As the frustration builds

[SashaKovalev]

He didnt throw open the door to the bar as he was tempted to do. The last time he'd thrown a door open out of anger it had collided with Xazor, and he wasnt looking for a repeat performance.

But he was angry and frustrated, and he made no effort to hide it. His face was set in a scowl, and his violet eyes were narrowed. He didnt come looking for a fight, in fact, he wasnt hoping for one - not here at least, for he respected Xazor too much to do anything of the sort on jedi territory. Not to mention, he wasnt stupid. He wouldnt have been any sort of match for the multitudes of jedi who frequented Yogs B&G and as much as he would have liked to believe different, he knew the truth.

In fact, it was the truth that frustrated him. His master had been out of town, and his training had been put on the back burner. Hed been left to his own to learn, for the most part, and this was a dangerous thing, for his anger and frustration only grew with each day, and leaving an eighteen year old kid who knew enough to be dangerous, but not quite enough to control the results, alone to train was the perfect recipe for disaster.

He looked about, hoping he would find Xazor soon, for this was the last place he really wanted to be. And he wouldnt have been here, except that he hadnt known where else to find her, and he needed to speak with someone who would understand. And if anyone would, Xazor, the former Sith warrior turned jedi, would.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor had been sitting in the back corner of the Bar and Grill when she felt a familiar presence enter the establishment. Seeing his face confirmed her suspicions.....yet he looked.....and even felt different. It's started..... She thought to herself as she watched him walk to a chair and sit down. Frustration and anger poured from his gentle soul. She knew these feelings well....and it was difficult for the ex-Warrior Sith Knight to come out of such a hole when she first came here. Shaking her head, the Jedi Knight got up from her quiet place of solitude and approached him with her black leather journal in hand.

A smile danced upon the Garou's lips as she stood several feet behind him, hidden in the crowd. He wished to sense her presence one day, and she did not mask it as she had the last time. The woman stood back and waited for him to find her before she said anything. Perhaps this would make him cheer up a little bit.....at least she hoped so. If nothing else, a good talk and possibly a drink might put him back into better spirits. It hurt her to see him in this state.....

[Marcus Telcontar]

At the other end of the bar, a lone cloaked and hooded being watched without comment

[SashaKovalev]

His shoulders were tense and his fists clenched. It wasnt a reaction out of fear, for he knew the jedi wouldnt bother him unless he bothered them, rather it was out of the anger he felt. His eyes looked about, still searching. They met briefly with those of a lone cloaked figure across the bar, and then he turned away.

He could feel it. It was her signature in the force, and instantly he turned, for he could feel it behind him. When their eyes met, a grin crossed his features. It quite changed the look of this young Sith, for the grin made him look exactly his age - an eighteen year old kid, when his scowl had given him perhaps a year or two older.

And then, as quickly as it had come, his grin faded. He still smiled, for he was glad to see her, but his anger and frustration hung over him like a dark storm cloud waiting to open up and rain down upon the world below.

"Xazor..." He said in greeting, his tone carrying his relief in seeing her.

"Do you have..." He was going to say a moment, but it would take much longer than that.

some time.... he finished, sending these thoughts to her. It was strange, a young sith coming here to a jedi bar to speak with a jedi - but they had developed friendship and he trusted her.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled as she nodded at Marcus and waited for Sasha to sense her presence. When he finally did, a smile danced upon her lips and she walked over to him. His words were filled with sincerity, and she knew he needed to speak with her. The Garou Knight wrapped her arms around his neck in a warm hug, then sat down beside him.

"I have as much time as you need."

She said with a gentle smile, then fixed her attention on her dear friend.....hoping she could take his tension away.....with hope that she could make his day a little brighter just by her friendly presence.....

[SashaKovalev]

He returned her warm hug, and then they sat down to talk. As he sat back down again after greeting her, he let out a deep sigh. He slouched down a bit in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. The silver chain she had given him gleamed in the overhead lights of the bar. He looked up across the table at his friend, his violet eyes seemed perhaps a bit darker this evening, a bluer tint.

"My master isnt around." He said, to begin their conversation. It was as if these words explained his very presence here. He didnt mean to be moody with her. In fact, as soon as his words came out as they did, he felt bad. He wanted to just blurt it out, tell her exactly what was making him so agitated, but perhaps the presence of so many jedi nearby kept him from doing so. It felt almost traitorous of him to be here, though his loyalty to the Sith Order was not in question. It was more that he knew he was at a dangerous crossroads, and Xazor was the only one he knew who would, if she could pull him back from it.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded slightly and looked into his eyes for a deeper explanation than what he could offer with words. It should itself plain and clear and she nodded with understanding.

"I understand.....and you need to talk to someone. If you wish, we don't have to stay here......we can go outside.....to my room, or to our place in the jungle."

She paused a moment, realizing she had called the paradise that they visited together....their own. True, she had shared it with no other.....so it was their own. She smiled gently and eyed him for a moment, then took his hand in her own and rose to her feet.

"Come on....let's go where you don't feel so.....surrounded and watched."

She whispered quietly and nodded towards the door of the Bar and Grill. She knew exactly how he felt on so many levels at the moment.....talking would be a good thing for him right now and doing it in Yog's was a little.....restricting, to say the least......

[SashaKovalev]

The suggestion of going somewhere different was a welcome one. But he hesitated when she mentioned going to her room. Already, there were too many jedi here for him to feel comfortable telling her the things he wanted to tell her. Her room, deep in the heart of the jedi living quarters, would feel even more traitorous to him and he shook his head in a knee jerk reaction.

But the jungle. He nodded to this suggestion, the frustration in his features fading for a brief moment as he recalled their last visit there. He loved the special place she had taken him to.

He let her take his hand and lead him out the doors of Yog's.

They walked mostly in silence, until they came to the spot in the jungle. And it was there that he finally felt free to speak his mind. As if the jungle walls were soundproof, and no one would ever hear of the things he was going to tell her.

"What was your master like?" He asked, referring to back when she had been a sith.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled as they entered the special place that she had only shown him thus far. Touching the water, her reflection rippled and bubbled until she turned when he asked the question. She sighed slightly and sat down upon a large rock by the pool of water.

"My Master.....he was so angry. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that to be his middle name. He hated everything....even me. The only reason that he even bothered to train me...was to make himself more powerful. He beat me on occasion. He filled me with lies and told me that someday I would be as powerful as he. Indeed....he was a powerful man....but he lacked so much in his heart. He had everything....but was still in need. One more jewel....one more ring or woman....one more kill. It was never enough. He was selfish and haugty."

She paused for a moment, gently rubbing her right bicept. The Knight removed her cloak and then showed him the large gash the rested deep within her skin. It stretched all the way from her shoulder, nearly to her elbow. She sighed to herself and shook her head.

"He gave that to me when he found out that I hated the Sith ways...no matter how frustrated I ever was...how angry I had ever been...I knew that I could get rid of that...somehow. He also gave me this..."

She showed him her left bicept....where the Mark of the Most High rested....encrypted in her skin...blood....and DNA. It could never be removed now....a permanent reminder of what she once was.

"It hurt so badly to get it, but I was so proud, as was he. It symbolized that I had brought the most honor the his Empire....basically, I had killed the most people."

She sighed to herself, recalling those times. It was easier to speak of them now....especially with him. He was so easy to tell things to...but now that she had learned inner peace, the past no longer haunted her. She smiled to herself and shook her head once again.

"He was a monster....a demon. He pushed me until I broke. Training was hell in itself. Many scars I have from his tourterous ways. He said that the pain made me stronger...but it didn't. It weakened my body and made me hate more. For a good many years I bought into his lies of power....but it was so false. I was too blinde to see what he was doing to me though....he was making me just....like...him...."

The Knight shook the chilling thought off as images of the tall man entered her mind. He was muscular and handsome...but the Dark Side had worn his features....as well as battle had. He had a large scar below his left eye. His black hair was long enough to touch the middle of his back, but he rarely had it down. In this particular memory of him, he had it tied back in a pony tail. His black robes mirrored the blackness of his heart. He was a Master...one of the most powerful of his time....and he was her Master....and that was the only name she could ever call him. The young Knight projected this image into the mind of Sasha, letting him take in the physical appearance of the one she had bowed to for so long.

"But above all things....he was pure evil. He scared me...he hurt me, and he scarred me. While I was but a Padawan here, he came looking for me....and almost killed me like he had tried to do so many times before. Indeed, I was a strong Sith Knight on the verge of becoming a Master....but he lowered me and stripped my self-confidence...making me nothing but an empty image of him."

[SashaKovalev]

As she spoke, he paced for a moment, but then the peacefulness of the jungle slowly began to win him over, and he stopped this agressive behavior and moved to sit on a rock facing Xazor.

He could see the image ofher master clearly in his head. Indeed, he did look to be an intimidating presence, and Sasha could almost feel the terror the man had rained down upon Xazor throughout her trials with him.

Yet, despite the things she said about her master, despite the slash on her arm, and the mark of what used to be honor for her, he couldnt help but still feel a bit envious of the attention she'd had from her master. He wanted so very badly to have that attention. He wanted to learn. And he wanted it now.

He stood and began pacing once again.

"But you had his attention. He taught you the things you now know..." These words were not said in a tone to argue, but more softly, wistfully.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor shook her head slowly and watched him as he paced.

"I wish I had not had his attention at all.....he took me from my family to turn me into a demon like he was!"

She paused a moment and thought about how the Sith Master had erased her memory of her years with her parents...and replaced it with brainwashing...making her believe that her parents willingly gave her up.

"And he taught me nothing of what I know now....I have learned all I know because of the Jedi. I had to rid myself of the years of training that I recieved from him. Trained to Sith Knight and ready for becoming a Lordess I was....but then I found out the truth about my Master...and I found a real reason to live...."

She said softly, recalling the decision to abandon everything that she had done....everything that she had accomplished to come here and begin all over again....but it was for the better...it was the best...

[SashaKovalev]

Sasha sighed.

"I guess our situations are a little different." He conceded.

"I can understand why you were happy to be done with yours." He added carefully before continuing.

"My master has barely shown me any attention. Its kind of hard to imagine not wanting your masters attention when every morning you wake up, hoping that mayeb this will be the day."

His violet eyes looked to her and he shook his head.

"Im tired of waiting." He stated. There was something in his voice, a sense of darkness, of utter impatience.