To Seek Your Guidance....(Navaria Tarkin)

[Xazor Elessar]

The figure of a woman glided along the halls of the Temple.....slowly making her way past a few that were gathered and dotted the ways to the Academy. Sighing as she reached the large complex, the woman entered and the autolights flipped on. Slowly she crossed the grounds and made her way toward another door.....leading outside into a beautiful garden. Her heart swelled with joy when she entered this place....for here she felt most at peace....one with Nature and fully under the guidance of Gaia and the Force.

Moving toward a large boulder in the center of the gardens, Xazor climbed up on it and sat down, crosselegged for a more comfortable position. Slowly she closed her eyes and fell deeply into the Force....letting it completely bathe her and brighten her soul. She could feel the small ants crawling at the base of the boulder.....hear the song of a bird far off in the distance.....feel the harmonic chaos within the hive of the bees just beyond the perimeter of the gardens. Slowly she outstretched her mind far beyong these things....and felt the current of the rivers through the vast jungles......she heard the familiar sound of the water splashing upon the rocks at the waterfall she meditated at each morning.

Stretching her mind even further than that, though....she focused on the Living Quarters....where she could hear the thoughts of her Brother, Alpha....always thinking about too many things at once was he. Her mind drifted to her children.....whom were playing nicely together with things used for training. Her mind gently touched Dasquian's......who was hard at work studying ancient Jedi Lore in a book that she had loned to him. Then she searched out the presence of whom she wished to speak with.....whom she knew that she could trust in such a time as this: Navaria Tarkin. Slowly her mind drifted to the woman and Xazor smiled.....letting the warmth of her presence touch her mind.

Please my friend....I need your Counsel.....

She spoke softly in the Knight's mind, hoping that she heard the words.....but more importantly, the quiet distress that even laced her telepathic speech. Hopefully she would come to this place and speak to her. Silently, the Knight continued her meditation, but drifted from the minds of others....slowly making her way through the serenity of the jungles and gardens......taking it all in as the warmth of the Force consumed her soul. She thought of how at peace she was now......and pondered why she was not able to hold that peace all the time. It was so difficult....and what she was currently going through made all things even worse. Sighing, she continued meditating.....waiting for her friend and Mentor.....

[Navaria Tarkin]

Meanwhile, inside the living quarters of Navaria Tarkin, the Jedi Knight was taking care of some personal business with an old acquantance and new friend.

"Yes I understand that your supplies are running low, Gaeriel. I realize that you still have a lot to build back from the occupation by the Empire and of course, the recent ramifications of their sudden departure."

The woman on the other end smiled appreciatively.

I'm grateful for your help. I know how busy you are.

Navaria shook her head.

"Please. It's the least I can do with all the damage that was caused."

This wasn't your fault.

"I know but I cannot help but feel responsible."

Gaeriel closed her eyes and nodded. The Prime Minister understood Navaria's reasoning in personally helping Bakura to get back onto its feet. It was the Jedi's home but there was also the fact that it was Dalethria that led the raid against the planet in the first place while the Sith was in the Empire.

Navaria. Please, you mustn't ....

Something about the way Navaria was staring off looking away from the monitor caught Gaeriel's attention.

Navaria?

"What? Oh. My apologies."

The Jedi ran a hand through her hair and smiled.

"Someone needs to see me."

Ah. Well, we can discuss this another time. Perhaps tomorrow?

"Of course. I know you need your rest. It is rather late there."

Indeed it is. Well, until later my friend.

"Yes, and may the Force be with you. Goodnight."

The image of the Prime Minister blinked away and Navaria gathered up her warm outer cloak, thinking on the message that was sent to her.

Xazor seemed very distraught. With how things were going for her fellow Knight, this wasn't a surprise but a cause for concern. Still the ramifications of what happened in the Council Room had latched onto many still.

Seems like all this day was dealing with ramifications ...


A half an hour later, Navaria appeared in the gardens where she and Xazor had their first real meeting with one another. It didn't take too long to find her friend and stopped in front of the large rock that Xazor was meditating on.

"My forgiveness for being late. I was helping a friend with an important matter."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled to herself when she sensed the presence of Navaria. Taking a deep breath, she fell deeper into the Force, yet continued listening to her friend's words.

"Late? No need to apologize.....I told you know specific time....I would have waited until you came."

The Knight smiled once again and opened her eyes, bowing her head in respect to Navaria. Her eyes shifted up to the sky and then back to her friend's face.

"I do thank you for coming to me, though.....I need your counsel and wisdom..."

She said softly, a hint of sadness hung upon her voice. Lately she had been thinking a lot.....perhaps too much for her own good, and had come to a few conclusions......mainly about people.

"I have decided that nothing matters anymore.....what they have said to me.....it doesn't matter.....what I think people say and think of me....it doesn't matter. It's what I think of myself...and what I do with the proper criticism I recieve that matters....."

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria's eyes forrowed in thought, her lips tightly pulling together. Xazor's words were very powerful and she wondered if the girl really understood what it all meant.

"You say you do not care. Nothing matters. Is such a lack of apathy true, Xazor? A Jedi must be in control of their emotions, true, but without emotions, then how do we define outselves."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor shook her head and smiled once again.

"People want me to be an emotionless vessle...so I shall mold myself to that view. Love, joy, hope....I suppose it is wrong if I feel those things as well. There is no emotions...there is peace. The Code speaks this true...so to have no emotion is to ruin oneself and not to be happy....is that what everyone wants me to be?"

She sighed and looked down at the rock before shifted her eyes to Navaria's for wisdom....

[Navaria Tarkin]

"When you have no emotions and you are in control, you find the Force in its purity. Only then can a Jedi wield it without being lost in the power."

Navaria laced her fingers together and rested them upon her belt.

"What do you want to be?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed and thought of her friend's question. So many answers could have been said to that.....and they all jumbled together in her mind.

"I want to be happy...and unjudged. I want to be a rolemodel....a strong Warrior.....a Jedi Master. I want to remain on the Council and help lead this Order. I want to be a good Mother....and a good friend. I want to live life to the fullest.....indulge myself in the Force and live the right way.....but something unseen is standing before me, blocking the path to these things and I have yet to discover its identity....."

[Navaria Tarkin]

"What you ask can and cannot be done. You want a perfect world Xazor and that cannot come to past. Only some of what you want can come true. Others can come true to a certain extent."

She began to walk around the large rock that Xazor was perched on.

"You say something is blocking your perceptions."

Her head looked up at the back of Xazor.

"Not the Dark Side is it? Surely you can sense if what is holding you back is tainted by that power."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed and resumed her meditation as Navaria spoke. Her words were wise and she nodded in agreement.

"Yes, I know that I have wanted a perfect world...and I also know that it cannot be so....but I think that people want me to try to hard for things...and it isn't me. I do as best as I can...but for some reason....it isn't good enough and it isn't working for me."

Then her words shocked her and the Knight's hands began to tremble slightly. If she wanted Navaria's help to work, she had to be honest. The only way to fix the problem was to admit there was one. Sighing, she opened her eyes again and nodded solemnly.

"It has crossed my mind...more so in recent times. You are wise in your perception my friend....that is another reason I have called you here....seeking your help. I preach to my students that the Dark Side is dangerous....I know from experience....yet, I find myself succumbing to thoughts of the very thing I stand against. When I am sad....it eats away at my heart. When in situations where tempers flare....I find anger from the Darkness nagging at my very existance. I feel so lost Navaria! I am a Jedi....so why do I have so many problems?"

A few tears tugged at the lids of her eyes, but she held them back, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself as she thought of the truths she had just admitted. It was a difficult thing, but she trusted Navaria deeply and knew that her friend would help her...

[Navaria Tarkin]

She extended her hands outward and by the Force, lifted into the air and found a piece of unclaimed rock to sit on. Xazor needed her help and having her so physically distant was affecting her friend, she could just feel it. Being close enough to touch and hear her voice so clearly would help in calming Xazor, or so she hoped.

Her friend was more distraught then one would pick up on with a causal glance. The inflextion of her tone held pain, her body was shaking ever so subtly, her mind was scattered. All these nuances that Xazor projected, Navaria ate up and recognized them for what they were.

Confusion and fear.

No wonder Xazor was quick to jump on the defensive and the Dark Side was trying to lure her away .... Things at the Temple weren't helping either.

Navaria was sitting rather causally, which Xazor took notice. One leg was bent upwards and the other, tucked beneath it. She rested her arm across her knee and supported her body with the other arm behind. Usually, Navaria would be sitting like Xazor would be or kneeling. Being so open and lax with her friend, she was hoping it would also help to ease Xazor's mind. Ease it in the sense that Navaria trusted Xazor.

"It is as I feared."

Briefly, she closed her eyes and then turned to look at Xazor.

"I remember saying that your Knighthood was earned with deeds and your ability to protect those who could not defend themselves. Be able to keep the peace as best as any Warrior Jedi could.

At the time, it was believed you had conquer your demons and were at peace with yourself."

Blue eyes narrowed, conveying an even more softer tone to what she was about to say.

"I for one did not think you were completely at peace with yourself."

She sighed with regret.

"And I see that I was right. Unfortunately."

Then oddly enough, her face brightened with a smile.

"You have come close many times to finding a bring between the Warrior and the Priest inside of you but something keeps that bridge from forming completely. I believe that is the problem. A balance is what you need, Xazor. Only then can you truly keep the Dark Side at bay."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled as she watched her friend come and sit closer to her. Indeed....it did ease her mind to have Navaria relaxed in her presence. Looking up at the sky for a moment, she took a deep breath and looked at her friend.

"I guess it all came out because of recent events. I need to go somewhere by myself for a while....or perhaps with a close and trusted friend.....to find out what that blockade is you speak of. I have a feeling I know what it is. I can't live with remembering the look on Master Anbira's face when Soolin spoke....I can't close my eyes and forget the shock on the faces of the other Council Members and those of this Order when they found out how deep the Darkness was within me. I hate being judged....but everytime I see those people...I remember.....and feel as though it's happening all over again. I have to so.....I am judged by at least one person each day....and it hurts....."

She paused in her words and shook her head, recalling what her Father had taught her. The Force.....her ally......it was something she so often forgot about.

"But the Force runs strongly through me.....how come I forget that it is my strength even when others do not understand? I just wish I could make them understand....it would make things easier on me, at least. I just don't understand why people label me a Sith hiding in Jedi's robes....that seems to be the core of this recent problem of mine....."

Xazor looked over at Navaria, smiling somewhat as a softer gaze settled in her eyes. She felt a bit more relaxed and placed her hands behind her.....looking up into the sky and breathing in the pure air around them.

"Maybe I am trying to hard to impress everyone.......maybe I just need to be....me......"

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria's eyes shined brightly to what Xazor said.

"Hold onto that thought and give it meaning besides words. I know you wish for that truth but if you keep striving for that truth by wishes .... It is no wonder you keep finding yourself at a lost of what to do, especially if you are trying to impress everyone."

She chuckled.

"I mean, if I worried about what everyone thought of me constantly, I would probably loose it as well. If I kept thinking of what others thought of my past as the granddaughter of Moff Tarkin, the one who destroyed Alderaan, I never would have become a Knight, Xazor. My mettle is tested everyday with those that find out about Dalethria..."

Her 'Sister' was a sore subject, but something she had grown accustomed to. With her demeanor composed, Navaria continued.

"I still believe you must be at whole with yourself in order for these nagging thoughts to subside. A Jedi must be clear headed and at peace with themselves. Something you have yet to achieve even with all that you have done serving the Order."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded gently and smiled. Navaria's words were reassuring and made her realize that it really was not important what others thought of her......even if others did not approve of what she once was.

"You're right....it's who I used to be.....not who I am. If someone does not wish to judge me on who and what I am now.....then they themselves are at fault and must have a flaw....they must be restless with themselves. I am fine as I am....and I am improving everyday. Now if I could only stay at peace with myself all the time...."

She paused a moment and thought of her own words. It was strange to actually think of how she had grown and then fell behind on her own words. This time it would be different, but she had to find a solution.

"It's almost as if......everytime I cross a bridge, the next one in front of me burns and I end up going back to replace the one in front of me.....but then the one behind burns and I am.....stuck."

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Well, then we will have to fix that so it does not happen anymore."

Navaria held out her hand.

"Do you trust me?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor looked down at Navaria's hand and then back up into her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat at her words as she wondered what the woman had in mind. Last time she had done something like this, Xazor had been mentally tormented...but it helped....so she would trust her again.

"Yes...I trust you...."

She said softly and placed her hand in Navaria's. Silence engulfed the area around them and she looked at Navaria.......still curious as to what she would do to 'fix' the problem.....

[Navaria Tarkin]

There was a sharp tingle that shot through Xazor's body and she felt herself grow limp, falling into unconsciouness.

Upon waking, Xazor found herself laying on the very same stone that she and Navaria were sitting on ... But what didn't make sense was the size of the boulder. It seemingly grew five times in size.

Looking around further, the situation continued to grow further into confusion. The sky was just as she remembered it but when she looked down, thick mists covered up the bottom of the chasm! The picture grew further and Xazor realized they were floating in between two cliffs that were roughly sixty to perhaps eighty meters across. The cliffs reminder her of the terrain of Yavin by the foliage and rock formations.

Even a Jedi on their best day could not cover that distance with the Force.

Navaria was standing at the edge of the boulder, which now Xazor could tell was about twenty meters in diameter, and looking at her expectantly.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor gasped as suddenly she was placed in a terribly confusing situation. All around her were large gaps and then platforms....possibly cliff tops.....that seemed so very far away. Below her was a deep chasm filled with a misty smoke that covered its true depth. In all honesty.....Xazor was afraid. She fell to a crouched position and placed her hands upon the rock below her feet and her eyes nervously shot up to Navaria's.

"What am I to do? I surly will fall if I try to make the jump!"

She called out across the large rock to her friend whom was standing at the edge. The Knight slowly rose to full height and walked toward the center of the 'cliff'......wondering how she would ever get off of this mass.....

[Navaria Tarkin]

Xazor's initial response was rather interesting, yet expected.

"Calm yourself and think. You are letting fear take hold of your conscious thoughts. Let go of them and find the peace within."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed, unable to think of any conclusion to the situation. She had to somehow make her way across but there was nothing linking her to the otherside. Clearing her mind of any conscious thought of fear, she closed her eyes and focused deeply on the Force. It flowed through her strongly, winding through her veins and around her very soul. Suddenly the answer came.

"I will build a bridge.....but I cannot do it alone.....I need help."

She said softly, then focused even deeper upon the Force. Raising a hand into the air, the Knight summoned the wind.....an element of nature and something that she could easily control. It whipped around the area and she focused its power on the sledge across from her. It pushed against the large rock until a large creaking noise could be heard.....nearly defening to the ear. Suddenly the large stones began to fall and instead of falling into the great abyss.......they were being held in place and leading right to the next large platform of stone. It seemed like a miracle, but Xazor had help from the Force. Smiling, but not letting her excitement break the hold, the Knight hopped down onto the newly formed bridge and safely made her way across to the next platform.....then with her eyes closed, she awaited Navaria and the next set of instructions....

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Navaria isn't here to help you anymore, Xazor!"

The gruff and deep voice registered immediately in the Knight's mind but the danger did not. She felt herself being thrown backwards across the platform with incredible strength to where the bridge had been constructed by will and the Force alone.

Her eyes opened up in time to see what was going on but what should have been a safety net behind the Garou Knight became nothing but crumbling boulders that fell to the ground below ... Just like Xazor. And no where was Navaria to be found.

<center><img src=http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=VerseDawnstrider></center>

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's eyes sprung open to see her Father. Suddenly he threw her backwards and she was falling......but there was no 'safety net' any longer. She thought of what she would do to pay him back if she lived, but then she rid her mind of those thoughts and concentrated.

"I love you dear Father.....I'm sorry for your soul......"

She called back softly, her words so sincere. In her mind she imagined a bridge forming between the two platforms. She raced to create the image needed to complete the task, but somehow, she thought it was too late.

"May the Force be with you....."

Her voice drifted off into silence then......


ooc: Hope that's a good edit Nav! ;)

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Well ..."

A voice broke through the foggy haze of Xazor's unconscious mind.

"... I did not quite expect for that to happen."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor did not know what was going on now. Is this real? she thought to herself then suddenly heard Navaria's voice in her mind.

"Nav? Where are you? Where am I?!"

She called out through the fields of their minds. Something strange was happening...she was not dead...but things were not adding up.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Everything was a blank slate in Xazor's mind. The fall had caused the Knight's mind to go into a sort of shock but also, at the same time Xazor was falling, she was desperately attempting to connect the gaps of despair. Another reason she went into shock... The reaction of her friend was predictable.

"I am behind you, my friend. It looks as if you were trying to hard to fix your problems that when you fell off the platform ... well ..."

She reached out her hands to motion at the nothingness.

"... it created this."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor turned around in her mind, somehow, and saw her friend Navaria standing there explaining what had happened.

"I....I am afraid I don't understand fully. You mean....I was trying too hard and so I was not thinking clearly. My mind was clouded and...I fell. Oh....."

She was beginning to understand now. Everytime a situation occured in her life, her mind went on overload and she tried to hard to fix the situation.

"....that's why I have an anger problem...I am always mad at myself or another for all that is going on....and I cannot fix it. That is like Anakin.....or, Darth Vader from so long ago. He said that he would fix everything. He was so angry...like I am...."

She lowered her head and sighed inwardly, suddenly coming to a very important realization....

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria lowered her head, shaking it. Confirming what Xazor had figured out through talking it out. Something that Navaria had known about the Knight since first meeting Xazor. She was so full of rage and anger, which did dwindle in time but not completely. It was always an uphill battle with Xazor. The worse part of the situation was trying to explain it to Xazor. Never could she accept what was said ... until now.

"You realize it now. So, you still have a chance."

She clasped her hands together and looked up at the Knight.

"But if you do not control your anger .... Well, this place is where you will find yourself. Lost and alone in your anger with no one to help you."

She smiled.

"Not now though. You do have me but you will not always have someone to fall back on."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor took a deep breath and nodded in understanding.

"I know that....and it is something I shall remember. So instead of trying to fix everything...and getting angry about it, I'll let others help me and I will leave things that are supposed to be the way they are, alone. Now....what do I do to get out of this state, though?"

That was something she knew not and could not comprehend at the moment. How was she supposed to get out of what felt like a blackhole?

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Do you understand. Really?"

For the first time that Xazor could remember, she saw Navaria's face frown so deeply that the Jedi Knight's elegant beauty was scarred.

"Then why will anger be your first choice to everything?"

Navaria could tell that Xazor was perplexed to what she was getting at.

"The Force is always in motion but even so, I see nothing but anger, Xazor. Rash and quick judgement filled with nothing but bloodlust and hatred. I see much when I look at you. Care to witness what is in store?"

Reaching out through the Force, Navaria quickly connected to Xazor's mind and projected what the Force had revealed to the Jedi Knight.

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After the vision had ended, Navaria's features loosened as the lines that marred her face faded away.

"As you can see.... You speak in only words but the Force shows me that you are still quick to anger. Many possible futures have shown me this same senario. It is why you cannot figure out the way to pass through the hole of darkness in your mind."

[Xazor Elessar]

"Always in motion the future is.....so why do you say I only speak words now?"

Xazor gritted her teeth and turned away, keeping her cool now before her friend. She took a deep breath into her lungs before looking out into the nothingness of wherever they were. Sighing, her eyes fell to her feet and she then turned and looked into Navaria's eyes.

"I know I was wrong....I've been wrong so many times in the past but I can change....and I will, even if you don't want to help me."

She sighed and lowered her head before falling to her knees as tears stung at her eyelids. I cannot cry now....its an act backing an emotion I am forbidden to feel. she thought to herself and refused her eyes to look up at Navaria.

"......though.....I do not know the way to do this by myself and it seems as though there have been no maps printed for such a journey. I need help, Navaria.....I am but one person and I cannot do this alone. That is all I am asking......please?"

Xazor looked up at her friend with saddened yet hopeful eyes. Something shined behind them unlike before....something of hope, perhaps.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She began walking towards the Knight, the softness in her eyes returning.

"It is because we are friends, Xazor, that I speak the way I do. I do not want to see you fail nor would I ever turn away from you when I can help."

Navaria reached out and clasped Xazor's shoulders in comfort. Something had changed within her friend and whether or not it was the images or words said, only time would tell. But indeed, there was a hopefulness set in those eyes. Soon they would burn with determination instead of anger that drove the Knight carelessly into unwanted situations.

Smiling now, she lifted Xazor's chin with two fingers and smiled.

"You do believe me... Yes?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's cyan eyes met Navaria's gentle eyes and she smiled with a slight nod.

"...Yes, I believe you."

She stated softly before wrapping her arms around her friend. Embracing her tightly for a moment, Xazor felt as though she was already on the path to being the best Jedi she could be. Pulling away, the Garou echoed these thoughts through her eyes which seemed less hollow than they had in the past.

"Thank you Navaria.....now, what am I to do?"

Xazor questioned softly, wondering what lay ahead of her on this difficult journey. It would not be easy, but with her friend there, it would be a lot easier than if she was to try it by herself again.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"I do not think I have to answer that."

Said Navaria, coyly. It was quite difficult to discern what the Knight was getting at until she stepped out of Xazor's way ... The blinding white nothingness had become the gardens that the Academy was built around. Various critters growled and cawed in the distance where the jungle began. Immediate familiarity came with the large stones that looked as if they could be sat upon for meditation.

It was the same area that Xazor called Navaria in the first place, except it was that place in the Warrior's mind.

"You already found the way home by not trying so hard. You simply let go and believed in me ... and yourself. Now, all that is left is to wake up consciously. I am certain you can do that yourself."

Navaria smiled.

"Right?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently and nodded as her eyes followed Navaria's. Suddenly they were back where they began in the serene gardens of the Jedi Order. Navaria spoke of waking up and the Knight finally understood that this was all in her mind...everything was. Slowly she closed her eyes and then opened them, but this time, she was back in the conscious world. The light stung at her eyes momentarily before she turned and looked at her friend, a smile crossed her lips.

"I did find my way back..."

She said softly, eyeing the setting around her. It was strange how the mind and body worked together in this way. She had gone places, even if she had not moved out of this very position.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria reached out a hand and pet the back of Xazor's hair.

"Yes. You always could. Now you have to make sure to stay on the right path from now on... "

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently to herself before hugging her friend lightly.

"Thank you Navaria.....I shall. I will stay on the right path from hence forth.....please, I beg you to help me when I am beginning to slip, for surly at first I would fall on my own."

She said softly as a new shine in her eyes glowed through the cyan color. Indeed she was committed this time and would hold through with all she had said and remember all she had learned.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Delicate fingers held Xazor's chin up.

"It does not matter to me what time of day you need to see me if your thoughts question your actions. You find me. I will always be there for you."

Her fingers left the Knight's chin and found their way around Xazor's shoulders as Navaria led her pupil, her friend, back towards the Academy proper.

"Which is why I am making you sure you make it to your room."

She flashed a smile and chuckled softly.

"No physical labors involved but you must be exhuasted mentally. Anything that needed to be done today will wait until you have taken care of yourself."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled and nodded as Navaria spoke and began leading her out of the Academy toward the Living Quarters. It was such a good feeling to have a friend like her, one who would teach Xazor and at the end of the day....be the friend that the young Garou needed.

"Thank you again....yes, I am pretty tired....my mind is, that is."

She laughed slightly at her confusion of words and shook her head to clear her mental state. The Knight's eyes wandered about and she smiled, seeming to have a new look upon things in life.

"I've never stopped to realize how simple and beautiful things can be. The flowers in the gardens....I've never been down there save for one time. I may be a Warrior....but I am one for the soft things in life, once they're brought to my attention."

She said softly, allowing her eyes to wander about as Navaria continued leading her.