Lamest Movie Lines of All-Time

[JMK]

Let's dedicate a thread to all of the one-liners in Hollywood (except Arnold's - they're all classics) that were meant to be funny/witty/biting etc, but end up coming off as 3 seconds of wasted life.

My first submission is from X-Men, delivered by Storm.
"Do you know what happens to a toad when it is struck by lightning? The same thing as everything else."


*gag*
*puke*
*seizure*
:x

[Jedieb]

"I think you can kiss your Trade franchise goodbye." :smokin

"Ride Postman, RIDE!!!!!"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"I thought Christmas only came once a year..."

:x *gags/vomits/spasms*

[ReaperFett]

I liked the Bond and X-Men one, but the Postman one? Comedy genius ;)

[CMJ]

"You Rebel Scum!"

Maybe it was the delivery...but damn everytime I watch ROTJ I bust out laughing when the dude sneers that classic. ;)

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"Their performance was terrible"

- Irony in xXx, when Vin Diesel makes a comment about other people and their acting.

[CMJ]

I could quote the whole movie...but this was a classic from Ed Wood's "masterpiece"----"Plan 9 From Outerspace".

"Saucers? You mean the kind from up there?"

LOL! Yeah dumbass. ;)

Or from another classic Wood film..."Glen or Glenda". Hearing Lugosi's mad scientist(who by the way has like nothing to do with the rest of the movie) scream this is hilarious.

"Pull the string! Pull the string! "

[ReaperFett]

"Good, our first catch of the day"

The execution? Like Shatner ona pausing day :)



"Woah"

ANy Keanu film :)

[CMJ]

"Modern women. They've been like that all down through the ages."

Another great "Plan 9" quote. That movie is the definition of so bad it's good. :D

[Marcus Telcontar]

"I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war"

A better actress could have pulled it off, but she is not such an actress. Okay, back on topic, so called funny lines that came off horrific instead -

Just about anything said by Austin Powers in No 2 of those movies. NOT FUNNY!

[CMJ]

"Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future."

Damn...that one is so bad(in a good way) I should make it my signature. ;)

Oh BTW that's from "Plan 9" as well. ;)

[Admiral Lebron]

"Gotcha sucka!" Bowfinger(I think)

I personally like in ROTJ when the guy goes "You rebel scum." Its one of my favorite deliveries of a line.

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

Speed, when Keanu Reeves and Dennis Hopper are on the top of the train fighting.

Dennnis- Im smarter than you are!

( Keanu pushes Dennis's head and it get's knocked off )

Keanu- But Im taller!

[darth_mcbain]

I can't believe there weren't more Schwartzenegger lines in here... My lamest one (from him, at least), is from Predator:

"Stick Around..."

[ReaperFett]

McBain, he said no Arnie ones ;)

[JMK]

:lol, yeah, no Arnie quotes, they're all gold!

[ReaperFett]

"You're luggage" being my favourite of his :)

[JMK]

"Sully, remember when I said I was going to kill you last?"
"That's right Matrix, you did!!!!"
"I lied."

[ReaperFett]

"He caught the train" :)

[Quadinaros]

Since we're breaking the rules, here's my favorite Arnie cheese from End Of Days...

"God... help me!"

[Jedi Master Carr]

Looks like Plan Nine should win for worst line is movie history.

Here is one from Batman and Robin

Batgirl "Chicks like you give women a bad name."

And Mr Freeze, (I have to see his lines in this movie are the exception) "You're not sending ME to the COOLER."

Here are some from possible the worst movie ever made Robot Monster (I cheated I found them IMDB :p)

Ro-Man: I am ordered to kill you. I must do it with my hands.
Alice: How is it you're so strong, Ro-Man? It seems impossible.
Ro-Man: We Ro-Mans obtain our strength from the planet Ro-Man, relayed from individual energizers.

Great One: Earth Ro-Man, you violate the laws of plans. To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man.
Ro-Man: Yes! To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?
Great One: You are an extension of the Ro-Man, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now, I set you into motion. One: destroy the girl. Two: destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you!

Of course I imagine those lines are even more pathetic when you watch the movie and see them coming from gorrila with a robot head.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Arnie, in Commando:

"Let off some steam!"

[JMK]

Anyone remember "I Come in Peace"? Starring Dolph Lundgren?

Alien bad guy: "I come in peace"
Dolph: "And you go in pieces, a**hole."

Hilarious!

[Jedi Master Carr]

The great Dolph Lundgren, isn't it a shame he retired :p

[JMK]

Yes *sniff*, I miss him sooooooooooo much! :cry

[Jedieb]

"Sully, remember when I said I was going to kill you last?"
"That's right Matrix, you did!!!!"
"I lied."
BLASPHEMY!! That was Arnold at his best! My friends and I would cheer whenever he delivered that line. But almost everything after Last Action Hero has kinda sucked.

[ReaperFett]

I hope you dont count Eraser :)

[Jedieb]

"Debra? Deb? Debbie?"
And you hear the sound of one hand clapping in a crowded theater.

[JMK]

Commando was Arnold at his best, bar none! I still laugh when he tosses that saw blade like a frisbee at that dude's melon and lops it off from the hairline and up. Then he hacks another's dude's forearm off with an axe at the elbow. Matrix could do anything, AND have daughters like Alyssa Milano!

"Where are we going?"
"Shopping"

[Admiral Lebron]

Yes. That is the coolest scene in Commando by far.

[JonathanLB]

This thread is a major disappointment. So far almost every line in it is excellent, not even just "decent" or passable.

The first works, though. That line from X-Men SUCKS, even though the movie is so great. I saw it 4 times in theaters, I gave it a 95/100, but that line is just godawful. My best friend and I laugh about it to this day and it's like two years later, that is pretty sad. It's so funny though. Who thought that up?!

Those Star Wars lines are all great, jesus, I can't believe people are putting Star Wars lines in this thread. Some fans! LOL, come on guys.

"Good, our first catch of the day," that is a fantastic line. It's pretty humorous too, as I am sure he intended it to be, just like mocking the rebels, that is what I mean by funny. Not LOL funny or anything.

Again, "You Rebel scum!" I agree, absolutely one of the best deliveries, that's a fantastic line. It just shows this trained imperial contempt for the Alliance, which is so absurd given that the Alliance really existed far before the empire, as the republic!

Anyway, Natalie Portman is one of the best actresses alive today. No other actress could have done any better than her. She is an acclaimed, award-winning young star and has done excellent in both Star Wars movies, just as she is incredibly smart, has done live plays, and plenty of great work in other movies too.

"I thought Christmas only came [but] once a year..." -- one of my favorite lines in any Bond movie! I remember how hard the entire theater was laughing when he said that. Oh god, lol, that was frickin' hilarious. I knew they were going to use that name of hers for something, and sure enough I wasn't disappointed.

Someone post some actually bad lines, because I agree that Arnold's are all awesome. Arnold is the man. I like almost every one of his movies. I thought Last Action Hero was really good, too bad everyone else hated it, but that is their loss. I have no idea what supposedly makes it bad. Great concept, great action, good movie!

There are so many bad lines in specific movies that I cannot think of specific ones. I mean, every line in Jason X was horrible. Every line in Jack Frost 2 was horrible. I think one of the worst was when an actress said, "I guess I'll just have to save the day!" or some stupid crap.

[Jedi Master Carr]

hey my lines from Robot Monster were bad, you can't call those lines good, Robot Monster is the worse movie ever, IMO and those lines are typical of that awful film.

[Admiral Lebron]

The problem between us and you Jon is, we don't go out of our way to see -DO-NOT-SWEAR--DO-NOT-SWEAR--DO-NOT-SWEAR--DO-NOT-SWEAR-ty movies like you.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

DENISE RICHARDS! :headbash I hate her!

Ok, enough of that.

Arnold lines are CLASSICS, I love them all. Esp. the "I lied" Commando one.

[JonathanLB]

Carr, yours was great :)

Lebron, LOL, shuddap! You think I like it?! Hey you try sitting through Martin Lawrence Live or The Country Bears or Crossroads or Jason X or The Sweetest Thing or Ya-Ya Stupidhood or even Deuces Wild! It is painful torture, but I have to do it anyway, haha.

[dbn]

any line out of the MaTriX are laughable.
Do you think that is air you are breathing
There is no spoon
welcome to the real world
I am inlove with a dead man
The list can go on in on

and lets not forget about Spiderman. It was hard to set thought it let alone remember the lines, because it gave you no reason to cheer for anyone in the end. But here are some bad lines from the show that I can recall:)

I am love with Spiderman
I will protect you, and always be around you, but I will not be with you.
Its not my problem
yeepy
yaaaahhoooooo
guess who I am love with now?!?!?
your not superman you know.
go go spider web.
I treated you like a father
aagggg what a waste of movie!

[CMJ]

"I've never seen you in this mood before."

"I guess that's because I've never been in this mood before."

Another great "Plan 9" quote. ;)

[JMK]

"Where do these stairs go?"
"They go up."

Ghostbusters. :lol

[Jedieb]

All Ghostbusters dialogue is gold!

"Everything was fine until the protection grid was shut off by dickless here."
"Is that true?"
"Yes, this man has no dick."

[Admiral Lebron]

:lol

Ghostbuster lines are great.

"What are you supposed to be?"

"Exterminators."

"Must be one helluva cockroach"

[Jedieb]

"Bite your head off, man."

[Master Yoghurt]

Some more golden treasure from Plan 9.. :rolleyes

Air Force Captain: "Visits? That would indicate visitors!"

Colonel Edwards: "Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our earth?"
Eros: "Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots!"

Colonel Edwards: "This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard."
Jeff Trent: "And every word of it's true, too."
Colonel Edwards: "That's the fantastic part of it."

Gravedigger: "I don't like hearing noises, especially when there ain't supposed to be any."

Detective: "Inspector Clay is dead! Murdered! And someone's responsible!"

Paula Trent: "Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there."

[CMJ]

Then there's the incredibly bad looking UFO's...the fact that day and night scenes are shown back to back(in other words..major continuity errors) in addition to some dude pretending to be Lugosi. That flick is beyond gold..it's platinum. ;)

[Master Yoghurt]

Yeah, its a classic for sure. The UFO's are among my favorite 'special' effects. They wobble as they are held by the string. The tombstones also wobble. Then there is the alien planet which clearly is an inflatable toy. :)

[JediBoricua]

"You know what's the difference between me and you, I make this look good"

Eeech. I know a lot of people liked this MIB line, but I just hate cocky people, it did not work for me at all.

"Luke, I am your father" KIDDING!!!!! Best line ever IMO.

[darth_mcbain]

Sorry, I missed the "No-Arnie" rule... But it was so much fun to make fun of (or admire) some of his lines...

"ICE to see you!!!"

[Darth Viscera]

You hate Denise Richards? I thought she did very well in Wild Things. That reminds me, I should rent that movie and see how compressible it is.

"I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't."

Anakin Skywalker, Attack of the Clones, shooting script

[JediBoricua]

I was lying to myself thinking that I heard him say: "I wish I could wash my feelings away"

Like I said, lying to myself. That's a very bad line...

[Sasseeri Reeouurra]

Its almost as bad as the "soft and smoooth" line. ;)

[Darth Viscera]

Yeah, funny how just changing one vowel in there decrappifies the whole line.

[JMK]

Soft and smooth isn't that bad IMO, except for the awful swallowing that Anakin does in between. Too forced. Oh well.
Strange to see the boy who becomes Vader fawning over a girl.