::Giving in, to keep sanity::

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Anger was everywhere, anger she had to get rid of. It was apparent she would have to speak to someone, there was no other way. She had to rely on someone else for her own safety, and that cut her pride more than anything ever had, even the two failed mission seven years ago. One had gotten away and in hospital, one had almost killed her. But this, having to rely on someone. It hurt, but it had to be done. She always was in control, never let any anger out, only at reare times. But even that was enough, she could remember the touch of the dark side of the force, it was not what she wanted and she would die before that happened. She would have to find someone who could give good advice, a good ear. One person and one person only. Disgusted at her weakness she went out to look around, and think about someone she could trust. Not many people...::

[Chase Starwalker]

Chase continued down the hall. His memory fresh from his unpleasent encounter. He strode by a young woman's room, the door ajar. He sensed a yearning coming from within, a sense of anger and compassion.

He paused at the door and stuck his head in.

"You alright in there?" He said, his boyish features showing clearly in the dimly lit room.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::The usual dark red lighting in her room was disturbed by a bright light coming from the door as it opened. A face revealed itself, a young face, boyish features. Trust, how could she trust someone she didnt know? The voice of a woman broke into her thoughts.

The woman held the four year old, the four year olds eyes cold and emotionless as the woman shook her. "Don't let them brainwash you, dont yield, please Melendrin....Pease!". Big people took the womans arms and dragged her away, screaming, yelling for mercy. Then the yelling stopped, a dead silence and her master stepped infront of her. He put the hand on the four year old, more mature for her age, cold, emotionless. An assasin in training. "Girl, if you let your emotion get in the way, let someone make you lose grip of your mission, then they will go. Your brother will be next..". His voice was hard, and did not hold any bluffs, when he left silent tears roilled down the girls cheeck before she remembered his words. All she heard was brother.
"Trust is the undoing of a person"

Looking at Chase someone she had met briefly she walked more towards him, and heard Dios's words. Take a chance. ironic the name. Her words came out softly, very very reluctantly ::

Not really.

[Chase Starwalker]

"Well that's never good..." Chase said slowly, advancing into the room.

The young girl was bueatiful. She had a presence about her, that was comforting to the young Padawan. She had caught his eye, but her face was stern with sadness.

"Mind if I ask what's wrong..?" Chase said softly.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at him steadily::

If I told you, you would be disgusted perhaps. maybe you wouldnt react that way. Would you have the time to listen, or could you understand? Would you know what to say?

::Why was she interrogating him like this, it wasnt fair, but somehtign made her. some insecurity. She looked at him again and shook her head::

The past is whats wrong. People tell you to put it behind, but sometimes you need to talk about it, talk about your reactions.
I guess when you hold it in so long you have to tell someone. But who?

::She thought about it for a moment, a jedi she trusted. Xazor? Dasquin? Tomak? No not Tomak, she did not want to draw him away. For some reason that was important. She did not know Chance, but she appreciated the effort.::

I wish you could help, but how?

[Chase Starwalker]

He could feel her anquish. He stepped in to meet her, as he placed his hands on hers.

"Relax. Everyone has demons in thier past, you can trust me. I'm a good listener." He said with a soft smile.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook his hand off and without speaking went to the holonews device, and on the keyboard, an old device which was very outdated but was good for hacking. Azhure went into an old secure connection and went into a file. "Angel of Death". The most wanted assasin in the universe, countless deaths. Dissapeared out of the face of the earth four years ago. It went through various names that the Angel of Death used, all familiar. Looking at Chase she invited him to look::

It is over a secure connection and will cut out in one minute exactly due to security reasons.

::She watched his facial expression without a word, anger and hatred and guilt running down her spine::

Do you know what it's like to hate yourself? And even when three others know your an assasin, but not which assasin, it's still hard. That knowledge is dangerous. No matter how far and fast you run..............

::She looked away, seeing the expression on his face, like the others. There were few who had not given a disgusted look, and for that she was grateful.::

[Chase Starwalker]

His face was not disgusted. Instead he put a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you can't just leave the past behind. But with your new future....your future at the GJO, you can help start a new begining. No matter what you did in the past...tomorrow is a brand new day."

[Azhure Darkstone]

[i]Sometimes sleep will not come because of the voices, sometimes meditation will not come. It interrupts the future.
I am the Angel of Death, all my life I have been told what I am and what I must do, taught not to use the heart but mind only. Devaloped the mind as far as it will go. But the heart, I need help in learning why feelings do these, how to control it and yet not be hindering the light sight. How do these emotions work? How can guilt be ridden of? You have grown with the knowledge of emotion, would you know?<?i>

[Chase Starwalker]

"First of all..." Chase started.

"Your NOT the angel of death. Not anymore."

He leaned against the chair.

"Sometimes old wounds heal slowly. You must keep faith in the Force, and the Jedi, and all will work out."

He placed a hand on her shoulder once more.

"I promise."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Faith, something she had little of at times. She had faith in her abilities, and faith in life and death, faith in what she believed was right and wrong. People, it was growing, but in her heart there was little faith right now. Looking at the dagger/saber Xazor gave her there were the words "remember who you are". It was called light. The light wasnt always easy to find.::

The jedi I come to, to follow my belief and right wrongs. The force is something I use to enforce what is right and fight for what is right. But belief is hard to come by at times.

::Azhure turned around::

That does not mean I will try but I do not know how to use this emotion. Tomak makes me feel funny and I dont completely understand it. The people here are nice and I find that comfortable,I was once taught what becomes comfortable is dangerous. The friends make me laugh, it is an odd sound. But I have never felt fear for a long long time and I do now.

::She lookd at him as if asking if he could explain it, though she somehow though also he couldnt. Ones fear is their own, and fear was a new scary thing she did not like. But like all things it must be dealt with somehow::

[Chase Starwalker]

"You have a new family now. Have faith and trust in that. These are good people here, they will take care of you. And there always good to lend an ear."

Chase gave a soft smile. "I don't think I've caught your name yet..."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure studied him, new family.::

Someone once told me relying on others gets you killed. Ive taught myself to rely on myself, it hasnt worked and over time perhaps I'll change but I don't see it happening to soon. But thank-you for your words. Do you think the voices will go away?

::Then she remmebered his last comment::

My name is Azhure

[Chase Starwalker]

"Only you can make them go away Azhure."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded, knowing that was the answer, she had never run from challenges and this was no acception, but this was opne of the first challenges that truely frightened her. facing herself. The one person she was afraid of was closest person you could have near you, yourself. She laughed darkly at that::

Yes, that is the truth. Everyones time comes.
I just dont want to feel alone with it anymore, though there can be no other way.

[Chase Starwalker]

"Just because you have to deal with something on your own, doesn't mean you have to be alone." He said slowly.

He moved closer to her, locking eyes.

"You'll always have someone to be there for you. I promise." With his last words he let a smile taint his lips.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded::

I know, but it's easier when there's less people involved. And trust is not a natural thing. Thank-you for your ears though, they have helped

::They helpd more than she thought they would. You don't need to be alone, when had she not ever never been alone? It was a familiar territory, one that became more alien every day::

[Chase Starwalker]

"Thats what the Jedi are here for."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure almost smiled softly::

Yes, for peace and to hold the balance of peace anywhere, even to the smallest amount. That equation I someday hope to fit. Tell me, why did you join?

::She wanted to take the attention off her with the question, plus she was curious about many peoples reasons. She hardly knew this person and now he knew more about her than she did he. It felt a little bit uncomfortable knowing she was the one in the disadvantaged position this time.::

[Chase Starwalker]

"For my family, for the galaxy..." He smiled.

"I grew up around people who would, if given the chance, murder and steal for money or power. It wasn't a place any child should grow up. I hope to make this galaxy a better place, for those children that still remain in that situation."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure nodded, understanding.::

No, no it is not. One day perhaps we will help those children out of those situations....

::By this she meant more than was said. Help the children in Crimsonsun. Those who she never wanted them to go through what she did.
But there were so many places children grew up which was not suitable you could not stop everything. Only places you had the power to do.::

You are strong. Most would have followed the example of thier elders.

[Chase Starwalker]

"I'm my own person." Chase said firmly with a sigh.

"I may be headstrong, but I know what I'm doing. One day I'm going to stop people from hurting others,...I believe it is my destiny."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head softly::

No one should hurt others without good reason, no one should kill, but people do. There must be tohse that stop them, or let them see the right way to live.

[Chase Starwalker]

"Or else the galaxy would cease to exsist. It is our job, be it not an easy choice of lifestyle, without us life could not go on."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::A thought occured to azhure and she laughed. Without the force they neednt had worried about the sith at all, much less the dangerous poeple out there already. But life did not suit everyone for the better and the force made you really live, see the world in different ways::

No you are right. Without the good there would not be the bad and vice versa. Without evil you do not know good. A balance you could say.

[Chase Starwalker]

"A balance." He repeated softly.

[Azhure Darkstone]

:;Azhure smiled::


Balance is what keeps this universe afloat. Without balance or not knowign one side what would life be like?

:;THis question was to herself as much to anyone else::

[Chase Starwalker]

"I'm not sure Azhure, but one things for certain, we play an important role in the survival of this galaxy."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure smiled softly, thinking the words over. Yes, perhaps, it was up to the individual what side they fought for depending on their morals. Some just did not have morals and played for the pain...funny how things were.::

We all do what we need to do, and that is enough. If saving lives and being a jedi is what you do then that is enough. WE live with our mistakes and can only repay what cannot be repayed

::She shivered then, remembering her past, then blocked off the thought::