::Anger issues::

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure walked in and put down her saber and dagger/saber called 'Light'. Emotions had been alien for a logn time, been taught how not to use it, block it out.
The jeid had opened up that closed door and she did not knwo how to handle emotions, especially the anger, that anger that made her once do a very bad thing............
She had asked for help, it had taken pride hurt, but it would do well, it had to, or she had failed what she would, Must become. A proper jedi. She awaited the trainer, who would show her how to control such things as emotion. Funny, someone actually needed a trainer for that.............::

[Dasquian Belargic]

As a member of the Greater Jedi Order, your responsiblity is not only to train and be trained, but to help those in need. This protocol is bound not only to the innocents among the galaxy, but to your fellow lightsiders. Dasquian himself prided his personality on being a caring and generous one, especially when it came to friend and thus what he would undertake today would be very much in his natural nature to do.

He paced through the halls of the Academy towards the room which Azhure had stated she would be in, absently thumbing at the outer coating of his saber as he did so. The Knight was looking forward to this new kind of exploration, though he admitted silently to himself that he was nervous as to how he would go about it.

Dasquian turned the corner into the training room that his friend was in, and gave a soft bow.

"Greetings, Madame Darkstone."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure turned around a small smile touched her lips, despite her usual calm demenoir she was nervous. This was somehtign she had never done::

Greetings Dasquin. Thank-you for agreeing to this.

[Dasquian Belargic]

"It is a pleasure to be able to help you."

The Knight brought his hands to waist level infront of him, steepling his fingertips as he looked upon the Padawan with a warm smile.

"Tell me, Azhure, of this anger that you feel. Where does it come from?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::azhure shook her head::

[i]I dont know, at myself? At the fact that I cannot use my emotions and anger is not controlled properly unless I get into asssasin mode? IT comes from somewhere I cannot pinpoint.<?i>

[Dasquian Belargic]

A perplexed look crossed the Knight's face.

"You cannot use your emotions?"

He motioned for Azhure to sit, as he did so.

"And this is because of your training as an assassin?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded, seeing she must explain::

Assasins are taught from the age of three not to use emotion by....many methods. They grow up with the thoughs of 'honour', the perfect warrior, and becoming emotionless to kill effectively and become deadly. If an assasin starts becomign emotional the leader finds its sournce...and kills it....

::At that thought anger filled the air as she remembered the screams, the horrible sound. 'Dont let them make you a killer'. Pain... A vase ont he left corner blew up without explanation::

[Dasquian Belargic]

His eyes darted to the shattered vase for a moment before he looked back to the apprentice.

"You have no reason to be angry any longer though - you are gone from that place and serve a good purpose in the galaxy know,"

He paused. Of course, it was not as simple as that to Azhure. He understood this, but had to simply test out what boundaries Azhure had and had not crossed before he could properly begin.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at him, unsteadily::

Many died by my hand. Many died tryign to get the children to become decent again. One died because of me, she taught me to sing, she said singing alone made you feel less alone. She died. They all died. I died.

::The broken peices of the vase floated in the air then slowly went down as she made herself calm down. Her hands were dirty, too much death.::

[Dasquian Belargic]

He set one hand against the her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"That's all in the past. We all have points in our life which we are ashamed of or wish had not transpired. Surely you can find consolation in that fact that you are among the good people who have turned their life full circle?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::azhure tried to smile::

I try, but I still remember the faces, the voices, the accusations in their eyes. Though most did not even know till it was too late I feel as if they knew it was me. The past is not easy to put away and I try. I need help.

I dont know how to handle this guilt, or fear. I have never felt fear for a long long time.

[Dasquian Belargic]

"Are there any still alive from your past whom you could speak with? Relatives of those you feel you have wronged? Perhaps it would help for your to speak with them,"

Dasquian paused.

"You need not fear anything either, Azhure. The Order around you will protect you with its life. You are in no danger."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure laughed::

The thing I fear most is myself. I am in danger of myself and none of you can protect me from that. The only one alive is my twin brother, but he is away on trading business. I once thought him dead too......... I am a weapon. Raised a weapon and nothing more. Who knows what they could have done to me?
MY family I do not know, I do not even know my own race. But I know what it's like to choose between a close friend and becoming a weapon to be used....

::Another vase broke beside the other, the red vase mixing with the dark blue::

[Dasquian Belargic]

"Why do you fear yourself Azhure? What is it that you think you will do?" Dasquian said, confused.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::She remembered the traingin and wondered if there was a way he could see her memories as they came. She did not trust easily, but she had asked dasquin because he was one of the few she had warmed to.::


Training begins at four. You are taught to breath underwater for a logn time, or drown. You are taught to fight and kill, or get killed. You are taught silence, or bad things happen. You are taught to bear pain or recieve more pain as punishment for crying.
But one of the main things they build into you is the ability to obey without thinking. They rbainwash you as a child and very few, such as me, break through with that. But there are times where instinct takes over, and I would kill without thinking. I was made into a weapon, not a person. A weapon commits crimes without knowledge of why. If someone ordered me to kill and used a certain word I don't know what will happen. I dont know if I could fight it. I fear myself because I dont know who I am, I know how ruthless I can be, and I don't know the extent they programmed me through brainwashing.

::That had been a very long speech for her so she rbeathed deeply and looked at him::

All I know is they made me into a very effiecient killer and warrior, and if the brainwashing took place perhaps it could even override my honour code. I am a walking danger to myself.

[Dasquian Belargic]

"... When I first came to this Order I knew nothing of my past, however with the help of my Master Navaria my memories were brought back to me. Perhaps you too could realise all that went on in your past, and reverse what has been done to you with the help of Navaria?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked consideringly at him, nodding. If she was good at this thing it was a good idea.::

That is a fine idea.