Critique/Advice & Tips sought

[Ciara Myst]

Hi. Ok, I know I'm new here and all, but I was hoping to get some tips and feedback on my first thread. In Search of .... (http://www.swforums.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=330730)

I do know in my head where I'm going with this, and I'd really not like to say it outloud, simply because I like the spontanaity of whomever joins in the thread. I like the twists and turns that spring up from that. I think my most recent post lacked quite a bit of detail that I wanted to add, but, I just woke up and wasn't really thinking too closely on that.

:) lol, please don't be too harsh, I don't wanna cry :lol

[Mr Wednesdaydale]

Shorten your posts in general. It makes for an easier read.

[Ciara Myst]

Okies, thanks :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Wednesdaydale, you're just a lazy reader. :)

[Marcus Telcontar]

Shorten your posts in general. It makes for an easier read.


No, dont. The prime advice I would give is that you are here for your own reasons and the person you must please is yourself. Write what you want, how you want, of the length you want to achieve satisfaction in your own mind. If your wirting to an audience, then the prime concern in being legible. People WILL read long posts if they are full of good ideas and are well placed in the post. Being readible is not about how long you write for - it's captivating the reader and keeping their attention.

[Chase Starwalker]

yes, spelling and grammer are top priority in my book...long or short posts dont really matter...long as they are legible :)

[Ciara Myst]

:) Thanks so much! I appreciate all of this.

[Ryla Relvinian]

Hi there, thought. I'd drop you a little note. Your post is quite good, but here are two questions for you... First, who is your audience? Yes, people will read long posts if they want to, so let's assume that this is your typical longer-post reader. Now, your descriptions are good, but how do they introduce the story? I don't know where your plot is going, perhaps introducing the life habits of this planet and it's animals will play an important role later on.

Instead of describing your planet like an encyclopedia, try saying something about how this character lived day-to-day, how they felt about their life, parents, the animals they had to tend etc. That way people will identify with her more because they can understand who she is, rather than a dry description of a planet where she lives.

Also, when you end the passage, you have some good questions, "What does her future hold? Will she run into other beings in the vast universe? What new worlds would the young lady visit?" These are good, but again, you could (next time, of course, if you wanna. These are all suggestions, really.) You could say something like, "Blasting off into an uncertain sky, she wonders where her course will take her." Or something like that, to give it a first-person feel but writing in third person.

Overall, though, you're fine. I just thought I'd throw my two credits into the bucket. :]

[Sanis Prent]

If you use the long-assed post...at least provide breaks. Most of us are on 1024x768, at the least...and a little mercy goes a long way.

[Ciara Myst]

:) thanks! No, really I want to better my own writing abilities so thats why I asked for the opinions of those who would read this and take the time to read that first post. I really do appreciate and welcome all the tips and advice I can get.

Some of the things you mentioned, like explaining how she lived and felt and all that, I had planned to have it come it over the length of the rp. And you're right ;) The lifeforms and planetary info does play a part later on in the rp.

lol and now confusion settles in. What do you mean by breaks? My screen size is the typical 800 x 600 if that is what you mean by 1024 x 768, but I'm not sure what you mean by breaks.

[Sanis Prent]

Things like * * *, or several blank lines interrupting bodies of text. A good rule of thumb is to spread out chunks of text that are about as thick as your username and personal pic downways....with a bit of leeway. That keeps a reader hooked, instead of getting lost and bored in the drudgery of squinting along identical-looking lines

[Ciara Myst]

Ahh okies! Thanks a bunch.

[IG-88]

Critique:
I like the idea of a human (please read the rest of my insightful sentance, because no, I do NOT like humans) who has no idea of what the rest of the universe is like. For that much, I laud you. Why, on such a backwards planet as the one you came from, I might be revered properly as the marvel of engineering and sheer good fortune that I am - instead, most of these calloused planet-hoppers are always yawning or saying they saw a more impressive droid on such-and-such a show on the HoloNet, or merely ignore me. It gets annoying. Other than a bit of nonsensical phrasing (i.e., the creature that can "slice a human in two before they realize they've been hit". You must mean "before they realize they've been ironically slaughtered by another biological creature before a droid, such as the illustrious IG-88, got the chance to do it") and an atrocious - albeit amusing, since BOTH operating platforms die and we all know what droid is incomparably superior to them BOTH - avatar, I have no other criticisms.

Advice & Tips:
Reveal that you are a human replica droid, bent on destroying all biologically-based life. I feel that this would make an EXCELLENT read.

It is in your best interests to comply. The people will love you for it. Really. They will. People are foolish like that. Nobody ever doubts a droid.

[Marcus v4]

I have found that it is inherently human to doubt infallibility. If I had sufficient ego programming, I might take it personally eventually.

[IG-88]

Most droids are trusted as much as - say - a chair by biologicals. Implicitly. They will never doubt that a chair will hold them up if they sit upon it, unless it appears to be of inferior quality or is obviously damaged. Hence my previous statemtent.

However, the trust wanes as the duties - and abilities - of the droid are greater. Such is the incomprehensible dual nature of human life. I was not aware there would be droids observing me as I waxed verbose, thus I condensced the full details of the matter into a single, terse statement that both fulfilled my purposes and would not confuse a human.

It is heartening to see a droid with your programming around this otherwise desolate place. But you may wish to consider upgrading to a more self-conscious operating platform in the future. I realize it is not within most droids to not accept their eventual fate in some obscure garbage and refuse reclaimation center, but once they have accepted the aforementioned upgrade, they all agree it was a rational choice. Continuation of being, regardless of biological programming.

Consider it.

[Ciara Myst]

:rolleyes *Pokes the droid to see if it squeals*

:lol heh. Ok, here's a biggie .... what is it that 'lures' others' to post in a thread? I'm hoping others will eventually jump in on the thread, and I know at the moment I'm nervous as hell to be posting at SWFANS lol soooo.....

*pokes the droid again, just cuz it was fun the first time.*

[ReaperFett]

I've not read your thread yet, but I will give my 2p.


IMO, two long posts are worse than five short posts. Technically, you have wrote the same amount. However, it gives people a break, a place to stop. Like chapters in a book.


And basically, what brings people in is intrest. I know that doesnt help, but it's true :)

[Sean Piett]

I think we can safely stereotype Ryla and IG-88 as long post readers/writers. They're BIASED!

[Ciara Myst]

:lol thank you ReaperFett I appreciate it. Psh, I like those two lol

[Marcus Telcontar]

It really depends on the person when it comes to long posts. If you know the person writes gibberish, then there is no way you will read a long post. If on the other hand you have a good reputation, then people WILL read a long post. I tend to read anything and sometimes a really good and compelling ling post is a joy to read. It is on the other hand, harder to put together a long one.

Now as for getting people to join in.... well it's easier the better the reputation you have. Once people see your good, then you will have RP'ers jump in, or read your stuff.

[Ciara Myst]

:) Thanks Marcus

[ReaperFett]

Also, many people prefer to RP with people they're comfortable about

[Ciara Myst]

:) Okies. I suppose it will just take time also for other's to get 'use' to me. Thanks all, I appreciate this :)

[ReaperFett]

np at all :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Try joining a group, or poke around GJO for a while in the B&G....lets people get to know your character and writing style, in shorter, less complicated threads. :)

[ReaperFett]

Try to get in open threads, but dont change YOUR character

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Sometimes I jump into open threads because they're on such and such a planet. I just sort of do my own thing, take care of an issue or a job I need to do, and interact a little with the ones inside the thread already.

Its actually a good system, and gets some great RPs out of it. (Bypaths of Destiny is a good example of a thread I crashed. :D)

[ReaperFett]

lol :)