when you've made a very bad mistake...(Lady Vader)

[SashaKovalev]

The trip back to Corellia had felt like a longer trip than usual. He couldnt wait to get back to his room. It had been a very strange day for him - first learning of his friends death, and then running into Xazor - and all that had transpired there.

He had a strange feeling about all of it. A rather sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that nagged at him. Xazor was a jedi - and somehow they had developed a friendship. And when she had made the offer of blood siblings - well, he'd known deep down he should have resisted. But he'd always wanted a sibling, and she had been willing to offer it to him.

But Gouyen, a Sith herself, had intruded upon things, and it was her intrusion that had knocked him back to his senses. He trudged through the hallways, and when he finally got to his room, he slumped down on the bed where he lay on his back, his head covered with his arm, the blood on his palm still visible from the slice he had made when he'd sworn the oath to the jedi. He closed his eyes and sighed, confusion overwhelming him.

[Lady Vader]

*It was already dark on the side of Corellia the Palace stood, the moon covered by a thick dark cloud. It made Sasha's room quite dark, and the young man had merely walked in and floped on his bed, not bothering to turn on any lights.*

*Near the door, in a corner, was a cushioned chair, one of the few furnitings in the boy's quarters. It was upon this chair that two green eyes peered at him through the darkness. And then the voice broke into the still of the darkness.*

And so... the wayward Sith returns.

*The cloud that had been holding itself over the crescent moon shifted with a single thought, and blew away, revealing LV's silouhette seated on the chair with the help of the faint glow from the moon. Yet, her eyes remained the focal point of piercing light.*

[SashaKovalev]

Sasha bolted upright, the voice scaring the hell out of him. He looked to it, recognized it, and instantly, his heart began to pound.

That she was here, in his room, waiting for him.....

And so... the wayward Sith returns

He was silent for a moment. He inhaled a shallow breath. The feeling that he was getting was not a pleasant one, and he could feel, for the first time around this woman, fear creeping into his blood.

She had to know. That had to be the reason she was here.

"So...you know." He stated softly, his violet eyes flickered to the floor and he could feel the warmth of shame spread over him like a blanket.

He respected this woman, admired this woman, and he knew that she would never approve of what he had done. He had not been thinking of this at the time. He had been thinking only of what it would be like to have a sibling. To not be completely alone in the galaxy.

He had forgotten, in this brief moment, that he had an entire palace of them waiting for him, if only he had returned home.

He liked Xazor. She had taught him many things, had been there to listen to him - but fundamentally, they were different. And his friendship with her was definitely getting him into trouble right now. He had known that one day it might, and now the time had come.

His eyes flickered back to the green eyes that stared at him.

It was as he stared at these eyes that he knew his friendship with Xazor had come to an end.

"Im sorry." He stated, his voice barely audible, for that was all that he could manage.

"I made a very bad mistake today." He added, and then he closed his eyes for a moment, his stomach twisted in knots before they flickered open once again, not daring to look back into Lady Vader's eyes.

[Lady Vader]

*LV remained sitting in the silence for a while longer after his apology. Apologies made no difference. What had happened had to be undone, and there was only one way to do it. And it would require Sasha to have to do something difficult, but it would prove his loyalty to the Sith Order.*

*She could tell he was getting squirmy inside, the silence weighing heavily in the room. Let him suffer a bit. After his treachery, he would need some suffering.*

*A few more moments passed before she spoke again. It wasn't a yell, nor a harsh tone, but it was low and very cold.*

What you have done, no apology can undo.

*She leaned forward.*

Do you know the meaning of the word treason?

*The boy nodded slowly, almost unsure of whether it was a retorical question or not. She continued anyways.*

What you did mere hours ago is treasonous. Did you not think I would know? No, don't answer that, because it was clear you weren't thinking.

*She jabbed a finger, claw fuly extended, in his direction.*

That, young one, can get you killed. You must THINK before you act!

*Her last words were rasied slightly, before turning back to the cold quiet speach.*

You are a Sith. Sith do NOT mingle with Jedi. You are intelligent enough to know this, and I will not insult you by saying otherwise.

*Her eyes drilled holes into his.*

But DO NOT insult me or the Order by associating with Jedi.

*Had she been more feline than merely half Trianii, she would have let out a snarl to make the most vicious of predators shy away.*

[SashaKovalev]

He could feel the blood drain from his cheeks, his normally tanned face paling as she spoke. Her voice was low and cold, and he felt fear as he had not felt it before.

He had only been able to nod as she'd asked him if he knew the meaning of treason. He did. He more than did. And he hadnt ever meant to commit it. He just hadnt been thinking. At eighteen, this was easy to do.

He could almost hear the snarl in her voice as she spoke with him and it made him uneasy. He hadnt yet dared to move from where he sat on the edge of his bed, but his eyes did finally dare to look to her again.

Within his violet depths was a mixture of fear and shame. If there was anyone at the order that he did not want to insult, or disappoint, it was Lady Vader. She had been like a mentor to him. And her respect meant everything to him.

The words to apologize a second time were on the tip of his tongue. But as she had already told him, apologies could not undo what had already been done.

Unsteadily, he rose to his feet. And then with caution, he walked over to Lady Vader and sank to his knees before her. His violet eyes looked to her, seeking her forgiveness.

"I never meant to betray you or the order." He stated softly.

"I wasnt thinking when I did what I did, and now I know the price of my stupidity. It has cost me your trust, your respect, and above all, it has put my loyalty to the order in question."

His eyes fickered to the floor and his words were sincere as he spoke.

"My loyalty to the order has never been a question in my mind. You have given me a home, a family, and lessons more valuable than I can put a price to. I know I am not in a position to ask this, but I plead with you for forgiveness. Whatever I must do to prove my loyalty, I will do it."

With this, he looked back to her, his expression earnest and pleading for forgiveness.

[Lady Vader]

*She leaned back in her seat, looking at his kneeling form. She despised it when people groveled, but she let it slide, having a punishment in mind. And the fact he'd said he'd do anything, made the punishment even more rich.*

*A cold, calculating smile drifted on her lips, as a cold draft blew in from the window.*

If you want to win back my trust and loyalty to the Order, you will rid yourself of the instrument at which you used to erre today.

*The breeze became chilly.*

You will take your own lightsaber and cut off your left hand... and burn it.

[SashaKovalev]

This brought him to his feet immediately. Cut off his own hand? Burn it? He took a few steps back and stood looking at her, disbelief on his features.

Even though he knew she meant every word of what she'd said. He shivered, whether it was the breeze, the tone in her voice, or what was being asked of him, he didnt know. He didnt care.

His violet eyes stared at her, and this time, there was anger in them.

He had never questioned his loyalty to the order. The things he had done - he had done them without thinking. It wasnt anything he would have tried to hide - he hadnt even thought that far ahead. He hadnt thought at all. And now he would pay the price.

He reflected to his conversation with Shenraun, the dragon of the gardens. Patience. Why hadnt he had more patience? If perhaps he had, he wouldnt have been so quick to make such a rash move. He would have realized the meaning behind it.

But it was a mistake. It was only a mistake. And what she was asking - no demanding of him seemed a high price to pay for something he'd done by mistake.

"If that is what you'll demand of me, I will do it." He stated, but there was anger in his voice as he spoke. He didnt feel this punishment was fair.

And he might have been able to walk away from it all. She might have let him go, if that was what he wanted. But it wasnt. From the day he had entered this castle, it had been home to him, and he had not wanted to be anywhere but here. And it angered him that she would believe otherwise.

He knew he deserved punishment. But he partly blamed it on them - on his master for not having kept closer tabs on him. On all of them for leaving him on his own to teach himself.

"But I dont feel its a fair punishment." He added. His voice was not challenging, in fact it was almost resigned.

His left hand reflexively clenched to a fist, as if feeling, for the last time what it would be like to have sensation there.

[Lady Vader]

*She hissed through her teeth.*

This isn't about what's fair and what isn't, Sasha. You should be thankful I did not ask you to tear out your tongue and eat it, for not only did you share your blood with that bitch, but you also spoke words to her.

*She jabbed a finger in his direction.*

And further more, you should be VERY thankful I did not destroy you when you stepped into your room. One thought and you would have been but a mere memory.

*She lowered her hand, and calmed herself, still keeping her steely gaze on him, her green eyes icey to the core.*

You let your guard down in letting that... Jedi...

*She practically spit the word out.*

...befriend you. Had it been an actual battle, you'd be dead. So losing a limb or part of a limb pales in comparison to the possibility that you could have lost your life. Either by her hand... or mine.

[SashaKovalev]

As Lady Vader spoke, the words of Mu Satach rang in the back of his mind. She had warned him that the world he was entering was one of extreme darkness - darkness that he had not yet begun to imagine. And now, he thought, her words had been right. Cut off his own tongue and eat it? For a moment it seemed that his breath had escaped him.

As she continued, explaining to him how lucky he was to be alive at this moment, he sat down once again on the edge of his bed. His legs it seemed, failed him for a moment.

He opened his mouth to.....defend Xazor. He knew she would never harm him in battle, it was something he just knew - but immediately thought better of it and shut his mouth, pushing those thoughts from his head. Already, he was learning to think before he spoke or acted - lest he face the consequences.

He looked down at his hand and inhaled, the shallow breathing that of one who was scared and trying not to show it. His cheeks were flushed, and the blood as it ran through him tingled with the sensation of the awareness that something awful was about to happen.

Lady Vader was giving him a chance - something she had come very close to not doing, it seemed. He was lucky to be alive, and he would be even luckier to live through this - with or without his hand. With the way she had put it, the loss of his hand was a small price to pay for his life. Eventually, in time perhaps, he would come to understand why she was doing this to him. Perhaps as he learned and the ways of the Sith became ingrained in him, he would thank her for this moment.

But right now, with her staring at him so coldly, he only felt anger and resentment. He had always respected her, idolized her - because she had been patient with him, and understanding. He would do as she asked - if only out of stubborn pride to prove to her that he was indeed loyal to the order. Had she shown some sort of compassion, had she not been so cold, he would do as she asked out of love for the order, out of a desire to be seen in her eyes once again as she had seen him before. He would do it because he wanted to, because he took pride in the organization and he understood that this had to be done for the good of the Sith Order.

His left hand reached for his saber and detached it from his belt. And then slowly he turned the hilt over and over in his hand, staring at it, as he thought about this thing that he was going to do. To sever a limb from one's body was never an easy thing to do.

[Lady Vader]

*She watched him silently, feeling the thousands of emotions rolling off him. She kept her face like stone and her gaze cold, but inside it hurt her to ask him to do this. But he must learn. He must learn and think before acting. Though this would leave a mental scar on him for life, it would be a reminder to him to think before acting, to be patient before running headlong into any situation. In the long run, this action would teach him how to survive.*

*She had grown fond of him, and she almost smiled remembering his insesant questions when he had first arrived. hell, he still asked a lot of questions, but she was more than happy to answer them all.*

*But now, she must sit there and watch. She knew he most likely thought she was cruel and didn't care, but sometimes actual caring required one to make difficult decisions. And this one had indeed been difficult. It would hurt him to lose his own hand by his own hand, but it would hurt her even more to see him go through with it, though she knew in the end, he'd be stronger for it.*

[SashaKovalev]

He sighed in resignation and stood. And then he looked to her, his violet eyes almost accusing as they stared at her.

"If this is what you're asking of me, then I will do it." He repeated, his voice quiet, but the thousands of emotions he was feeling carried loudly.

With a ragged breath, one that caught as he inhaled, he ignited his saber. He felt, for the last time, what it would feel like to hold it in his own hand. His left hand gripped the hilt tightly and he closed his eyes for a moment, as if when he opened them he would realize that this was just a nightmare. That he was awake and it wasnt happening. But when he opened them, she was still there, staring at him as coldly as she had from the moment he'd realized she was in the room.

His shoulders dropped slightly. He was beaten. She had beaten him in this game. And a piece of his easy going spirit could almost be seen as it took its flight.

And then he took his saber in his right hand. It felt awkward, and for a moment he worried that he might lose his entire arm with the strangeness of the weight of it.

He'd cried only a few times in his life - as a kid every now and then, and as an adult, when his mother had passed on. And now, he could feel tears welling in his eyes. He forced them back, blinking. His violet eyes were bright as he stared once more at Lady Vader. A stubborn glare before he extended his left hand.

His heart pounded in his chest, almost dizzying him. For a moment he wasnt sure he could do it, but the stony gaze of LV made him angry, and with a determined movement, he raised the orange blade, and brought it down upon his left arm, severing the hand he had used to become blood siblings from his body.

He cried out in pain, and his saber dropped to the floor as the pain shot through him. It touched every bit of him as he suddenly hugged his left arm to him, cradling it with the right hand that had betrayed his left. He sank to the bed, sitting on it to steady him, his eyes closed in pain.

[Lady Vader]

*LV almost winced, but kept her face still. She wanted to go to him, to ease the pain, but he must learn. It was like a parent teaching a child. He must learn there are consiquences for mistakes.*

*She merely sat there, watching him, resisting the urge to help him. He couldn't. He must do this on his own. Ad his task was yet not done.*

*Looking over, she observed the small fireplace in the room intently. Each room in the Palace had a fireplace, the size varying upon the size of the room. Suddenly a burst of flame shot forth inside the fireplace, and began to burn the small splinters of wood there. With the Force, she took the large pieces of cut wood from the bundle near the fireplace, and lowered them into the crackling fire.*

*Then she looked back at Sasha expectantly.*

[SashaKovalev]

He had never quite felt this amount of pain. He'd never even broken a bone in his life, so to have his hand severed from his arm was a painful experience, to say the least.

It took him a few minutes to even catch his breath, for he seemed to have lost the ability to breath in the shock of things. His entire body seemed to tremble, and the room felt ten times colder than it had a moment ago.

The warmth of the fire as it began to crackle before him was only slightly relieving. As it began to blaze, the flames cathing to the wood and rising before him, he was reminded of the second half of this task. His eyes opened and he forced back the nauseous feeling that rose as he looked upon his own hand lying on the floor beside his saber.

He looked to Lady Vader his eyes pleading with her. He didnt care if his hand burned. He didnt care what was done with it - he just wanted it out of his sight. It was a mourning process he would go through now - finding a way to recover from the loss of a limb - particularly one that was so vital to his survival.

But her eyes remained cold. Angrily, he rubbed his eyes with his right hand, refusing to let her see the tears that were there. Tears of physical pain and psychological loss. Her cold demeanor towards him hurt almost as much as the physical pain, for it made him feel quite alone and scared.

And while at eighteen he was legally an adult, he was still a child. A confused, lonely, frightened kid.

When he finally stood from the bed, he was unsteady on his feet. He reached out to steady himself, his left arm doing what it would naturally do, only his hand was not there to catch him, and the stump, as it came into contact with the wall before him was more than painful, the thousands of nerve endings nearly causing him to pass out then and there.

He looked tortured as he sank to one knee to pick up the saber. The saber that he had loved - been so excited to have - had betrayed him. He deactivated it, clenched it tightly in his fist, and then angrily, he threw it across the room where it hit the stone wall and clattered to the floor.

The thought of picking up his own hand disgusted him and he sank to the floor completely, his back resting against the edge of his bed. His hand lay beside him, and he stared at it for a moment. Already the skin was dying, turning a blueish tint of grey. And then before he gathered what will he could muster and picked it up, tossing it quickly into the fire. Just touching it made him feel ill. And then he leaned his head back against the bed, eyes closed as he inhaled, and then exhaled in a shaky sigh.

When he opened them again, he stared into the fire and was silent for some time. His arm still throbbed with pain and he didnt trust himself to speak.

When he finally did, he looked to Lady Vader.

"Could you help me?" He asked. He stood slowly and walked over to her, extending his right wrist, where a silver chain was fastened. It had been given to him by Xazor.

"She gave this to me." He added, not speaking her name, but knowing Vader would know who he was referring to.

"And I need help taking it off." He was almost afraid to ask, lest she ask him to remove his other hand, but if he was going to do this - end his friendship with the jedi - he would have to do it 100%. And he couldnt take the chain off without his left hand to undo the clasp.

[Lady Vader]

*LV had known he had strength in him from the moment he had entered the Order, and it had just been confirmed to her through his actions.*

*For the first time since she'd seen him with the Jedi, she smiled. It wasn't a fully warm smile, but it was one that showed comradere. Something vital to the way things ran here at the Sith Order.*

*No words were needed as she reached up and unfastened the silver braclet. Laying it on her hand, palm open, she gave it to Sasha. She could have destroyed it herself, but it was becoming apparent to her that what he had done brought him shame, and to cleanse himself of it, he must destroy it himself.*

*In the long run, it would also make him stronger.*

[SashaKovalev]

He caught her hint of a smile, and while it was comforting to him that it wasnt her cold glare, it still lacked something. He knew he still had much to prove to her.

As she placed the chain into his hand, he didnt bother to look at it. Instead, he tossed it into the fire, ridding himself of anything that could bring shame to him. Part of him was angry with the jedi - she had tricked him into doing this - she had brought him this pain, this punishment. And this was perhaps where his hatred of the jedi began.

It was now late in the evening, and the fire crackled before the two of them. He stod in front of it a moment longer, relishing the warmth of it before he turned to the masterful woman who had commanded these things of him.

"You will never have reason to doubt my loyalty again." He stated. His voice carried a sense fo pride for having accomplished what she demanded, and a stubborn, strong, determined tone - as strong as he could muster with the pain and exhaustion that he felt. His violet eyes as they stared at her had an intense gaze to them. He had learned much this evening.

His left arm, he still held close to him, for it throbbed, and to drop it lower than his heart only made the throbbing sensation worse. It felt strange and awkward to no longer have a limb there and he wondered how long it would be before a medic would be able to attach a mechanical hand - if she would even permit this.

[Lady Vader]

*She nodded her head, and, for the first time in a long while, spoke, her voice softening.*

We learn from our error's Sasha. I know you will nto disappoint me again. You've proved that enough through your actions here.

*She gestured towards him. He hesitated slightly, but then walked to her, not giving the fire a second glance. She removed the glove on her right hand, and placed her cool skin against the stump where his left hand had moments before resided.*

What you did wasn't easy, and you have proven to me today that you are strong and willing to take responsibility for your actions. You have also learned that you must think, twice even, beofre doing anything.

*As she spoke, a cooling senstation washed over the nerve endings, calming the throbbing and blissfully numbing it. She didn't have strong healing powers like a Jedi would, but she could numb pain, stop bleeding, and heal minor wounds. Though this wound was anything but minor, it did nt bleed, and all that was needed is numbness to the area that was hurting.*

And you have proved something else to me; you are a survivor.

*The smile returned, this time with warmth.*

Come. I think it's high time we made a trip to the medical ward.

*She stood and walked towards the door.*

[SashaKovalev]

When she spoke this time it was different and he felt relief wash over him. He hesitated only for a moment when she beckoned to him, and this was only because the pain had throbbed just a bit harder for a split second, paralyzing any movement. And then he walked to her.

Her hand, the cool skin as it touched the stump of his left arm was almost blissful. It seemed to numb the pain, and for this was he grateful. It made it possible for him to truly hear her words and process them.

As she beckoned for him to follow her to the medic, her normal smile returned. This was the smile he knew, and he was able to offer a small smile in return. He was still ashamed of his actions, and in a bit of shock from all that had transpired.

His lightsaber he left where it was, on the floor on the other side of his bed. He wouldnt be needing it - not for a while anyway as he recovered.

As they walked, he was silent for some time, mulling over everything in his head.

"I'll....have a hand again....right?" He asked, a bit tentatively. He had not thought about this when he had chopped his hand off - this was good because it showed his extreme dedication, but it also showed that still, he was not thinking things through entirely before he acted. But he was young, and he would learn from his mistakes.

[Lady Vader]

*Her head nodded once.*

Yes, you will have a hand. A mechanical one, and possibly even better than your original.

*They entered a lift that would take them to the lower level where the medical ward was.*

But as a price, everytime the hand is used, there will be a dull ache, almost imperceptable, but there. It's to remind you of today. It's to help you to remember to think before you act.

*The doors to the lift slid open, and they walked down a clean grey and white hall, almost one resembling that inside a star destroyer, and entered through a wide door. The medical ward was white and clean, shiney droids going about their business. A 21-B model medic droid rolled up to them. Lv wasted no time in giving it orders.*

See to it this young man receives a grade A prostetic left hand. Match as best you can to his skin.

*She placed a hand on Sasha' back, gently urging him into the care of the medical droid, still speaking with it.*

You know the drill.

21-B: At once, Mistress Vader.

*She then turned to look at Sasha.*

I'll be upstairs when you are finished. You are free to do what you wish tonight, so long as you stay on Corellia.

*She smiled again.*

Good night, Sasha.

*With that, she left the medical ward.*

[SashaKovalev]

As he was urged into the care of the medical droid, he seemed to relax a bit. Everythign was going to be ok. Eventually.

He almost laughed when she told him he could do what he wished so long as he stayed on Corellia. The last thing on his mind this evening would be leaving the planet. Likely for some time he would remain there as he adjusted to his new hand, and thought about the events of this evening.

As she bade him goodnight, he looked to her.

"Thank you." His voice was quiet as he spoke, for he was rather tired. He was thanking her at this moment for letting him live. He had learned a valuable lesson, and one day he would thank her it, for now, he was merely glad to still be alive. And given this second chance.

He watched her as she walked out the doors, and then hours later was escorted back to his room by one of the droids.

He stared at it for a moment, as one might stare at a crime scene, and then he walked over to where he had thrown his saber. He knelt and reached out with his new left hand. There was more than a dull ache that he felt, for it was brand new, and the pain of this evening was still present, but it worked. He grasped the saber in his left hand - the new mechanical one and set it on his desk.

And then he slipped out of his clothes and crawled into bed, falling into a deep slumber by the dim light of the fire that had now become gowing embers.