Too Much To Handle....

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor paced up and down the hallway in front of Dasquian's door. Her heart skipped a beat at every little sound that she heard as the Knight nearly dug a hole in the floor. Sighing, she straightened her white robes as best as the buldge in her midsection would allow...and then stopped pacing right in front of his room. Lifting her hand to knock....she heard something and withdrew...only to run and hide around the corner. Why am I so worried? she thought to herself. He should be the one to fear me.....right? she thought again. Shaking her head, she sighed and pushed her hair out of the way....and then resumed her position at his door. Raising her right hand once again, she gave three light knocks....and then stepped back with her head lowered and her eyes upon the ground....waiting....

[Dasquian Belargic]

There were a few moments in which some rustling and movement could be heard from behind the door, before it opened. Dasquian was dressed fairly out of character, and wore a loose set of dark clothing, his hair tied back into its usual braids.

“Xazor,”

Bowing his head in greeting, he looked back up into the Garou’s cyan eyes and felt his stomach wrench with pain.

“… Is there something I can help you with?”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor felt an emptiness in the pit of her stomach as Dasquian spoke to her. He seemed unhappy, to say the least, to see her. Sighing, she nodded and let her eyes meet his once again.

"I needed to see you....to speak to you again. It has been a while and...."

She paused a moment, not sure how to speak the many words that rested upon her heart. Surly she would break down and cry any moment....but no, she had no more tears left in her. The Knight would control her emotions and talk to him....tell him what both of them needed to hear.

"Please....can I come inside?"

[Dasquian Belargic]

With a light shrug of his shoulders, and a nod, he turned back into his room and allowed Xazor to step inside without closing the door behind her – he had no notion of how long she intended to stay, though he imagined it would only be a short while, thus there was no use in getting comfortable or laying on any pleasantries.

“What do you need to talk about?” Dasquian said rather quietly, hoping inside that it would be anything but the hypocrisy that he thought it would be.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor stepped inside and then let her eyes wander about the room. Sadness radiated from her heart as she saw how bare it looked now....how.....loveless, his place appeared to be. She felt terribly for him now, though a part of her wished worse would have fallen upon him for his actions. Pushing aside the thought, she turned to face him, folding her hands nervously at her belt.

"I.....I just wished to speak to you of.....well, several things. Firstly, and most importantly...of....of......"

The Knight could not speak the words for some reason. This bothered her so and it brought about a terrible pain inside. Without invitation, she sat down upon an empty chair and put her head into her hands.....feeling helpless....hopeless.

"About our child, Dasquian......our baby girl! I don't want her to grow up without her Father....she needs you.....and so do....."

And so do I.... She finished the sentance in her head. She needed him, not like before...but she did, to some degree which she had yet to measure. Sighing, she took her head from her hands and with tear stained cheeks, she looked at him.....looked through him. The woman's gaze was so hollow now....without feeling or emotion. She knew nothing but pain and sorrow as of recent...and deep inside, she wished that none of this had ever happened. If she knew that it would turn out that way, she would have wished to have never met Dasquian. She could say nothing more at the moment, she could only stare at him and wonder....wonder about what he was thinking and feeling.....wonder why he felt so cold to her now....but down inside, she knew....she knew too well....and the memory killed her daily....

[Dasquian Belargic]

As he watched Xazor, with her tears and sorrow, he wondered why she felt in such a way. Slowly he was beginning to realise something – had he not indulged Sorsha to a certain degree, he would have surely died. To have done so would have only left Xazor even more distraught, and thus he was reasoning in his mind that what he had done was, though outside of the boundaries of normal morality, the best course of action to have taken in his place.

What irked him currently was the degree of knowledge which Xazor held. Dasquian had no notion of how much Xazor had found out, or even who from, and therefore doubted the validity of her reasoning behind her condemnation of him, though it was not for him to question it – her choices were her own, so be it.

“We are both members of the same Order, who see each other on a regular basis. Our homes are a bare moment’s walk from one another, and I’m sure Corin and Sejah would not at all mind my having our child here from time to time if you needed me to look after her.”

He paused, “Simply because you have turned from me, does not mean we shall not see each other again.”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor lowered her head once again, keeping her eyes off of him. Indeed, she still loved him and always would....but she could not live with the knowledge she held. Sighing, she whiped more tears from her eyes and nodded slowly.

"I know.....and it is not the fact that I will need you to look after her.....but I want her to know you. I want you to be as much a part of her life as I will be. You are her Father and no other man will be able to take your place, you must realize this. She will need you Dasquian...."

She said softly, and let a few more tears fall. Then she did something unexpected and suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Why is this.....so difficult?"

The Knight let out all of her frustration and anger toward herself, making it known to him that she was not happy with her own decisions in this matter. She quietly cried into Dasquian.....wishing none of this had ever happened.....

[Dasquian Belargic]

With a damp sigh he embraced Xazor and inhaled to try and keep himself calm. How he wished he could turn back time and erase what had happened to have her back. It stung like a knife to the heart to have to see her like this, and to loose her with a blow which he would never truly recover from. To loose his first wife to death had been hard enough, but to loose this more power love, yet to still have to see her face. Each and every time he looked into those cyan eyes he was filled with memories of their time spent together, and each time he felt himself die a little more.

Usually a strong figure, he felt tears sting at his eyes. For all his confidence and feigned strength on the matter, he was bitter with envy of Terran and filled with anger at himself.

“I promise I will be there for her… and you.”

He wished in his heart of hearts that she would look up to him with damp cheeks and smile, proclaiming she would have him back, but he knew such thoughts were in vain. Perhaps in the future things could be reconciled, but he thought it would be a miracle if such things occurred now – which was what made this so much more hard for him.

[Xazor Elessar]

"Thank you......"

She said softly as he held her close. How she missed this feeling...being in his arms. She remembered the first time as if it was yesterday....but now those memories haunted her. It was almost like someone had died....and with that someone, a part of her had died too. Now she lived everyday seeing him and it killed her soul everytime. If I didn't want it this way, why did I choose it to be as so? She would ask herself...but then she thought about how he had broken her trust...and somehow, that answered all of her problems. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes again as if that would shut out the truth.

"I wish.....I could make things better but......but I can't....."

She sobbed quietly as truth from her heart poured out onto Dasquian. She was so honest with him despite things that had occured. Though he broke her heart, somehow.....something kept telling her that it was not on purpose....and that his heart was breaking too.....

[Dasquian Belargic]

“I know,”

As he replied, his voice was shaky, and he had to swallow down hard to stop himself from allowing tears to roll down his cheeks. The comfort he found from being in her arms was still present however, even if there was no reply to his love. Nuzzling his head against hers, he inhaled deeply.

“As long as you’re happy, then I am.”

[Xazor Elessar]

What he didn't know though, was that she was not completely happy. Indeed, she loved Terran.....but a part of her was still with Dasquian and it would always be that way.

"I'm so sorry that all of this is upon your shoulders as well. I have....I have ruined your life!"

Again more tears fell, but this time they were out of bitterness toward herself and all that she had done. She had taken a perfectly good man and his wonderful life, and she wrecked it....

[Dasquian Belargic]

“No, Xazor. The time I spent with you… though it has been cut short, it was bliss, heaven. I can never repay you for how much happiness you’ve lead me to feel.”

Again, he would fall back into the ranks. Just as he had done when Xazor had been betrothed to Shade, he had watched her with the same glint in his eye. Even then he’d not given up, even in the face of a marriage. There was nothing to stop him doing the same once more, and he’d be damned if he didn’t try with all his power to repent and regain her trust to the full. Only then would he have a chance at regaining such elation.