Dark night, Dark thoughts

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia, now a child of 8, hobbles into the B&G. It is shortly after midnight and the moon is hidden behind some clouds. Dark night. Fits with my mood and dreams again. She slowly hobbles over to an empty table where she sits down and leans her crutches against it as a serving droid comes over to her and asks what she would like. She orders a cup of apple juice. Her ice blue eyes look around the room, almost as if she is searching for something that isn't there. After a couple of minutes, her juice shows up and is placed on the table infront of her. A frown on her face, she uses the force to wrap herself in a thin cloaking of shadows so that only the most observant notice her, but all force users with any amount of training can tell that something is wrong right now*

[JaAku Dama]

Little ones should be in bed at this time of the night.

He slid onto a chair across from her and smiled. He ordered a vodka from a passing droid, and turned back to her. He frowned.

What's wrong little one?

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia glances up as she hears someone start talking, obviously to her*

Then I'm glad that I'm not a little one.

*Natia knows that sounds silly coming from her since she is still just a child. She's to annoyed right now to snap at him for sitting across from her*

As for what's wrong, the same thing that's wrong with me right now is the same thing that's been wrong with me for years. My past continues to haunt me.

*Natia has absolutely no idea why she's telling this to a complete stranger, let alone, an adult male stranger*

So who are you and why do you care what's wrong??

*Natia almost snaps this last bit at him, but not quite*

[JaAku Dama]

Smirks...

Alright, then tell me about it. Sometimes talking helps....Everyone has things in their pasts that they regret, some more than others....
Smiles.
My name, dear lady, is Ja'Aku Jinn. And...I guess it's my big brother instincts kicking in. I have a younger sister and can't stand to see a young lady like yourself upset.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Close your eyes then!" Came a quick reply carried on a cheerful voice.

Loki hopped up onto a chair and sat next to Natia, she looked upset and what Ja'Aku had said confirmed that. He smiled at the man and gav ehim a friendly wink before turning to his friend.

"Natia, are you alright?" He said with a concerned face, but she didn't make ey contact at first and he was beginning to realise the seriousness of her situation. Trying to lighten the mood, he tilted his head and catching her, he smiled and asked, "Is there anyone you'd like me to beat up for you?"

[JaAku Dama]

smiles more.
I see you have this handled...hope you have more luck than me.
Gets up from his seat, grabbing his drink from a passing droid and moving to the bar.

[Daleethria]

Strong emotion always drew the likes of Daleethria close. Normally she would be off observing Eldrak or Navaria... Tonight, this child's thoughts had intrigue the apparition.

Cloaked by the Force, she watched and listened closely.... Closely in a way that no being could ever comprehend unless they were one with the Force.

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia looks over at Loki after a moment and smiles slightly. She then looks at Ja'aku when he gets up and goes to start heading off. It is then that she talks in a voice that is haunted from her past of things that she has never even told Loki before and he, her best friend*

I killed him. My own Father. Almost every night since I killed him, I have dreamed it and as I think back on it, I realise that I enjoyed it and because of that, I just may seek a time when I can kill again but I wish not to.

*Natia spoke this with both hate and want in her voice. She looks down at her juice again, a frown forming on her face*

I keep dreaming of the day that I killed my Father. I was just 4 years old and I had no clue to what I was doing. But the look of surprise on his face and then the look of fear. How many times had he seen that same look on my face?? Every time he told me that I had done something wrong. I wish I could see that look on his face again though. I would be so nice to see. After I saw the look of fear on his face, he actually started trying to plead, beg me to stop, but I didn't.

*Natia looks up at this point, her eyes are shadowed by the darkness in her. As she is looking up, it seems as if the darkness which is shadowing her eyes intensifies right there*

But again, why am I saying this. It is my past and what interest could ppl have in my past.

*Natia shakes her head slightly as if trying to get an annoying noise or voice to go away which only she is hearing*

[Loki Ahmrah]

Despite his shock, Loki kept a straight face; his soft eyes meeting hers when she lifted her head. He did this because he was aware of how awful her past was and had no doubt that it would've had traumatic effects on his friend so he wouldn't listen to her as a padawan but as a friend. That is what she needed right now, someone who would listen and care for her.

He put his arm around her and gently pulled her into him. She had killed her father but she was only four, she was too young to be held reasponsible and even now at eight years old, she was still too young to fully comprehend these things just like Loki accepted he was. But together they would find a way, he was sure of this.

"Look, Natia--" He began softly, speaking quietly into her ear, "I know you had a terrible past and that your father was a wicked man and he probably deserved what happened to him. But that's all it is now, history, it's in the past and you have to let go of it."

He moved his arm and turned, facing her, his hands rested on her shoulders he looked into her eyes with concern. "Natia, I hate to see you suffering like this. If you are haunted by your dreams speak to you mother and with her abilities in the Force perhaps you will start having a good night's sleep. No-one can live in the past Natia and you have to leave it all behind now, you have a new family here."

He took a sip of water and went quiet for a moment, then added, "We're too young to be worrying about death and misery, anger and hatred; let go of it all, that's what I try to do and ya wanna know how? I think of all the wonderful things I do have and forget about the things I don't have, what d'ya say? Do you think you can let go?"

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia lets herself be pulled towards Loki. She then rests her head on his shoulder. Just by looking at Loki's face and his actions, she can tell that he believes her to be to young to understand fully what happened when she was 4. That she's to young to understand the deeper meaning of what happened*

Loki, how can I be able to let my past go when I have a constant reminder of it with me all day every day.

*Natia motions towards her crutches*

As for my dreams, I have spoken to Mother about them and she hasn't been able to do anything about them yet. They're a part of me now and in time they should stop getting worse and go away.

*Natia grabs her glass of juice and takes a sip of it*

Loki, the only good that I have is my family and my few friends. I live in constant fear. Mother doesn't even know that. Back home, I'm regarded as a hero for killing my Father though as I see it, I'm just a murderer like him.

*Natia looks up at Loki's face, wishing that she could use her preferred form of communicating with him, but he can't understand and wouldn't understand her need to be with others of her kind. As she continues to look at Loki, her eyes remain slightly shadowed by the darkness in her. Then in a quiet voice she asks*

Loki, is this right for me??

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Oh Natia," He began with heavy concern, "Don't feel like that. I know I am not you and don't know how you think or feel, nor have I had the experiences you have had but if there's one thing I do know; you are not a murderer."

The little boy took his friends hands in his, they felt rather cold and he always had warm hands so he rubbed them gently, trying to comfort her. It was a difficult concept for him to grasp, still being only nine years old he was unable to shift his perspective properly. He was quiet for a bit then spoke once more.

"Y'know, I read in a book called "Dream Interpretation" by Corellia's most famous psychologist, Nad Seller, that when we are frequently tormented by the same nightmares what we have to do is locate those feelings which cause the dreams and supress them, let go of them."

Taking one hand away from hers, he took a sip of water. Then took her hands in his once more in the innocent way only a child would understand and in thought his nose wrinkled a little, then he smiled.

"Ah, well you said that you live in constant fear and that you feel like a murderer like your father. I say the best thing for you to do is let go of your fear - this will be very hard and take quite a while, we both know this but it's not impossible - remember you are protected by the Jedi now, you have your mother, father and family too, and I will always be there to protect you. You have nothing to fear now, once you believe that everything will change." He said quite openly, most would say he is being naive, Maester Wargrave certainly would but it was something he believed in beyond the shadow of doubt.

"You should also learn to forgive yourself for the past and not feel guilty. Be grateful for what has happened otherwise you wouldn't be here today--" His words trailed off as he thought of something else then added, "--take what happened to Navaria for example, she got very badly injured but in a flash she was surrounded by people helping her and now she up and about. We are safe and--"

He stopped and looked across the room, for a moment he thought he had seen Navaria whilst he was talking about her and he could've sworn she was looking this way. His eyes narrowed as he tried to find her and he asked Natia, "Speaking of whom, can you see Navaria anywhere? I could've sworn I'd just seen her!"

[Daleethria]

Daleethria's heart went out to Natia. Her life was hard but Loki was right. Natia needed to look at the beauty around her... The friends here amongst the Jedi. Let go of the emotions that were keeping her in the past and causing her grief.

They were such simple words but quite difficult in practice. But that is why the Jedi help one another, again, like Loki said.

Her brow raised suddenly in surprise. The boy saw her. Daleethria wasn't sure how that was possible seeing that every other Jedi in the bar were oblivious to her existence. Yet Loki caught a glimpse of her.

Had she been taken her ability to hide from the Jedi granted? No ... maybe it was something more. Perhaps Loki was more sensitive to Daleethria's essence.

This left her with a quandary. Disappear and leave Loki guessing ... Perhaps Natia thinking he is quite mad, or letting him know she was here ...

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia smiles slightly but shakes her head*

Loki, a murderer is somebody who kills. Whether it is an accident or not or if you have no choice because if you don't, you will be killed. Because of this definition, I am a murderer. I killed my own Father.

As for the nightmares, its the memory of killing my Father repeating itself over and over again. I killed him. I pay the price.

*Natia looks down at the ground for a moment and then back up at Loki*

You would to live in constant fear if you legal guardian was out to get you and turn you to his way of thinking. My legal guardian wants me to follow his teachings. He despartly wants me to become Sith like him. What's worse is when he had first started teaching me, I was following his instructions. I could walk, I could run. I was happy. I was also learning how to use my powers from him. But then he started me harming living things with my powers. That's when I left. That's when I got like this. If it weren't for a girl by the name of Aleona, I would be dead right now.

I may be surronded by Jedi here and others who will protect me but none of you know him. None of you know what he can do. If he does find me here, he will come and take me away from here and force me to learn the ways of the Darkside. Then I will become just like my Father, but worse.

*Natia looks around the room, knowing that she had felt that someone was watching them, but she doesn't see anybody, but knows for a fact that somebody had been watching her and Loki*

Sorry Loki, I don't see her, but that doesn't mean that she's not here.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Natia, if you can't forgive yourself of your past then there is nothing I can do to help you. You alone must decide if your legal gaurdian is part of your past or your future." The boy spoke rather gravely knowing that the feelings inside his troubled friend were so deep-rooted he had to help her pull them out.

"What you must come to realise is you must leave your doubt behind; you have to know what you will make of yourself - if your legal gaurdian does find you and tries to pursuade you round to his way of thinking you are free to resist. But if you for one second have even the hint of a doubt, then he has already won. He wants you to suffer, he will take pleasure in knowing you are afraid and you are haunted by these dreams. You have to let go of it all and the only way you can do that is by forgiving yourself." When he came to his conclusion, Loki couldn't help but think about Xazor and how many times the council have instructed her that she must learn to forgive herself. Silently he reminded himself to have a word with her about Natia, perhaps together they could come up with a solution.

Loki finished off his glass of water and looking over at Natia, cast a smile her way, reading her like a book, from her face it was obvious she was so scared and worried and full of doubt and confusion. He leaned over and without speaking, wrapped his arms around her gently and pulled her into him, his head rested against hers and he spoke softly.

"You've been in a frightful mood tonight, Natia, so I'm going to cheer you up no matter what. It is my duty!" He finished rather boldy, then looked at her a grinned. "Tomorrow is a free day from training and the like. How 'bout we go down by the river where we usually teach Nile and Yvevien to read? That is if it's a nice day of course! Just you and me, we can dip our feet in the water and bath in the sun and chat all day long! What do ya say?"

His heart warmed up at the thought of what he had just mentioned and casting a glance about the Bar and Grill he saw Navaria once more. This time it was for definate, she was looking right back at him! He smiled and with a free hand gestured for her to come over. Something was odd about her though, apart from looking rather pale, she seemed like she was alienating herself or hiding from someone, that's why the little padawan didn't call her over.

[Daleethria]

Daleethria decided to stay, see what would transpire of this interesting occurrence. Children were sensitive of sorts to some things that adults could not see. It wasn't a constant for Natia did not see her.

Loki went on providing the warmth and support that she needed tonight. It brought a smile to Daleethria's face in seeing ones so young could comfort one another but also, a part of her was saddened that this galaxy held no remorse that it scarred so many children.

Though the night started turbulent for the young Padawan, it would end on a more positive tone. She was sure of it....

... just as she was sure that Loki was looking right at her and waving.

She closed her eyes and sighed. He was able to see her. It was confirmed now and it was time to go. Hopefully caring for his friend would outweighed his curiosity.

A quick nod was his only indication that the ethereal clone acknowledge his presence. Standing up without a sound, Daleethria made her way out of the bar next. Walking, not disappearing like she could. Even to Loki. It would require more of an effort to displace his innocence but she didn't want anything to seem out of place.

In a way, she glided across the floor, though she feigned walking, making sure to take a path that would not go pass Loki and Natia's table.

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia closes her eyes for a moment and shakes her head. When she opens her eyes, the darkness that had descended into them is gone, and a smile is on her face*

I'm sorry Loki. I don't know what got over me. I would love to go down to the river tomorrow and talk and I could tell you of some of my adventures which I had during my travels of the galaxy before showing up here. I actually had alot of fun in them and I was kinda sad to show up here where my immediate travels would be stopped.

*Natia was grasping at anything to talk about because she does not want to slip back to where she had just climbed out of. As it is, she is still at the edge of it. At the edge of a whole of darkness*

Would you be interested in hearing about some of my stories Loki??

[Loki Ahmrah]

"I sure would!" Said a now excited young padawan, his face beamed when she spoke of stories and adventures about the galaxy. "You're so lucky to have travelled, I've seen very little outside of Arcan IV, Yavin IV and back home on Chandrila. You can tell me all about it; what it's like, what the other cultures and people are like? Have you ever been on any planets with more than one sun?"

Reeling off the words excitedly his attention slipped from Navaria who had responded to his wave with a nod of acknowledgement but had then started to leave. Suddenly remembering the boy looked back and she was gone! His nose wrinkled and with narrowed eyes he scanned the establishment, searching; "Had she left so quickly?" He thought to himself. "I'll have to catch up with Navaria later and see if she's alright!"

Looking back to Natia, his face softened and all curiosity faded away. He smiled and asked, "Fancy a milkshake or ice-cream? I'm buying; I'm in the mood for one right now!"

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia smiles as she sees her friend get all excited*

A strawberry milkshake sounds good to me, but with no added sugar.

And yes, I have been to planets with more then one sun. They can be quiet interesting. All planets are interesting.

*Natia leans closer to Loki so he can hear what she says next because she whispers it very softly*

Some day, I'm going to go to Korriban. It's a planet of Sith. I'm going to go there and learn things which we haven't been able to learn before.

*Natia sits back up straight again and continue speaking in a normal voice*

I've even been to Tatooine before. It was really hot there. I thought I would never get all the sand out of my ears after I left.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"A strawberry milkshake, no added sugar and a vanilla milkshake please, Flo!" He called over to the waitress droid with attitude, wheeling about the Bar and Grill. "Right away, hun!" She replied with excessive volume and an abbraisive accent.

"Korriban you say?" He asked, leaning in closer with curiosity. "If it's a planet of Sith you'd better be careful then but it would certainly be interesting to learn about the Sith and their way of life; y'know, who they are, what they do and why."

Loki laughed when she told him about the sand in her ears from Tatooine. Then their drinks arrived and Loki handed the correct amount to Flo and called out a "Thank you!" just as she wheeled off.

"Tatooine huh? Cool! That's another planet in a binary system, if I remember correctly. So have you ever been in any dangerous situations on your travels?" He asked, eager to know more of Natia's adventures.

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia, smiles, pleased to hear that Loki seems interested in learning more about Sith life*

Just remember Loki, Sith are not the nicest ppl to mess with. As for dangerous situations,

*Natia lets out a laugh for a moment or two*

I've been in my fair share of dangerous situations. Usually having to do with when I sneak aboard a smugglers ship and after we're in hyperspace, they discover me. Some of those smugglers have mean attitudes cause those ones usually try to kill me.

*Natia takes a sip of her milkshake*

And you know something, my past doesn't seem all that scary anymore. It all just seems like a big adventure.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Wow!" Came his reply, wide-eyed he added, "You've done and seen so much. One day I'd like to do some travelling too. Perhaps one day, you could give me a tour of the Galaxy or something!"

He laughed, then sucked on his straw and out of habbit spoke whilst his teeth were still clenched tightly to the straw, which he began to chew.

"Heh! Those smugglers ended up smuggling more than they bargained for, eh?" Although the words came out in a mumble, they were understandable and Loki smiled, despite still chewing on the end of the straw; one of his many habbits.

"It's nice to be able to look back on times like that and--" Suddenly he cut himself, not chewing the straw anymore he laughed and said, "--Y'know what, I sound like a right ol' man!"

[imported_Natia Telcontar]

*Natia smiles at Loki. One of her first friends ever. Also, he knows more about her then most ppl here do*

Maybe someday I will give you a tour of the galaxy. What would be even better is if you and I maybe teamed up to help ppl through out the galaxy because two hands are better then one and two ppl can help more then one person.

*Natia takes another sip of her milkshake and continues smiling*

And the smugglers weren't please to be smuggling more then the bargained for. In exchange for them not hurting me, I helped them out a bit on there ship while we were in hyperspace and got off at the next planet. And believe me, I prefer sleeping on dirt then on deck plating cause dirt is softer.

*Natia chuckles slightly*

You know, your right, you do sound just like an old man. But hey, If we can talk about this much stuff now, just think of all the stories that can be told when we actually are old.

*Natia's smile suddenly vanishes from her face as she looks around. After a moment she shudders and starts smiling again*

I can't wait to get out and go on more adventures. You don't know how fun it is until your not doing it anymore.