::An alien feeling::

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Tomak Ohara. Tomak Ohara...that name had once made her smile, yes she had liked him. Opened herself up and allowed someone in. Angrilly she tore at the paper she was writing on. It was a map. Maps? there were many maps in her drawer, all of different places, different places in different planets. Tonight she couldnt concentrate. She felt almost....she felt hurt. It was a deep sense of hurt she had never felt before. It was alien and she did not like it. Tomak Ohara. She would not let him that close again. He had once wanted to be a nice vampire, perhaps vampire nature was too strong. She felt tears roll down her eyes but did not acknowledge them. Tears also were aline for a long time. A long long time. These kind of tears. Rubbing them out fo her eyes she glared at the paper. He was now on the side of the Shrine. Part of the enemy line. She would block her heart from him, her mind. You did not ligner too long on someone, though it hurt. Another alien kind of hurt. Tearing the new paper up with the pen digging into it deeply, she sketched on the unripped part. A broken dagger. Gettign up she went outside, no one would see her this weak. It was humiliation.
She remembered when she wouldnt have even felt the slightest for anyone, much less a male. Is this what heart break felt like?::

OOC: yes, another way for azhure to learn about emotions, thanks Tomak dude. :)

[Lion El' Jonson]

(ooc: Yes, Tomak, thanks to you we don't even have a resident bloodsucking vampyre jedi...er, thing...Azhure, you want me to add anything, lol...)

[Azhure Darkstone]

ooc: it's a free world. ;) I don't see why not.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion was walking to his room in the East Wing when he noticed Azhure standing outside her room...just doing nothing...

"Oh, crap, I hate it when this happens..."

Lion had given up following her a few hours ago...

"Why the hell is she easy to find NOW? Why couldn't she be this easy to find 4 hours ago?"

Lion pulled up the hood of his dark green cloak and walked by, whistling...but, by mistake, he dropped Deathwing...there was no way somebody could mistake his lightsaber...of course, maybe she wouldn't notice...but his instinct told him she would....

"Why do I feel a punch coming?" he thought to himself....

Lion knew that Azhure would think he was still following her...which wasn't the truth, anymore...he also knew she didn't need a Guardian Angel, because she could defend herself just fine...he was more worried if she could protect herself from her feelings and emotions....Lion knew something about that....

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure heard the noise and it was unmistakably Lions, not only that the footsteps were his as well. She had thought he had given up, and she growled slightly, feeling slightly embarressed he found her this way::

Go away Lion. I do not need anyone seeing me this way.

::The voice in his mind appeared the same strong tone, but there was a noticable tremble in it. She didnt look at the saber but it floated midair back towards him as she opened the door and walked in, intending on closing the door but leaving it half ajar.
She did not hear the click of the door, did not care. Thatw a snot on her uppermost thoughts right now. All she felt was...well it was hard to describe as it was not one experienced before. Dissapointment yes, but that had been when she had only ever missed the target. Anger no, it was far deeper, far stronger, and very much separate from the traditional anger. Looking at the necklace in her hand she attempted to crush it, the necklace she had taken from him when he had.....he was not jedi anymore...

Looking up she sighed, emotional exhaustion overiding her annoyance. She did not bother to argue or fight this time, or even dissapear::

Come in Lion, I know your there.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion began to walk away...damn, she must've been one helluvan assassin, if she could ID him from his footsteps...

As he walked down the hall, he heard her..again...Lion turned around and edged through the door, which she had left ajar...she wasn't going to like this at all...

"Er, hi, Azhure...how are you?"

There's a stupid question, Lion his mind said to himself...She just lost her best friend in the universe, and you ask her how she's doing?.

He noticed that she was extremely upset, and probably angry, as well...but he had to get this out....

"Listen, Azhure...I really have given up..."

That was the truth, even though she probably didn't believe it...he had something else to add...

"I've got my own reasons for following you...and I didn't mean to hurt you...but I've got something from my past to tell you..."

Lion was blushing under his hood...he had never had to share this story with anybody before...his heart was heavy with sadness, he had tried to bury his past behind him...

(ooc: Up for drama king, Lion el' Jonson...:lol)

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure didnt bother answering how she was, she did not know herself fully, but upset may have been one word. IN more way that one she did appreciate his concern, though she did not voice that. He had something else to tell her for the moment::

You did not hurt me, only surprised and suppose, annoyed me. I am not used to being followed. But go on with your story, and sit. There is enough room for another here

::She indicated to the space next to her and sat ready to listen, by his reaction to his words it was obviously something very important.::

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion was relieved that she wasn't mad at him...true friends weren't easy to find...he walked over and sat down next to her, then took a deep breath and tried to think of what to say...

"I don't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but something similiar has happened to me...a long time ago..."

Lion adjusted his position on the couch, then started his story...

"Not many people are aware of this, but I have...had...a family...I grew up on a planet called Caliban, in the Outer Rim...it was a tropical planet, most of it was covered in water and people only lived on the larger islands..."

Memories flashed through his head.....swimming in the ocean, lounging on the beaches...

"I would take everyone there, except for one small problem...it's not a paradise anymore..."

Lion took another breath...thinking about Caliban was painful...

"Grand Admiral Thrawn descended on the planet with a fleet of Star Destroyers, just to ensure the destruction of one New Republic base we had unknowingly sheltered...the turbolaser blasts razed our few jungles and devastated our beaches.....eventually, the blasts distrupted even our planet's core, and the seismic upheaval split Caliban in two..."

Lion felt tears welling up in his eyes...something that rarely happened...

"My friends, my relatives...my home...everything was destroyed...only 300 people managed to get away from the destruction...me, my brother and my parents escaped by running the gauntlet through the imperials...but I had to watch as my neighbors were killed as they fled in their ship...we moved to Corellia and I left when I was 16...I promised myself that I would never be hurt again..."

Lion finally broke down, and he just closed his eyes and sat back, waiting for the tears...he saw in his head, as clear as day, the destruction...he stood in his parent's ship, screaming, as he watched his entire town disintegrated...

"I...COULDN'T...SAVE...THEM..." he yelled, as he slouched into his seat, staring at the wall...

(ooc: Okay, that was lame, lol...oh well, my creativity is usually screwed up after I wake up....)

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure said nothing for a long time, there was nothing to say. I'm sorry was not something everyone wanted to hear and did nothing. She had learnt at least a little of what most people wanted when they were upset or some bad memory happened. She put a hand on his shoulder a little uncomfortably, still unsure of her ability to comfort and squeezed it in comfort instinctively. She did not like getting hurt...this was a different kind of pain, more unbearable than physical, for both of them.
If this was what life was like then who had given the right to make it so damn unpleasant. Lion had not deserved that. How things were done to you made choices in life very different but it still wasnt fair.::


OOC: no, its good :)

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion relaxed a little...he hadn't thought about his home for a while...

"I'm sorry, Azhure...that musta been kinda scary, huh. So...er, I have something to ask you, and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to..."

Lion trailed off, still thinking of his home...

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head;:

I have learnt it is ok to get angry if you have to, if it makes you feel better, that did not harm anyone. It is also OK to ask questions.

[Lion El' Jonson]

"Do you miss...Tomak?" Lion managed to say...this was probably a bad idea...

This had been on Lion's mind for days now, ever since Dios' speech before the council about Tomak...

[Azhure Darkstone]

:;Azhure did not reply for a logn time, the silence stretchign as each minute came. She did not know what to say. Did she? She missed who he was but she also knew he tried to kill her. The Tomak she knew would never have done that. No, who he was was not there anymore, she ached in pain for that fact. He had opened her up in amny ways no one else ever had and now....he had lost himself. Her memories of him were sweet, but sharp with pain as well. Some brought unwanted tears to her eyes, teasr as unfamiliar as plastic would be on her eye. He had meant a lot::

Tomak would have never tried to kill me. It does not matter if I miss him. I feel betrayed, angry at the betrayel...almost as if The Shrine was a better choice than staying with me. I feel useless sbecause I cannot do anythign and angry because he tired to..to kill me. Hurt. Everyone who gets close to me eventually goes away and I thought it would be different for him. I lost my brother whom I was never close to thanks to training....and now I have lost Tomak. I suppose I feel cheated and angry...and worthless in a way.

::It came out at once, a bitter tone. An angry tone, a hurt tone. But the thing was there was emotion in that tone where there had not been weeks before. She owed the old Tomak a lot and he had taught her a lot. THis pain she did not know how to deal with either. Funny thing was it felt easier putitgn ehr feelings into words rather than feeling them::

He is gone, not in body but in spirit and soul....I grieve for all that I have lost but I do not know how to deal with it and I hate who he is now.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion just sat there, thinking...Tomak had really hurt her...

"I was there...me and Dios had tried to save him, but I was too weak. I couldn't save him....I'm...so...sorry..." Lion managed to say...tears were welling up in his eyes again...

Lion was thinking about his vow to never be helpless again...he'd never let anybody he counted as a friend be truly hurt...and now he'd allowed two: Tomak and Azhure...

...Tomak had truly changed...he was no longer the caring person that Lion knew...Tomak had tried...really hard...to kill Lion and Dios. It was Tomak who had opened the hangar's seal and then laughed as he watched Lion's body collide off the Black Dawn towards the icy cold of space...it was Tomak who had almost killed Dios, and he smiled as he did it...the old Tomak was gone...

(ooc: Wow, Tomak had been hiding one helluva sadistic streak, eh? :lol)

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at him confused then remembered his story and shook her head, almost sadly, as if some old memory::

It was never your responsibility alone to save him. Maybe I wasnt meant to have Tomak, even though I do not believe in fate sometimes things are just not meant to be...I am alive and I guess I have to bear what life gives as it did not grant me death.

::She wished she could say she needed no-one as she used to but this had taught her a harsh lesson, one she would not forget easily. She was not invincible, she was not steel and rock. In fact she was quite fragile in many ways, and easy to break if using the right tool, inside and she hated that fact. What she needed right now was not the attitude and facade she was putting on, what she needed now was a friend so she could let all that anger and hurt leak out, in the form of traditional grief. But her pride did not allow her that, no, it was weak to cry in front of anybody. You got punished in some way if you did.::

[Lion El' Jonson]

"...No, it wasn't....but I shoulda tried harder..."

Lion knew Azhure was having one helluva tough time right now...he was sure she was holding something in..

"Why do you never cry?" Lion asked her...not to be mean, but because it was something he had been wondering for a long time...

(ooc: One good thing about living in China...I'm finally on the same time zone as you 'stralians......:lol)

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at him for a second before answering, a soft tone in her voice as if she reluctantly answered. But a friend deserved an honest answer::

When a child cried they were sent to the reformation dorm. There they were taught not to cry. If you cried you were open to feeling, and that was against the law. If you continue to cry and reformation doesnt work instead of risking the assasin empire, the child gets their tongue cut our, or their senses lost. Child or adult. It is weak and it gives one a weapon against you. And it is a habit hard to break once in it.

::She also felt insecure showing such emotion in front of anybody but failed to say that to him. That was her own personal reason for no oen else but her to know. Azhure avoided his eyes as she looked out the window, remembering the screams of Cary being carried away. Sometimes time never allowed some memories to fade.::

[Lion El' Jonson]

(ooc: I remember reading some gay book that was like that...it had this old dude on the front, and they threw babies into a garbage chute...:lol)

IC: Lion whistled...that was pretty damn harsh...

"You couldn't cry? Damn, you must've had a hard life..."

Lion knew how much Azhure tried to hide her emotions...this sorta explained it...Lion looked at his chrono...15 minutes until his ship got back from the repair yards...He probably had to wrap up this conversation fairly quickly, even though he was pretty interested in what Azhure had to say...

[Azhure Darkstone]

:;azhure laughed, harshly::

We were also taught not to feel sorry for ourselved because it did nothing to you. You get on with it and ignore your feelings.
The crying thing you get used to to protect those you sued to care about and because it is a necessity. I suppose it was hard...but you never felt it...

:;She saw him look down at his watch then nodded to him, her tone not pushy, for she knew the power of time, and what little time you could have.::

If you need to be somewhere, do not let me stop you. The world will not stop for one person.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Hmmm...she musta noticed him looking at his watch...observant..

"Naw, it's okay...I've gotta go hitch a ride to the Chandrilla repair yards...you remember that big ol' battle against the Sanguine? Well, my ship got pretty shot up trying to escape...but that was okay, I've been planning on having her upgraded for a while now...that was when Tomak was tur..."

Lion trailed off, and mentally slapped himself in the head...that was stupid!

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head, and looked out the window. She grimaced at the name as it hurt, but that was not somethign she could hide away from. If you hid away from what was right in front of you you could live a life blinded and she wouldr ather not that. It was a kind thought of Lion's but he'd always proven a good friend and he was one of the few she trusted.::

Do not refrain from using his name, it must be said and he will not just dissapear. I've always believed in being straight forward and to not acknowledge Tom..Tomak's existance wold be folly.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion just nodded. Checking his watch, Lion started to get up.

"Well, Azhure, I'll see you later...have a good day."

Lion glanced out the window...looked like there might be a rainstorm coming in...

(ooc: For some reason, this thread reminds me of Harry Potter...dun ask me why...:lol)

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded and allowed a small smile to her face, standing up with Lion.::

You as well. You had better go before whatever your frown is about comes. We will talk soon.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Lion frowns as a bolt of thunder flashes across the sky...

"Crap, too late...sorry..." Lion mumbles, throwing his dark green cloak on and hooking Deathwing to his baggy shorts...