Finding Myself...(Finished)

[Feliciana Devano]

A young woman's shadows could be seen dancing along the halls of the Palace's second floor. A smile was on her face as she looked from door to door, searching for a room for herself. She came to the end of a hall and looked out the large window before turning to the room on her right. It was empty, much to her surprise. She grinned and walked over to it...then slowly pushed the door open. Inside was a beautiful fireplace that caught her eye first...but also a bed, a table and chairs, and a few other small pieces of furniture.

Feliciana had not brought much with her except for a few weapons, clothes, and a small amount of food. She took out the food first...not a lot, but enough to get her by for a day or so until she could get more. Her clothes were next....again, not much, but enough to fill the drawers that rested beneath the bed against a wall. Her weapons were next...it seemed she had more of those than anything. Carefully the young woman took them from the large black satchel and laid them on the floor before her. An array of daggers, knives, and swords now rested upon the ground at her knees. She smiled and looked at them thoughtfully, then took out a polishing rag and began to use it...polishing each and every one of them until the silver showed her reflection. While doing all of this, she had neglected to close her door....too excited to remember as she began to unpack....

[SashaKovalev]

He had stared at her as she'd walked into her room. He too, had a room at the end of the hall - opposite hers. She appeared to be about his age - and she'd even had a smile on her face as she'd cautiously pushed open the door to the room across from his.

Wistfully, he wished she'd tried to enter his. He sat up from where he'd been lazily lying on his bed, writing in a journal, and walked across the hall.

He rapped on the door, almost shyly for a moment. He thought he'd at least introduce himself to her...afterall, they were going to be neighbors.....

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana looked up from her work at the sound of someone knocking on her open door. It was not wide open...but just enough that he could have peeked in if he wished. A smile crossed her lips as she got up and opened it fully, then eyed the stranger who appeared to be about her age. It was good to see someone who might be a friend....

"Hi! I'm Feliciana....I'm pretty new here. What's your name?"

The young woman asked, a bit embarassed that her room was in such dissaray. She smiled, nonetheless, glad that someone had come to talk to her....at least she hoped. He was rather tall, compared to her five foot six inch frame....and awefully handsome. She blushed slightly as these thoughts entered her mind, but then she stepped aside, making room for him to enter.

"Oh please, come inside....I don't have anything to offer you but perhaps some company."

She smiled once again and walked further into her room, pulling up a chair for him to sit down. She pulled one up for herself as well, thinking it would be good to relax for a little while. Unpacking had taken some energy out of her anyway....

[SashaKovalev]

She certainly was attractive. He could feel a slight blush creeping into his cheeks as she greeted him, and instantly, he straightened his six foot frame just a bit, something guys tended to do when they felt the need to suddenly seem just a little bit cooler.

"I'm Sasha." He replied, committing her name to memory.

"I live across the hall." He added, nodding towards his room. As she invited him in, he entered, a slight smile on his face, and took the seat she offered. He sat only after she'd taken a seat, something his mother had taught him about manner around women.

"Are you from around here?" He asked, for not having travelled much, he wasnt all that great about picking out accents and placing them with particualr planets.

And as soon as his question came out, he wanted to kick himself for not asking her something more interesting. His violet eyes looked to her, then away almost shyly.

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana noted the fact that he straightened up before he came into her room. She nearly giggled for she had seen too many guys do that. A smiled crossed her lips at his question and she shook her head.

"No, I am from very far away. I used to live on Yunazi....now I live here on Corellia, of course. It took me so many hours to reach this place, but it was entirely worth it."

She paused in her thoughts, glad to be away from the place that condemmed her for her dreams. She knew that following the Jedi ways were not for her...this was where she belonged and she would not take arguing from anyone....especially not her family.

"So where are you from?"

She interrupted her own thoughts to ask the blande question. The young woman wished that she had something more interesting to say, but at the moment, she was completely lost in his violet eyes. They were incredible....much as he was. She looked away for a moment, blushing noticeably as she turned to face him once again...hoping he hadn't noticed....

[SashaKovalev]

He wished he knew where her home planet was. Tomorrow - no - later tonight even - he would look it up. When she asked him where he was from, he shrugged, slightly embarrassed.

"Just a small imperial controlled planet in the middle of nowhere." He replied, a slightly sheepish expression on his face for a moment.

And then he noticed...how pink her cheeks were. The flush in them gave her a healthy energized glow to her, and he couldnt help but smile at her.

He leaned forward a bit on his chair, his elbows resting on his thighs as his fingers interlocked. And then he rubbed his wrist, his left one idly, for every now and then it ached. He'd recently lost his left hand and it had been replaced with a mechanical one -though it was difficult for most to tell.

"If theres anything I can help you with, show you around or something...I'd be happy to.." He offered. Maybe it was lame - but any excuse to get a chance to spend more time with this girl was something he'd look forward to. It had been lonely around the castle without many others his age - and she seemed like she'd be a lot of fun to hang out with inhis fre time - if he had any...

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana laughed at his description of his home planet. She looked down at the floor before her cyan eyes met his. They stood out in great contrast against her dark black hair.

"Sounds like you come from a pretty boring place, then.....I sure do."

She said softly as her eyes wandered around the room. Hopefully she would have a life worth living now that she had left that place. Of course she loved her parents.....she loved her family and old friends.....but they hated her and that was something that she would not live with. Her thoughts were broken by his suggestion....a very good suggestion, she thought.

"I would love to have a tour....so I don't get lost!"

She blurted out.....a bit embarassed by her overbearing spirit. She blushed once again and smiled.....glad to know that she would be spending more time with him. For the short time that they had been talking....she could tell that they would be good friends, they already seemed so alike. She giggled as her thoughts drifted once again, but then her attention fell back on him.

"This place is so big......I barely found my way here, but the woman who greeted me was kind enough to give me a bit of direction."

She said softly. How she wished to become like that woman, or train under a Master who was like her. Feliciana felt so much power whilst in her presence, it was incredible and hard to describe. Again her thoughts wandered, but she fixed her bright blue eyes on Sasha.

[SashaKovalev]

Of course, he would be happy to give her a tour. He was slightly relieved that she'd accepted his offer. But he played it as cool as he could, acting just slightly aloof. Why he didnt just be himself completely, he wasnt quite sure. It was just one of those things that happened when you were eighteen.

"I'd be happy to give you one. But you wont want to do it tonight - its better to first see it in the daylight." He replied.

"And you must be tired from the trip..." He added as an afterthought.

"If you'd like, we can meet for breakfast. And then I can show you around...."

As she mentioned the woman who had greeted her, he was curious.

"Do you know who it was that greeted you?" He asked.

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana smiled brightly at Sasha's willingness to show her around. His suggestion of seeing it during the day was more appealing to her than viewing it at night. Even she...one who wished to live in the shadows and follow the path of darkness was a bit afraid of the dark in places that she was not familiar with.

"Yes, I would love to see it tomorrow morning. And breakfast sounds great!"

His question following her excitement, drew her to think for a bit. She shook her head with regret...for she had never found out the name of the woman who had greeted her. Whoever it was, though, was incredible.

"I do not know her name...she never told me....but how I wish I knew. She is the most incredible person I have ever met. The power that flows around her is something which I long for, Sasha. She was so noble and...she was everything that I have wanted to be....everything that my family hates. She is the model of the being which I know I must become...it is my destiny...who can be a Jedi anyway with all of their rules."

She paused, realizing that she was rambling now and it was a bit rude...especially to someone she had just met. Already, though...she considered him a friend. He was another thing which she had been searching for...someone who would listen to her and show her kindness like she had never seen.....something which her family stole away once they realized what her dreams were....

[SashaKovalev]

That settled it. They would meet for breakfast, and then he would show her around. He was quite familiar with the castle now. He'd been with the order for a few months now, and knew most of the hallways - or the ones he needed to know - the gardens, and the path to the lake. And then there were the training grounds - and perhaps even a trip to the Saiatah High Roller.

He couldnt help but let a small smile esacpe his lips as Feliciana began to speak - with more emotion and longing than she had so far expressed. Of her desire to be like this woman who had welcomed her to the order. He knew this feeling well - for he, too, aspired to be like the elders. He too, wanted the wisdom and power that they had. And he would have it. He was determined to have it.

He chuckled at her mention of the jedi and all of their rules.

"They are a special breed, for sure, the jedi." He replied, a vague expression on his face for a moment. He thought of Xazor, briefly, and then pushed these thoughts from his mind. Their friendship could not be continued. He had already lost his hand because of their friendship - had almost lost his home, his place in the order - his life.

For a moment, he considered advising her against ever befriending a jedi - but then it occurred to him that he had learned a valuable lesson from his mistake - and it wasnt his place to advise others of what should be their own decisions - their own mistakes.

Instead he asked her of her family. She had mentioned them just a moment ago.

"Your family didnt agree with your decision?" He asked, his violet eyes settling on her with a curious gaze.

[Feliciana Devano]

Feliciana noticed that Sasha was deep in thought about something, until he broke from it and questioned her. She shook her head as memories flooded her mind.

"No......my family raised me well. When they found out of my desires and my dreams......they shunned me, they pushed me away. My own Brother who I had become so close to.....helped me out the door of our home. My Mother and Father paid for my trip here. I remember their last words so well...'You want to live a life of destruction....so be it....' and then they slammed the door in my face."

She paused, a sigh of regret on her lips for only a moment as she thought about her descision to come here. It had been for the best and she knew it.....being a Jedi was not her thing and it would never be....no matter how much her parents shoved it in her face.

"I know that this is the life for me....no matter what they say. I can't be a Jedi.....I am Sith......and I will be as powerful as that woman who greeted me.....someday......"

Her voice faded off as she looked about her bare room for a moment and then let her blue eyes drift back to meet those of Sasha. Hopefully he understood what she was talking about and she had not boared him to death with her meaningless life details....

[SashaKovalev]

He listened to her speak of her family. It was clear that they had meant quite a bit to her. Sshe likely hadnt meant for it, but her emotions were out there, and quite easy for him to pick up on. This was something he was still working on, and he hadnt meant to even try to read hers - but hers had been unavoidable. He'd felt them the way one feels humidity rolling into the atmosphere.

"They thought you should be a jedi?" He asked. He wondered if this was what happened when one found out they were force sensitive - if everyone just assumed they should be a jedi.

He handt had that kind fo pressure, for none of his friends had known - he hadnt really known until he'd begun researching methods of dealing with anger. It was then that he'd discovered the Sith and had known this was where he wanted to be - with others like him - with those who could teach him to use his anger productively - who wouldnt fault him for having it.

His violet eyes stared into her blue ones. They were a brilliant blue. And it took him a moment to stop thinking about those blue eyes. Perhaps it was only that he was eighteen - and like most eighteen year old kids he had one thing in particular on his mind quite often - or maybe...just maybe...it was that she was different....

[Feliciana Devano]

The young woman nodded slightly and turned away, thinking about the dreadful day when her family discovered that she was Force sensitive. She slowly turned back to look at Sasha....and their eyes locked. A nervous twinge could be felt in her stomach for a moment in the awkward silence.....but then she broke it with a few words.

"Yes.....my grandfather was some great Jedi of old....and when they found out that I too was Force sensitive.....they tried to get me into some Jedi Academy. After much research....I found out that it was not for me. I am to impatient and I get angry often...even at the slightest things. My parents always said that I was the cocky one in the family."

She paused and pushed the thoughts aside once again as she smiled gently at him. For some reason, even amongst thoughts of her family and such things.....she could not stop thinking about him. She giggled slightly at herself when she realized that she was staring.....and then she blushed crimson. Her eyes shifted to the floor and then back to his once again.....wondering what he was thinking about.

[SashaKovalev]

Now he understood. A jedi in the family - certainly that would make them assume she should be too. That was a big expectation to live up to - and certainly much different from the path she had chosen. And to some extent, he understood this. He doubted that his mother would be happy with what he was doing - what he had chosen - but he didnt care. She had passed on just over a year ago - she had left him alone to make his own decisions and he would make them as he saw fit. He bristled slightly as he thought of her, angry with her for having given up on life and leaving him on his own.

"I'm sorry about your family." He replied. It was almost worse, he thought, to know your family was out there, but dead to you.

At this, she had paused, and that pause was followed by a smile. A gentle almost shy smile. And then she giggled.

He had no idea what he'd said or done to make her laugh, and so he felt a bit embarrassed, the heat rising to his cheeks as he thought she was laughing at him - not herself.

He stood up.

"I uh...I should be going. There's something I need to work on for my master." He lied. It wasnt that he wanted to leave, but he didnt like the feeling of being laughed at - particulalrly when it was a pretty girl that he found himself attracted to who was doing the laughing.

"But I'll drop by in the morning if you still want a tour...." He added, his voice slightly gruff as he tried to act a little tougher than he really was. As if he wasnt bothered at all by her giggling at him.

[Feliciana Devano]

Fel smiled slightly and shook her head at his words. She did not want anyone to feel sorry for her......for it was her descision and what was done......was done. Suddenly he blushed and got up to leave. She did not understand....and thought over the actions that had passed between them in the last minute. She had laughed, but at herself....not at him. Sighing, she gave herself a mental slap and rose to her feet as well.

"P....please.....don't go, I really enjoy your company....."

She reached over and grabbed his hand without thinking. Once she realized this, she blushed terribly and looked the other way...out the window perhaps. A slight embarassed, crooked smiled, crossed her lips as she blushed once again.

"You can't just leave....."

She said softly and slowly turned her head to look at him.....still holding onto his hand. She decided in her mind that if he really had to go....he would leave, but if it was for the sake of her laughing at herself....that was silly. She did not feel like coming out and asking him if that was his reasoning.....so she left her words hanging in the awkward silence again.....

[SashaKovalev]

As he'd moved to leave she had asked him not to go. Her hand hand reached for his, catching his right hand - his real hand. It was as if he had been shocked by a live wire - the electricity from her touch - from the awkward attraction between them surprised him.

He stopped in his tracks, his violet eyes blinking for a moment. Their hands still touched and he hesitated. A moment later, he wished he'd acted on his first impulse, but it was too late.

And then, he was glad he hadnt acted. She likely would have shoved him away, telling him exactly where he could go.

His violet eyes looked away as hers did in an awkward moment, and when he looked back to her, he noticed her deep blush. Their hands slid from contact with one another, though he didnt forget - couldnt forget - what her touch had felt like.

"I guess...I can stay a little longer." He replied slowly, and he moved over towards the window, sitting down on the window seat.

"You got a great room..." He stated in the silence between them. It was a lame attempt, he knew, at restarting a conversation, but he didnt trust himself to say much more.

[Feliciana Devano]

Fel smiled as he decided to stay. She too had felt like acting in the silence between them.....but decided against it. She kicked herself for not doing anything but staring at him like an idiot. She sighed as he moved toward the window and she followed, sitting down beside him. Her eyes searched the grounds below and then moved to his once again.

"I know, the view here is beautiful as well. I bet your room is nice...."

She said softly and then blushed once again, realizing that there could have been a few more meanings behind her words than what she wanted him to know. Smiling despite her uncertainty and nerves, she looked back out the window.....

[SashaKovalev]

She had moved to come and sit beside him by the window. As the two of them looked at the grounds below, his mind was on anything but the beautiful view outside - rather he was thinking of the view in the very room that he was in.

I'll bet your room is nice.... She'd said.

He couldnt help but smirk just a bit. And the thoughts in his mind he hid with his words.

"Yeah, it is. I'm on the ocean side of the castle."

"You should check it out sometime...." He added as an invitation.

[Feliciana Devano]

Fel smiled and nodded with an inquisitive look.

"The ocean? I'll have to check that out sometime....sounds beautiful..."

She said softly. His invitation made her heart skip a beat, for she was very happy now....spending more time with him was perfect.

"I would like to see it sometime, very much...."

The girl said softly as her eyes wandered out the window....

[SashaKovalev]

He watched her as her eyes moved to look out the window. He studied her profile, looking away for a moment when he realized that he was, perhaps, staring.

What was he thinking? Why was he suddenly entranced with this girl? They were both just beginning their training, and certainly a relationship of any sort would be a distraction. He'd never had a serious relationship. He'd dated girls back home, the puppy love type of flings of teenaged kids, and never thought once of getting serious with any of them. Of spending more than a few nights with them. But this girl, he wanted to know.

And it scared the hell out of him. He was going to be a Sith Master someday. He was determined, and no one was going to stand in his way - no one was going to distract him from this goal. He'd already put his life on hold once - for his mother - for a woman. And he wasnt going to do it again.

He stood, refusing to let his violet eyes meet her bright blue ones. To look at her would make him weak. He would give in again, and stay.

"I have to go." He stated, more determined this time.

"But I'll show you around as I promised, tomorrow morning."

He finally met her eyes for a brief moment.

"Just come to my room when you wake up." He suggested, then looked away. Too many things were going through his mind and he moved towards the door.

Before he left, he leaned against the doorframe, remembering his first night at the castle.

"And if you need anything before then, if you're scared or anything, you know where to find me. My door is never locked." He added. As soon as the words came from his mouth, he wanted to laugh. It had been an innocent offer - for he remembered how restless he'd been his first night - how alone he had felt - but with the attraction he felt to her, his words didnt sound quite so innocent to his own ears.

[Feliciana Devano]

Fel sighed as he decided he had to go. His eyes grew a bit cold as he looked at her, and she wondered what was wrong. I did something wrong again.... She thought to herself and got up as he left.

"Okay...thank you for talking to me...it means a lot, Sasha. And thank you for the generous offer...I look forward to my tour tomorrow morning after breakfast."

She smiled gently and then watched him as he left. The young woman sighed once again and shut the door after him, then leaned her back against it. Once she decided that it wasn't her fault that he left, she walked over to her weapons and began placing them about her room in various places until it was decorated just the way she wanted it...for now....