I don't contribute. What do I do? I write some stupid stories than moan and complain in RL because no one is reading them. Really, I'm one of those people with so low of esteem that when twenty people tell me I'm good at writing, I think they're all conspiring to make me feel better. Like I have no talent. Something really bad when your goal in life is to be a screen writer. Of course this is no one's fault but my own. Lots of people tell me I'm good. Heck I got promoted to Master, the highest rank for a Jedi, I've been on the council, yet I always think people are just being nice to me.
<hr>
<u>Explaination</u>
The first month or so I was not here, I didn't have a choice. A lightning storm wreaked my modem when I was sleeping. So after a month of banging it and the like, it started working again. I don't know why. It makes no sense with the laws of reality. BANG BANG and it worked again. Although sparingly. It seems over time it warmed up or something. Now you guys and gals out there that know about the inner workings of the computer are pulling your hair out over my lunicy. There must be a logical explaination, right? Things don't fix themselves, right? Sorry, you're asking the wrong guy.
After that, I was actually not interested in the internet. I had started reading books again and other things. I started and still am drawing again. I once wanted to be a Comic Book artist, now I've picked it up again.
When I finally did get back on the internet, about a month ago, it was to find out about comic book coloring, I want to, after I get a scanner, draw, write, and color my own online comic. Heck, sounds fun right?
Also, I'm going into the field of web programmer. These guys get over $100 dollars an hour to design web sites for people. I figure I can get some local businesses and make some quick cash. Enough to buy a scanner and eventually a new computer, this one is begging to be let out to pasture. Plus a nice revenue source to dip into anything my heart desires. It isn't that hard, ya know. I'm pretty nifty at it now.
Anyway, in the last month or so I've wanted to come back. But I've felt sick everytime I thought about it. I didn't know how I'd be accepted. Since this is about the fourth time I've left without a single notice. Not a good trait for a Jedi Master. Leaving my buddies out in the cold. Plus, like I said before, I have self-esteem issues. Since this is a hobby where you really don't know how well you're doing, other than rank, it's kind of cruel to your ego. Since I'm a Master, I really have nothing to gauge my success by. Is this RP good? Is this post good? Am I good enough to be a screen writer? After reviewing my own stuff, I give myself a, "probably not chum. better luck next life".
But I've decided to go ahead and come back. Actually, I'm probably not going to be posting much in character until I get some confidence back. It's something I have to work at alone. No one can really help me just by saying "you're good ya dope." Once I get a scanner I'll probably be drawing all my characters. Which will add incentive to post. Think about it, I could post samples of my characters with every facial expression and post them for emphasis in stories.
Anyway, it's good to be back, and I'm really grateful to anything someone says to me. I hope you'll accept me back. If not, that's okay. Once the dog bites you twice, you should put him to sleep.
Also, if I am forgiven, can anyone fill me in on the happenings around here? I don't see Xazor anywhere. That girl reminds me so much of me, except she has confidence.