Master of disguise...

[Marcus Telcontar]

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/TheMasterofDisguise-1114820/


0% at RT! This must be a truly appaling moive to be bagged by everyone, Hell Battlefield Earth had a couple of positive reviews

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Dana Carvey is hilarious. I love him. :)

[ReaperFett]

1 positive :)






And Marcus, it has fart jokes, you'll love it :)

[JMK]

He did this movie for his kids, plain and simple. It's probably a ridiculous movie, but what did you expect from Dana Carvey? He's hilarious in his own off-the-wall way. If critics are going to sit there and pick on every aspect of a movie that so clearly meant to be crazy, then they should reaaaaaaaallllllllllllly get a life.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Mate, when just about every critic says it sucks, then I think it omight orate on the suckitude scale

[Jedieb]

I read a review over the weekend that called it the worst movie of the summer. I'm a HUGE Dana Carvery fan, and I thought about going to see it. But if I see anything that came out this weekend it will probably be Signs. Hopefully, the movie isn't as bad as everyone is saying and will have a decent little run.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

:lol@ Fett

True, Mark, fart jokes!!

I'm going to see it eventually...I have a bazillion neices and nephews who are the right age to appreciate a silly movie. And, of course, so can I.

But I still want to see Signs...must find escort!! :crack

[JonathanLB]

I'd go with you, but I don't really know how to get to whatever theater you normally go to. I would give Signs a second chance, lol, I suppose. I suppose if you drove to Evergreen or Tigard or Movies on TV, all within reach of me, I'd pay your picket price, but you'd have to let me know when.

This movie did, does, and always will look stupid, lol, but I am going to go see it soon. Man it looks horrid, but we'll see. I think the critics are right.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

But but...its DANA CARVEY. He's just hilarious. :D

But yes, the movie may suck donkey. :)

[Ryla Relvinian]

Hey Portland peeps... the Oregonian gave it an F.


Ah hell, let's all go see it anyway. :]

[Lilaena De'Ville]

:crack

:lol

[Lilaena De'Ville]

...lets not forget, the Oregonian also frowned on LotR because it didn't have enough female characters, and said it was a "teen" movie, or something like that.

Generally, I take what a critic said, and assume the exact opposite. :p No, really. ;)

[Ryla Relvinian]

Hmm, I don't remember reading that one... Well, I just remember that I thought it wasn't reviewed by a rabid fan such as we. At any rate, MoD looks terrible.

[JonathanLB]

You must be thinking about another critic, sorry, you are wrong there.

Shawn Levy, The Oregonian's primary critic, called LOTR an "insanely great movie" and awarded it an A+, calling it one of the greatest movies ever made. He absolutely loved it. He practically had no complaints whatsoever and just droned on and on about how incredibly awesome it was, lol. He sounded like a kid in a candy store. Perhaps you are thinking of some other local publication or I dunno.

He also loved AOTC and TPM, giving both A- grades, which was pretty darn good. That's a four star rating in my book (90-100 = 4 stars, 90 is an A-, 100 an A+). So that's really cool.

I think in general Shawn Levy is quite a good critic. Every critic has their problems and sometimes he can be too lenient on movies, even, but I have not found him to be a harsh critic. If he says a movie is an F, it truly must lick balls.

[Mr Wednesdaydale]

I have seen the Master of Disguise...

...and it is not the worst movie ever.


The Shipping News is still the undisputed champion of suck.

But Master of Disguise is the 2nd worst movie I have ever seen. It is the worst movie of the year!

[JonathanLB]

Ouch. Well I am thinking of going to this suckfest tomorrow.

[Darth Vader]

Fine...don't heed my warnings then!

[ReaperFett]

damn right we wont! ;)

[JonathanLB]

Ok I'm seeing it today. I have to review it, remember? Hehe, I don't want to see it. It looks horrible.

It's a suckfest.

"I'm going to be a master of disguise, I'm going to be a master of disguise, I'm going to be a...." STUPID retard.

[Marcus Telcontar]

The Shipping News is still the undisputed champion of suck

Not sure if i go that far, but yes, I had the misfortune in seeing that.

Awful

[Sanis Prent]

The Shipping News had a lot of competition to get that title, mind you.

Troll 2
The Blair Witch Project
Contact
The Van Damme movie with the Quaker Oats guy playing a Cajun
From Dusk till Dawn
Random movie made by Woody Allen
Crossroads (haven't even seen it :))

[Marcus Telcontar]

You dont need to see Crossroads to know it will blow. Or Glitter either

[Sanis Prent]

Dammit I forgot that one :)

[Marcus Telcontar]

That's understandable. We would all rather forget Glitter ever existed

[JonathanLB]

I have a morbid desire to rent Glitter! I must admit, I really want to see it now after hearing so many awful things about it. I want to have a bunch of guys up, get trashed, and watch Glitter. Now that's a fun evening! :) I'm sure it would be more entertaining even than most MST3K shows, hehe.

You don't need to see Crossroads to judge it. It just DOES suck, no viewing necessary. I wouldn't call it one of the worst films ever, but I'd call it one of the top 100 worst probably. I mean, it is a 0 star film, so take that as you will. I see a lot of 0 star movies sorta, though, and Crossroads isn't even going to be the worst of this year. I think as it stands now I have The Sweetest Thing as the worst film of the year, maybe Crossroads in second, then Ya-Ya Stupidhood, but I think that deserves 2nd too, so I'm not sure, and somewhere around there is Jason X. I think I will put Jason X above every other 0 star film because it is so bad that it's actually pretty good, LOL, so I will excuse it and keep it ranked above the other trash.

I saw Master of Disguise, by the way. One of the worst films of the year for sure. I also awarded it the dubious rating of NO STARS. It didn't deserve even a half star, sorry, it didn't even elicit one hearty laugh. I chuckled a few times, but to be honest, they were pitty chuckles. I just felt sorry for Dana Carvey having to be in such a stinker and I found that marginally funny for some reason, haha ;)

Other than that, not funny at all. Awful. Thank god it was short.

My parents actually liked The Shipping News! Ugg, I feel like it would be a real suckfest, I don't much want to see it. To me it looks terrible and I even heard some critics rag on it, so it wasn't one of those "critics love it, Jonathan hates it" sorta thing, it honestly just seems to suck in general. My mom said, "Do you want to borrow this now? We rented it through (whenever)," and I was like, "Uh no I think I have better things to do," like look at the wall, watch the grass grow, clean my room, anything! haha.

I am in agreement that Contact really blows chunks, I don't know why some people actually liked that horrid film. Bad acting from Jodie Foster, REALLY bad, and I like her too. The first girl I ever liked looked a lot like Jodie Foster, haha, so I always liked her as an actress but she was terrible in Contact and the plot sucked donkey nads. It was one of the stupidest, preachy, sappy, lame films I have seen. I am not a mean guy though, so I'd probably give it 1 star still, maybe even 1.5 if I were generous, but I am never going to watch it again so I won't ever review it probably either. Unless I rent it and skip through it on fast forward. I have seen it twice, actually, and not by choice. In chemistry, our teacher showed it to us once for no reason and I was like, "Oh my god, I have to watch this because I am stuck in this seat for the next 55 minutes and again the next day for 55 minutes." Jeez, talk about torture. I nearly slit my wrists that first day ;) j/k

[CMJ]

I really liked "Contact". :p

A motion picture to add to the worst ever list...."Hard Rain". Quite possibly the worst "non-film school" movie I've ever endured. ;)

Not even Morgan Freeman could save it, and that says ALOT coming from me.

[JonathanLB]

Hard Rain was pretty funny actually, in a pitiful sort of way.

[Sejah Haversh]

Hmm, I can't understand how Resident Evil didn't make it onto the worst movie list. I mean, it was BAD! The lasers that went dwont eh hall and killed people didn't cut through the machine that disables the Red Queen. So, they must be able to cut everythign EXCEPT plot devices, huh?

Tehre were numerous other HUGE problems with that move.

But, I still think that Master of Disguise is probably worse.

[T-74]

::shoots Master of Disguise with the big gun::

You want quality humor? Go see Those Who Hunt Elves!

[Jedieb]

I liked Contact as well. Some of the more dissapointing movies I've seen in recent years have been Planet of the Apes, The Fifth Element, Dark Horizon, and the Avengers. The Avengers was the worst of the lot and I'm thankful I only saw it on cable. I know TFE has some fans, but I was dissapointed by it. It looked beautiful, but I found Olman and Tucker to be so irritating I couldn't enjoy the movie. My wife hated it and I had to suffer through a couple of chick flicks because I couldn't justify it. But the WORST movie I've ever seen in a theater was Staying Alive. Good god, I'll never forgive my cousin and sister for dragging me to see that.

[JonathanLB]

Resident Evil was an absolutely awesome movie. That is the type of movie that makes me happy to be a critic and have the chance to see so many movies because I could have missed that if I wouldn't have been seeing everything, but instead it was a pure delight. One of the best movies of the year. At least it'll make my top 20 list, which is good given that I'll end up with about 125 different movies viewed.

The action was awesome, the plot was well developed and not difficult to understand, the movie was just extremely cool, the ending is one of the best I have ever seen, makes me really want to see a sequel, and it mixed humor along with the generally creepy theme. I saw it twice in theaters and twice aside from that, once on DVD, once on pay-per-view at a hotel. So four times this year, it is fantastic. Comparing it to The Master of Disguise is so idiotic, jesus you're talking about an awesome movie versus a really, really horrid movie.

The Fifth Element was super disappointing the first time I saw it and I thought it sucked, but I think that was because I was like 13 and I heard some critic say, "Star Wars for the '90's!" and I was like, "How idiotic, there already IS a Star Wars for the '90's coming up you dumb@$$," so I was biased against it for that reason. I also felt it was pretty weak to have this "big black blob" coming at Earth and that is going to destroy everything. I was just thinking... wtf? That is the plot?

But now after seeing it again on DVD once when I rented it to give it another chance, I ended up really enjoying it and probably giving it about 3.5 stars. I'd consider it close to 4 stars just because I really, really love the sets, the effects, the weapons, the amazing cityscapes, all of that, and Bruce Willis is good in it, but yeah Chris Tucker is hella annoying. It has its faults, so that's why it gets 3.5 stars, but I was able to overlook those faults mostly when seeing it again and I just really like the movie. I think it's super fun. I wish I had enjoyed it more in theaters, but oh well, sometimes it does take a few years and another viewing with a different attitude. I can see how you'd find it disappointing, though, as I was in that boat myself. I thought it was just lame, not disappointing, I'd have given it like 1 star when I first saw it, LOL. I own that DVD now too...

[JMK]

The Arrival is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Actually, part one wasn't so bad, but part 2 just destroyed everything it had going for it. That's one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

TFE: Tucker was supposed to be annoying. He does his job well. Of course, I found him funny.

Planet of the Apes was disappointing plotwise as well, but Mark Wahlburg gets 3.5 stars for being cute.

The Avengers: ALSO VERY DISAPPOINTING. :(

[JMK]

I think I may be one of the only people on Earth that didn't mind the remake of POTA. Except for the last 2 minutes which were awful, I thought the movie was really well done. But anyway, another topic for another thread...:p

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I liked it, but it doesn't really work as a remake. Different movie with same sort of plot, maybe...with some big HUGE gaping ENORMOUS and gigantic plot holes. :D

[Sanis Prent]

POTA = another crappy remake of an old, crappy movie.

[JediBoricua]

I really liked Contact, a lot actually. Probably one of the bests Sci-Fi Movies IMO.

[Jedieb]

I loved the original POTA. The sequels were rather poor, but the first was a pretty good movie. Plus, that ending was just AWESOME. Not too many people saw it coming.

[Ryla Relvinian]

Wow... movies that suck.

What about Battlefield Earth? Spice World? Dungeons and Dragons? Inspector Gadget? Blair Witch 2????

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Dungeons and Dragons SUCKED!! It was a train wreck...where I kept hoping that someone would walk away from the accident alive, like in Unbreakable..but no one did. It was a total waste of time.

Battlefield Earth = I really really TRIED to like it!! Honest! But it was TOOOOO too bad.

Purple Rain, music nonwithstanding... = :x

Starship Trropers =:x >_< Denise Richards is NOT A PILOT OR AN ACTRESS! She just has breasts. It wasn't enough to save this cheesy, campy film, IMO. I know it was supposed to be cheesy and campy, but..I didn't like it.

Hmmm,...what else haven't I liked...

I'm generally pretty lenient with movies. They just have to entertain me for me to like it. If they make me think at the same time, then they're a REALLY good movie. I don't like having things spoonfed to me. Surprises are good, and if you have to pay attention to the dialogue, even better. I think thats why I loved Ocean's 11 so much. :) SO many details to pay attention to. :D

[Quadinaros]

Purple Rain is a classic. Don't get me started on that again! ;)

The worst movie I can think of from recent years was IMO Big Daddy. I know there are a few around here who like this movie, but I was offended by the whole 'incompetent father is funny' routine. Plus I despise Adam Sandler.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I'm sure he hates you too. ;)

:D

[JMK]

Starship Trropers = Denise Richards is NOT A PILOT OR AN ACTRESS! She just has breasts.

That's all that counts, especially in her case!:p

[ReaperFett]

Starship Troopers was great. Cheesily camp, yet great at the same time :)

[JMK]

I liked the violence, but could have done without the campy, cheesy news updates etc...
I thought those were lame, but it comes with the territory with these types of movies right?

[ReaperFett]

I loved them, set the tone for what the future is :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I hated it. Stupid movie.

:D

Stupid Denise as well. :mad

:lol

[ReaperFett]

Why stupid? :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

*shrugs* :|:D

[ReaperFett]

let me guess. You audtioned for the film, but she beat you? :) ;)

[JMK]

Denise beat LD? C'mon, LD's got her beat all around! Acting, looks, charm, presence, she's got it all! How could Denise have beaten her? ;)
:p
:lol
No, seriously?

[ReaperFett]

Maybe Denise was influencing those in power? :)

[Marcus Telcontar]

Starship Troopers is crap. But it's passably watchable.

Worst films I have seen..... hmmm.... Blade was foul, Amelie was godawful and so was Shipping News.

I dont watch too many stinkers cause I am picky and I listen to what others say before I watch it.

[JediBoricua]

Amelie was not bad, in fact I think is the best movie my g/f has made me watch with her. I find it very clever.

Bad Movies, Unfaithful...awful, long, they had to show the woman cheating on her husband like 12 times, extending the movie an hour or more, 3 or 4 times would have worked. And then NO ENDING...god I hated that movie.

[JonathanLB]

Unfaithful is horrible, makes my top 15 worst of the year so far. It'll be kicked out possibly before the end of the year, but it'll make my top 20 probably.

POTA, the remake, is a four star film. I love the ending, and I love it even more because so many fools are so confused by it, LOL, it's wonderful! The more I hear about how lousy the ending is, the more I absolutely love it. Great film. Tim Burton is always great. That was no exception.

As for Starship Troopers, I agree with USA Today, as I often do: FOUR STARS! Great film. It's a sci-fi war film, and there are not many of those, except the Star Wars movies, and although the plot may not be super awesome or epic like the SW films, it is really good as satire and the action is just awesome. Some of the best effects ever and it should have won an effects Oscar that year. Titanic's effects were so mixed, that is the problem. Great physical effects, like the ship breaking, and LOUSY CG effects, just horrid. What a shame, the boat looks so fake so often when they used CG. Ah well.

Amelie is terrible, gave it 1/2 star. Everyone else loved it, but I found no value in that piece of crap whatsoever. A real independent movie should be like Donnie Darko or My Big Fat Greek Wedding, even.

[CMJ]

I really liked POTA(2001) the first time. The second time I couldn't figure out why. :)

"Starship Troopers" was a REALLY fun escapist film. Even if it WAS a Nazi propaganda picture(which is what the book was I've been told). There were many, MANY echo's the some of Leni Rifensthal's Nazi Era documentaries in that film(like "Triumph of the Will" for instance)...but they played it as popcorn entertainment. A genuine guilty pleasure. :D

Oh yeah, and I dug the hell outta "Amelie".

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Denise beat me in the ..er...chest department. :cry I never stood a chance!!!

I need to rent Amelie, I have heard from many people it is good. :)

[JMK]

Well who cares LD! With a chest like hers, you land guys like Charlie Sheen. Do you really want that?
:x

[ReaperFett]

Charlie Sheen rules, but I wouldnt want to land a person like him :)

[Admiral Lebron]

How to Make an American Quilt = Worst. Movie. Ever.

[JMK]

I'd make some additions, but check these out:
http://www.geocities.com/worstmoviesever/reviews.html
http://www.maximonline.com/entertainment/articles/article_4706.html
http://www.bbv-customers-are-so-dum.4t.com/photo3.html

[ReaperFett]

I cant really say worst movies. Some are so bad they're funny, but should be there. Some are just films I dont like, but seem to hate due to others loving.

Besides, I like trashy films sometimes :)

[ReaperFett]

Few I can think of:

Event Horizon
Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (I liked the other ones to some degree)
Batman & Robin (If you remove Clooney)
Most Keanu Reeves films
Some Steven Seagal films
Titanic

[Admiral Lebron]

The end of Police Acadamey 6 is the best.

[JonathanLB]

Today, I just saw the worst movie ever made.

My best friend and I rented Jack Frost 2, a sequel to what I previously considered the worst film ever. Well this is even worse, and by far. It makes the first look like a masterpiece.

It is unquestionly the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. The first was so bad it was funny. The second is so bad it goes past funny and back to bad again! Jesus, all of the sudden Jason X and Crossroads are looking like gems!

[Sanis Prent]

Jack Frost 2 rules :D!