Picking Up Where You Left Off - Azhure Darkstone

[Navaria Tarkin]

Sage Hazzard had gone off to parts unknown and had left one of his Padawans in need of further training. She was unique that in her request she had also asked that her former Padawan, Dasquian help her as well. But for different reasons.

Navaria knew that Azhure held much anger inside her heart.... yet that wasn't her concern today. If the need arose to reinforce the lessons that Dasquian was imparting on her, then so be it. It was her job to instill training in the ways of channeling, meditation, and different skills one could learn by using the Force.

She stepped into one of the training rooms used for sparring and telekinetic training so there was ample space. Shedding her outer cloak, Navaria hung it up and waited for Azhure to meet her....

[Azhure Darkstone]

OOC: ah! My folly, twas not seen by mine eyes and much apologies given lady. in other words, whoops! also my apologies for not responding a while back, the apology is also in the council room =)

IC:
::Azhure walked in, her mentor, who was stepping in for Sage while he was away was waiting and she stepped forward and bowed her head in honour of her master, as was customary before any planned fight...or training session.
She stepped back, her saber ready and her sword, today she had her katana, no name. She did not give her weapons a name unless someone else had, it was considered good luck if it was done by your own doing. Not saying a word, there was nothing to say she awaited silently the instructions to be given.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

OOC~ :lol nice response and no sorries!

IC~ She turned to greet Azhure and returned the bow.

"Greetings. I am pleased you accepted my invitation to help finish your training and in rectifying that we have never met.

We will start by you telling me of your strengths and weaknesses."

Navaria asked with a twitch of the brow, folding her hands and resting them on her leather belt.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded, heeding the spoken order.::

My strength is my balance, my sense, my skills as a warrior with steel and my mind, intellectually and telepathically.
MY weaknesses is my control over emotions, my skill with the lightsaber and getting into jedi trances easliy. It takes a great deal of mind strength to get myselg to relax and give up control of every single muscle in my body. I do not like to lose control of physical elements. I am a trained ex-assasin and warrior, but never have been a user of the heart by trade and by survival. It is a new thing.

:;She didnt know how the woman would react to that, but the words needed to be said. She did not like to admit her past but it existed. fear was also a new emotion and it was not well liked, but it was necessary for a normal life. A normal life..to fight for the right side instead of not caring? She wanted to be a jedi to right many many wrongs. Withholding information could result in suspicion.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Your honesty is most appreciated. This will help me greatly in your training."

She had felt Azhure's worry but it took great strength to be open when there was uncertainty to how others would react. A very good step in the right direction for the Padawan. It deserved the compliment that Navaria offered.

"You know your weakness and there are several. Which would you like do start with first. I can help with them all."

Also, the question was also used to see what Azhure valued more ...

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure did not know which to pikc but two were obvious choices. She anted to learn how to use her heart properly. It had been hurt once, one fo the first times by Tomak and tha ahd bene enough to nearly close it again, but no. A jedi's heart was open. It had to be or else she'd be another...she'd be who she used to be. The Other was the sense of losing control. If she was to survive this she would have to give the risk a go, there was no simple plan of life anymore. She looked at Navaria and nodded after some though, her mind voice quiter than usual::

I wish to learn how to give up control, how to trance easier for being able to make a jedi trance helps in most departments of training.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"To give up control?"

Navaria raised a brow.

"Perhaps you mean how to let go of your conscious self?"

Her face relaxed, becoming passive once more.

"To loose control means we loose ourselves to powerful emotions that. We become closer to the dark side. Sometimes simple phrasing can be just a misunderstanding or perhaps could be a prelude of uncertainty in what in means to be a Jedi."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head, thinking of the words to explain. she knew it would be a mouthfull, or more like a mindfull.::

No not that. I mean that even now, and as I always am, I knwo what every single muscle in my body i doing. I know the sounds around me and how long each stride I take is. It is part fo the training I have. When Warren Azalin was teaching me he taught me how to trance. This was hard as you go into the mind and become a lot less aware of your body. I find it hard to lose control of my body, and yes, emotions. I do not know how to control some of these emotions and I am afraid of what I might do. I do not like fear.
What a jedi means to be is to fight for the justice of the world. To use the force in the lightside. To heal rather than hurt. To do good things is why I joined, as too much bad has been done already. If there is any holes in my explination tell me so and I will re-explain.

::Azhure did not mean this to be rude, she only meant it as a habit. When answering questions in CrimsonSUn you had to fully explain, add most details and state your feelings and comments in a blunt way. There had been no tollerance for going around loops a couple fo times before getting to the point. Many misunderstood this for rudeness.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria being quite the empath, took no offense to Azhure's explanation. Surface emotions came readily to the Knight and helped Navaria greatly when meeting new beings or when diplomacy was essential.

"You cannot let go completely of all thoughts, emotions ... You cannot go by instinct alone and let the Force guide you."

She kneeled down to the mat, folding hands into her lap.

"Show me how you go into a trance. We'll start there."

The Knight opened herself up to the Force, channeling its power into her. An acute awareness of how Azhure went into a trance was necessary to help the Padawan. Navaria needed to feel how she channeled the Force and the emotions that were present inside her pupil. Then, Navaria could help guide Azhure to achieving a solid grounding when meditating.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded and sat down, closing her eyes. It denied her the feeling ofd wanting to know what was going on by her eyes, though her senses told her enough. Going inot her own mind a little she looked for serenity. It always meant reflecting for her, on things best forgotten. She touched the force with her mind, felt it's flow through her heart and breathed in hieghtened air. Slowly forcing her mind to let go of a lot of control from the muscles her mind protested, the usual battle of body and mind starting. Leting go of the control finally won after much pulling and pushing, and she delved deeper into the trance, deeper. She was looking in an entirely different light. She rememberd this feeling. One path lead to the doors of eternity, or death. ANother lead to painful memories, the one she had to follow in amny ways, one day. Other midn paths she did not know nor felt she wanted to. The force of pulling her back started as the want for body control started. The emotions began running like crazy, openign itself up as was usual in trance, almost to chaos. The memories flooded, flowed. Opening her eyes, brakign the trance she breathed hard, finding she had almost lost breath in the flow of emotions. She did not remember all of what happened, only that she had failed yet again. She did remember that path to death, had touched it once before a voice had pulled her back. Carelessness was dangerous::

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Calm yourself first ... Center on your breathing and then nature takes it course, Azhure."

Navaria looked at the Padawan with concern. There were two things wrong with what she sensed from the girl. One was the issue of forcing herself to relax and let go. Whether or not it was slow or pushing herself with such intense strength, her mind was not going to center itself properly.

Which led to Azhure not wanting to confront her demons that were buried deep and then her loss of control. It became a struggle as emotions and sensations overflowed her mind and body. She couldn't handle the stress and then that was when the Knight felt the fear coming from her...

Once Azhure was calm enough to listen to Navaria, the Jedi finally spoke.

"What do you remember? Do not hold back any emotions, images and thoughts that might seem unimportant to you."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Do not hold back? That had been contradictory to what she had been told all her life. It almost sounded strange but her midn was used to following instuctions and she knew she'd have a hard time forfilling this one but she would do it.

The four year old huddled in the corner, her skin changing to the greenish colour of the wall. Intense emotion always made her skin change like that. The big shadow of a person held a stick, a large stick that caused pain. Orders ran out of the shadow like a hyper drive. Don't cry, don't be weak, don't fear, pain is not real. pain is nor real. Pain was all over the little girls body. She could hear screamds in the background. Cary. The woman who had tried to teahc them morality in hope it would stick and come alive in later years... but the child did not understand that. Pain, screams

Azhure felt emotion runnign like hot fire in there. That child was strangely familiar, more so there was pain in her own heart..
She almost instincly fought the memories before stopping herself with great mind strength....

Melendrin and Dante stood outside, the woman who took care fo them inside. She always held a big stick, Dante didnt know what she was but Melendrin did. The woman caleld Melendrin by many names but never her own. Or Dante's. He was there when she needed crying in the earlier years but she had turned cold, emotionless, and they were distanced in many ways.....cold....emotionless...cold.....

Sharp pain from her isndie somewhere swelled, anger at what had been done to the child, why? who had givent he right to do that? She knew that child somehow, but it didnt click, to be more precise it did not want to click...another came and her midn fought the memories even stronger, the mroe she fought the more the memories stung..stung....

The woman sneaked silently into the vent, moved softly with her body flat against metal then softly jumped into another room. There inf rotn of her was the clients enemy...silently she walked behind him, the man not noticing and his eyes only openeing when the dagger danced, the heart, the throat and they eyes. Signature of the Angel of Death. One that was well known. They feared the one no-one knew the gender, the age of. Only the signature and group. Many more deaths ran in line, women, men, old people, young people. never a child, only once. An accident it had been.......NO....

Azhures mind won the battle and the memories were pushed away, pushed but she had seen enough for the emotions to run. Opening her eyes she noticed the tears in her eyes, the way her hand gripped the ground like she had had nothing to hold onto.
Her skin felt strange for an instant though she knew not why. What had she done? Azhure felt embarressed, avoiding the eyes of the woman. She had made a fool of herself.
Navaria would want to know what had happened, she knew that, what she saw. But how could she put it into words, there were too many words to utter.....::


OOC:drama queen :)

[Navaria Tarkin]

OOC~ No ... it was good! I liked it :) No drama queen there :D

IC~ Everything seemed to change with Azhure so fast that Navaria wasn't sure when it actually happened. It was hard to sense what was going on in the Padawan's mind because the wave of emotions was like a tidal wave smashing down on the Knight's mind. Navaria was completely taken off-guard at first, her mind reeling back with the swam of hatred .... of fear ... of utter rage and humiliation that latched onto the Jedi's open mind.

She found her center. Remembering her focus of peace. Of a small place deep within the jungles of Yavin that provided Navaria a closure of her darkest fears in a special way.

A reflection of herself, that was not quite herself, gave her the strength to close her mind off from Azhure's emotional memories.

Her eyes opened, focused and devoid of any loss of control... Unlike her pupil before her. Azhure was sweating visibly, her eyes were darting back and forth, seeing things long since passed that were not physically there .... The poor girl was trying to find something to dig her nails into but only finding empty air and an cold matte that didn't care.

Then Navaria's heart almost gave out when Azhure opened her eyes; the pain trying to swallow the Knight into the blackened void of despair that was beheld in dark eyes.

Control was a word that went with being a Jedi. But so did compassion and understanding. Azhure needed her help to get through what demons were haunting her and so she reached out with her hand to steady Azhure's shoulder.

"You have nothing to be afraid about."

The words were soft and soothing. Almost like a warm blanket that kept the chilling air away.

"Take your time and focus before you speak. What you saw and went through, I do not know, but I do know that it was very difficult and these things should not be rushed."

She didn't want the Padawan to ball her emotions into herself thinking that the Knight knew what happened inside her mind. Trust was very important right now and Navaria was going to have to earn it.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure breathed deeply to balance out her emotions fidnign it hard but successful enough to think properly.::

I think I saw...my childhood. I remember....

::She found it hard in the mind, to her so impersonal as she used the midn all the time, the voice usually ignored. It seemed too personal an experience to use so casually. A soft voice that could be mistaken for a soft hearted woman came out, made her sound weaker but it served in some ways in tough situations....::

I was a child. The first year of training, the hardest year in some ways..........

::She still now remembered the stings and the things that happened if you did not learn quickly enough. And once you id elarn and you became emotional again, they amde sure you were not endagering thier group....she remembered an ex-assasin who had been caught and became deaf, blind and dumb. They did a thorough job...still better that than to kill knowing morality...
Still the person had been a bad assasin and could not use the force to protect themselves if need be. Shivering not out of being cold she remembered the lessons. Some had drowned, some had burnt because they couldnt get out fast enough. Some had died in the challenges... All of a sudden she finally got the words out that had been kept in for a long time. The hatred she had kept inside herself, why she feared herself. Those words that held much emotion in them. There was no need to say more. Small words could explain a great many things sometimes::

They were monsters...monsters....I was a monster. They make monsters, they still do. And parents allow it, or died....

[Navaria Tarkin]

She was calm enough to forms words but the thoughts were still jumbled as Azhure tried to explain what happened.

"Azhure..."

Navaria said, now resting her hand on the Padawan's next gently.

".... you have to try and calm down completely in order for me to understand because I do not. I sense that everything you are saying connects but in what way, I do not know. There are pieces missing that you must fill. For my understanding and to find the peace you want."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure made no physical appearacne she ehard accept she rbeathed a little easier. concentrating on breath as much as she could::

I saw...a child being...being made to hide emotions. Being made into a killer. I saw the injustice, the ones who died for my...my moral mind. I saw...I saw my brother. I saw my life and the anger and the hatred and the fear and the coldness. And the death. The Angel of death. I felt..disgusted and fearful of ymself...I am a monster..

::She looked away looking at nothing. Seeign nothing but those images. THose faces, the voices that never left her alone::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Some of what was said reminded the Knight of two other people she knew, but for different reasons.

Navaria couldn't help but feel for Azhure. Being such an empathic being, the Knight could understand the emotions that were going through the Padawan as if they were her own.

"I have a question for you."

She waited until Azhure looked at her, not matter how long it took.

"What did you feel about yourself before you saw these images right now? I know you told me that you had a deeply rooted fear and was not sure where it came from but what did you feel about yourself. As a person and as a Jedi."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure thought about this. She knew the answers but was not sure what to say, these were personal questions. But that was what masters did and her midn told her it was an order. The trust told her this person could be trustworthy enough of the answer not to use it against her, not to file it up in her mind for later use.::

I was not sure of myself as a person, fearful not knowingly. I was brainwashed as a child, and that does not wear off easliy after 18 years of it. I don't know what is inside my mind, what is in there I know not of. If what is inside my head that rarely shows will come out. I am a danger to myself because of lack of knowledge. It is like a robot commanded to kill if they hear...a cretain word or tone of the voice or....

As a Jedi I suppose I see a future, a way to redeem one millionth of what I have done. What is lost cannot be fully repaid but if I give my life to help istead of hinder maybe this life will be worth at least a cent.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"But how can you redeem yourself if you do not know what you want to redeem yourself from?"

Navaria pressed the palms of her hands together as she talked.

"The emotions and memories brought forth today are only a glimpse of a past that is fearful to you. Those are the cause of you keeping yourself from realize your true potential. You said it so yourself. It is because of the lack of knowledge towards yourself that you can be a danger to yourself. And .. to others quite possibly."

She lowered her hands to rest within her lap and smile.

"The past must be fully accepted if the future you want is to be actualized.

Now the question is what do you want to do? I can only serve as a guide, as I have today, but the choice is yours to where you want to walk. But know this, I will help guide you and provide support in any of the darker places that you must walk. Just because I had to walk my own black path alone does not mean you have to, Azhure."

This was a lot that Navaria was asking Azhure. But she was asking, not demanding, but the Knight laid it all out for the Padawan. Azhure needed to be in harmony with her mind and body in order to ascend to the next plateau of what it means to be a Jedi.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure knew there was only one answer to that, there was no other way. Once she would have though to face it alone, not trusting anybody but after....after all that had happened she did not want to be alone anymore. She wasnt sure anymore if she was strong enough alone. More so, it felt comforting to not feel alone. She did not feel so scared, and fear was something Azhure hated. She had never felt it or allowed herself to feel it before the jedi. She looked at Navaria and said the only thing that could be said::

I will accept any help I can. I need someone to believe in me to succeed as well as myslef...and If I lose hope, I need someone to pick me up again and show me the path.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"And you have it Azhure. The greatest obstacle that you face now is believing in yourself."

So much fear of the unknown and even then, Azhure will have to deal with all the emotions and memories of her past. The potential backlash was quite considerable but fortunately for the Padawan, Navaria was adept in helping those deal with their pasts.

Dasquian, Xazor, Soolin ... Even her very own past.

"Such a transition is quite tiresome for the mind. Did you wish to rest and continue another day. Or .. begin now?"

It was also considerate in thinking about Azhure's feelings. True, she wanted to move on but also, it had been a long day for her. So much had been felt eventhough little was acomplished. She had to be mentally exhausted to some extent.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded, and a stubborn set of the jaw outlined her answer. She had only ever known one way to get through things and it had always worked in the past. Azhure never quit when the going got tough, only when she absolutely had to.::

I do not believe in quitting until I can do no more. I will go on until I cannot do no more.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"All right then."

She answered, with a reasurring smile. Navaria was impressed with Azhure and respected the Padawan greatly for her determination.

"Hold still for me, please."

Azhure felt Navaria's fingers being placed one by one on the side of her face. The Knight's thumbs, resting on her chin.

"I need you to relax and be open to my thoughts. I can help obtain the missing parts of your memories so you can piece it all together.

Granted, I cannot do it on my own. You need to still accept what it is you are seeing."

Navaria anchored herself and began to channel the Force to aid her.

"Any questions before I start?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head. it was obvious what the point of this exercise was, and she knew it would take a lot of her own strength to get through it, but when had things ever been easy without gaining a lot? She promised Navaria silently she would try her hardest. She breathed deeply once, and nodded her head to indicate she was ready::

Do what you must Mentor Navaria.

[Navaria Tarkin]

And with that, a sensation of peace and serenity entered Azhure's mind. Considering how connected she was to that feeling, the Padawan realized rather quickly it was Navaria's own mind that had linked with her. It happened so very quickly and there was no pain at all.

Then there was a brilliant bright light that blinded Azhure for a moment ...

... To which she then found herself standing in a white circular room with eight doors. Some had locks, some didn't and others didn't have handles. Everything was so bland and devoid of color, kind of like hospital in all its glorious sterility ... which was why Navaria stood out. She was standing in the middle as she remembered her from the training room. Dressed in her robes and standing with hands resting upon her belt.

You have locked away your life behind these doors for so long. I cannot open them alone without hurting you and I do not wish to do that. This is your journey after all.

[Azhure Darkstone]

:;Azhure looked at the dorrs and shivered, although there was no chilla round and usually she did not even heed chills. It was the feeling it gave, cold and angry in some doors, painful in others, there was also one which was quite a lot warmer. Dante'.....that word entered her mind and she knew which she would leave for last. The harder hurdles first, the hardest falls made the smaller falls less painful. She walks towards any of the doors that made her especially shiver. Remembering the words of her isntructor in the skills of balance she could hear his merciless words. "Always face your fears head-on, and if you die, at least you tried." At least you tried, death had never scared her, somehow living with it, dancing with it, using it as a weapon had desensitives her from it's fear towards her. She deserved to die in many ways, but took you and gave you one last kiss, like an old lover before it took you home. But for some reasons he shivered as she heard the familiar song, what scared her was the voices behind that wall. There had only ever been one death she had feared..... Moving towards the door she refused to look at Navaria, the door existed, only the door. there was no other way, you woudl be a coward. Only the door exists.....the door slowly opened.......

She stood towards the door nearest to the room where screams were heard. The woman name Cary looked at the three pupils, she was supposed to teach them morale for assasins, trained in child phychology, or more so, trained in brainwashing. Cary was never good at doing her job, or very good at it, depending on which way you saw it. Cary secretly taught children about the morals of honour, and truth, hoping it would sink into them later. It had with one but she saw her own face as a child, and the one beside her. He was dead now, killed by....she looked at her own hand and shivered, he had been closer than a lover in amny ways, they ahd danced with death together, and yet a deadlier enemy than death. She did not know what he had been exactly, and that would probably stay that way.The third child was Morgana.
Little Morgana who had never been able to reach the unemotional peak, Azhure could guess where she had gone.
The look on the three children, the total trust tore at her heart. She could hear footsteps, knew them as she knew her own heartbeat. She could remember fearing them as a child. They had taken away children who could not reach the assisn emotion peak, who could not disconnect from the heart. The took away dead bodies in the ring where a fight to the death proved each assasin better than the other. She could rememebr the adrenilin in that ring of death, the pure power you had to wield in every muscle but bitter memories layed there.

The footsteps came closer and picked Azhure up, and the other three, a creased frown appeared on Cary's face. She kenw where they were going. Azhure knew, that little Azhure did not. She would, she would go there many times. The little girl now became her. The door slammed closed, complete darkness accept for the time window letting in enough light to see rust and large strructures, and instruments of some kind. It smelt like blood, she would always remember that smell. The pain. This was where they taught you that pain was your freind and emotion a weakness. This was where she learn how to be a true assasin, scars, bruises, and blood trickled fr4om wounds the chuild had forgotten to feel, you did not feel pain if you did not let it, or they woudl inflict more and more and more. Crying did nothing, crying made it worse. Azhure had forgotten what they exactly had done in these chambers, but now she remembered, she remembered each scar, each tiny slice, each tear. She felt tears rin down her cheekcs, the immeasurable pain down her body, and tried to tear the trainers throat out as he turned to to use a knife against the four year olds skin... she could her her own terrified cries come out of the child's as well as her own mouth......

and landed on the hard floor of the room with eight doors. She could see in her own hands that the scars, and cuts were all over her still, like fresh wounds. azhure could not pick up the strength to stand up, she did not want to. It hurt, she did not want to know...yet...she had to. She had to and thats what forced her to get up. Duty. Bloody duty. Stumbling she found it hard balancing...duty.::

How many times can one person fall and not get up, how many voices can ring on oens ear when it is their own sound?

::She laughed coldly at that, the hidden meaning. A laught that held no humour in it as she kenw she would need help getting up..::

[Navaria Tarkin]

The wounds suffered were only physical manifestations of the trial that occurred upon opening the first door. The real body of Azhure was completely free of injury.

Navaria stood passively in the center of the room still, not running over to Azhure's aid at first. From the short time she had spent with the Padawan, pride was a word that the girl took seriously. She watched Azhure get up at first on her own. Legs shaking under the strain of keeping an exhausted and lacerated body standing, in which inevitably fell.

In a gesture of understanding, Navaria held out a hand. She didn't know exactly what happened behind that closed door, for it was personal and Navaria never invaded another's privacy. Hopefully, Azhure can take some comfort in that and she wished to discuss what occurred, Navaria would listen. Or, the Knight will help the girl continue on with her goal.

Finding the peace she wanted and letting the past lay to rest.

[Azhure Darkstone]

:;Azhure looked at Navarias hand carefully before taking it to get up, it reminded her off the training sessions with her assasin masters. They would let you up then strike you down again until you did things on your own. Using all her mind to keep from wobbling she eventually stood up and sighed deeply. Looking at the door she looked confused, the doors seemed to have switched around, or at least the feeling of them. She thought she had seen the hardest of them but now it all seemed different..Looking at the door to her right, she nodded, if her mind wanted it this way... it had to be. It would have been eaiser to leave but she never backed out of a challenge, she would lose honour and could not get it back, as the crime against ones honour was to herself. Moving towards it she looked at Navaria one last time before closing the door a little slowly than was neccessary.

The room was dark. Two figures lay outside in the snow, murmurs coming from them. Sounded like children, one boy and one girl. The boys voice sounded familiar. The girls voice was distant, and the boy sounded like he was talking to a stranger. Melendrin and Dante. Dante was talking to a stranger in many ways, she remembered this day.... Suddenly she felt herself become the girl outside....the snow was thick and Carian, that was the name she was using, did not shiver but ignored the cold. Coldness slowed youd own, and if you died of frostbite while not feelign it then so be it. She looked at Dante, calling himself Matthew (he always picked similar names), and laughed icily.

"Don't get stuck in any loopholes, the traders can be ruthless when they want to be and you can be a touch soft."

Her brother eyed her carefully.

"And you can more rithless than anyone I know. Take care, I know what this day means to you"

THe woman eyed him coldly and turned her back

"I need not any help."

The man walked away, twins yet strangers, as it had been for years because...because of the training and what she had to do to protect him. She did not feel anythgin for him but he was blood and that was something to consider. If he died it was the blood, but she didnt care about him. She didnt care about anyone. In her job you had no time to use the heart. Touching her dagger subconciously she felt at him. Steel was her home. Hard as steel, tough as a stone mountain. No time for the heart, no time for your brother. Blood, not heart. She walked towards her ship and blasted off...................


...........Carian stood outside, it was darkoutside, the snow had stopped snowing and now rain was dripping. Her fellow assasin stood there, holding Matthew.

"He dies or you stop being stupid. I saw the smile. I honour ym assasin code but you are faltering! You have been for a while. I cannot allow it, would you allow REAPER to take your place."

She saw the dagger go in, the dagger to where her own heart lay, to where the key to opening her mind came. She felt her own heart rip, the heart she had not used since she was four. The heart unprcatised in the coldness of her mind. Somehtign she felt for seemed to tear at the assasins throat. She felt a dark force inside of her, anger, hatred, fear. ANGER HATRED FEAR! ANGER!

A sound crackled, something flew and as she stood where she had not moved, five daggers lay in the chest of the dead assasin. That darkness, that power....NO! It had felt.....No! No.no.....


Azhure went back to being herself, watching her younger self go to her brothers body and cradle it, tears in the girls eyes where unspoken feelings had stayed for years apon years. Words not spoken. Pain. Back thens he thought he was dead, ahd for four years....but that did not stop the girls pain. Dante. Death took the onyl on e she held dear and had not know she had held dear...pain. The heart was working. For the first time, brigning many changes. Tears in azhure's eyes it reminded her once more why she had turned her back on Crimsonsun and turned to redemption...perhaps it was too late...but she had her brother back. At least slightly...Pain......

Azhure walked out of the room, the pain was not physical. Only mental, but her heart still felt like fire. She knew what it was to touch the dark force, to feel it's power, to feel it's...evil. It was the same as assasin power, the power to kill silently...
No, that was a light memory compared to what she knew she must face but it reminded her of many bad forgotten things and her eyes grew angry at them as she looked around the room of doors, not noticing Navaria. Only looking at the face of those she had failed, of the woman who had planted a seed that had grown...a woman she should hnever have forgotten and never could thank. Still, the blak darkness rose in her mind, doubt. What if her determinationw as not good enough? What if she did not have enough belief?::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Her head sharply turned to the left to where Azhure had just walked out, the door closing gently behind. It was a good sign that what was found had been conquered and the Padawan was ready to move on, but the memories had taken its toll on Azhure. Without much hesitation, the girl had been through two dark corridors of her mind without, almost, batting an eyelash in the process. Now, it finally was starting to add up.

Navaria could sense doubt, angry. Not angry towards anyone in particular, especially not the Knight since Azhure's eyes were drawn away from her. No, the deeply rooted pain was directed towards Azhure herself, in silent berating.

She stepped forward again, speaking her name softly with a hint of encourgement.

"Azhure. The past cannot be changed. Only the will to move forward. The pain is terrible thought I do not know what has caused it but I can feel it. I have felt it and I have been the cause of it too! But you [b]can get through this. Your entire past is still out there, waiting to be found again and accepted by you. And ... by me. There is no judgement. Only understanding and belief that you are strong enough to conquer this."

Those soft eyes turned more solid as if made of the ocean water itself.

"I know you can."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure's very foundations seemed to be slipping, the conviction of preciseness gone and the belief was fading. She took her mentors words and hung onto them for all she had. She didnt know how to use her heart, her feelings. It came beating then slipped. Somehow touching the doorknob she shivered knowing what was behind it.

Frozen she stared at the door, the real means of how they devalued the children to become one mind, the means of beign able to brainwahs them so effectively and make them emotionless. She didnt want to go in, suddenly all the doors went into one, one door left anf she didnt want to go in alone.
But she had to...she didnt want anyone to see the shame of it.
Looking at Navaria she looked for some kind of strength to hold onto, this was where the heart of her anger, the heart of her problems were. This was where it all started...and she was afraid of it. The word suddenly seemed very real::

When have you ever run? When have you ever given up? When have you ever been weak?

:;She tried to hold onto that last thought, readyign her mind but her feet still would not move::

MOVE!

::Her feet seemed to wake up, painfully aching. She turned the knob very veyr slowly, suddenly feeling very very alone::

[Navaria Tarkin]

A hand covered Azhure's shoulder and she could feel the presence of the Jedi Knight at her side.

"You need not do this alone."

She placed her hand on top of Azhure's that was slowly turning the knob.

"The Jedi are a family, whether we are close friends or not. The trials you face are our trials as well."

The knob began to open a little faster with Navaria's help. This was going to be the hardest step for the Padawan and if she left Azhure to her own devices, whatever was behind that door could scar the girl for the rest of her life.

"What is behind this door, we shall face together. I will not leave your side and do all that I can to help you. If you need me."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure fel the womans hand, some kind of pillar of strength she felt she might need. Nodding she wordlessly opened the door, finding blackness, with angry red steaks of red on the ground. It faded to a hallway of small metallic doors. She opened the first, five children sat there, one four year old crying, watching Freddy Krueger. One of the methods to desensatise a child. One of the kinder methods. But she knew this hall, knew the coldness of it, the cruelness that came here. Here was where they made you and broke you. Here was where they evaluated your heart and how much breaking you would need. When she had grown to full assasin status she had avoided this hall like a plague::

Assasin Hall to the older ones, to the small children the broken playground. I hate this place...

::She walked into the room where the hologram showing Freddy Krueger played. She watched the movie, an old one, a very old one that became revamped for twisted purposes by the guild. There were many similar in the collection. She had forgotten these movies, strange how you would forget that. Walking out she looked to the next door and to Navaria, her voice slightly distant as she reached for some of the assasin coldness for protection, an instant reaction. But it was hard to find, for once it did not come easily. Somehow it seemed a releif even thought the fear built::

Thats the torture room... this is where they make assasins.

[Navaria Tarkin]

What lay behind the door, Navaria could not imagine. Numerous techniques could be done for torture, to help break the will of a being to become a heartless killer. Azhure had experienced the most pain in this room and in turn, had made Azhure cold and uncaring ... only the need to please her Masters in the death that was dealt by her hand, which even now, Navaria held.

The blood on the Padawan's hands was just as horrific as the blood on Navaria's. Different methods were carried out to cause that death but in her heart, Navaria a sense of what she was going through.

Do not be afraid. I am here with you. Always. Just like the Force. Call upon its strength to quell your hesitations.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure barely nodded, and walked in. It wasnt her this time but a small boy with red scars all over his back, bruises on his body. He sat on the ground in obvious pain, yet his eyes were emotionless and cold. They had done a good job of breaking him, or reminding him. Reminding needed to be done at times.
She nealt down next to the boy, he didnt seem to notice her. Looking at him she saw a refleciton of..somehtign that made her shiver. An old ghost that had dissapeared when she'd been 12. That ghost had once been alive but had drowned when he couldnt reach the end of the river.
Walking out of there she sighed, as if some forbodding spirit had gone. She remembered many faces now. Those who hadnt passed the tests. It was all about survival, being the best.

Walking to the next door she could hear the noise and knew what it was. Opening it, she saw two children, no more then nine fighting with spikes, stained red from the last battle. The fight to the death, survival. The sound of silence that came a second later told her who had won. She looked at the body almost with no emotion. A body would always be a body to her, but what was inside, what should be honoured, was gone. It reminded her of those times she had won, had almost lost. It reminded her of Reaper. Reaper was dead now.
She could not sense her hands growing tense around her saber, deep in her memory she remembered close calls. What they had made children do. You kill or you get killed.
You never cried and you never felt sorry for yourself. Self pity was and still was to her the bottom of the ladder and she would never sink to it. her voice held some old tone of pain, but it was well hidden in the voice she adopted to protect herself from falling apart::

The best weapons are in the left cupboard on the right. Katana's with poison on the points. Carelessness of getting cut can have dire consequences. You learn quickly intelligence prevails over brute strength.

::She could not tears her eyes off the boy who had won, the weapon in his hand and his face showing no pity, nor a smile. Nothing. it was quite entriguing to see, a face you yourself have carried for so long and never realized was there. She almost laughed at it for some obscene reason.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria looked down with a hard expression at the boy and then down at that the dead body that was left upon the ground. No one cared about the death, only strengthn perserverance and most importantly the need to live. The Knight could feel the empty shell of the boy. Not caring in the slightest to what had happened.

Who is this boy?

She asked, hoping she wasn't intruding but for some reason, Navaria felt it important to query Azhure as to who this child was.

[Azhure Darkstone]

His name was Garathus Mehtor, he died at 12 when he did not complete the river challenge of swimming for three hours non-stop. I nearly did not make it either, not many did. He was one of those who did not. He is one out of the thousand...There are three hundred in one clan, only two surive out of that, and generally, one will defeat the other to become the sole member to hold that clan name. It's all about blood, nothing else matters to them....

::Some ancient bitter voice came out of her mind. Some kind of anger that simmered towards the CrimsonSun, towards their code. Towards their acts.::

You are the product of your enviroment.

::She did not want to be here anymore, dead bodies did not interest her. It was too late, this was memories from the past. It was long past too late. She moved out of the room and walked towards the next door, the last door. Azhure tried to open it but couldnt, it was locked. What she didnt know was it was locked because her mind was struggling to close it, it did not want to see, she did not want to see. For one fot he few times in her life, weakness won this battle::

I can't...I can't. I don't want to see it.

[Navaria Tarkin]

But you must.

Came Navaria's voice, soft but firm in the statement.

If you stop now, you will be back right where you started from. It cannot end like this.

Her hand came up and slapped the door quickly with the palm. This was the realm of the mind and the usual sharp sting that would accompany that action was not felt.

This is not real anymore. None of it is. They are only obstacles in knowing yourself. Knowing your true identity and accepting it. Then, and only then can you move on Azhure. I cannot open this door for you. You have to do it yourself. You have to believe in yourself and accept yourself now and the woman you became today.

She removed her hand to cup Azhure's chin softly, letting the Padawan see Navaria fully. There was no judgement at all in the Knight's eyes. Only a deep compassion.

I believe in you. You can do this.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::The door looked like the image off ear itself. She could already image what was in there and her legs refused to move. azhure felt like screaming, this was the absolute opitimy of a one time assasin who could take care of herself, of a woman who's pride was taken very seriously and of a scared little girl that had been banished a long time ago coming together, and azhure felt ashamed at this weakness, very ashamed. How could she sink this low? MOVE. Her hand slowly opened the door, and the door squeaked as it moved slowly, there was no noise, nothing to be heard but a dark hallway. She could fell her heart thumping and her heart freeze at the same time. The doors were too silent. Most of them were sleeping, most of them. She knew which door to go to, she had been there too many times, been stripped away of all that she was, had been forced to cope. It was her fault. This was how they made the final incision of making a child feel less and less, because they had to. Walking slowly to a door she opened it and found a body lying there, a dagger on the ground and their throat cut. Someone had obviously been jealous of this person so they had decided to be rid of them. This happened often, and that was why you never trusted anyone. No-one. Moving on, her hand trembling, her mind out of balance, and her senses wandering she moved towards the next door and opened it. There stood a seven year old practising to stab a straw scarecrow in the heart as quickly as he could. So many memories, training.

The next door held the worst memory. She opened the door as if it took all her courage, mental and physical strength and only managed to catch herself from falling as she caught the door frame. It was a little girl with dark brown hair and dark eyes, looking at the cieling. Torutre made you go crazy, and might be considered the worst. Torture made you doubt yourself, even hate yourself. But this image she hated. She hated it because it caused so much fury. The person had gone, he had gone. Training children to be killers meant makign them fear and hate themselves. Telling them, teaching them to hate themselves. Disrespect themselves. Tears ran down her face unchecked as she looked at the little girl. It happened to everyone, not just the girl, but it didnt stop the pain. Moving towards her involuntarily she could see the abuse and pain. No, she did hate something. She hated this man, at that moment she could have torn his throat out with her bare teeth.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Will that really change what had happened in the past, Azhure? Think about it and do not let your emotions win you over. For if you give into that hatred and primal rage that was bred into you by these lowly beings, they will win.

You are strong. Your strength comes from your heart, the Force, and people surrounding your presence that cares about you. Yes, the people that caused this pain need to be punished, but taking the law into your hands with this much animosity will only make you be lost to the dark part of your soul that you have trained so hard to control.

Now stop, think and look upon the misery here in your mind. Calm yourself and look at what you hidden for so long with clear thought ...

Sounding as serene as she could, Navaria hoped that her presence and her words would cut through the dense wall of hatred that built up quickly around Azhure. There was no way the Padawan could leave these memories with such intense emotions. Perhaps Azhure would ignore it, but with time, the boiling emotions would eventually spill over and there was no telling what would come ...

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure closed her eyes, closed them and struggled to hold the anger, felt it spilling out, felt it in all it's fury. It felt like she had when she had thought Matthias dead, she could almost touch the dark force, although the thought of it was the thought of bloodied hands. The light called, she could see the face of the man, the face of teary eyed children. She saw a dagger and grabbed it, and opened her eyes, the man was in front of her, smiling, laughing, taunting. One thrust, one thrust and that smile would be wiped off. This was what she had wanted all these years. Then she heard the screams, she felt a hand and she dropped the dagger at his feet and looked i to his eyes. She still disliked him but she saw in his eyes his own anger at the person who had done the same to him, and that person who had done the same to them....It had to stop somewhere. She felt her tears run down her cheeks as she whispered three words, once they were said they dissapeared into nothing, words that had meant something but were seen with the clear eyes... Words that had wanted to be whispered by many to their terrorists but were up to her to say to leave it rest. Memories could never be reddemed but there had to be a stop button.::

I hate you.

::In those words, she felt all energy run out of her, all the hate and anger in it reside, leaving a slight trail of bitterness that would always be there, but somehow it did not hold her as much. There was not enough time to redeem mistakes and hate.
There was an empty hole inside her now, it held nothign of importance or significance, she felt almost empty, stripped of what she was. She felt the last of the assasin influence slip away, all that she had been her whole life. It needed filling and something in her eyes told Navaria that hole existed.

Looking at the child she saw a trembling child of an assasin group being manipulated. Trained to kill on comand. Lessons Azhure knew and could use for her own benefit, not for the benefit of death. She still felt almost cold, empty. She felt bare and strong, but her sense of self seemed to slip a little. She would always be a weapon as she had been bred to be, but she had her own choices and in that she almost felt the locking of a prison as well....Whoever said freedom of choice gave you freedom child....freedom of choice brings chains of morality, do with it as you will. We all pay in the end...

The words came from knowhere, from an unknown source and it sounded cruel, cold, it sounded deadly. She failed to understand what it meant.

The hole will be filled child, oh yesss.... it willl be filledddd...

That voice again laughed, cold. Life held evil and good for everyone, even jedi but it was tellign her it was her choice...and she looked at Navaria, understandign fully what the job of the teacher was now, of how she relied on others and could not stand alone...the voice laughed colder harder, but it was not evil. It was her own soul laughing. A soul of a killer, a soul of a healer, a soul of someone who had the power to do as they wished..::

Will you teach me to heal Navaria?

::Her natural voice was higher than her mind, and sounded weaker, but in it she felt herself slipping again. She had faced what she had come to and knew she couldnt hold on any longer, would she even remember what had happened. Azhures eyes closed as she slipped out of her mind, her mind and soul to weak to hold on any longer.

It had been the right choice to allow Navaria in..Azhure was fading fast and the body outside was breathing irregularly, too quickly as some sort of peace came into that heart that had held hate for so long. The body couldnt handle it, the mind could but the mind had collapsed from exhaustion. A look of peace crossed the face of the laying figure of azhure as the body struggled to breath. Will you teach me to heal Navaria?...::

[Navaria Tarkin]

The connection into the deepest thoughts and memories of Azhure was slipping away slowly with each second that ticked. Rooms began to take on a translucent quality and each sound remembered became a distant echo. What was once real faded into what was the true reality to both Jedi.

Navaria was kneeling on the floor with Azhure laying across her knees. Gentle was her touch, brushing back the strands of hair, to comfort the Padawan physically, while her own abilities had seeped into Azhure's body to steady her breathing. Her Padawan couldn't help but feel the rhythm of her breath become less sporadic and quick into something less taxing.

Looking upon this brave soul, Navaria silently vowed that she would see Azhure through the rest of her training. This was suppose to be temporary but with what she witnessed and the trust that Azhure had placed in her hands, the Knight was compelled to repay that honesty with her own dedication to Azhure. Navaria would see her complete her training and attain Knighthood.

"Of course, Azhure."

She answered in a whisper.

"Of course."