Missing You.... (Terran)

[Xazor Elessar]

Memories



I will always treasure the moments
You and I have shared together
In my heart they will be kept
To be cherished, always and forever

Each minute is a precious gem
Worth more than silver and gold
For this can be stolen by men
Unlike the memories I hold

Someday when youth's first bloom
Has gone and withered away
Through life's tears and happiness
These memories will always stay.




_____________________________________




"C'mon Chase...we're going to be late!"

She giggled through her words, pulling on the arm of her beloved. He shook his head and stopped as they stood beneath the diamonds that dotted the black velvet sky of night.

"But I like to look at the stars...they're beautiful...like you...."

He leaned over and kissed her softly, then pulled away to look deeply into her eyes. The Sith Knight giggled to herself and turned away blushing...but when she turned her attention back to Chase...he was not in her view...but instead, she had to look down for he was upon one knee...looking up at her.

"I love you Xazor...and I want to spend forever with you. Will you....please, marry me?"

The Knight looked down at his outstretched hand...and resting in a black box upon his palm was an incredible ring. A silver band with a diamond in the middle and two cyan ones on the sides. She was taken aback and could hardly breath...but she managed to nod slightly.

"Y....Yes...I will!"

She exclaimed with excitement and rushed into his arms...completely forgetting about the date that they were late for...their own 'reservations'. She came to find out later, though...that there were no dinner reservations...and he had taken her out to do this. There wedding was to be spectacular...one of the most expensive in all the galaxy...surrounded and founded upon a pure love....but it never happened....



_____________________________________




They had been in love...such a deep love. Pure and almost holy desite the fact that they both were Sith Knights of one of the most stringent Orders of that time. Their hearts beat in time with one another...yet to no creed or accord. And now the woman sat...a Knight but of a different Order...of the Jedi. Her mind drifted in and out of her past and present...the future dotting along the way. She traced her fingertip along the glass of water that sat before her as she stared off into space.

Chase....no, Terran....that was his name now....

She thought of their first meeting since she had thought that he had been killed.....how bittersweet it had been...yet they had come to a new understanding of one another...and were still in love, but in a different way. She again drifted off into space...not paying attention to anyone or anything around her....just deep in thought.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

"Why is it that I feel your mind in my heart?" He whispered softly into her ear as she sat at the bar. She was not startled by him--normal people were startled by the appearance of someone knew. Not Jedi. She would welcome his suprise. As she turned, he smiled at her. Is first instinct was to kiss her. But she was married now, and he had to restrain himself. He hugged her firmly, wrapping his arms around her. It felt so good. It felt right. She belonged there, in his arms...

Back to Yavin, he thought to himself. Back to reality. As he let her out of his embrace he took a seat next to her. He glowed, like he always had in her presence. He couldn't help but smile when he looked into her eyes. It was wonderful.

"What's new, Missus Xazor?" He teased her playfully. She wasn't a fan of formal titles like Mrs. He had always teased that he would call her "Mrs. Chase Konrad." On several occassions, she had dished it back, threatening that he would not have Mrs. Chase Konrad.

He looked into her eyes again. Something big was on her mind. Something big may have happened. He wasn't sure, but there was a heavy weight on her shoulders.

"Xazor...is everything ok?" He questioned thoughtfully, taking her arm.

[Xazor Elessar]

Suddenly Xazor was slammed back into reality as....he......came and whispered into her ear...words that he had spoken to her several times before now. She smiled and hugged him back...feeling perfectly in place in his arms. It was disappointing to know that she still could not have him...and probably never again. Looking down at the table, she seemed to drift out of reality again...until he grabbed her arm and brought her right back.

"Oh...no...I'm alright. I was just thinking about...you...."

She said softly....and honestly as she always spoke. Her eyes shifted to his and she seemed entranced by them...unable to look away.

"I have been thinking a lot lately....and I have some things to tell you.....although it may be difficult to hear....."

And so she began the words that she never thought that she would say. The Knight was no longer a "Mrs."...nor would she be for a long time. She had made a few terrible mistakes...and it would be a blow to the chest for him to hear of this...but she was bonded to him in some strange way that made her want to tell him....

[imported_Terran Starek]

He heard the seriousness in Xazor's voice and refused to let it go unnoticed.

"Xazor, what weighs on your heart? You know that whatever you have to say--no matter what it may be--I will still be here. No mistake is too terrible or too costly to hide from me." He scanned her eyes with his own--serious and caring. He truly hoped that she was ok. Having no idea what was going on troubled him greatly.

He probed her thoughts softly, letting his aura sink into her mind. He wanted her to feel his concern. They were close--she knew how he felt about her. But he always thought it helping to a Jedi or non-force user to let one's own spirit seep into theirs and comfort them.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor looked into his eyes and then felt his mind probing her own. She took a deep breath and exhaled.....taking his strength as her comfort as she carefully thought over what she would say. Her eyes wandered to the tabletop and then back to his face....

"You know that I'm pregnant.....but what you don't know, is that......the baby isn't Shade's.....and we're no longer together....."

She said softly, feeling the guilt and shame return to her heart. Her eyes immediatly shifted to the table top again as to avoid the hurt in his own eyes. She had betrayed her husband....and now they were no longer together. She had not chosen Terran after him because of the baby....

"The baby is Dasquian Belargic's.....a Knight of this Order. I....was unfaithful to Shade with him.....and now we are to have a baby..."

The Garou paused once again, letting her eyes search his for just a second before they fell back to the table once again. She felt a few tears rising in her eyes.....but pushed them aside as to not make a scene and give into her emotions.....

"We are living together now...and plan on making this work......"

That did it....now a few tears cascaded down her cheeks like the gentle falls in the jungles surrounding the Temple and Academy. Her heart suddenly began to ache as it had the day in the Temple when she broke the news to everyone......after becomming disunited with her husband. It had been such a difficult time....and now it was replaying itself all over again.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

The words pierced every part of his body, simultaneously. His heart, his mind, his soul, his gut--all things ached when she spoke. She knew that this would be a hard thing to say to him--even more, she knew that he would be unhappy.

He held back all the feelings in him. He bottled them up inside of him, like a jar full of explosive gas. He had to be strong for her. He must be strong for her. Be strong, he thought....

_________________

The wind whipped through the old hilltop as the three Sith stood atop it. Xazor, Chase, and their Master, Lord Kama. The harsh winds blew as the cold sting of the air fell upon them. Kama held a very large staff as he balanced the shaft on one of his hands. The other two stood in fron of him, defenseless, no weapons.

"Now, what do we know about the Force?" He asked the two young apprentices.

"That it is power...that it is strong," Chase replied.

SMACK The staff came across his face, bludgeoning his nose and eyes. Blood came from his nostrils as he turned away.

"Wrong! Turn back and face me, you coward!" Chase obeyed. "The Force is not strong. You are strong. The Force has power, and it uses it without a mind--it has no will of it's own. It is a slave to us, and we manipulate it as such." He glared at the young Sith apprentice. He turned to Xazor. "Now, my dear, answer me this: When do we call upon the Force?"

Xazor swallowed hard--something inside her told her that no answer would matter. "In times when we must use strength we do not posess in our own bodies--"

The staff came swiftly towards her face, and as it came--it was caught by the young Sith. Holding it strongly, he would not allow Kama to hit her. "FOOL!" The Sith Lord bellowed out in a terrible voice. He threw Chase to the ground raising the staff.

"No! Stop this!" Xazor rushed to his side, but was thrown away from him.

"You will learn respect. You will learn to obey. You will learn that being strong is not the path to personal safety. You fight only for yourself--only for power. Not for others, you pathetic failure." He began the attack on Chase's exposed body. Pain after pain shot through his body and sthe staff bludgeoned him. Don't be strong...for anyone....But he would for her...

______________________

The memory left his brain as he found himself with wild eyes at the bar. It had taken him away from reality for the moment, and he tried to shake the broken thoughts from his brain. There was a matter at hand.

He searched for words, but could find none. What could he say? His emotions were in disarray. Xazor would be with another...another. He tried to be rational and shake this off, but something selfish inside him spoke up. Why has she left you again? She has forsaken you again.

Stop! He almost cried out. He didn't want this to be in his brain. He wished he had never been a Sith. Too many times, he fought with his own intentions. He looked back as Xazor...he could think of no words.

"I...it's going to be ok, Xazor," he lied, flashing a fake smile. He didn't care--he wanted to be strong for her, even when he felt like he was dying inside...

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's heart broke for him.....she could see his pain.....it was written in his eyes and no matter what he said or did.....she would always know it.

"You cannot hide from me, what is so plainly etched upon your soul....."

She said softly, allowing a few more tears to fall. Her hand went across the table and took one of his in her own.....she looked deeply into his eyes.

"I know the words that cross your mind.....I know the feelings and emotions that you keep within yourself....for I think them and I feel them every single day, Terran.....I do......"

_____________________________________


A flash of lightening raced across the sky as three lone figures stood out upon a rain beaten hill. Two of the three stood before one tall and powerful looking man......who's eyes seemed as black as hate itself.

"Tell me Xazor.....what were you doing last night when I told you to be studying that little book on Sith Magic I gave you? Hmmm? Were you with HIM?!!"

Suddenly he reached out and with one swift and violent motion, slapped her across the face. Her cheek flushed as red as a cherry and she looked away.....avoiding eye contact with the great Sith Master.

"You speak the truth my Lord......I was with Chase....."

Her voice cracked through the sentance. The Dark Lord's eyes grew blacker with wickedness that ran through his veins. He growled deeply and then turned to Chase......stalking him with footsteps that seemed to grow upon the young Apprentice.

"You cause my other student to fall! How dare you do such a thing! You will learn.....both of you.......that this is not leisure time!"

His voice boomed the words and in one swift motion, he slapped Chase across the face but suddenly, found a woman standing between them.

"You will NEVER touch him again......unless you want to loose me.....and I know that you don't want that. You know that I am powerful......you want me to become just....like.....you."

__________________________________________


Her eyes were locked upon the table as the memory haunted her mind. Suddenly she was slammed back into reality and recalled what was happening. Those times seemed to be over....but for every instance that she stood ground for Chase......he would do the same.....and now, even now.....it was no different.

"Please don't abandon me.....do not do what I have done to you now.......please......"

She pleaded with him......allowing more tears to fall from her eyes. How the young Knight's heart ached now.....now when everything was on the line.....and she had the chance to loose him for good......

[imported_Terran Starek]

Somethin hot stung his eyes. They welled up with stinging tears that only clouded his already stunned vision.

"Please don't abandon me.....do not do what I have done to you now.......please......"

Her voice was soft and scared, almost childlike. He, of all people in this universe, knew that when Xazor Leo Dawnstrider pleaded it meant something serious. What she may not have known was that she would only have to look at him in her certain way to crumble his resolve. Pride, ego, selfishness--all dissapeared in the moment she said that. Every second that he had felt hurt by her seemed to be nothing--it was truly sand in the winds of love. For it was indeed love that mad his heart ache with a thundering pain above all else. It bled for her.

He had felt betrayed. She would be with another--still, another over him. He loved her and yet she would still reject him. All of this--all of these feelings--no longer mattered a single bit. Everything left his body. All hints of dissapointment and unrest were rejected in one second as she looked into his eyes.

"Please don't abandon me.....do not do what I have done to you now.......please......"

He took her into his arms as the tears in his eyes streamed down his face. He didn't want to draw attention to the two, but in this moment he could not help it.

"I won't...I won't Xazor..." He kissed her forehead. "I won't." He let her go and left the room, heading for the doors to the academy. This was all too much for him. So much crashing down on him. He needed nature, he needed life to surround him. He ran. He ran and ran.

Deeper into the woods--the same place that he and Master Verse had often trained--and found himself in peace. He hoped Xazor would come here--he wanted her here more than anything in the world. They could be alone. Really alone. He knew that a message was not needed--she would follow.

[Xazor Elessar]

The Knight smiled to herself through her tears as he embraced her and kissed her forehead like he used to....it was such a sweet sorrow. He left....and she knew where he was going....and indeed, she would follow.

Getting up from her place in the Bar, she too left.....and ran as fast as her pregnant self would allow......as fast as the Force would carry her. Her destination was the jungle and she knew just the place. Where the Serenity Falls engulfed the entire area.....where thick rich grasses grew all around......where flowers, millions of them, blossomed and grew. Where the smells of everything.....water, flowers, grass.....all formed to create an intoxicating mixture that brought peace and harmony to even the most troubled of souls.

Finally she broke through the brush that separated the rest of the jungle from this area of beauty.....and there Terran sat upon a large rock by the side of the falls. It was the same place that she and Verse had trained...the same place that Terran and Verse were now training in the recent. It was also her place.....very few knew about this and those that did....kept it secret. The old willow to her right had the names of lovers etched upon it....creating old memories that flowed through her mind.

____________________________________


"You're going to cut yourself doing it that way!"

She laughed as she spoke.....watching the love of her life carve her name in after his upon the trunk of an ancient tree. She couldn't help but giggle as he struggled with the knife in his hand.

"And how do you know that? Watch...you won't prove me wrong this time....."

He carved the letters so delicatly, taking care not to go too deeply into the wood in effort to not hurt the tree. He loved nature, as did she....and found himself at peace when surrounded by it. Finally he finished the engraving.....two names joined with a plus sign.....inside of a heart upon the large tree's trunk.

"I guess you proved me wrong this time......it's beautiful......"

He kissed her forehead and she took his hand in her own, and together they sat beneath the setting sun.....planning their future in their minds.......

___________________________________________


She now stood behind him......her gaze upon the jungle floor at her feet. Slowly she brought her eyes to look at his back, and then she took her hand and placed it upon his shoulder.

"I could not let you get away.....not like you did with me.....but that was my fault, I hid and you could not get me.....but when you tried......I ran to a different hiding place....."

She said softly, trailing her hand down his back. The Knight's eyes shifted to the water and she walked slowly to the edge of the river that flowed from the falls. The water was crystal clear and the blue of it matched her eyes. The rocks upon the river bed were like crystals...like the silver speck upon the deep blue canvas of her very eyes. She bent over and touched the water softly, creating a ripple through it.....

"Our lives are affected by ripples.......remember, you told me that once."

[imported_Terran Starek]

He remembered. He couldn't have forgotten. His memories with Xazor were lights in his past that always shinned brightly.

________________________

The two stood over the waterfall, it's waves crashing down on the old river. He looked down and she did too. It was beautiful--raging water that crushed the space below it. As soon as it met with the old river, though, the anger subsided, and became calm. It was a testamant to his character, in many senses. Kama was the waterful; Xazor the river. He wished he lived only in the river.

It had been a long day--survival training--and Chase stared down into the pool. He began to remove his boots. "Well, Xaz, I guess you know what's left." He looked at her and smiled, the mishevious grin he had when he was he was ready to play. He stripped off all of his clothing, and in one swift movement dove off of the waterfall, crashing into the waves below. He did not fear the fall.

As he came to the surface, he was just in time to see Xazor plummeting to his postion, nearly landing on him in the process.

"Sheesh, where'd you learn to fly?" He laughed and splashed her, swimming away. She chased him playfully and splashed him back.

"Air Chase, of course!" Giggling, she tackled him in the water, dunking him underneath the surface. He felt the water surround him, cleansing his wearineess. Coming to the surface, a moment of silence ensued. The two Sith Knights matched eyes. He reached out a hand, running it though her wet hair. He pulled her face closer to his, as he could feel her breath on his lips. Their lips barely touched, teasing each other. He lived for this moment--right before a kiss, when the anticipation was so strong. Hearts thumped violently, waiting for the connection.

He pulled her body close to his, feeling her warm, soft skin against his own. Lips ever closer, he connected them softly in a kiss. He broke it away quickly, delving deeper into her eyes.

"I love you," he said as his breath was less than a milimeter from her own.

"I love you too," she replied, pulling him in for a long kiss. Time passed as the two lived in the embrace togther, kissing and studying each other's eyes. Chase turned Xazor around wrapping his arms around her chest, holding her tight.

"Xazor...life...it's so complex." He was in thought.

"I know, Chase. Sometimes, you never know what fate will throw at you." She smiled softly--she loved this conversation. They were both interested in philosophy and theory of life.

"You know, Xaz...everything--life--is like this river. It's flowing...you can''t fully contol it...you are just in it...and things are like ripples in the flow...something will change and you will feel it...our live affected by ripples..."

___________________

He remembered it well. That day was a great day in his history. It brought back so many mixed emotions.

"I just...I don't get it, Xaz." He found his speech to be so unrefined when in her presence. Heartfelt--pure. "I want to scream out into the Force 'Why! Why can't it be easier?' Why can't you and I just be...why can't we just be back..." He didn't finish. She knew what he meant.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's heart ached even more so when he spoke. She knew what he meant....and wondered the same thing time to time. Things had to be as they were though...unless the Force opened up a different window for them. She looked down at the water and shook her head sadly, letting her tears drop into the cool liquid and mix like some sort of healing mix. She touched the river's water once again......sending hundreds of ripples in many directions...but in the end, all was calm.

"I know what you're thinking......but please don't cry for us. We'll be fine in the end....."


__________________________________________


The moon shone brightly upon the water as a woman sat near it upon a rock.....her eyes fixed upon two names wreathed in a heart upon the ancient trunk of a tall willow tree. Her heart broke as she got up from her place and took her hand.....tracing her fingers over the names.

"You saw him there.....you heard the conversation with Kama.....it's over......"

She thought to herself, recalling the conversation that she had accidentally overheard. Two men had been standing upon a hill just outside of the home she now shared with Chase....one was their Master, the other Chase himself.

"She is beginning to affect your training.....I will not have it. You are to not see her again.....and if you break this restraining order I am putting upon you, then I shall have her killed......"

Chase stepped back with a look of terror upon his face. He shook his head and fell to his knees, lowering his eyes to the ground.

"Please Master.....don't do this. She is my.....everything......"

He pleaded with the Master. Suddenly Chase was on his back grasping his stomach from a swift kick to the gut. Xazor had been watching it all from around the side of their home. Now the conversation played through her mind.

She was brought back to reality when suddenly two arms wrapped around her waist and a kiss was gently placed upon her cheek. It was Chase.....he had come for her despite what their Master had said. Tears fell from her eyes and she turned around, placing her hands upon his cheeks, bringing his face in close to her own. She passionatly kissed him.....for several minutes it lasted until they broke to breath.

"We'll make this work.....we love each other....."

Chase said softly and then kissed her again. He wrapped her in his strong arms, holding her body close to his. She took in his warmth as a great comfort....and for a long time they stood there together.....bathed in the moonlight.......


___________________________________


"We'll make this work......even though I did.....not come for you. If you never wish to speak to me again, it was a well deserved punishment......"

Her words were soft as more tears released themselves. She turned from him and brought her hands up to her face to hide her shame.....to hide herself. She wept into her hands.....for now the realization of what she had done hit home....and it was as close as it would ever be. The Knight's heart felt as though it had been ripped out, torn in half.....and thrown upon the ground for men to trample upon it. She was the white rose with one red petal.....an imperfection....and it was her fault. Now the rose was thrown out the door and horses stepped on it.....grinding the beautiful creation into the very ground that it came from.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

It hurt when she said that. She did not come for him. She was not coming back to him. In that moment, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. Each piece seemed to fallout of his chest and onto the ground before him. Every shard was for Xazor; his entire being for her. He didn't understand; he couldn't comprehend. His overwhelming joy when he found her again; his disbelief when he found that she could not be his. The pain. It was too much.

"You know that would never happen," he said in retort of her punishment comment. He stared blankly into the trees. He felt empty. Dark inside. The tears now streamed down his face in a constant flow.

_____________________________

"Shut up! Shut up, you weakling! Men don't cry--babies cry! Is that what you are?" Kama stared down into his face. He was bleeding severely from his chest as the open wound spat out more blood. He was crying--looking across the throne room to where Xazor lay. Her hair was sopped with blood. Maybe her head was crushed--he didn't know. But he wept for her. He didn't care if Kama would hurt him even more. He wanted one more second of seing her.

"If you are a man, then YES! I AM A BABY!" He gowled, the dark side welling inside of him. He lashed out with the Force, throwing an intense push at Kama. The Sith Lord was unmoved. He was much too powerful for Chase.

A loud laugh bellowed from his throat as he raised a hand, slamming the knight into a wall. The force of the throw crushed the man's back against the concrete.

"I have told you again and again, and still you will not listen." He looked back at Xazor. Raising her body into the air, he suspended her in front of the broken knight. She was alive, as her eyes flashed in front of his. "Do you see her? Your love affair--your pathetic emotions--are over. Do you understand?"

Chase, fearing for her safety, nodded idly. He knew that she was ok, and that was all that mattered to him.

"If I have to warn you again, boy..." The Dark Lord's voice trailed off.

___________________________________

It had happened a week before he was warned that she would be killed. He thought about the incident and pondered his situation now. Better to be beaten; better to be tortured; better to be killed than hear this from her.

"You're right, Xaz. We can work it out." He lied. He thought about coming to the GJO--maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was all a mistake. His life, his heart, his soul--maybe the Force had caused a blip in time.

For at this moment, he didn't know how a man could be expected to live with this much pain.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor felt the coldness in his voice......pain eminated from his soul and it hurt her deeply within to feel it searing her heart. It was like a fire.....licking at her very skin.....threatening to burn her whole if she even moved an inch. Her heart stopped and she shook her head...looking down at the water once again.

"You don't have to lie for my sake Terran.....why can't you just face the truth? I'm sure you.......hate me now......you might as well, I ruined everything...."

She cried out to him, her eyes flashing silver as the wolf in her heart reared its head, beconing for her to give into changing....so that she might run away upon swift feet. The Knight looked across the river at a little valley that had trees growing in the center. A tributary of the mighty fall ran through them.....giving life to all. With a Force powered leap, she was across the river and running down the hill toward the secret place......


___________________________________


"C'mon Xazor......you know I didn't mean it........"

A voice called outside of the locked room that the young Sith Knight sat in.....alone. She shook her head with a stubborn look and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Words hurt Chase.....they really do!"

She called out to him, still unwilling to let her love in to speak with her. He had been speaking with another woman....someone Xazor deeply despised.....and with the few words that Chase said, Xazor immediatly thought that he was going to leave her.

"Xazor, I really did not mean what I said!"

He was becomming angry now....not with her, but with himself. He had told the other woman a lie.....saying that Xazor was just a friend.....but there was reason behind it that Xazor did not know. The woman had been a sort of spy for Kama....and was trying to figure out if they were indeed seeing one another.....but Chase's forsight had been better than her's and she jumped to conclusions. Something in her heart told her that she was wrong this time.....and to let him explain.

"Fine......"

She unlocked the door with the Force and Chase came rushing in, kneeling before her and taking her hands in his own. He kissed them gently....then looked up into her eyes and explained everything that had happened. She felt terribly and wrapped her arms around his neck....kissing him sweetly and thanking him for doing as he did.......


____________________________________


She ran until she reached the wooded area and then she stopped.....falling to her knees and crying into her hands. It was finished.....they could not be together and now she would suffer.....for what seemed like eternity. The Knight looked up at the heavens and cursed Gaia for ever creating her......for now she had caused so much pain.....to others and herself.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

Terran's tears flowed rapidly now as she ran from him. He never wanted her to run from him. Never. Now she had. He had become someone she couldn't approach; someone he couldn't trust. He didn't like the thought of this at all. It hurt more than her words had before.

He felt for her signature and reached out into the Force, feeling for her. Adrenaline pumped as he ran. He had felt something rise inside of her--possibly her heritage. The Garou blood boiling. He didn't understand it, but he knew it only came when she was very emotionally discharged.

______________________

The fire raged as the village burned before them. They had attacked this small village in search of an artifact Kama had been searching for. Unfortunately, a small group of Jedi had shown up to divert them. The odds were stacked against the Sith: 4 Sith Knights--Chase, Xazor, and tow other brothers named Irani and Urlini--to 12 Jedi--4 Knights and 8 apprentices/padawans. Quite a crew. They had been informed before hand of the raid--it was obvious.

As the battle began, the forces met. It was brutal. Blood was spilled and the village was torn apart by the powers that fought. Soon enough, the strength and experience of the SIth had begun to conquer. 6 of the padawns had fallen and 3 Knights remained. Casualties were had by all--the brothers had been killed as well.

"Xazor! Can you hear me!" Chase screamed out into the night. He wished to find her. He was scared for her health. A knight and padawan approached him. As the padawan attacked him foolishly, Chase countered the shot and slammed him down with the Force. The wind was crushed out of him. The knight converged on him as he fought. They engaged in a fierce match, parry-stab-parry-slash-parry-push--it was a match of wit and power. But Chase found his weakness--his padawan. He threw the young Jedi with the Force and, as he smashed into the wall, the knight ran to him--a fatal mistake. Chase lunged towards him, stabbing him in the side with his saber. When the knight fell, the padawan crawled in fear away. Chase wouldn't kill him--not yet. He wanted to find Xazor.

"Xazor!" He screamed out into the night. Hearing growls from the distance, he ran towards it. What he found would stick with him for life. He turned the corner to see his love, surrounded by 4 Jedi. But the tides were not turned on the Sith. She was fighting more fiercely than he had ever seen in her. She looked....different. She was...changed. Animalistic, like a wolf. She even looked like one. One knight, then the two padawans, then the last knight--all fell to her as she looked perfect in her manuvers. As they were killed, she looked exactly at Chase, her eyes glaring as fangs shown. Chase stood and stared. She then fell to the ground as it seemed that she came back to her senses. She was exhausted. He ran to her.

"I never knew...you were...you are beautiful." He kissed her--she was falling asleep. He carried her back towards the ship.

___________________________

He had to get back to her. He ran--legs aching--the pain of his heart searing more. He saw her--kneeling in the clearing...sobbing uncontrollably. He felt horrible. His selfishness had caused her this pain. He hated himself for that. He walked towards her--silently. He was so tired of this pain. He didn't care. Nothing mattered for this moment but he and Xazor.

He came to her and embraced her tightly. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." he sobbed. He brought her around to face him. Pulling her face close to his, he looked into her eyes. He had done it so many times--so many times, their spirits had met--but this time he was opening everything he had to her. "I'm sorry...I love you...I love you..."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor was suddenly turned around and embraced by Terran who was sobbing as well as she. He held her close to him and spoke apology after apology....and words of love. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stroked his hair...down to his neck. Her tears flowed so freely and fell upon his robes as well as her own.

"Don't be sorry...it was my fault...."

She said softly, holding him tightly to her. She knew that she loved him too....that would never change, but she loved Dasquian and he was in her life now....they were together. They were to be married and make things work for their child. Her heart ached and pounded in her chest as they sat in the little grove together....embraced in something more eternal than their arms...


___________________________________________


"You can't catch me!"

She called out to him as she ran through the forests surrounding the large Sith Temple on Cysaria. Her legs moved faster and faster, powered by the Force to keep her moving. Chase ran after her, aiding his speed with the Force as well...

"That's what you think!"

He called out and suddenly bounded up behind her, then jumped at her with a hug and tackled her to the ground. The Knight fell and turned, landing upon her back with Chase on top...looking down at her. They panted heavily to catch their breaths as they looked into each other's eyes. He leaned down and now was just centimeters from her face. Their noses touched briefly as the anticipation of a kiss built between them.

"Do they know this is what we do for training?"

She questioned solfty, a bit of humor upon her voice. Her eyes closed as she closed in on those centimeteres of air between them and touched her lips softly to his. As soon as she did, she pulled away to the distance that they had been seconds before.

"Oh that isn't fair...."

He smiled gently and took his hand up to her face and caressed her skin gently. His hand went back and into her hair which he gently ran his fingers through before moving his hand down to her neck....and then to her shoulder...and then slowly down her arm. He took her hand in his and moved her arm up to wrap around him. She did so and they cradeled each other on the ground...his eyes looking down into hers. He then leaned in and broke those centimeters and kissed her deeply....passion and love combined together and made for a beautiful display of pure and honest devotion. Their hearts beat together as he pressed his body against hers and kissed her more....he broke away for just a second to breath...

"Whoever said that training had to be difficult?"

They laughed slightly and he took his lips to hers again and kissed her softly, yet passionatly and deeply as before as they laid there together upon the forest floor......


___________________________________


"I know that this is a hard time, but please....understand these things for me....please. You don't know how much stress I am under...you don't know how badly my heart aches Terran!"

She pleaded with him, causing more tears to fall from her eyes. Her heart indeed ached....it ached deeply for him....for the love that they once had and now could not share. Her tears fell upon his robes and glinted in the light like stars...or precious jewels. Each one was a symbol and testament to what they once were, what they were now....and what they wished to be. Life was twisted and this was just a curve in the road.....she hoped that he would see it that way too.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

It was hard. This was so difficult, be he cared for her in every way possible and didn't wish to hurt her in anyway. He looked at her and watched her pain. It was unbearable, as he sobbed. He was weak.

"Xazor...just..." His words trailed off as he thought about what to say. Memories flooded his head. He looked back into her face, when he had seen that face before.

______________________________

Something was wrong. He ran. He didn't know where he was going, but he could feel pain in someone's mind...pain in Xazor's mind. He left the Sith grounds and ran to the small village on its outskirts. It was a rough town--what was to be expected? it was borded by the Sith Order--but Kama believed in letting some aspects of the planet remain untouched.

He came to the village, saber hilt in hand. He heard something in the west alleyway. Ducking through the crowded mazes of the slums, he made his way to the source.

Xazor crouched, back to him, as Chase scanned the scene. Two dead men lay before him--Jedi, by the looks of them. He ran to Xazor, stopping by her side. In her arms, she held something--someone. It was a child. Very small...hurt badly...maybe dead.

"Xazor! What happened? Are you ok?" He questioned, trying to see her eyes. She would not face him--she only stared at the child.

"She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this..." She spoke in broken phrases, gasping for breath.

"What are you talking about, Xazor?" Chase was confused. A child was dead--a bad thing, he agreed, but she had killed so many. What did it mean now?

"I...I was confronted by the Jedi when I had come to town. I killed them both--they were weak. I felt a third presence behind me. I...had no idea...and I pushed with the Force and heard...the wall crunch..." She never broke her gaze with the child.

"Xazor...it's ok...it's not--"

"No! It's not ok!" She stared him in the eyes. Her eyes were ravaged, broken, torn with tears. He had never seen them like this before...her heart had broken for the child. He knew they were getting soft and planning their escape from the order, but he didn't know that this was a part of it. She realized the shock in his face. "Chase...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"No, it's ok. It's ok, Xazor. You are upset. You..." Looking at her face again he realized how much she hurt and just needed his strength in this moment. He reached out for her. "What can I do for you...name it, Xazor. It's yours." He smiled and they embraced.

"Be here...that's it. Don't leave..."

_____________________________

That was it. He knew what to do.

"Xazor...tell me what to do. What do you want from me." He looked earnestly into her face. "I mean it--what do you need from me. I am here for you."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor listened as he spoke the words, and it brought a gentle smile to her face. She shook her head and moved closer to him, then wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly.

"Be here...that's it. Don't leave..."

She whispered to him softly as tears continued cascading down her cheeks. Her heart had broken and now it would mend....with his help she would be alright.....they would be alright.


________________________________________


"What are you doing?"

A voice rang out in the forest trees as a woman came upon the man that was bent over...something.....upon the forest floor. He seemed to not hear her for a moment.....and then he spoke.

"It's.....dying......."

He spoke softly, a sadness heard in his voice. She moved over to him to reveal a baby wolf cub....and immediatly her heart was crushed. One of her kind.....and it was hurt.

"What did you do to it?"

She questioned, a harsh tone was upon her voice. She had not meant it that way though....and now mentally kicked herself for such uncaringness.

"It was an accident Xazor....honestly! I was practicing with my saber and I....dropped it......"

He said softly. The Sith Knight shook her head and she lifted the cub into her arms, cradeling it softly. It's let was cut badly and blood had pooled upon the ground. She knew it had been an accident, but he had felt terribly about it......he loved Nature and this he felt was like a sin to his soul.

"It's okay, I'm here and I'll fix it.....don't blame yourself for this."

Sure, to someone else it seemed small, but what others did not know, was their deep devotion to wildlife and Nature, the forests and the jungles. She would care for the cub and comfort Terran in the process. It was just a few days after they had decided to leave the Order and become Jedi together.....so now, life was viewed entirely different to them. It was precious.....and this.....this was no different......

______________________________________


Xazor's tears mixed with his own as she embraced him, holding him closly. Her head rested gently against his as her heart pounded out pain in her chest.

"I'm sorry........"

She whispered to him.......truly meaning the words from the bottom of her heart.....for she was. She had betrayed so many and she had broken his heart. He was like the wounded animal.....completely vaunerable.....but she would make things better, together they would......

[imported_Terran Starek]

He brought his eyes up to meet hers. The words echoed in his mind.

Be here...that's it. Don't leave...

He wouldn't leave her--not permanently. Not a chance. He still loved her and he would not leave her alone. He cried for her. He wept, softly, for her. He knew that hardships were ahead. All the obstacles, all the dangers, all the terrors he would face on the path to becoming a Jedi Knight would be overwhelming. But nothing--nothing--could ever break him with Xazor in his heart. Nothing.

"Everything will work out." He told her this, with new thoughts in his mind. He knew the thoughts betrayed honor. He knew they betrayed Xazor's commitment. He knew that they would betray even his own self control. But he didn't care.

He leaned in to kiss her, but paused in front of her lips--centimeters from the kiss. That anticipation they had shared so many times.

"Xazor," he whispered, his hot breath against her lips. "Kiss me again. Kiss me. Kiss me like it will be the last kiss the universe will ever have." In his heat, he believed that it could be the last kiss they would ever share. A passionate love that would have to be contained. It would be so very hard for him...

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently and wiped the tears on her cheeks away with the back of her hand. They came to rest upon her lap as she looked at him and tried to believe the words he was saying. All things would work out in time......she hoped. Her eyes fell to the ground but then suddenly were brought up by Terran.....who leaned in close to her and now was just centimeters from her face. It was the tension and anticipation of a......kiss.......that caught her attention right away.

"Xazor, kiss me again. Kiss me. Kiss me like it will be the last kiss the universe will ever have."

He then whispered softly to her, his warm breath against her lips. Her eyes shut momentarily as she thought of this.....for the first time, she thought of the consequences of her actions. They were no longer together.....they were friends.....and she loved Dasquian. She was to have his child.....yet, there was still a love for Terran.....and she would have to explain this to the Father of her child. He would understand though....for she knew very well that if Dasquian ever came in contact with his wife again....he would wish to kiss her too....and Xazor would let him. Her eyes opened to look deeply into his and she then leaned in and touched her lips to his.....ever so softly at first......but then passionatly and deeply.....like it was the last kiss that the universe would ever have again. For several moments that shared that last bit of passion that they could ever have again....and then broke away to breath....softly together they breathed.

"Please.....don't remember that moment as the ending of a story.....as the end of a tale of love that has been written and crafted over such a long time.....please don't view it that way....for the book has not been shut by the writer......"

She whispered softly, still so close to him. How she wished to slip her arms around his neck and kiss him again....but she would not go that far and ruin what she had with Dasquian.....and Terran would have to understand that.....no matter how much it killed both of them......

[imported_Terran Starek]

The kiss was, in fact, the greatest kiss the two had ever shared--minus maybe the one the day they were engaged. It was a moment that Terran wished to remain in forever. He pleaded for the Force to take his life then and there so that he may only remember Xazor's lips for eternity.

As always, however, reality threw cold water on his face.

He came back to the planet--back from the heavenly star that was Xazor's love--and landed on the ground again. He knew that no matter what she said, it would be the last taste of their past love in his life. The future...well, what was to be said about it. There was so much to be decided. Much more to see and explore and to taste and touch and...

He was saddened, greatly, by the fact that she would not be his love.

Despite his grief at this news, he would be strong. He would be strong for Xazor, if no one else. If not even himself, he would be strong for her. He would make it through this--it was only a matter of how, not if.

"I won't Xazor. All will be as it was intended to be, by the Force. All will be well." He said the words. They were hard, but he meant them. He took her hand.

"If you will understand, I will need some time to myself to think." He smiled weakly and squeezed her hand. He did. Many things had been made known to him tonight. It would take meditation to understand them all.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded gently and smiled. She knew that he needed this time to reflect...as did she. Looking down at the ground, the Knight rose to her feet and sighed to herself.

"I will go then....it's peaceful here....speak to the River, it will reveal many secrets."

She was hinting to the River of the Force....and she knew he would know. Smiling once again, she turned and decided to walk away quietly.

"May the Force be with.......us..........."

[imported_Terran Starek]

He nodded to her and smiled softly. She knew he needed his time, and he would seek the river for answers. He would speak to nature and let it take his mind.

When she left his view and he could no longer feel her presence close to his, he let go. He was weak--a weak man. His eyes exploded with tears as he cried into the woods. There was no denying it--not to the trees, the plants, the Force. They cried with him. His heart, battered and torn, bled. He let his emotions run wild, out into the night. Weeping, sobbing, shaking, his body realized every ounce of pain and greif it contained.

His mind wandered uncontrolably. What if he had never come back? What if he had remained on the ship with Biggs forever. He would never have remembered, never have come here. Never have his heart broken...again.

What if he had never read the old Jedi books? What if he had remained a Sith? Would he have attacked or even killed those he knew and loved now?

What if he had never been attuned to the Force to begin with? He looked into the river, seeing a broken, tired man. His eyes were red and weary from crying. He looked tired--his face long and anguished. Pathetic.

"Why don't you end this? Why don't you take me now?" He cried into the Force. "You are truth! You are light! You heal, you teach, you bring suffering to an end! Why do I suffer!" He began to cry again as the words angered him. "Why does it hurt so much," he sobbed, "to see the world in the light you give. The shadows...they appealed much more than this pain." He cursed the words, but they came out and there was no denying the emotions he felt.

He ran deeper into the jungle, looking for peace. He found the waterfall he had sensed. Losing the clothes that bound him, he dove into it. Part of him wished never to come up for air. To let the river swallow him, wisk him away into rest where this pain was very far away. The water washed away the dirt and the grime, clearing his body and cleansing his senses.

Putting his pants back on, he settled on an old tree stump for some thought. He was so tired...so weary. He would need rest soon. In the soft moonlight, however, he found it easy to be at peace.

[Xazor Elessar]

In the middle of nowhere a monastery
In the silent twilight a prayer
I step into the hallowed ground
I realise all the pain
The ground's scattered beneath my feet as I fall

In the silent fields of darkness desperate shadows dance
From the burning flames of misery an image of the fall
I step inside the hollow walls
The recreation's burning slow
The walls around me start to fall, they fall

From the drowning words of madness to the breathing sighs
All the desperate screams are fading to an endless well of fortune
All the cries that tremble loud will soon fall apart
All the silent whispers will follow me inside

In the middle of nowhere, I'm crucyfied
In the silent twilight, I've died
I walked along the endless path
I realised all the pain
The ground was scattered beneath my feet as I fell



The words to the song echoed through the trees of the jungle in melodic tones. Her voice was sweet like the dew upon the flower's petals in the morn. A voice....like none other as she sang and walked through the tall grasses upon the uncarved pathes of the jungles. It was enchanting.....like the Sirens of old.....drawing those who heard her closer. The words were of a song that spoke volumes of truth......truth that was only known to two people at that very moment. A tear softly fell from her eye and cascaded down her cheek as she sang the words.....drawing nearer and nearer to the place where Terran sat. They seemed to hold her in a trance as she walked and sang them.....over and over. She seemed to slip into a meditative state with each one that fell from her soft and gentle lips........each word wrapping itself around a memory......a tear......a laugh......cry........a kiss. Each very wrapping itself around she and Terran.....the dreams they once had.....the past they had shared. Each phrase wrapping itself around their hearts, binding them closer together than before.....painfully for it could not be so. Each stanza.....binding itself around their very lives and the very song enveloping their very beings......their souls. It was inevitable.....inescapbale......and so she sang.....and he listened as she drew nearer to him......

[imported_Terran Starek]

She came into view slowly and steadily. He heard her singing--he loved her voice...he loved everything about her. The melody was truly enchanting, bringing back the memories Xazor felt in his mind. He envisioned all the things she felt, saw her emotions, tasted her own pain, and loved her for it all.

He knew the past was done. It had happened--it had made them who they were today. Who knows what would have come of them if they would have remained where they once were. No one could tell.

As she came closer to him, the tears welled up in his eyes again. He thought he didn't have anything less to give, but his emotions flared. He was in a trance listening to her sing. He had no control over his own wants, it seemed. He only wanted to listen to her.

She drew closer to him. He could smell her, sense her, feel her presence, almost touch her. Anticipation of seeing her again. Pain, he thought. Pain. How much could he take? He would want her--like he always did--and no matter how rational they could be, it would not change the fact that he longed to be near her desperately.

As she came nearer, he wanted to touch her, to hold her, to smell her and kiss her and....he knew it wasn't the right thing to do. He knew it wasn't. He couldn't help his thoughts. He looked into her eyes, hoping she would see him through her own meditation.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor continued on......acting blinded by the words that echoed in her song......that fell from her lips and resounded in the ears of the listeners. Slowly she came nearer to him and drew closer to him.....the one whom longed after her...and though she denied it, she secretly desired him as well....but knew it could not be.

Through her eyes she saw his pain.....saw his sorrow.....and saw his hurt. She felt the things he did as well......felt it all.....felt it all. Her heart was broken, split in two as she came to him and fell to her knees. Her hands reached up and touched his face.....then came to her body in its own embrace. Tears fell from her eyes and for each one that did.....two fell from his like times of old. Her vision was blured and her mind was clouded over by a never ending rainstorm. How she had caused them so much anguish....and she despised herself for it......she did.....

[imported_Terran Starek]

He could feel her self doubt, her pain. As she embraced him, he wanted to heal her. He could only think of the suffering in her soul, in her heart. He could not take it any longer.

"It's not your fault. It never was, and it never will be. It's not your fault." He cried to her, to make her understand. It wasn't her fault. Love--a crazy, mysterious, selfish, rude thing--would never forgive them of anything. But they could forgive each other. It was now time to find that peace in his heart. He would try--Force above, he would try.

"I love you. You mean...you mean....so much to me....I..." He trailed off. Maybe the words would not help, only hurt. They just brought to him more visions of he and Xazor in love and not having her now hut even more. He ran his fingers through her hair--soft, clean hair that always captivated him--and let his mind wander. He hated this spot. He hated it. To be in it was worse than to be dead. He hoped he could bring peace or explanation or something. He wished that he and Xazor could just take off--run away! Run far, far away, where no one would be hurt or wronged by the two being together. He hated this.

[Xazor Elessar]

"I know....and it isn't fair to you to give a love that cannot be returned! I'm.....so......sorry......."

She cried gently, putting her head down as she did so. Her heart was Dasquian's now.....she knew that Terran had taken the backseat to her love and she hated herself for it.

"Can we not be friends through this? Has it occured to you, that fact? You're my best friend.....so why does it still hurt?"

More tears fell from her eyes as she embraced him as before and cried into his shoulder. Life was cruel to her in so many ways....yet through the hard times, a blessing was always revealed.......how she desired to see that blessing at that moment......but alas, suffering was due for her wrong doings of previous times......

[imported_Terran Starek]

"Xazor, of course we will always be friends...always. Nothing you could ever do--nothing--would take that away. It's not your fault, anyway. All this--not your fault." He held her close. He was very torn. He loved her as his own--as a wife, a mate, everything--but he also knew what situation she was in. He knew that if he cared for her so much, he would respect her decisions. They were hard, it was true, but he had no choice. To do otherwise would be to show that he didn't care. And he did. He would not be selfish. He would care for her.

"When the road is rough for you, you will find sanction in me. When light fails to reach your life, you will find illumination in my embrace." He smiled, looking into her eyes and letting the words sink into her mind. He loved her. Beyond passion, beyond friendship. It was as if he had a bond to her sould. And no matter what occured--whether she felt it or no--he would always be here for her. Always. The pledge he made now would endure.

"I will not leave you. The Force has broken us apart--several times now, it seems. It will not shake our bond." He spoke again with another big smile.