Evil doers - in need of new henchman or a spiffy lair? [funny link]

[Vega Van-Derveld]

http://www.villainsupply.com/index.html

[Leeloo Mina]

:lol

[Kregain Richtien]

Damn, all sold out

[Diego Van Derveld]

:lol I haven't laughed that hard in a while

[Vega Van-Derveld]

LEARN MAGIC AND THRILL KILL YOUR FRIENDS!

Wish you had the power to control men's minds, reshape Creation like clay, and mold Reality to your whim? Then learn magic. No, not stupid parlor tricks, but the Dark Arts of Thaumaturgy, Sorcery, and Necromancy. Our EZ Magic Kit comes with real human-skull cup, birchwood wand, silver Satanic blade, thaumaturgical components*, cup trick, three foam balls, and instruction book. 30-day money-back guarantee.**


I know where my pocket money is going ;)

[Kregain Richtien]

Sixty-five million years ago, the earth was invaded by an alien race called the Xlaixu. They intended to enslave an intelligent saurian race called the X!x!, who were just developing space travel. The Xlaixu built a massive Doomsday Device beneath what is now Nepal, called the Xlaixu Global Disintigrator, planning to set it off if looked like the X!x! would win the war. The two races annihilated each other before the Global Disintigrator could be deployed, and it sits beneath the Himalayas today. The Cabal of Impropriety has acquired the Key required to activate the device, and as part of our Going Out of Business Sale (thanks to the Justice Jammers), we're selling the Key at a bargain price.


THE KEY IS MINE!

[Jedi Neo]

::Writes everything down, and sends it to the govenrment...::
I am Lawful good...

[Vega Van-Derveld]

http://www.villainsupply.com/supervillainshirtphoto_120x.jpg

heheh

[Kelt Simoson]

See what i mean Jenny...and you send no spells :(

[Diego Van Derveld]

CARNIDYNE ROBOTIC TIGER 2000

If you've kept live man-eating Bengal tigers for your man traps, then you know what a hassle they are. Special food, expensive medicine, temperature controls, flea and tick care, a couple of gay Germans to train and look after them -- and that's just the beginning of the unforeseen expenses that real tigers incur. That's why you need the Carnidyne Robotic Tiger 2000. Developed by a firm that produces animatronic animals for amusement parks, the CRT 2000 is an autonomous unit programmed to maul, kill, and consume any human being within 50 feet. But most importantly, you never feed it*, never maintain it**, it works in any environment***, never gets fleas****, and looks after itself*****!

Price: US$1,200,000,000 ea. Battery packs (100 hours) US$250,000.
*requires battery packs
**requires daily lubrication treatment
***relative humidity may not exceed 22%
****the software is kind of buggy, though
*****requires two specially-trained gay German technicians

[Vega Van-Derveld]

*requires daily lubrication treatment
*****requires two specially-trained gay German technicians


:lol!!


Developed by a firm that produces animatronic animals for amusement parks

Just knew Disneyland was pure evil.

[Kregain Richtien]

ACCU-KAK SYSTEMS NON-LETHAL ANTIPERSONNEL UNIT

You're looking for two things -- a cheap, effective personnel-based weapon that will incapacitate large numbers of rioters, unruly minions, government agents or enemy soldiers; and an end to those pesky wrongful death suits. Then the Accu-kak Non-Lethal APU is for you! With five guaranteed* non-lethal antipersonnel options: the glue gun incapacitates up to 30 people harmlessly** in a sticky mucilage paste; the net gun will bind up to 12 persons in a comfortable*** nylon net; the lubricant gun immobilizes up to 50 persons with a nontoxic**** super-lubricating synthetic Teflon fluid; the electric taser immobilizes up to 24 people with a range of 25', with no harmful side-effects*****; and the foam gun encases up to 150 people in a fast-hardening acrylic-based foam******. Cleanup is easy!

Price: US$12,999; glue, net, lube, taser & foam cartridges extra.
*Guarantee not guaranteed
**glue has been known to clog nose and throat, leading to death
***net has been known to strangle targets, leading to death
****lubricant has been known to be so effective that emergency personnel can not reach targets for many days, leading to death
*****taser has been known to electrocute targets, leading to death
******foam has been known to smother targets, leading to death; actually, this always happens

[Kelt Simoson]

HITLER CLONE

Looking to take over the world, but not up to doing the work yourself? Why not let someone with successful experience* take over your cabal, while you sip Mai Tais on the beach? The Arctic Nazi Consortium is now liquidating its entire stock of Adolph Hitler clone zygotes. Raise your own tyrant in the privacy of your own home. Don't miss out on this exciting opportunity! Some assembly required.**

Price: DM10.000.000 per zygote
*depending on your definition of "successful," of course
**requires Carbon Freezing equipment, artificial insemination lab, artificial womb or willing Aryan birth mother (non-Aryan birth mother voids warranty)

[Vega Van-Derveld]

I want sharks with frikkin' lasers! Find me some!

;; whips Kelt ;;

:D

[Kelt Simoson]

::Whimpers and runs off to do his masters bidding:: :D

[Moltar]

PROP "DOOMSDAY DEVICE"

Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the prop "Doomsday Device," guaranteed to soil the knickers of your "heroic" adversaries. Actually a plastic box filled with cheap electronics, the device makes ominous "whoop whoop" sounds when activated, and a sinister female voice counts down from 100. Just press the "deactivate" button when the craven idiots give in to your demands. I mean, who's going to call your bluff on something called a "Doomsday Device?"

Price: US$99.99
*requires 2 AA batteries, not included

For those of us on a budget...

[Vega Van-Derveld]

Actually a plastic box filled with cheap electronics, the device makes ominous "whoop whoop" sounds when activated, and a sinister female voice counts down from 100.

A friend of mine has something like this, that once you turned it on it will make noises for 30 minutes such as, "HAHAHEEHEE!", "Heylp me, heylp me! (a la Penelope Pitstop)", "15 Minutes Till I Take Over!" and so on.

We set it off in a lesson once, didn't amuse the teacher :)

[Nupraptor]

Actually, a couple of years back, I noticed that my father had gotten a semi-small package in the mail. It was white, and roughly the size of 3 VHS tapes stack on top of each other. On the front of the package was a simple sticker which read "Doomsday Device", followed by a serial number.

...

I stole the sticker. :D

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

:lol

[Korik Bannor]

:lol Great link!

[Leeloo Mina]

:lol!!

[Sene Unty]

Funny as hell.......

[Dark Xazor]

Admit it -- your Dungeon of Death can only be so deadly. Your Carnival of Doom can only doom a man so far. And your Arena of Pain -- well, how painful is it, really? The fact is, there's nothing as terrifying as the horrors that dwell in a man's own psyche. That's why Mengele Medical has created the Cyberrtoir 3000, a virtual simulated universe that takes your victim's own worst fears and turns them into a 3D, all-sensory virtual nightmare. Your victim doesn't even know he's attached to the Cyberrtoir 3000 by a trunk of cranial implants -- he thinks he's awake and free, wandering your lair, about to save the day. That is, until his own mother's vagina comes to devour him with sticky pointy teeth.

o_O .. :lol

[Zatania Duvall]

Originally posted by Vega Van Derveld
Just knew Disneyland was pure evil.


Of course. I mean, who in their right mind would inflict "It's a small world after all" upon the world?

[Leeloo Mina]

:lol

I would >D

[Threepio]

You are evil as well, Mistress Leeloo. :)

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

Originally posted by Zatania Duvall
Of course. I mean, who in their right mind would inflict "It's a small world after all" upon the world?

ebil that.....

[Leeloo Mina]

Nah, uh. I'm a GOOD little girl ;) >D

:angel

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

surrrre and so I am.....:angel :rolleyes

[Sene Unty]

Yeah right!!!:D

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

...hence the eyeroll, baka......

[Leeloo Mina]

I'm a very good little girl ;)

:lol

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

if you're using LL's quote, maybe otherwise no.....

[Leeloo Mina]

LL's Quote?

[Marcus Telcontar]

MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING SCHEME

There's not much in the world more evil than a good Multilevel Marketing Scheme. Why, it's been estimated that MLMs have ruined more lives than W.W.II, the Bhopal Disaster, and child actors combined. And don't forget that many of today's largest Global Domination Conspiracies, like Amway and the International Cabal for Fascism, Terrorism, and Fine Quality Home Goods at Reasonable Prices, started as MLMs. Get everything you need to start from this informative home presentation, brought directly to you in your lair or secret base. No obligation.

Price: Free
*Just contact Lord Kraal, Crusher of the Weak, Regional Sales Leader at 818-555-MLM1, and arrange for him and his lovely wife, Lady Ikog, Masher of Nads, to stop by your home or office to give an exciting no-obligation two-hour presentation about exciting opportunities in MLMs


Now THAT is funny

[Moltar]

This one just spoke of the evil it has.


THE LOC-NAR

A green cosmic orb of mysterious origin, the Loc-Nar has consumed or destroyed most of those who have tried to possess it. Are you willing to take the risk in exchange for the powers of a GOD? Destroy planets with the wave of a hand; consume galaxies and influence friends. Do YOU have what it takes?*

Price: Negotiable (seller seeks physical immortality and freedom from the soul-crushing horror of the Loc-Nar; will entertain any serious offer)
*92% of those who possess the Loc-Nar are destroyed by it.
**There is in every generation born a person called The Guardian who can destroy the Loc-Nar. Avoid this individual.