Wounds that time don't heal, grow deeper[open]

[Sevaan Evine]

There was one last box that lay unopened in the corner. He was far from finished with unpacking but before he could empty out his bags, Sev had to open that box.

But his legs wouldn't move across the room.

Daddy, are you afraid of anything?

Sev closed his eyes as the memory of his son came, as sharp as if it had been yesterday.

"Just of losing you Champ."

He whispered to the empty room. When he opened his eyes he was surprised to find that he was kneeling in front of the box. Slowly, Sev pulled the tape off and opened the flaps. The scent of aftershave and Mohan'ik blossoms greeted him. He breathed deeply, savoring it, before reaching in and pulling out a small picture frame. His ex-wife, Kas, and he when they were dating. Sev smiled back at the couple. He had been happy then.

The next item was a fluffy stuffed dog. Sev's hands trembled as he pulled it from the box. It smelled different now. After all that had happened, after all that he had gone through, he wasn't even granted the scent of his son. Only the memories, and those he could live without. Looking up at the ceiling, his face twisted in an effort not to let the tears fall, Sev let a single word slip through his lips.

"Why?"

*********************

"...And so the littlest Jawa became..."

"Daddy?"

Sev looked down from the story book in his hands to the face of four year old Rannen, who lay snuggled next to him.

"What?"

"How come Mommy was cryin'?"

Sev sighed.

"Well Champ...you know how Mommy had a baby in her tummy?"

Ran nodded.

"Well...we lost the baby, Buddy"

Ran's face knitted in confusion.

"Why don't you just go find her?"

Sev smiled sadly.

"No Champ...not that kind of lost. The baby died, sweetheart."

Ran was silent before snuggling closer to his father.

"You won't ever lose me, right Daddy?"

Sev put an arm around his tiny son, squeezing him gently.

"Never Champ. Never."

**************

There was no air in the room. Sev stumbled over to the window, yanked it open and gasped for breath. He was trembling horribly.

"Ahh!"

His voice was raspy, thick with pain. Sliding down the wall, Sev shook as he contained the sobs, letting the tears go unstopped. He put a hand to his forehead, as if by doing so it would all go away.

"I...I'm s-sorry..."

The whispered plea for forgiveness seemed to be all that was needed for the wall to come down. Sev doubled over, the force of his grieving to great to remain upright. Letting out a gasp, Sev once again turned his tear-streaked face upwards, roaring his words towards the ceiling.



"I'M SORRY!"

[JaAku Dama]

Sorry for what.....?

A male voice asked him from his doorway. JaAku stood there, sillouetted by light, hands in the pockets of his worn leather jacket. A slight look of concern crossed his face.

What do you have to be sorry for?

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion walked in following JaAku from the bar, when he heard "I'M SORRY" yelled out into the halls of the living quarters...

Lion immediately followed JaAku into the room, pulling out his saber, Deathwing as he ran through the open door.

There was a man, just staring up at the ceiling and crying...and then, Lion recognized him...the one that Xazor had been talking with while Lion was following Azhure....

"Dude, dude, what's wrong?" Lion asked, a confused look on his face...

[Sevaan Evine]

Sev jumped, startled. He sucked in a breath of air, trying to calm himself in front of the others but had no success. Instead, he just clutched the stuffed animal to his chest and rested his head on it, jerking forward every few seconds in an effort to keep his cries contained. Sev gasped as a sharp pain jabbed at his stomach. He was getting worked up, his body was becoming too stressed.

"I...I...m-my...s-son..."

He couldn't even spit out what was wrong. In all honesty, Sevaan didn't know if he wanted to. He bit down on his hand to stop from screaming. He wanted to scream so badly. He didn't even notice the thin trickle of blood as he removed his hand and replaced it with the toy, letting out a primal shout into the depths of the cotton dog. Balling his hands into fists, Sev sat up, resting his back against the wall. He was breathing hard, sliding his head back and forth on the drywall, eyes closed.

"Ahagh...no...ahhhhaaa..."

He balled his hands into fists and kept them tightly at his side, hoping the pressure would help the outburst. He looked up at the two sillouettes, his eyes red and swollen, still leaking rivers.

"I'm...s-sorry...my son...I...my s-son is...d-dead..."

Sev didn't care anymore. He didn't care what people thought. He sat there, feeling helpless. His hands unclenched and he just sort of...let go, so to speak. It was as if a scaffold had been holding all his composure up and had suddenly fallen. He seemed to collapse inwardly, sobbing openly.

"I'm s-so sorry..."


OOC: Gah, I can't think right now. If you've seen "Lethal Weapon", that scene where Mel Gibson goes to shoot himself and he's holding his wifes picture? Or in that movie "Ransom", where Gibson breaks down on the balcony? That's basically what's happenin' to Sev...he's just fallin' apart.

[JaAku Dama]

OOC. Gotcha ;)

IC
He frowned, not knowing whether he should comfort the man or just leave him be. He looked over to Lion, and eyebrow raised.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion was confused, too...the man was making no sense...

"No problem, man...calm down, or somebody is gonna take you to the infirmary..."

(ooc: I love lethal weapon...actually, I love most movies, lol...)

[JaAku Dama]

Your son is dead?

JaAku walked over to the man, and took the dog and set it gently on the bed.

Was it recent?

[Sevaan Evine]

Sevaan gripped the dog tightly as JaAku tried to pull it away but finally let his hostage go. He could only shake his head, first at the mention of the infirmary and then at the question, unable to speak coherently. Sev raised his hands and set his head in them, feeling the strain from his crying. Finally, muffled words were heard. They were broken, for the man was still sobbing openly. He had carried this weight for years and it was not easily dismissed.

"Six years. I-It's b-been six ye...ars."

The next sentence was barely audible, whispered in a tired voice that was heavy with guilt and shame.

"And it happened yesterday."

With that, Sev brought his knees up and hung his head, unable to cope anymore. Everything was his fault. If he could just go back and remake that simple decision. But it was too late. He had been dealt his cards. He had bet everything. And he had lost.

OOC: sorry for the wait, I had to reactivate my account because I had changed the e-mail adress incorecctly. Took me a bit to figure out what was wrong.

[Sevaan Evine]

*Bump*

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion was puzzled.

"How can something have happened yesterday, if he's been dead for six years..." he thought...

He walked over to the sobbing man, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder...

"Are you sure that you don't want to go to the med-center? That looks pretty bad..."

Lion didn't know what else to say...he hadn't had to deal with anything like this since he was six, or something...

(ooc: I kinda forgot about this thread, haven't seen Ja'Aku for awhile...)

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

" Seems life has dealt you a bad hand my friend... "

Kindo stepped out towards the grieving man, completely understanding the agony that death often brought about.

" ... but fate has dealt you a new hand, and it's a good one, if you use it correctly. "

Kindo peacefully perched down alongside the sobbing individual, placing a compassionate hand upon his shoulder.

" What happens when other caring fathers lose their beloved children due to the evil within this vast galaxy? Who is going to stop that evil? "

He took a short paced breath, letting his distressing experience in the terrible matter dictate his words.

" Sir, if you absolutely loved you child, you wouden't want others to go through that torture would you? "

[Sevaan Evine]

Sevaan shook his head again at the mention of the med center. He hated them. Before Kas and he had gotten divorced, Sev had spent a month under suicide watch after "accidentally" driving his speeder into a restaurant window.

His thoughts were interupted by the words of the other, one who had just entered.

What happens when other caring fathers lose their beloved children due to the evil within this vast galaxy? Who is going to stop that evil?

Sir, if you absolutely loved you child, you wouden't want others to go through that torture would you?

Sev shook his head, sadly. That had been his reasoning but now that he was here... Raising his head, he looked the man in the eye. His own blue orbs grew hard, laced with guilt.

"No. But you don't understand. It was my fault. You didn't see their faces. Or his body... I did. They made me. To identify it. I almost couldn't."

His voice lowered into a trembling whisper, hoarse and fierce.

"They hurt my baby. They hurt him badly and then they killed him. And I couldn't stop it. I couldn't do anything. I was Daddy. I was supposed to be able to fix anything. My son would have been scared and in pain... do you have any idea how, as a father, that hurts? Not being able to stop that?"

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

" You couden't stop that, it now rests in the past, and that is where you must leave it, my friend. "

Kindo hoped with everything within him, that this saddened man would soon realize what he spoke of. His hand was still placed lightly upon the man's shoulder, showing the care he possessed for the grieving individual.

[Lion El' Jonson]

"Yah, dude...It wasn't your fault, and there isn't a way to fix it...though I wish there was..."

Lion was still trying to think of what to do...if the guy went nuts, neither him, Kindo, or Ja'Aku had the strength to calm him mentally...he made sure his lightsaber was close...

[Sevaan Evine]

Sev closed his eyes, nodded slowly. But once again, the images of his sons body flashed through his mind. He could still feel the limp form of the child as he tried to shake him awake. As a parent, it had been the worst fear, the worst pain possible imaginable.

The mans eyes flew open and he gasped. No matter how hard he tried, the ghosts always haunted him. Sevaan looked at the others, eyes tired.

"I can't forgive myself. I can't stop failing him."

[Lion El' Jonson]

"You never failed him. You did everything that you could, and there's no praise I can give you higher than that, my friend."

Lion put his hand on the man's other shoulder, and stared him in the eye...he had to get over this...

(ooc: I can't believe it...Chase...gone...)

[Sevaan Evine]

"I could have kept him away from my business. I could have picked him up on time the day they took him. I could have left them earlier. I could have done a million things."


He shook his head again.

"My wife... My ex-wife, she forgave me. She wanted to stay together but I couldn't. Not after what I'd done to her. Not after what I had done."

[Lion El' Jonson]

"You could have done a million things...would you have, if you had no idea this was gonna happen?"

(ooc: Damnit, nm, Chase is alive....)

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

" I thought I could have done a million things to protect my father before he was murdered... "

Kindo dreaded bringing up horrific memories of that infamous day, but it was for good reason, ignoring the agony of the painful recollection, he continued speaking.

" ... but I just didn't, for there was nothing that could have been done to insure his life. For months I grieved, day after day, night after night, but I moved on, so will you. "

After he brought a conclusion to his words, he remembered the good times he spent with his beloved father, cherished times that would never be forgotton, for they made him stronger in purpose and in heart, and that made him smile.