The test of space and time (Fel)

[SashaKovalev]

After the fight with Feliciana, he had stood staring for a long time at the shards of the mirror on his floor. And then he had grabbed his jacket and left the caslte. Left Corellia, even, to go to visit his uncle on Balmorra.

He’d thought some time away would be good for him. And, certainly, it had.

Just speaking with his uncle, having someone there to be a father figure to point out when he was being stupid was helpful.

And so now, he returned to the castle, clear in his mind what it was he needed to do.

He had not slept well, the entire situation with Fel weighing heavily on his mind. But he did not go to his room. Instead he stopped before Fel’s door.

Normally, he would have knocked lightly and then walked in. They were familiar enough that this was what they did

But they had left each other on rather bad terms the last time they had spoken, and so instead he only leaned against the doorway as he had so long ago when she’d first arrived in the order, and knocked, waiting for her answer.

He knew she could feel his presence, and he made no effort to conceal it. Either she wanted to talk to him, or…she didn’t.

[Feliciana Devano]

It had been several days since the argument that Feliciana and Sasha had, yet the wounds she had inflicted upon her wrists were still healing. They were deep and had scabbed over....though even with a bit of Force enhanced healing, they remained and would scar terribly if she let them stay this way. Sighing, she pushed back her black hair and looked into the mirror. Her face was a bit pale and her cyan eyes were a striking contrast to her black hair. Putting on a bit of red lipstick mixed with a bit of black, she decided that she was presentable for the day. Rising from her vanity seat, the young Apprentice walked across the room to sit at her study desk when she heard a knock upon her door. Closing her eyes before she moved, she felt for the presence outside and realized who it was. Her heart sank as thoughts entered her mind. He's probably here to return something I left in his room..... she thought to herself with a heavy sigh. Shaking it off, she knew that she had to speak with him again.....her heart longed for it though it was broken so. She moved silently to the door and gently she placed her hand upon the knob, and opened it to look out into the face of the one she inevitably loved. Her eyes sank into his violet ones and then she looked to the floor in shame as the hurtfull words of both of them came flooding back into her thoughts. Without saying anything, she moved aside and pushed the door open further, offering him to come inside if he so chose.....

[SashaKovalev]

As the opened the door, his violet eyes stared into hers. And when she looked away, he did, as well, ashamed at the way he had acted toward her only a few days ago.

She was as beautiful as always, though he knew he face well enough by now to notice that she, too, had not been doing very well.

Neither spoke as they stared upon the one that they loved.

And then she moved aside, and he stepped into her room – a room he knew as well as his own across the hall. He’d spent hours and hours here with her, and instantly, memories flooded back. It was painful considering the state of their relationship at the moment, and he had to swallow back the lump that rose in the back of his throat.

When she had shut the door behind her and followed him in, they stood for a moment, staring silently at one another. Neither, it seemed, knew exactly what to say or do.

He noticed her wrists instantly. She had raised a hand to brush a stray hair from her face and he had seen the scabs.

His jaw set, both anger with himself for how he had treated her, and with her for having done such a thing.

He inhaled deeply, and then finally, he reached out to her. Without a word, his hand and his eyes beckoned her to come into his arms.

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana felt Sasha's eyes upon her wrists as she brushed back a stray piece of black hair from her face. Her cheeks flushed with shame for having done such a thing.....and she looked away with a bit of anger in her eyes for how he had treated her. Then for some reason, she looked back to him and a tenderness was upon his face.....something she had missed. His eyes called her to him and instantly she fell into his arms, wrapping her own tightly around his neck as if to speak so many words without saying anything at all.

"I'm so sorry for everything.......I'm sorry......."

She had attempted not to cry, by the metallic tears in her eyes finally moved and fell down her cheeks. Her heart beat wildly as adrenaline pumped through her veins. Nerves tensed and she could only think that he was here to end it all. So for the moment she was sure that they had together, she held onto him tightly and cried into his shoulder....pouring out her heart without speaking at all.....

[SashaKovalev]

Without a word, she fell into his arms. Her arms wrapped as tightly around his neck as his arms were around her.

I'm so sorry for everything.......I'm sorry.......

“Shhhh…..” He replied, hushing her gently.

He could feel the heat of her tears as she clung to him, her face buried against him.

A hand came up to hold her head close to him, his fingers tangled in her hair, and rubbing gently against the back of her neck.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He whispered to her. They stood this way for some time, just holding each other, and then finally, he pulled away only enough to look at her. His hands reached for hers, disentangling her arms from his neck to bring her wounded wrists in between them.

Gently, he kissed each one.

“I have everything to apologize for. And I will, but promise me first that you will never, ever do this to yourself again.” His violet eyes stared into her entrancing cyan orbs, the expression in his conveying to her what could not have been between them had the cuts been deeper.

[Feliciana Devano]

Tears fell from Feliciana's eyes as Sasha spoke...and then kissed her wounds. She nodded slowly when he told her to promise not to do this to herself again. It had been a terrible thing indeed....and she knew she wouldn't, for him.

"I won't.....ever again.....I promise you."

She leaned in and kissed him gently, like they had done so many times before that fateful day when they fought terribly. Her eyes fell to her wrists as he held them between their bodies. It was something to note that she had done this because of him.....he had some sort of control over her. The young Apprentice smiled to herself for the first time in several days as she looked up into his violet eyes.

"I have missed you.....I have cried myself to sleep every night Sasha. My heart is in pieces upon the floor....and I can only imagine it to be the same way for you....."

[SashaKovalev]

I won't.....ever again.....I promise you.

He nodded slowly at this, accepting her words. And when she leaned in to kiss him, he returned it without a second thought. With all the emotion that had been, for days, locked within him.

When they pulled apart, he noticed a smile upon her face. He couldnt help but smile in return, knowing that this was exactly where he was supposed to be at this moment in time. This moment was meant to be, as were the others that would follow over the years.

I have missed you.....I have cried myself to sleep every night Sasha. My heart is in pieces upon the floor....and I can only imagine it to be the same way for you.....

He leaned to kiss her forehead, and he raised a hand to caress her cheek. His hand was still cut from the mirror he had so foolishly punched in his anger that evening, but it mattered little. It mattered not at all. He would have taken a punishment a thousand times worse if it had meant he would have this moment with her.

“You couldn’t imagine what I’ve been through.” He replied quietly, his gaze casting to the floor for a moment before he looked back to her.

“Fel, I was wrong to react the way I did.” As she tried to speak, he raised a finger to her lips, his eyes begging her to let him say the things he had to say.

“I love you. I have always loved you. And it was out of pain that I acted as I did. I should have acted out of love and supported you.” His fingers caressed her cheeks softly.

“If this is what you need to do, if this is what you feel is best for you, then you must do it.” He stated, though as he spoke, he could feel his heart constricting in his chest at the possibility of losing her. She would be…anywhere in the galaxy. Under a master that he did not know at all. He only hoped that master would give her the freedom to live her life as she had always wanted to live it.

He bit his lip in an effort to keep it from trembling ever so slightly. And then he exhaled a ragged breath.

“What will your life be like, do you know?” He asked. What he wanted to ask, really, was what she had in mind for them, but this he could not bring himself to do just yet. Composure was difficult enough without bringing that into the mix.

[Feliciana Devano]

“I love you. I have always loved you. And it was out of pain that I acted as I did. I should have acted out of love and supported you.”

Her heart skipped a beat as he touched her lips with his finger to hush the words she wished to speak....but she forgot them all when he said this. Feliciana's eyes softened even more so and a single tear ran down her cheek for they were the most touching words anyone had ever spoken to her in her life. Still, she could say nothing in return for he continued one...though she knew he knew of her love for him......she had even said so long ago, how deep her feelings were for him.

"What will your life be like, do you know?"

She thought this question over and shook her head ever so slightly. She knew the name of the organization she would be in, but she had taken an oath....swearing never to speak its name to a soul, and by that she would abide to save her own life.

"I will be traveling a lot....but I hear that we'll be stationed on a planet not to far from here. I will be able to come and see you, Master Jeseth has been kind to me. Don't worry Sasha.....we'll make things work. I need you.....I need to be with you forever."

She said softly, exhaling some built up air in her lungs. It was more of a sigh than anything and she continued on.

"Our twin holo-pads will allow us to see one another when we cannot be together in person. Remember, I can cast a full body image onto one of those things...."

It was supposed to lighten up the mood and she felt as though it did a bit.....not terribly much, but it did. She smiled to herself and touched his face with her hand....running her smooth skin over his cheek.

"I......I want us to be....more than what we are.........though we have not been together for an extremely long time, I know you. We've been through a lot together and.....I do mean it when I say that I want to be with you forever.....they're not just words.....they're......they're a promise, Sasha....."

This was hard for her to state. Would they marry? She sure hoped so someday....and perhaps she was hinting at that, hoping he would catch the meaning in her words. For now though, they loved each other and one might just call them 'boyfriend and girlfriend' or whatever the terms were at the moment. She sighed, wishing somehow that they could be more right then and there......but times were getting hard......and soon she would be out of touch with him for days at a time. She wished not to hurt him.....but she knew this was for real....and she needed it.

[SashaKovalev]

I will be traveling a lot....but I hear that we'll be stationed on a planet not to far from here. I will be able to come and see you, Master Jeseth has been kind to me. Don't worry Sasha.....we'll make things work. I need you.....I need to be with you forever.

At this he relaxed slightly. He did not know Jeseth well, but both Millard and Fel had spoken highly of him. He supposed that if two of the people he admired and cared for believed this to be true, it was time he took a page out of their book and believed the same.

Our twin holo-pads will allow us to see one another when we cannot be together in person. Remember, I can cast a full body image onto one of those things....

At this he did actually smile. He remembered the last time she had done that. He was glad he had grabbed the right holopad before his meeting…..

I......I want us to be....more than what we are.........though we have not been together for an extremely long time, I know you. We've been through a lot together and.....I do mean it when I say that I want to be with you forever.....they're not just words.....they're......they're a promise, Sasha.....

He understood the meaning behind her words. It was more than clear to him. But he would ask her when the time was right. To ask her now – out of fear and desperation – no. They were stronger than that. And they would prove this to themselves before he would ask her.

There was no question in his mind that he wanted to. It was difficult to resist. But something told him it would be ruined. The moment that was supposed to be so special would not carry the sentiment he wanted it to carry.

They’re being apart for days at a time was nothing new. But what was new was that she would not be welcome in the palace, and he would not be welcome wherever she was to live.

They would be living out of hotels whenever they had the chance to be together, and though this was not how he wanted to live his life, it was something he was willing to do, for now, for her.

“We will be more than we are.” He replied, in promise to her.

“When the time is right, I promise you that we will be.”

There was only one material possession, besides his blasters and his lightsaber that he held dear to him. And this was the ring his mother had always worn. It was a simple band of platinum, and it barely fit upon his pinkie. But as this moment, he slid it off.

“Until that day, until I can ask you without the fear we have now looming over us, keep this with you.” He suggested as he held it out to her.

“It belonged to my mother.” He added in an effort to explain exactly how much this ring meant to him, and what giving it to her meant in the bigger picture.

“And there is no one I would rather see wear it than you.”

[Feliciana Devano]

As he removed the ring from his finger and spoke, it was as if she was in a daydream. He knew what she had meant and echoed her thoughts too. Her heart lept in her chest as he handed her the ring, and she took the platinum band, eyeing it as if it was the most precious thing in the Universe. To her....at this moment....it was. She smiled gently and slipped it upon her ring finger....a perfect fit.

"You are my everything Sasha.....and I accept this with all the love my heart can give....."

She said softly, moving in to kiss him gently upon the lips before she wrapped her arms around him once again. They would be together forever.....she knew this. It was such a beautiful moment and as they embraced, their souls touched briefly to let each of them know that all would be well and that their future was in good hands.

She knew that she would not be welcome in the Palace when she left....and she knew that he would not be welcome where she was either, but as long as they were away from those places, they would be welcome together. This made her smile even more, but she wished it didn't have to be so.....restricted. It would not be the same now when she awoke each day. She would not walk out of her room to see his across the hall. She would not walk in and greet him with a kiss. No, now things got even more difficult for them.....and it would truly test their bond.

[SashaKovalev]

He watched as she took the ring and slipped it upon her ring finger. It fit perfectly.

He stared at it for a moment, understanding fully the gravity of the promise he had made to her.

You are my everything Sasha.....and I accept this with all the love my heart can give.....

As they kissed, it felt different, for a brief moment. Perhaps their souls touched briefly, or perhaps it was the realization of what they meant to each other.

When they pulled away, Sasha attempted a small smile.

“You promise me you’ll let me know if you’re ever in trouble….” It wasn’t a question really, but more of a…demand perhaps. He had been protective of her from the moment they had met, and it wasn’t anything that was going to change with distance or time apart.

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana nodded slowly with a slight smile upon her face as he basically demanded she tell him if she's in trouble. She would gladly do so, and felt honored to have him play her guardian angel.

"I promise.....I will tell you all that goes on......"

She said softly, falling into his arms once again. It was so good to know where they stood now......so good to know that they would be together forever and she need not worry about it.

"I love you so much.....and though everything else in the Universe may change.....that will never falter."

[SashaKovalev]

I promise.....I will tell you all that goes on...... He held her gaze for a moment longer, as if to be sure she understood he meant exactly what he had said. And when he was content that she did, he pulled her close to him,

I love you so much.....and though everything else in the Universe may change.....that will never falter.

He nodded, breathing in the scent of her, close to him again.

“It’s not going to be easy…” He stated softly.

“But we’ll find a way to make it work.” He added, the tone of his voice assuring and finally, relaxed.

And then he pulled back to look at her.

“Do you know what you put me through?” He asked, raising an eyebrow teasingly. Not that he took it lightly, what they’d both been through, but in the short time they had left together, her in the castle, he was not going to spend worrying or thinking of the difficult times to come.

[Feliciana Devano]

Fel laughed slightly to herself and nodded.

"But do you know what you put me through? Crying does nothing for my eyes you know...."

She winked slightly and sniffled again, making sure that no more tears wished to escape. Things were beginning to look up now....and they had a promise to hold them together. Fel fingered the ring upon her finger and smiled to herself before letting her eyes meet those of Sasha.

"I'm sorry for all that has happened though...and for everything I put you through. It was not intentional.....honestly."

[SashaKovalev]

He watched as she played with the ring upon her finger.

I'm sorry for all that has happened though...and for everything I put you through. It was not intentional.....honestly.

He nodded in understanding, a small smile on his lips.

“I know.” He replied, his words dismissing the need for further apologies.

His hand reached for hers, turning the ring over and over on her finger.

“I cant believe how perfectly it fits…” He commented, surprised, perhaps, at how much he actually liked seeing the ring on her finger.

“No taking it off when you go out to bars…” He teased, making light of the situation only because to be serious about it was difficult for him. He cared for her more than she would ever know, and though he hid it well, inside, he was torn apart by her decision to leave.