Reflections : Invitations (Sejah)

[Marcus Telcontar]

Evening.

The lights in the apartment - the largest in the Living quarters, the former place Darth Turbogeek had lived - were low and there was quiet music playing. Marcus Q'Dunn, Jedi Master sat on the second level, overlooking the dining area as he awaited his first visitor for the night - his Padawan Sejah.

[Marcus Telcontar]

* Bounce *

[Sejah Haversh]

(OOC- Sorry, on vacation at a friend's house, I won't be able to post as often.)

After their duel, Sejah had returned to his room to shower and change clothes. Though Marcus had done a good job on his leg, it still hurt, and eh walked with a slight limp. Sifting through his limited supply of habilaments, the mongoose chose a simple, yet classy combination of his normal clothing and bruched his headfur before leavign a message on the answering machine for Corin in case he wondered where he ahd gone for the night.

Sejah's sandals beat an unsteady rythm as he wandered around the living quarter halls, his left leg slightly stiff. He had left his lightsaber in his room, not figuring he would need it, and his tail swished nervously behind him as he came up to the only set of double doors he could find on the living quarters floor.

Taking a breath, he straightend his clothes and calmed himself before pushing the door chime. He had chosen not to wear his gloves, again feeling he would not need them for just a dinner. As he waited at the door, the Nehantite began to wonder what they might be having to eat that evening.

[Marcus Telcontar]

The door was answered by Mr Sheen, the cleaning droid.

"Ah, you be Sejah Haversh? This way please, the Master is be waiting for you"

The small droid waited until the mongoose cam einside, closing the door and then wheeling around the being to take the lead again.

"He be on the second floor, near the balcony. Would like to tell me what your eating and drinking preference is?"

[Sejah Haversh]

Stepping around the driod, and then surprised at how quickly it was in front of him again, Sejah took a moment before replying, "Um, seafood would be nice, and possibly a white wine, if you have it. If not, well, whater Marcus is having will be fine, thank you."

Mr. Sheen wheeled off quickly, leaving Sejah awestruck by the sheer size of the apartment. The one he and Corin shared could easily fit into this one's living room, and this had a second floor, and a view to die for. Removing his sandals as not to dirty the carpet, Sejah looked around him as he went up to the stairs.

A teakwood handrail and a central carpet runned greeted him. IT was as if he had stepped into a posh hotel back home. But, knowing Marcus was waiting for him, the mongoose ascended and looked around again before spotting his master on the balcony. "Good evening, Master Q'Dunn, thank you for inviting me to dinner," He said, a polite smile upon his face before his gaze returned to the expanse of living space around him.

"This is beautiful, and enormous," He commented, "I would never dream of livign in a place so large."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Ahh, but this is one advantage of rank my firend... you get the best.... no, not really I was joking. A Jedi should not covert nor should a Jedi have possessions. Which I guess begs an explaination for this place, for it is truly beyond my needs. Others do live here but even then.... much beyond still. The truth is this was a control centre and still is - if you look closely you can see that most of the panels of the walls slide and the living area...."

A hand touched a buttn on the rail and in a blink the lights dimmed and huge map of the Known regions jumped into being

".... turns into main hologram display. All done by a Jedi named Darth Turbogeek when he was on the Jedi Council. The main dining area was where the Jediw ould meet and here state receptions would occur for important visitors. This room.... has much history. You could say I feel a connection to it"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah had no idea who Darth Turbogeek was, but knew better than to say something about the name. Where he came from, it would be a monikker that would derive great hoots of laughter. Perhaps it 'geek' meant something different in other cultures.

"It is still quite impressive, nonthless," the mongoose quipped, "Though I would have a hard time living in so great a space, I have always been used to...smaller quarters."

Looking at some of the displays, Sejah Haversh could not help but feel small and insignificant. They displayed views of great places, and scenes of folk with far greater knowledge than himself. He forced himself to look away, unable to understand why some of them were on the screens because of his illiteracy. Instead, he found a small statuette on a hip height pedastal. Art had always intriged him, and he had been blessed with the chance to visit a museum thrice in his lifetime.

It was a bronze affair, a bust of a human head with neatly combed hair. Though he could not read the nameplate, Sejah found the feelign it gave to be a pleasant one, and so judged the person whose bust he stared at to be a good man.

Looking back as the lights returned to normal, Sejah smiled as he stepped away from the statue, still limping slightly for his injury earlier. "May I ask a question, Master Q'Dunn?" he posed, his pink eyes looking into those of his Master, "You say a Jedi is to have no posessions, but, I cannot comply with that. There are things in the meager amount that I own that I cannot give up. They are a part of who I am. How strict is this rule, Master Q'Dunn?"

[Marcus Telcontar]

"How strict you ask?"

The Jedi Master's face twisted into a partial smirk.

"Not very. It's more the intention than the hard and fast fact. If the possession of something came between you and your commitment to the Jedi, than that is definantly frowned on. Does what you have hinder you being a Jedi? Should not and must not are two different things. One I regard as a guide. Do your possession form attachments that hinder you? IF not, then I would see not problem. This room.... it can be said to be a symbol for what I mean - Turbogeek did become possessive. He did own much and it got in front of his being a Jedi. And do you know the real trap of possessions? The more you have, the more you want. Part of his downfall in the end.... that and he made the worst mistake of all. He fell in love. He was a fool in the end, or to be more precise, he was insane"

He turned and looked out over the balcony

"It is strange to say this when I seem to have much. But I have more than I need and I know it - the clothes on my back, I have my sword and my sabre....I am fed and I am dry. All of this is not mine but I look after it as a guardian would - in fact think of all you do and have as you being a guardian, to pass it on to someone else oneday"

[Sejah Haversh]

Something in Marcus' speech gave Sejah pause, and instead of commenting about the philosophy of what his mastr said, the mongoose lifted a paw past his waist in question, and asked, "A Jedi cannot fall in love? But, you have a wife, Master Q'Dunn. Sureley it can't be a loveless marriage, for you said yourself that your heart did not search for anothr while you were seperated."

Taking a short step closer to him, the mongoose continued, "And what of love for honor and discipline. I know that they're different types of love, but, I have seen those of my own kind consumed by them and still were more than competant leaders. Is it just emotional love, or how do you mean? I--" He paused, turnign back a bit as if he had embarassed himself, "I'm sorry, I'm rambling here. I just don't get a lot of this new lifestyle."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Sometimes, he realised his short term memory was not as good as it could be and he blinked, puzzled.

Did I tell him about Helenias? I must have, his words are accurate. Must be just me and I dont remember

"Yes, I do contradict the teachings there by my own life. But.... it is true Jedi did marry in the past. It is love that stands in the way of...."

If there was one thing that would ever look out of place, it was the look of uncertainty that passed over the Master's face. It would probably be a shock that such a being of definate action could even know what uncertainty was.

"I never expected Helenias to be alive. For so many years I thought she was dead - and in those years, that is when I became a Jedi. You see, I do not believe love and being a Jedi can work. But, when she came back into my life, I found I can not break the words I said to her, that I would bind myself to her. For now, I continue to be a Jedi and a husband, but oone day I face a choice of one or the other. That is a terrible choice to make and I dont know what I will yet do"

[Sejah Haversh]

"I'd choose your wife if I were you," Sejah smiled wryly, "Otherwise, she'll kill you."

Shaking his head, the Nehantite chuckled to himself, even though he knew that the topic was serious. Marcus had not told him about Helenias, but he had done a small amount of research on his the man who was his master when he first arrived. It was always good to know who people were talking about.

"I see what you mean. I guess that means that I won't be able to eventually settle down and have a family, will I?" he asked. "I didn't know that when I came here, Marcus," he paused, rubbing the palm of one paw over the knuckles of his other, "but I wish that I had. I look forward to becoming a husband and father someday, and if I can't do that by the rules of the Jedi, then perhaps I can't be a Jedi. Family is more important to me than the Force."

Realizing that he was drifting, Sejah looked back to the table by a long bay of windows. "What will we be having for dinner, Master Q'Dunn? And will your wife be joining us?" He asked in a politely friendly tone.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"We will be having whatever Mr Sheen comes up with. If he follwed my request, it will be what you gave as a preference."

Marcus had a bit of a contemplative look on his face.

"The question of family is one of priorites and and I would say that some Jedi should never marry. I know that before the Dark Times, Ki Adi Mundi of the Jedi Council had four wives and seven children, so..... The Jedi code on marrige I can only reallly deduct is a guideline. It is only my personal opinion that a Jedi should remain unmarried. I would certainly believe that while you train as a Padawan, that should be far from your mind. As a Knight, or maybe even as a Master..... in reality there will be nothing to stop you in finding a mate.

What I really want I is peace and a place to quietly live with Helenias. But I can not, not while the Galaxy is threatened like it is. I too would like to sit on the porch and watch my children play in safety. But I can not. Not yet. Once I have cut down my former MIstress, then I can rest and then decide, not before"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah listened to Marcus, taking in his words and advice and thinking them over. He had never before seriously thought about finding a female of his kind and settling down until the last few weeks, and he knew he was gettign no younger. Unlike his master, Sejah only had a life expectancy of sixty years on average.

But, finding a female Nehantite that he liked so far from home would be difficult, so he would just have to set aside his longing anyhow. When Marcus spoke of a mistress, he wisely stayed silent, believing it to be a touchy subject.

His tail swishing absent-mindedly behind him, the mongoose nodded and smiled slightly, "I believe I understand. And it will be some time before I brave showing my face at home anyhow, so..." Suddenly he realized what he had just said, and was gripped with a nervous pause before changing tack and continuing on, "I'll just have to wait a while. I never was good with girls, anyhow."

Spotting Mr. Sheen, his savign grace, Sejah craned his neck to see if their food was ready. It wasn't, but it gave him a chance to think of another subject, one that had been bothering him. "Master Q'Dunn, I believe that I might have a problem. I fear I am almost too old to learn lessons properly here. Many that I have seen and experienced I have allready gone through somethign similar, and cannot focus properly. I even intentionally avoided a lesson at the dance the other night. I am unsure of my ability to learn as I should."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Well, aint his Padawan full of questions tonight! And also really showing his own self doubts.

"My Padawan, if there is one thing that is always going to hold you back, it is your own self belief. Your own fears of failure and rejection will hold you back - why you think so I can only surmise it is because of your culture. You must get go of fear, doubt, uncertainty, for it will cripple you and hold you back. Believe in yourself and set aside the past, for that is exactly what it is - the past. Your future is not what you expect - it is not a question of what you think you can do - it is a question of what I KNOW you can do. Get into a mental state that if I tell you you can do something, you know in your heart and do it. Thence, it becomes not a question of trust in yourself, but trusting that I am right. If you dont believe in yourself, then believe in me and trust what I say is true"

[Sejah Haversh]

Marcus was right, but Sejah would be hard-pressed to admit it. Tugging on his sleeve as he had nothign to say, the mongoose looked back to the statue he had been looking at. "Were you always sure of yourself?" he finally aske, "Back home I was getting confident that I was better than most, but, this is so different. I'll find some way of figuring it out, though."

Looking back to his master, Sejah felt that Marcus could actually believe in him, something he had felt little of since he came to the Order.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"No, I wasn't always so certain of myself. Fear and doubt are great enemies and I have faced them both. They asail it me all the time and even I have times when I look at myself, look at whom I am and doubt i can do what I need to do. But you see, I have someone who believes completely in me and when I doubt... I just fall back on that. There have been times in my life when the trials I have faced have been almost too much and I feel ready to give up. Do not be fooled, the same thoughts and feelings that go through your mind, have gone through mine as well.

But I have and will overcome those doubts, just as I see you will. There once was an old, old Jedi who said Do or Do not - there is no try. I live my life like that. You either do or you dont bother. This is a time for you much like when I faced a ememy as a Padawan, who was far beyond my skill. Another urged me and said they believed in what I was to do - and it turned out they were right. Since then I do not view anything as impossible. Now hear me when I say I know you can overcome your fears and your doubts and I know you can become a Jedi Knight. I know not of your class system except by what I hear from you, but i will say that a Jedi Knight would raise you above all. Think of the honour you would bring not only to yourself, but to others as well!

But do not be misled - this is a hard road you follow now. It is risky and dangerous and you will need courage and all your strength. I do believe however, it is a task that you are well suited to and have a firm grounding on which to base yourself on"

[Sejah Haversh]

"If you don't mind me saying so, that is a poor quote," Sejah replied. "There is always a try. If you fail in doing something, you did not do it, but you tried to. To have done somethign requires that you had to finish it. I have often respected the try over the do not."

His words were well thought, and he spoke clearly. He had picked thigns up from his various masters, and from television, and could hold a decent conversation most of the time, but as a student, and teacher as well, the try was something incredibly valuable to him. Faith between pupil and teacher was also critical, and he had been blind not to see it so clearly. Had Marcus not had faith in him, he would have never taken him in as a Padawan. Sejah would try and live up to his expectations, he could give no promises for the future is never certain.

"You speak wisely, Master, and I will take your words under consideration. But, my old swordmaster once told me that advice is never to be taken verbatim, it is always open to interpretation. Since I was fourteen, I have used that thinking. I fear you might find it a bit hard to break me of," he smiled, chuckling slightly. "But I think I see our dinners arriving."

Mr. Sheen wheeled into the room bearing two trays, and he set them on the table. Making his way to his seat, Sejah stood next to it, waiting for Marcus to sit first.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Before Marcus sat down, he looked his Padawan in the eye.

"You are wrong Sejah. There is no try. You do. I heard of a tribe of dry and barreen land who were famed for doing raindances that always worked. It was asked of them, what was their secret? The researchers were wondering if they had some sort of mystical power or some secret technology. The Chief of the tribe said simply 'We dance until it rains and do not stop before it does so'. So it also is for the Jedi. There is no try..... you fail to give up. Think on that what for a moment and think what that means to you"

Marcus sat down, looking over the seafood. "Hmm, not bad. Some dishes I well know. Please, sit with me"

[Sejah Haversh]

Taking his seat, and tucking his tail out from beneath his rear, Sejah pulled hismelf closer to the table. Before him lay a tray containing steamed crablegs, and grilled coldwater salmon fillet. He could never afford fish at home, and only got it when it was given to him, so it was a royal treat to be served it in such vast quantities.

Helping himself to a section of salmon,a nd a few crab legs, the Nehantite folded his paws and bowed his head. After a short pause, he sat back up and looke dhis food over again, then looked up at Marcus.

"I still can't agree with you. In every attempt to accomplish somehting, it is a try. Say, if I were to reach for this fork, I would be trying to pick it up," lifting the fork in his paw, he continued, "Now that I have successfully picked it up, my try has become an accomplishment. But, If were to have dropped it, my attempt would ahve failed, though I would have tried to do it. Before completion, any attempt to do anything is a try," he explained his logic, and then set his fork back down, and took a drink of water, his wine not yet having reached the table.

"The try is sometimes more important than the result, I have found. It teaches us, and can also give us hope. Failed attempts are finished tries that did not see their end reached, is all. Everything is a try. Would you please pass the salt?"

[Marcus Telcontar]

The Master did so, before for the moment getting stuck into the spiced squid he liked so much. This evening was worthwhile, even for the last comment Sejah had made. It was an insight to his character that would prove benificial to further instruction.

"I dont view anything as complete until it is finished to my satisfaction. I also dont view everything in short term terms. Maybe this is because I have a much increased life over ordinary beings and I view time differently - but I dont regard anything as an attempt. It is simply a progression along until I succeed. You say that if you failed to pick up a fork, it is a try and said as such? I would disagree. You have simply found a way that does not work and you are to continue until you succeed. Now listen to the difference, for it is a subtle one, but it underpins a Jedi - Jedi simply do not give up when they are to do something. Never. A Jedi WILL do what they set out to do, for there is no option of failure in their own mind. Once you believe you will fail... then you will. We live by this, it is more important than the Jedi code in a way."

Marcus paused to chew on the squid, swallowed before continuing

"This is why I have risen to where I am today, because I am incredibly stubborn and I just will not give up. In everything I do, in all I say and think, I live by this. I am like the native, i will not stop dancing until it rains. I give you an example from my own life - I mentioned my former Mistress. If it can be believed, she is a greater power than I am. Callista is old and truly evil and the two times I have faced her, you might say I lost. I don't. I say that my eventual victory will come and I am not ready to defeat her. But the time is coming she will find out I am alive and she will know fear.... and I will take my lightsabre and burn a hole in her head. It will have taken 50 years, but I do. And Do means you take as long as it is needed and you do what is needed"

There was simply no emotion in his voice as he described killing his old Mistress, Callista. It was just plain matter of act.

[Sejah Haversh]

though Marcus seemed to think that their ways of thinking were differnet, Sejah became convinced that it was only their way of working them that truly differed. For a moment, the mongoose considered what it would be like to live a very long time, but then decided that it was foolish to try and imagine things out of his possible grasp.

He waws just taking a bite of salmon as Marcus spoke of killing his former mistress, and the Master's tone was enough to give him worry. There was no compassion, even though she was evidently one who had caused him harm. Had it been himself, Sejah didn't know if he could sound so cold. Even though somebeast might have done something to him, he often was unable to be completely mad at them. But Marcus seemed to have a healthy hatred for Callista, so he decided nto to pry. After all, there were things in his own past that he would not Marcus to ask about.

As he cracked open a crab leg, Mr. Sheen arrived with a chilled white zinfandel, and Sejah nodded thanks to him before he wheeled off. He was not accustomed to eating such rich food, and it was a true treat. The crab was steamed to perfection, and only a slight squeeze of lemon over it made it better. Swallowing his mouthful Sejah took a sip of wine and then cleared his throat lightly. "Master Q'Dunn, perhaps it is not my place to ask, but, why did you choose me? I mean, there are many others who have more confidence than I do, it would seem, why me and not one of them? Forgive me that is a question I shouldn't ask, but, my mind wanders every now and then."

[Marcus Telcontar]

MArcus likewise broke open a crab leg, before replying.

"Because I sense the possibilities in you. I sense you have a level head and you are open to being taught. I also sense a being who will accept when they are wrong and rectify their mistakes. I also sense you will not waste my time and any lesson I give t you will be well learned. Maybe you have a lack of belief in yourself, but it is better than to be an insuffereable and unteachable arrogance"

He pulled out the sweet meat and ignoring the fork, used his hands to put it in his mouth.

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah laughed out loud, his face breakign into a wide smile. "Ha! I remember having a few like that, one in particular." Takign another bite of the crab, also using his digits, the mongoose elaborated on his rueful tale.

"His name was Dunuath, and he was the son of a Judge, a very prestigious position where I come from. Anyway, Dunuath's father would have never allowed me to teach his son had I not built up a na,e formyself as an excellent swordsbeast, but, his son insisted that he had to have me. I wish he hadn't. The boy--he was thirteen--was a spoilt brat. He refused to stretch and warm up properly, insisting I was cheating hima nd not teaching properly. Subsequently, he was very sore after each lesson, and again blamed it on me. He was rude, selfish, and very, very arrogant. Finally, I decided to push him out of his comfort level, and approached him in the garb of a commoner--which I was--before a teaching duel in front of the class. I left him with two black eyes, a fractured rib, a pulled leg, and a nasty headache. His father would have thrown me in jail for such an insult to a higher social class, but, he had seen the arrogance in his son, and realized that he should have gotten such treatment.

"He paid me for an extra three months as thanks for putting his son back in his place, and was lenient on me when I came before him in court two years later for a false accusation of theft against me. I spent three months in jail for that, but, it should ahve been four years." Sejah smiled, though his time in prison was something he wished he could forget. Takign a sip of wine, he concluded, "I have had hundreds of students, most of them only middle-ground, some very poor at the art, and some who excelled, but ones who think they are above the teacher are those who never succeed until they are beaten back down. Tell me, have you ever had a difficult Padawan?"

[Marcus Telcontar]

Marcus sighed.

"Unfortunantly. I know so well of what you speak, I had a Padawan whose name is reviled here in the Jedi Order. He was too fast to become Knighted and then went bad. really bad. He was destructive, he went to the Dark Side, he came back again, he went to the Dark Side once again... he was arrogant, noxious and was the most unplesant character I have had the displeasure to know in the Jedi. He destroyed my belief in the Padawans... and it was because of him I gave up training until now"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah stopped a fork halfway up to his mouth at Marcus' reply. Lowering the forkful of green salad back down, he set it on his plate and rested his paw on the table.

"You stopped training? So, am I one of your first Padawans in a while? Or the first in a while?" He asked, his pink eyes quite curious. Taking a drink of wine, he continued, "How did you deal with him? I mean, was he punished for his actions, or did your authority over him continue after he had been knighted? Forgive me for so novice a question, but I am still figuring out the social structure here."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"I disowned him. And while he was a Darksider, gave him a right belting"

This was not exactly plesant memories for Marcus.

"I did stop training for a long while and that is why I tested you when we sparred. I have no wish to have another one like that ever again. Plus.... it is something I should do. Why should I hold back what I know because I had one nightmare student?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Hear hear," Sejah replied, "Though you don't usually have the threat of being arrested for a student who finds you agaisnt his liking. That put a bit of a pinch on the way I taught. But I did well enough, and had a few prized students who ascended beyond where I could in competition. Sometimes one's students can bring more joy with their accomplishments than your own."

Looking up, he realized that he was rambling, and so he silenced himself with another bite of crab. How quickly he had forgotten that he was with his master, and shouldn't act like they were complete equals. After years of study with Master Rej, he still could not address him as an equal, and kicked himself mentally for thinking he could do so with Marcus. Takign a drink, he then added, "Forgive me, I was rambling."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Rambling? If you were rambling, I would mention it."

Marcus as a rule did not drink alcohol - he didnt like the taste and it had no real effect on him. Instead, he poured himself a bubbly black fluid, which fizzed as it was poured

"You do speak right on one thing - it is a joy to see a student do well. I have trained some to the rank of Jedi Master and it was with a great deal pleasure I witnessed their promotion. I've got a good strike rate for getting Padawans to the rank of Knight"

[Sejah Haversh]

Smiling at that comment, Sejah felt a small rush of confidence swell in his chest. He took anotehr drink of his wine as he let the feelign sink in. He had little problem with alcohol, as long as he drank only in moderation. He could not often afford be really become drunk back home, but had been known to do so every now and then.

But at the table of his Master, Sejah would watch his manners and actions carefully. Most of his salmon gone, and his crab disappearing as well, the mongoose relished the taste of the rich food in his mouth as he sat at the fine table.

It had been a night for questions, and he was having a hard time both asking, and holdign back his next one. Finally he just went ahead and asked, though rather timidly, "MAster Q'Dunn, what is your stance on secrets? If a person holds back information, does that hurt him as a Jedi? Or if he were to not tell something he knows for fear of damaging another?"

[Marcus Telcontar]

Holy god, why did he ask that?!?! The Padawan had absolutly no idea what type of secrets Marcus held - and some that he had never chosen to tell. What a cutting question - and to be honest, it perked his curiousity.

"That would depend on what the secret is. Your sex life, or other personal things that have no bearing on training, that is fine and I have no interest unless you were to tell. But not the sex life. I dont want to know. Some secrets could be destructive to tell, so unless it was absolute life and death, I would not speak of them either. But there are other secrets that should be told, even if it is the hard truth and unplesant. Those you should speak"

[Sejah Haversh]

His sex life? Why in the universe would Sejah want to share anything about his sex life?! He didn't even have one to speak of, at that matter.

Bringing his eyebrows back down from where they had shot up to as Marcus mentioned that part, Sejah tried to look as normal as possible, but now he knew he would have to tell his master things he wished could stay in the past. Suddenly, the fish that had been do delicious on his plate before seemed dry and cold, and his wine might as well have been tepid water. the mongoose glanced down before bringing his eyes back up to meet Marcus'.

Clearing his throat quietly, Sejah began to speak, "I haven't told you all about my past, Master Q'dunn, and I should have. I-, I am a wanted criminal, and I am sure that by now there is a police squad out looking for me. It will only be time before the Grand Inquisitor hears of a Nehantite in the ranks of the Jedo order, and I will be found. I should have told you before, I'm so sorry, Master."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Marcus listened and probably surprised Sejah by simply shrugging and replying as he did.

"This Grand Inquisitor has no power here on Arcan IV and even less if we were on Yavin. Unless you have commited a genocide or worse, the past is forgotten here and all can make a new start"

He swirled his drink in the glass, taking a gulp before continuing.

"You are Jedi Padawan now and as such, you are resposible to the Jedi. Your subject to the laws of the Republic, this is true, but a true Jedi would find it themselves incapable of breaking the laws and would instead defend them. I'll also add one more thing - you are my Padawan and that makes you answerable to me.... but more importantly, you are under my direct protection until such point as I waive that. And anyway, I'm sure I have done worse in my time. What are you wanted for?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Unlawful exit of Nehantish, falsifying papers, intent to commit fraud, trafficking uncleared propery, and a few other things. Also possible intent to share restricted knowledge; my fencing style." he replied shamefully, unable to look Marcus in the eye.

"Where I come from, you have to gain permission to leave the planet. In doing so, I would have had to give a reason for leaving, and intents for life outside of Nehantite space. Being from such a low house, and having no father, I was a prime cantitdate for denial. But, had I put my destination as here, and my intent being a Jedi, I would not only have been refused, but probably held on some trumped up charge, and refused an exit visa for seval years out. So, I hired a guy to falsify some documents for me, and booked passage under a different name. Took almost all the money I had, too." He explained, his tail hanging still for a change.

"I came here to add to my life, not to forget my past, Master Q'Dunn. You can't ask me to forget my heritage, my ways, and where I come from. If I lose them, I lose myself. I will as you now, that if they come to arrest me, don't stop them. I broke the law, and did it in full conscience of it. I can't ask someone to defend me when am the guilty one."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Tell me something" Marcus said with a odd look on his face "It sounds like you have a class society. And as a class society, what would you do if the King or other high noble being commanded you?"

[Sejah Haversh]

Without thinking, Sejah replied, "I would obey, unless the order was completely useless, or would cause greater harm than good."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"And if it was a King or noble born of a different planet? Would you still do so then?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"If he was the one in rule over me, I would." Sejah replied.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"It's a she actually"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Still, if she was the one responsible for the protection wellbeing, and command of the groub of subjects I was part of, I would be compelled to obey."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Marcus could no longer keep back his grin.

"And these guards, they would also respect her authority?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"What are you getting at, Master?" Sejah questioned, not finding anythign about his situation funny. "I would presume they would be loyal if they were her guards.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"One of the things you are going to have to work out about me Sejah" Marcus stated "Is that I have a unique way of looking at problems and I also think illogically compared to humans. I have a reputation for thinking about solutions and way that others fail to see."

His voice changed, becoming formal.

"You are presently in the residence the Princess Evenstar, Master Haversh, the ruling house of Imladris. As I am her loyal subject and you are in my service as my Padawan, so are you."

[Sejah Haversh]

"But she is not the ruler I was born under, and lived under and served. Jut because I left home makes me no less a subject of my Sultan. I thought about that, too." He answered back, the food on his plate forgotten.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Marcus sighed.

"Your forcing my hand here Sejah. I had no wish to tell you and nor anyone else..... Helenias does allow others to know her position. I dont. You have said you would obey the king or the noble born of another planet. Even when he is in exile, there are expectations. You entered my service Sejah. Do you really want me to spell out exactly who I am and exactly what that means? Your history and you past is not absolved, nor should it be forgotten.... but you entered the service of the rulers of Arda. You have done so without your knowledge, but that is the situation that you now find yourself."

[Sejah Haversh]

Arda? Waht was Arda? Sejah had never heard of it before. he knew next to nothing of cultures other than his own. Resting his head agaisnt a paw propped up on the table, he shook it gently. things had suddenly become more complicated, and now he had essentially been told that he couldn't pry to figure things out.

Takign adeep breath, he waited longer before replying, "Ignorance of the law is not an excuse." It was an old line from his homeworld's statement of rights and laws. "So how do I explain myself? If I am found and arrested, I would have to expose your secret in order to save myself. But, if I choose not to, then I would be jailed for at least ten years, and probably more to make an example of me. Possibly even execution.

"I wish I had stayed home. If I had, your secret, whatever it is, would still be safe, and I would not be in such a predicament. If not for the threat from the Giansar school, I would have stayed. A low-class life is better than that of a fugitive."

[Marcus Telcontar]

It would have taken about a nanosecond for Sejah to realise he had let off a thermal detonator in a room full of rancors. That would get upset. Very upset. There was a reason Marcus was a Force Master and now with his hackles up, he was now displaying his hidden power.

"SEJAH HARERSH! Are you so indentured to a system at has wronged you that you would go back tail between your legs like a mangy half-breed? Do you have no honour and dignity left? I thought I had a Padwan who could learn and you are showing that you are so rooted in your own past that you would subject you to an injustice? What you speak of is not honourable. I gave you a possible way out, and yet you refuse to see and to accept. Well, allow me to tell you in straight language what I think of your version of being a fugitive - I have spent my entire life a fugitive! My own father, murdered and his throne taken from him. With me knowing, the ursurper adopted me and raised me to be a Dark Jedi, a creature of evil. I am a murderer, I am guilty of crimes that would earn me the death sentance. I cut down old men and I have widowed the young wife. I have lead armies to take over worlds I have assasinated men while they slept in their beds. I have lied, cheated and stole. And then, when I found out and I knew how wrong that was, I turned on her and in that, I should have died 4 times already. Only by the Force have I lived this long. My own wife I thought murdered by treachery for 10 long and lonely years. Would you like to hear more? I could tell you much of the year I suffered from a blaster bolt to the spine. I could tell you of the years I spent as a NR General, because I saw the Jedi were corrupt and I could not serve them. I spend time inthe a@@ end of the Galaxy with the scum, hunting down Callista operatives. I have had so many identities and disguises to throw off hunters off my tail, I get confused myself who I am. You call what you are in a predicament? I would call it a blessing. Get a sense of perspective, Sejah"

And if the alien thought Marcus was widing down, he was wrong. It was only the start.

"I care not for laws and rules that are injust. I care not for those who are so blinkered they will not listen to reason. I care not for those that would not listen to reason, to common sense. The fact is, you are a Jedi Padawan, you have committed your life to the Jedi and that is not an oath or a life you can simply put aside. If you want to be a coward and flee, or be a coward and allow yourself to be dragged back to your home, you may leave now, for I have no use for one like that. But I told you I beileved in you and I will tell you why. I have no need for a being who would have his tail between his legs at the mere sign of being lower or embarrassed or shamed. I want a being who has pride in themselves, who believes in honour, tust, compassion and true justice. Nit the type of laws and rules that would hold one to this class, but realjustice - the type of justice and law where the whole Galaxy can live free of tyranny and evil, where ones like Callista would be rid of, where innocent children are not orphaned because of evil acts, a Galaxy where I can go back home and reclaim what is mine and pive in peace from then on! I do not enjoy speaking like this to you , but I see that you need a dose of reality."

Marcus was by now standing, his arms crossed and glaring at the Padwam.

"You seem to fail to realise what being a Jedi is. Now what I just spoke of has little to do with that, but now I do. To allow class and rules pin you to be something less than you could be is the real guilty party. You feel the Force and how many others of your race can do that? Do you realise the troue honour and standing that brings? If I was the King and not a Jedi, I would bend knee to you, because of what a Jedi is. You are Honour, you are justice. You do not live them, you become the very enbodyment of them, you live and breathe them. Dont you understand that now, or beginning to? A Jedi is for wisdom and knowledge, it is for learning the greatest mystery there is - The Force and to harness and use what it gives to you. I tell you the truth, you complete your training, the rulers of your homeworld would have to stand aside for you for a Jedi is the very embodyment of what all beings should be striving for. The honest and the true have nothing to fear from a Jedi and they would keenly welcome one at any time. The only ones who would fear are those whose self interest over ride the common good. Understand that I have tried to put position and rank before you, I have put the brutal truth in front of you, and I have also appealed to your sense of honour. Well, I will now also make one last appeal - the fact is, I have made myself known that I liv to the unsurper. She knows that a Q'Dunn still walks the Galaxy and I have shown her that I am not the toadie that I once was. I have shown her only a glimpse of what I am now and I have told her my time is coming. You see, I am a Jedi...."

And his voice and attitude softened, becoming graceful

".... but I am also king. Both are the enbodiment of truth, justice and honour. I do not seek to take power back for myself, but to know I am a true sevant of all, for that is what a Jedi and a truly just ruler is - a servant to the least. Even if I am a Jedi Master, I will put myself last and I am your servant and well as teacher. It is my duty to place my needs last and if the time came, to lead from the front and if I had to, sacrifice myself for you. While you sleep, I will go through training and work out what is best for you. It is my place to set an example, to set myself in a place where you can see why being a Jedi is such an honour, to show you how to act and live. To be a Jedi si to be the poorest being in the Universe and just you become the richest. To be a Jedi is to lower yourself below all and yet become greater. To be a Jedi is the single greatest thig you could ever achieve. I tell you, without hint of a lie, even if you fled and even if you accepted a judgement, you would forever regret what you truly could of had. No one can take this away from you and to deny what you could become is not only foolish, it is without honour. I do not say these things for my own benifit, but I say so because I know that is what you need to hear and what you need to know is true. Do not waste your life Sejah. That is truly a crime"

[Sejah Haversh]

Fear, then anger, then understanding flowed through Sejah's veins. As Marcus railed on him, he coudl actually feel his tail turning and winding slowly around the inside of his left ankle, but he stopped it, and forced it back to his side. Marcus's comment about his tail between his legs had been more than vivid.

But, as his master continued to mete out words both harsh and constructive, all Sejah could do was sit in his chair and look at him, takign his eyes away when he could not stand to look him in the face for what he ws saying dug too deeply. He was having a hard time imagining life without his class structure, without guidelines of where he could go, and when. he had been honor-bound, or so he thought, to follow the rules and statures of his culture, fearing that what little face his family held could be lost too easily. It was not only his future he would be deciding by staying or not, but that of his family as well. His mother, in particular. If her were to shed the House's honor, it would have severe ramifications on her, and his few cousins, as well. All of whom had nothing to do with his current ituation, but would be punished anyhow.

Finally when Marcus had done, Sejah looked up from his seat and cooly said, "I am not an idiot, Master. I know that my ways could be oppressive, and that I was hurt by them, but, Home was not my place to fight against them. I would ahve been jailed, and humiliated. I still have family, Master Q'Dunn, and they will suffer for what I have done. I haven't been through as many trials as you have, not been so dark. MY story is not that dramatic. I was a simple poor kid with no education who made his living beating up others in a ring and calling it fencing matches. There, that's all I was, and maybe all I could have been back home. But I left home, I came here. I want to be somethign more than what I was, but, not at the expense of others, especially family."

Standign up, he pushed his chair back and looked across the table at Marcus. "Thoguh you are a Master, and have your grand titles, you have no right to berate me as you did. I may have bent in fear under my Sultan's rule, but I was no coward, and I am no half-breed, either! My father was a pure-blooded beast, as was my mother. I have a sense of perspective, Master Q'Dunn, it is just at a different angle than yours. I do not live to be near as old as you, I am not so fortunate as to have overcome such evils, or escaped death so narrowly. I know what justice is, and I know right from wrong. I may be your student, but I am not some green novice. I know what honor is, and I am going to be shreddign all that is still left tied to the Haversh name if I stay. " he growled, but then relaxed.

"I don't want to argue with you, Master, I see your points, but don't be so hasty in makign them that you rush them past me. I have thought about my future here every night I have slept on that hard mattress. My thoughts are often those of how should I preserve what I still have. I choose to stay, Master Q'Dunn, but my kinsbeasts might not welcome my decision."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Believe me, there will be times when you do something right that it will feel like every single person in the Galaxy is against you. There will be times when you do what you should it will bring hardship and it will bring pain, to you and to the ones you love. This I will not disguise or guild"

He kept his gaze on Sejah as he continued to speak, softly and gently

"I am glad to hear you say what you did. You have the strength and courage I believed you had"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah had nothing to reply with immidiately, so he sat back down and replaced the napkin on his lap. It was definitely not the dinner he had been expecting, and not how he had wanted to spend his evening.

Picking up his fork once more, the brown mongoose began to eat again, mainly because it would be impolite not to finish what he had served himself. His 'display of courage', according to Marcus, had actually been an undiciplined outburst ruled by emotion rather than logic. Swallowing a mouthful of salmon, he finally broke the silence. "Why did you become a Jedi? And please, don't just give me the 'to help others and made a difference for good int eh unverse' reply. Nobody really means that, and I know it. What brought you to the order?"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah also wished that he ahd not asked that question, for he didn't want to describe the events that led up to his need to break the law to leave his planet. Had he truly wanted to leave, they would have let him, though it might have been a few years before clearance was granted, btu there were other factors that forced his hand early.

Takign another sip of his wine, the mongoose couldn't quite look Marcus in the eye, but was still listening to see what his master would respond with.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Well, that was a fairly easy and safe question - one he knew the answer well

"To atone for what I had done. To learn the truth of The Force. To one day be able to face Callista, look her in the eye, tell her what I am and see the fear in her eye. And to kick the living sh-it out of any Darksider that dared get in my way. These days however, I see that I did the right thing for the wrong reasons - now I am here because Helenias is and I wish for the Jedi to become strong and true to what they should be. My life in the Jedi is to serve and protect..... but if I was to tell you that I hope to one day be able to disappear and have some patch of land and watch my children grow up without fear that evil would corrupt their world. That is the dream I have - so that men like me are no longer needed. Where I could be peaceful and never need a sabre at my side. I wonder if that dream can ever become reality?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Sadly, I doubt it," Sejah replied. He hated being a downer, but what Marcus dreamed was just that, a dream. "As long as there are emotions and love and beings who have hearts, there will always be evil, and those who make themselves more powerful by pushign others down. Sure, you can have periods of peace, but greed and evil always return. There will always be a need for heroes and peacekeepers, Master Q'Dunn, no matter how much we wish that there weren't."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Which is why I train Padawans - one day I know my task here will be done and it will be for others to continue on and to stay vigilant. Any peace I can make will not last beyond the next gneration.... so all I can hope for is to have pace in my time. That is possible, I know in my heart it is. My task is to defeat the current evils. Yours maybe to preserve what peace has been won or to face somethign completely different"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Children and students are how we create our future," Sejah quoted an old proverb before taking a drink of wine.

"Only Garfife may know what my future holds, but he has protected me this far, so I will keep trusting him," He then added. "But I hope I can help bring peace and happiness to some in my life, and maybe make a bit of difference while I'm at it. I've learned to give up grand ideas in favor of smaller ones. Those are at least possible most of the time, and I can see them through to realization." he smiled lightly.

Hid plate was nearly cleared of what he had served himself, and his wineglass almost empty. It had been a rich meal, and he knew he shouldn't have eaten so much, but it was done, and there was little the mongoose could do about it then.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Well, one thing about a Jedi is that they have the power to make a huge difference. But if misdirected, huge evil as well. Think that one like you, one called Anakin Skywalker, became Darth Vader. One man, Palpatine was behind the greatest evil to have befallen the galaxy. One, with the power of the Force. You see, when you are a Jedi you have the Force and with that nothing is truly impossible - oh somethings are immensly difficult, else every Padawan could move a planet with a thought - but just the name of Jedi can be enough to do things no others could. As Marcus, just plain Marcus, I would be lucky to be able to get a comemorative spoon from a trip to the Senate. As Jedi Master Q'Dunn, the Chancellor herself can be persuaded to act just by my word. You may be a PAdawan, but even then you have a level of influence over others far beyond what the majority could even dream of. With that influence, comes resposibility."

Marcus frowned, thinking.

"Did I tell you that there was more to being a Jedi than lifting rocks and waving a sabre? If so, then bear me out while I repeat myself - with power comes responsibility, for power is corrupting in the weak. A Jedi is resposible, they are honest, they are trustworthy, they are brave and they put others before themselves. A Jedi is a servant to others and they believe in the common good. It is not your duty to be like this I might add, because duty is not what a Jedi is about. It must be your desire. It is for the Jedi to desire peace and resposibility. That is what a Master must teach before all else. Not by having a sabre are you a Jedi! Not by mind trick or by telekinesis does a Jedi work, not when you really look at it. Certyainly we have powers beyond the norm, but witht hat comes patience, calm and resposibilty beyond normal too. Control. Wisdom and knowledge we seek, not power"

He paused, thinking and smiled.

"I'm pratting again. Forgive me for that"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Don't apologize, Master, these are things you need to say, no matter how you say them. I need to know what is expected of me, and how I am to shape myself, so, it was good to hear," Sejah replied in almost schoolbook fashion.

Tipping his glass up, the brown Nehantite swallowed the last of his wine and set his fork upside down on his plate, signalling that he was done.

Looking into his master's eyes, he explained, "My old fencing Master, Master Rej, taught me similar things, but most of all, he taught me control, and respect. In that respect I learned that I was never done being the student, even though I eventually became a master of sorts. Right now, it feels good to be green again, to begin all over. The Force is a tricky thing for me, and I suppose in time it will become easier, but it keeps me up nights."

His gaze had slowly drifted away as he spoke, but retuned to Marcus' eyes at the end, and he went on to explain, "Where I come from, magic and special powers are only things in myth and on television and in comic books. To be different for a reason other than pure skill was never accepted. I know I'm not really required to hold fast to that beleif, but, it is still in my head, and I sometimes fear what I might do. Like blowing up the rock today, or something else. When others describe their connection tot eh Force in meditation, they say it is warm, peaceful, and flows through them. To me it seems powerful, and that it flows around me close enough that I could dip my paw into it if it were a river, and I can help to guide small portions of it, but it is too much for me to control or divert if I needed to. In my heart and mind it feels as if I would be swept away in fast currents if I were to let it overtake me fully, and I fear that I would manifest some great terror in order to free myself of it. Is this-, Is this normal, Master Q'Dunn?"

[Marcus Telcontar]

"In some ways, yes. You speak truly, for what you described - the being carried away - is akin to a fall to the Dark Side. The power of the Force is incredible and it truly does take a good mind to build the disciple and knowledge to be able to divert that river and harness it for your own...."

A thought came to Marcus' mind.

"Would you wish to hear of how and what can be done? "

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah's pink eyes looked up and into those of his master and he replied earnestly, "Yes, Master Q'Dunn, I would."