Troubled.....the Meditation of a Knight.

[Xazor Elessar]

A quiet and solemn figure walked into the Temple. Her heart was heavy this day, but she did not let it get to her emotions. Silently she moved to a meditation platform and knelt down on it, her eyes closed for a moment. She thought back to the events that had transpired over the last few hours....Sia-Lan Darkheart, one of her very best friends...turned to the Darkside right in front of her eyes. The Knight did not know what to do...and she knew that she could not change her mind.

She had gone to the Bar and Grill and made the announcement that Sia had pre-written for her. Somehow, in the back of her mind, she knew that this was coming....but she tried to ignore it. Then she appeared....Sia and her shadows. The Knight had to leave or she would break down....but she remained calm and now sat here in deep meditation. The Force flowed around and through her...calming her every thought...calming her broken heart....

[Dasquian Belargic]

The pain surrounding this particular area of the temple was great. Dasquian approached with caution, his heart saddened at the sight of his good friend in such a state. The Knight stood at flank to where she was sat, in silence, simply watching - he did not wish to interupt her meditation, so would speak to her when she felt fit to relieve herself from her thoughts.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor was aware of another in the room. His presence was familiar and comforting. Opening her eyes...but remaining deep in the Force, she smiled gently and bowed her head.

"Greetings my friend....this day has brought trouble to my heart. I feel like I want to cry...but I cannot. I am a Jedi...and now I see what emotions do to oneself....I just can't believe it happened to her..."

The Knight said, shaking her head slowly. She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath, then turned to face him once again, wondering what his thoughts and feelings were at the moment.....

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian nodded and kept his gaze firmly on Xazor. His expression was one of firm strength, though his eyes betrayed what was brewing somewhere beneath the surface. Still though, he was composed - the grief of loss would pass soon enough.

"If you wish to cry, do so Xazor. It will make you feel better, letting out the emotion that is. It would be better to do so in such a harmless way instead of letting the anger at Sia's departure building within..."

Dasquian paused momentarily.

"It was the will of the Force that she left, Xazor. Do not dwell upon on, for it will cloud your own thoughts and judgements, leaving you too pray to the darkside."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded and a tear fell from her eye.....pure emotion of sadness for the event that had happened. She was not mad at Sia, but she was upset with herself.

"I will never join the Darkside....no matter what others may think. They focus too much on me and my emotions.....while others slip by and out of our grasp. I am not like that anymore.....it's so frustrating. So in essence.....this too is my fault......"

The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She should have been there for Sia......she should have not been selfish and emotional so that they could have seen what was hidden. Now she was gone and Xazor felt so alone. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around Dasquian's neck, resting her head on his shoulder. His strength was comforting for such a time.

"I feel so bad......I was selfish and now she's gone....."

A few more tears fell down her soft cheeks. She fought the emotions that brewed within her....and made herself stronger by dealing with the situation. It had happened.....and now it was over......and there was nothing she could do.....

[Dasquian Belargic]

"You haven't been selfish, and none of this was your fault. You musn't blame yourself for the actions of others, Xazor."

He looped one arm around his friend for a moment, giving a reassuring nudge.

"You do too much already, you can't carry the burden of the world on your shoulders."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed and took his strength for herself. She realized that trying to deal with everything alone would not work....and it was not healthy either.

"She was such a good friend though.....now I have lost two good friends in the last few months. First...Thanatos.....now her."

Speaking his name again just added to the grief she was already feeling. She kept her emotions under control, though, drawing on the Force for comfort.....in realization that he was correct....all things happened by will of the Force.

"This has happened for the same reason that I joined the Jedi....for the same reason that someone took Thanatos's life...for the same reason that I am sitting here speaking with you....another of my good friends. It really is the will of the Force...."

She said softly, trying to make herself accept what she knew was the truth. The Knight wiped a tear away and sighed....trying not to let this ruin her day or week.....it was over and done with.....and she would move on....the Order would heal......

[Dasquian Belargic]

"Exactly. There is nothing wrong with grieving, just don't let it hold you back," he replied with a slight smile.

"Just take some time to rest, perhaps away from training for a short while. It will do you the world of good."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled slightly and nodded.

"Thank you my friend.....you speak such good advice."

She said softly. Yes....a break would do her some good. Training put her on edge sometimes.....and her nerves seemed to be strung out. She would go on a vacation, maybe...visit a place of peace and calm....

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

The Count walked in the room.

" I don't mean to be a disturbance, and I will leave as soon as I say what I need to say. When I first joined the Jedi, I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted to do, but you Xazor, you helped me and touched my heart, let me know the real Jedi are peaceful and kind. If it wern't for you I might be on the Dark Side. We all slip and fall. It happens. But look at all the good you've done, all the people you've helped. You helped me, Xazor, and I am forever grateful. If you need a break I will tell your padiwans. Im sorry for interupting, but I needed to say something."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor looked up and smiled at her friend who had entered the meditation chambers. It was comforting to know that someone else thought well of her.

"Thank you my friend......Perhaps I shall take my Padawans with me. We could all use a little break....."

She said with a smile, thinking more about this. It may be a good thing for all of them to get away for a little while at least......