Emotional Issues vs. Content Issues

[Taylor Millard]

From what I've noticed from the boards recently, are several threads beginning as threads so people can work issues out....and instead of the problems being worked out, the threads are turned into a "He said. She said. Oh my feelings are hurt, I'm bailing out of the thread." or "Ban me...I don't care! Reduce my post count to zero!" threads.

This isn't right. The threads are created so problems can be solved, to a degree, in a public fashion. Why? Because it is easier to point out multiple problems with various posters than sending an individual PM to everyone. Plus, other concerns can be brought up as well, and people can apologize for not posting.

Now do concerns need to be brought up in every single post? No, people need to pay attention and see the thread and say, "Oh okay...well here's why I posted what I did." and plans can go from there.

A note to all posters: Just because your name might get mentioned first does NOT mean you're being singled out. Sometimes (and I do this a lot), people write the first thing on their minds, then branch out their thoughts. Is it a good habit to have? Don't ask me...it's easier to go into the meat and potatos than a long winded introduction.

Now, what's a content issue? Quite simple...a post saying, "Hey I've got a problem with this post and I need someone to correct it." It's not calling an RPer dumb, it's just saying, "There's a problem that doesn't work and it needs to be solved".

That's a content issue. And those are easy to work through.

Now the hard part...the emotional issue. Emotional issues can be one of the worst things out there. It's people reacting to posts and not responding.

Case in point, there was a thread posted here where it made no sense whatsoever and the response was, "Hey take it to PM, this thread doesn't need to be here." One of the responses gotten was, "Get rid of my post count...I don't care."

That right there is an emotional reaction. It's turning a simply, "This needs to be taken to PM thread" into a "Oh you just hate me 'cause I'm different thread." And that doesn't help solving a problem.

Another example of an emotional issue is if someone were to come up to me and say, "Hey, you did something wrong and I need you to correct it."

If my response is, "Oh you just don't like me 'cause I posted I could beat your character." that doesn't help anything at all. It turns a simple problem into a complex one.

And that only hurts the relationship between RPers.

I admit, even I emotionally react to certain situations. But it's the ability to take a step back...to say, "Okay...I need to respond to this and not have a knee-jerk reaction" is what makes us...mature. I admit...I'm an emotional person. I can take criticism hard, personally, and I react to it. And every time I've reacted to it I've regretted it and have normally had to apologize to more than one person.

Solve the problem is the issue here. And most people are able to solve their problems.

When criticism or a problem is brought up, normally (and this is normally) it's to solve the problem and get it fixed. The ability to respond to the problem and solve it makes things easier.

This goes for real life as well as on the boards. If we respond to the issues as a case of, "Okay this will make me RP better" rather than "Oh this person hates me", then the boards will be better.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

^
ditto, and I apologize for being overly emotional lately.

[Wei Wu Wei]

How true. I have gotten all that out of me. Now then, let's RP, shall we?

[Master Yoghurt]

I would have to 100% agree with Taylor here. Trying to resolve issues rather than complicating them helps alot to keep the forum peace. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

[DarthHERA]

ah, common sense pays us a visit once again :)


way to go Tay.

[Zeke]

Ah...this li'l bit o' wisdom again. Good advice this is.

[Admiral Lebron]

The best tool for not getting emotional over stuff is just not to post back. Its a lot easier online to shut up then in real life. Dont post and let things cool down a bit.

[Hadrian Invicta]

Why do you have to single me out like that Taylor!! lol J/K. But I agree and I've learned something else, often times, simply taking someting to a person via PM or IM often allows feelings not to be hurt and reduces the risk of making a public <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont> of yoruself.

[Sage Hazzard]

Yeah like Lebron said. Just chill out for a little while. If you start to get angry or over emotional, take the day off and come back tomorrow. Then if you'll be clear headed enough to respond intellectually instead of emotionally.

[Pearl Topaz]

:thumbup

I agree with what Tay is saying, getting emotional does nothing except make you get a sick tummy.




What? I get one when I do, so I try not ta.

[Sigil Roland]

I'm sorry, but sometimes getting emotional is a good idea. It allows people to get things off of their chests, and can help spur new ideas on. And besides 98% of those problem we have here are emotional (I've been through many of them) and only 2% deal with content of any kind.

When your in a group setting, ignoring the emotional stuff is lighting a fuse that could set up your destruction. You need to deal with that kind of conflict, if someone is mad at the group or someone else in your group they will stay mad at that person untill it is resolved in some way or fashion.

EDIT:

It's simple, if you have a problem with someone, talk to your group about it, otherwise the problem will fester and become worse.

[Sigil Roland]

I won't I'll just reiterate my main point of "You need to solve emotional problems before they turn into Wild Fires and start burning people."

[Morgan Evanar]

Thanks for contributing, Fett.

I offend people on occasion, but thats usually because they don't like what I have to say. Only a handful of times have I said something I really regretted.

So, there is a balance between reasonable emotion and stupidty/regret. Its kinda tricky.

I agree with Sigil. If somethings wrong, tell the people involved what it is. Ignoring your feelings works out pretty badly in the long run.

[Nathanial K'cansce]

Methinks the "ideal" thing to do is mix a bit of Lebron and Sigil together, stir thuroughly, and pour as needed making sure that it covers the entire cake dish.

Being over emotional is not good, and might cause some bad word usage, but you can't let things just go. ((no matter how hard I try, I just can't! >_< ))

[Sage Hazzard]

Oh no! Don't ignore your emotions are not mention them. But often high anger, etc. can lead to flame wars or insulting. Take a few minutes or longer to cool down, to look at your emotions and convey them constructively. You should never bottle things up. But it's like opening a soda bottle after shaking it up. Let it sit for a while or let it fizz out slowly before opening it fully, that way you can get at the drink. Otherwise, it'll just splatter everywhere and all you'll get is sticky.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

The main point of this thread, which seems to have been diverted somewhat, is that we tie a lot of our feelings into the characters we RP as. When things in an RP don't go the way we want, we can be hurt to the point where we react emotionally. Usually that comes out negatively.

Of course you should deal with problems. But you should also react proportionately to situations and getting upset and frustrated with a single post in a single thread where someone is clashing with you (IC or OOC) is hardly sufficient cause to go to an emotional extreme.

When you're reacting very negatively to a particular post (IC or OOC), you should avoid an immediate "off the cuff" response because it is likely to be poorly expressed, poorly thought-out, and inflammatory. Even taking ten minutes to sort out how you feel and pick the right words to express yourself is better than a simple retort.

Edit: Or, you can read Sage's post that he made while I was typing mine up, which is shorter and says approximately the same thing. :)

[Taylor Millard]

Those last two comments are what I was trying to point out.

The 'knee-jerk' reaction sometimes isn't good.

I've had to sit and think about responses before making them. Heck I have some people tell me, "Taylor calm the frell down!" which is a good thing.

[Sigil Roland]

Uh... Ok.. I didn't know a name of a group was offensive! :\

Dude, I don't know why you did that but it was not needed, your avoiding one issue by removing it from a post. PM me on this please. And leave this message here, so others might read about how I wrongly used TSE as an example.

[Pearl Topaz]

Sigil, the whole thing with, you-know-who, is a touchy situation.

So it's possible it was edited out in good taste, not being offensive to you.

And suppressing emotion is what I do, you be toutured by people your own age from grade 1 and on and see how you turn out.

But yeah, getting too emotional over something on the boards is very silly, and people should try to stop and think before they post something they'll regret.

[Sigil Roland]

Originally posted by Pearl Topaz
Sigil, the whole thing with, you-know-who, is a touchy situation.

So it's possible it was edited out in good taste, not being offensive to you.

And suppressing emotion is what I do, you be toutured by people your own age from grade 1 and on and see how you turn out.

But yeah, getting too emotional over something on the boards is very silly, and people should try to stop and think before they post something they'll regret.

I'll let Taylor answer that one. I'm sure theres a logical explination for it. I thought the TSE VS SWF was over...

But I know what this thread is about....Basicaly we all get picked on, it's a fact of life. The problem I have is when people turn a deaf ear to it and say it's nothing. It's obviously a concern that needs some attention. And if nothing is done to it, then it will grow and do worse things IRL and here on the boards.

Like I said before, only 2% are problems that we accutally need to look something up in a source book of any kind. The rest we either agree on or agree to disagree. There are many examples of these. The best example of these are ironicly the Fleet Rules we used to have. The infighting there was very intence, and all based on the available materials. You might notice we don't have them right now because of that, and no one wants to put up with the fighting that will happen when they set up another set of rules.

[Evil Hobgoblin]

I know I'm not Taylor, but I have a few points to make that I think might answer some of your concerns.


But I know what this thread is about....Basicaly we all get picked on, it's a fact of life.

I really don't think that's the focus of this thread. The idea is that we can have problems with one another, but when we do have problems we need to resolve them in such a way that is not harsh, petty, or insulting to the people we have the problem with. Pausing and giving thought to what we post in a potentially problematic situation is a good way to avoid hurt feelings and further issues.


The problem I have is when people turn a deaf ear to it and say it's nothing. It's obviously a concern that needs some attention. And if nothing is done to it, then it will grow and do worse things IRL and here on the boards.

The "Operations and News" forum has always been an open forum for the addressing of grievances, as have the PM boxes of anyone you want to privately address for personal reasons. If you believe a problem has been swept under the rug, I'm fairly certain at least one non-involved Moderator or Administrator will be willing to discuss the issue with you.


The best example of these are ironicly the Fleet Rules we used to have. The infighting there was very intence, and all based on the available materials. You might notice we don't have them right now because of that, and no one wants to put up with the fighting that will happen when they set up another set of rules.

That's not true. The problems that arose with Fleet Rules came from the fact that it took a conceptual game and tried to establish mathematical grounds that were both fair to everyone and not wide open to cheating or abuse, which we now know is impossible without setting up an entire game structure within the SWFans RP. The problems also arose during a time when a few bad apples were spoiling the bunch and when people were very suspicious of each other. The bad apples left because no one would RP with them and suspicions died down enough for everyone who still had a vested interest in fleet RP to agree that they would hold to our current style, which is essentially "Common Sense" Rules.

[Sigil Roland]

Originally posted by Evil Hobgoblin
I know I'm not Taylor, but I have a few points to make that I think might answer some of your concerns.


Ok




The idea is that we can have problems with one another, but when we do have problems we need to resolve them in such a way that is not harsh, petty, or insulting to the people we have the problem with. Pausing and giving thought to what we post in a potentially problematic situation is a good way to avoid hurt feelings and further issues.


I am not arguing with that point, but I don't like being told that if someone makes a mistake, I can't correct him on the spot. I don't like the fact I have to tip toe through the flowers because I might make someone mad. Look people can atleast IM me if they have a problem with me, but I don't think a lot of people are willing to do that. I think they'd rather have the flaming done on the forum so the poster gets in trouble. I think a lot of people are refusing to talk to one another because they don't know if they are collecting dirt on them. It's ok to use tact, infact I'd rather them use Tact when Flaming. But it's not okay to be so Consertive that you edit out three letters and a joke.



The "Operations and News" forum has always been an open forum for the addressing of grievances, as have the PM boxes of anyone you want to privately address for personal reasons. If you believe a problem has been swept under the rug, I'm fairly certain at least one non-involved Moderator or Administrator will be willing to discuss the issue with you.


There was a reason that OAN was not an option. In some cases a Mod or Admin can only do so much... And I'll let Ogre IM me if he wants the full story on that.



That's not true. The problems that arose with Fleet Rules came from the fact that it took a conceptual game and tried to establish mathematical grounds that were both fair to everyone and not wide open to cheating or abuse, which we now know is impossible without setting up an entire game structure within the SWFans RP. The problems also arose during a time when a few bad apples were spoiling the bunch and when people were very suspicious of each other. The bad apples left because no one would RP with them and suspicions died down enough for everyone who still had a vested interest in fleet RP to agree that they would hold to our current style, which is essentially "Common Sense" Rules.


:| I have no idea what your talking about here. I haven't seen any Fleet RPs since those rules went into effect, not that I've been looking though. I just thought that people did not want another Flame War dealing with them. :| Bad Example, but it was all I could think of before going to lunch.



What I feel we are talking about here is setting a standard that could be a problem. If we claim someone is flaming us when they are:
1)Making a Joke
2)Using History as an Example
3)Bringing a new idea to the table

Then we will not be able to keep on RPing we will always be wondering if this next comment well get us banned.

[TheHolo.Net]

Quick and simple question:

Has a comment ever led to someone being banned from these forums?

[Admiral Lebron]

Not to my knowledge. Although Itala's constant 'Hmming' almost did if I recall correctly... somewhere at least.

[Sigil Roland]

Well, shows how much you know. :p I don't like whats been so far done in this thread, a joke from a Mod has been deleted and The reference that I used containing the letters T, S, and E were deleted.

I don't like the fact that if someone has a different idea from the NORM they are wrong. Norm being the operative word.
If you can't see the humor here, go get a drink of Fosters Beer.


And finally if anyone has any problem with me using The S___ Empire as an example, I'd like people to remember this. Who watched two of his friends fight about it.... ME
Who watched one of them return to the group and leave again.. ME
Who tried to keep his friend calm when he was in at the time a secure forum...ME

Who tried to find out what was going on when that secure forum and the Sith Only forum got 'hacked'....ME

Who watched his friends get lied to...ME

Who sent an Email to both friends only to get flamed by one, and ignored by the other....ME

Who am I??? I'M FIREBIRD1 and I've been duped, burned, and have the scars. In fact the only two people who have more scars then me is Ogre and Rama Sha. SO I'll be darned if anyone tells me if I can't use my experances there to help here. Thats just plain stupid to tell me that, to edit it out of my post, ect...

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Speaking of emotional issues, TSE is one. It makes people emotional. It shouldn't be so much of an issue, but it seems to be one.

I don't think anyone was trying to negate your points about TSE. However, your points could just of easily been brought up without mentioning TSE at all. There really is no reason to stir up that can of worms.

Also, the deletion of a reference was simply to avoid this thread disolving into a flamefest. No one is banning anyone. No one should have to look over their shoulder before posting. If something is inappropriately vulgar or crude, it will be removed. Your reference was removed for the reasons that have already been explained to you.

edit: I do not necessarily agree with the edit. Just thought I'd state that.

[Sigil Roland]

Ok, were missing the point here. But I chose TSE because everyone knows about it...

And this proves my point. Get over TSE. It happened about a year ago. Since then they've been duped and have moved again. Heck this is the most I've talked about TSE since I left TSE. Get over it!!!

Don't let them hide you in a Corner!!

Listen to Everyone and then make your own decision!!!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

The point I think was that we do try not to wave them about in the air as Example Numero Uno of what not to do on a board. Even if they fit the bill. Its called "being the bigger person."

[Sigil Roland]

Ok I've decided to ask that this thread be closed because I feel that the next step is a flaming one, and since we have gotten so far off topic.... and I keep getting PM'ed by Taylor and I think the best way to end this is to just say this.


TSE just balled up in the corner and only listened to a few voices...and that lead to more problems then you can immagine.
So go ahead and get the anger off your chest, go ahead and flame. There is no problem with it every once in a while, just don't make a contest out of this. There is a forum for that....

Anywho getting emotional about anything is good, it means you care for it, and it can help keep you sane. Otherwise you get so paranoid that you stop trusting people.

Well if a mod or Admin can read this, please close this thread.
Or, if the thread is not that explosive, leave it open. And I'll try not to post in it...as long as my posts aren't taken apart ASCII character by ASCII character in quotations.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

*resists temptation to quote his post piece by piece*

Thread closed until further notice, as I agree with Sigil.