A madman corrupted by an endless list of lies....(open)

[SashaKovalev]

He sat there with his back to the cold stone wall. It felt soothing. Sort of. The words echoed through his mind. He hadnt been able to drive them away despite his efforts. He'd spent the afternoon yesterday at a Jedi bar. Lady Vader had been the one to tell him of it, and he'd gone there to learn. Though he understood the fundamental hatred between jedi and sith, he'd wanted to experience it himself.

Instead he'd encountered a man who he handt introduced himself, and who Sasha hadnt been able to read. He knew nothing of the man, except that he hated him.

Hated him because his words had been unsettling. The man had been offering his advice - get out now. Stay away from the Sith. And when Sasha had declared his allegiance, the man had uttered these words:

"In which case you are doomed: there will come a day when any of these individuals will have to drive their Jedi weapon through your black heart. You may feel comfortable around them now; but take a good luck into their eyes and realise that one day, you will hate them--"

The man had motioned to the two women and the little boy who had been sitting there with him before he'd continued.

[/I] "--hate them with all your being. You'll be a madman, corrupted by an endless list of lies. So remember my words when that day comes, and realise how weak you truely are." [/I]

Confusion radiated from him. He wanted to forget the man's words. He wanted to shrug them off.

He hadnt yet killed before. Not yet, anyway. He knew it would happen, some day, but when it did, he didnt believe in his heart of hearts that it would be an innocent. It would be someone who threatened him. And for that, death would be deserved.

He understood that there were Sith out there who embodied these words. Madmen, killing on a whim. But then, there were those out there who werent Sith, who also fit this description. And to a t.

He had joined the Sith order because it had felt right to him. He felt at home here, with the high castle walls, and those he had met. What did the stranger know about him anyway? Nothing. He knew nothing. And Sasha was determined to prove it. He wouldnt be a madman, and certainly, he wouldnt be weak.

[Lady Vader]

*LV came up silently to the side of Sasha, noticing he was deep in thought. Stopping next to him, she knelt down beside him.*

Something troubles you?

[SashaKovalev]

It wasnt until after she spoke that he turned to look at her. Though he hadnt felt her approach, he had known it was her as she knelt beside him. He had spoken with her enough times now that she was familiar to him. These were the small things that he was learning, they were beginning to come to him with less effort, and he might have been happy wit this if he hadnt been so wrapped up with the words of Gav Mortis - a man who remained unidentified still, to Sasha.

His violet eyes studied her for a moment, before he looked away.

"I went to the Jedi bar yesterday. The one you mentioned to me." He stated as he turned to look at her once again.

"I wanted to know for myself. I just...I wanted to understand the conflict for myself. And while I was there...." He sighed.

"While I was there I was told that the Sith Order....that it would turn me into a madman, someone capable of killing innocent women and children without a second thought, really." He looked away, staring straight in front of him for a moment. Perhaps she thought him weak that this was of concern to him. Perhaps she had killed on a whim before. And then he leaned his head back, resting it on the cool surface of the castle wall.

"After you've killed enough, does it not matter anymore?" He asked of her. It was the only justification he could think of. That once you'd killed, and killed and killed, it was just something one did. It became like anything else - like brushing your teeth, or sluging back liquor, or smoking. It just became a habit.

[Lady Vader]

*LV listened carefully, and when Sasha had finished speaking, she knelt there for awhile, finally sitting on the cold stone floor beside him.*

In my younger days, I used to kill on a whim, actually taking pleasure in it. I guess you can say it almost made me mad with glee.

In a sense, it's like history repeating itself.

*She took on a far off look.*

Long ago, the Sith and Jedi became involved in a fierce battle. Eventually, it was the Sith that irradicated themselves, each wanting to rule the other. This led to their distruction.

And then the Jedi grew strong and over-confident in their abilites. Almost arrogant at times.

But then the shrowd of the Dark Side began to fall again. For unbeknowest to them, a Sith had survived. It was this Sith, by the name of Sidious, that found the way to shadow the Jedi's ability with the Force and eventually irradicate them with the help of one of the most powerful sith that ever lived; Vader.

But then the Jedi emerged again, and the Sith fell. This happened to often during the course of history, one loses track.

*She took a breath.*

Now, Jedi and Sith exist in this universe in somewhat equal numbers. And the war of good versus evil goes on.

he universe needs that balance, otherwise it would crumble. We play the cards we are dealt.

*Her vision came back to the present, and she looked at Sasha.*

Now, I am older and wiser, and I do not kill as often as I used to. I see it as a waste of my energy if it is not needed. I only kill if there is a reason, whether it is to upset the calm of a Jedi I am battling, or to disrupt the workings of the Republic.

*She smiled.*

Do I look mad to you? Do I look like I am crazy, ready to snap at any moment?

*She shook her head.*

There are some Sith that become mad with the power they aquire. In a sense, they aquire it too quickly, in too short a time. Something like that would make any being go crazy.

I was lucky to learn quickly, but to take each step as it was handed to me, instead of swallowing everything whole in one sitting.

*She placed a hand on Sasha's shoulder.*

I'm here to guide, encourage, and to help. I am not here to rush anyone through their path. That is why, though we encourage loyalty, if at some point a member wishes to leave, we do not hold them back. Especially if they have remained in good graces with us.

I have found that the only good and loyal Sith are those that come to you. And you came to us. And I certainly don't see you going mad anytime in the near future, so long as you take your time in learing and knowing the difference of when to use your power and when to save it for an appropriate time.

*She frowned slightly.*

As to the Sith you spoke to, I think I may know who it is. I still find it a pity that he feels all Sith will go mad. Perhaps it is a blindness he cannot see past. Perhaps it is also something else that happened to him while he was here.

*She squeezed the young man's shoulder.*

Try not to worry about it. That Sith is no longer here. And I have seen no other Sith here going or gone mad. We're all quite sane.

And I hope you stay with us for a long time. I see potential in you. Great potential. And I'd hate to see that go to waste.

*She smiled and then laughed, thinking back on all she'd just said.*

My, but I went off on a bit of a monologue.

[SashaKovalev]

He relaxed a bit as she sat down beside him. It made her seem more approachable. Not that he hadnt foudn her approachable, for she had been nothing but kind and patient with him, but he hadnt gone out of his way to seek her - he hadnt wanted to disturb her.

Now, as she sat beside him on the grass by the edge of the castle, he listened intently. He knew every word of history that she spoke. He had read it time and time again. Memorized it. Committed it to a place where it would always be accessible. As she told it, it sounded almost like a fairy tale of sorts. For grownups.

He smiled slightly as she asked, rhetorically, whether she looked mad, crazy, or ready to snap. Certainly, sitting there with him, she looked nothing of the sort. He shook his head in answer as she continued.

He listened carefully to her theory on why some Sith tended to act mad - and it made sense to him. He only hoped that he would be strong enough, when his time came, to not let whatever power he possessed get the best of him. Though much came naturally to him, it seemed that much more took a lot of work. It would be some time before he reached his full potential. But, it seemed, with her words, that they were willing to wait on him, and willing to give him the chance to grow over time. Her words, as well as her hand on his shoulder, were reassuring.

As she mentioned the one that had spoken with him, and the fact that he had been a sith, he tensed slightly. How had he not known? How had he not felt it? It frustrated him. And it would be something he would work on. Until it came with ease.

But her words were encouraging. His violet eyes looked to her for a moment, and certainly, he looked to be the eighteen year old that he was. Young, relatively innocent, and easily infuenced by her encouraging words.

"I dont plan on ever leaving." He replied quietly.

"This is home to me." He added. He was quiet for a moment, and then he dared to ask.

"The first time you killed someone....do you remember it?" He asked. It wasnt that he was weak - he could kill, and he would if he had to, it was just that until it happened, it seemed to be looming over him and he had many questions about it.

[Lady Vader]

*She sighed softly.*

For a long time, I did remember. But now, it's not so much that my memory of it has faded, as that I have moved on and learned to accept it as my past.

I try not to dwell on the past. Certainly I learn from it. But I do not let it consume me.

I must keep my awareness here in the present, and look to what the furture may hold. For that is where I will survive.

*She looked at him.*

It will probably be the same with you. But you are intelligent and will realize that you to will have to learn to move on.

*She smiled.*

It happens with all of us. As you grow older, wisdom and understanding will help in this area.

[SashaKovalev]

He nodded. He tried not to dwell on his past. For the most part, he did a pretty good job of it. When his mother had passed away, he had put it behind him, perhaps a bit unaturally even, and moved on. It was only his bitterness at not having a father, or knowing who his father was that he couldnt put behind him. He didnt dwell on it, nor did he ever really talk about it, but his anger partially came from it.

"I'll keep that in mind." He stated quietly, respectfully. When the time came, he would remember he words, and do his best to keep the future in mind, not dwell on what had already been done.

And with his future in mind, he dared to ask.

"Will there be any trips coming up - work off of the planet that I might be able to go on? If even to just...watch and learn?" He asked, the tone of his voice calm, yet curious. At this point, he was a sponge, ready and willing to soak up anything and everything about what his life was, and what it was to become.

"Or will my master decide those things?" He added, the tone of his voice changing somewhat, carrying, though he would have preferred it hadnt, the nervousness he felt at eventually meeting this man who was to have so much influence over his future...

[Lady Vader]

Well...

*LV thought for a moment.*

We do encourage our members to venture out on their own, but when they are first beginning here at the Order, I like it if they are accompanied by a Knight or Master.

But even then, you can travel on your own, and you don't need permission. But it is considered curtious to let someone know where you're going. A simple message is enough.

*She took a breath.*

As to mission and the like, of course you will be more than encouraged to watch and/or participate in, depending on whether you feel you are ready. You must have confidence in your abilites, but so over-confident that it can be used against you. Basically, don't doubt yourself. Believe you can accomplish things.

We don't really have anything planned for the near future, but there are also squables and whatnots taking place. If you see one of us "dancing"...

*She winked.*

...with Jedi, feel free to pop in. The more the merrier.

[SashaKovalev]

If it pleased her, and the others, he wouldnt go anywhere without a Knight or master, unless, of course, no one had the time, and then, and only after he had left a message, would he travel on his own.

He was somewhat disappointed that there was nothing planned in the near future, but, he supposed, he would be quite busy with his training anyway, for he had a lot to learn.

As her mention of 'dancing' with jedi, his expression brightened slightly, and a grin appeared on his face.

"I doubt my assistance would be of all that much help." He commented quietly, though good naturedly. Compared to the masters, he was quite insignificant, and, he believed, they were more than fully capable of taking care of things themselves. But he was smart enough, and when the time came, he would know when it was appropriate to join in, and when it was best to leave the masters to work their magic.

And one day, perhaps, he would be able to make a significant contribution to a battle. It would just take some time. These thoughts brought him to think of the words issued by Malice - his game of sorts with the jedi.

"Why did Malice leave the Sith order?" He asked. He knew that he was treading on grounds that perhaps he was not entitled to tread upon just yet. Perhaps these were things he wasnt to know. But he had been wondering about it since the meeting in the cantina, and this seemed to be a good time to ask.

[Lady Vader]

*She shrugged.*

Malice left because he felt he needed to roam about the galaxy for awhile... try new things. It happens to some Sith.

*She smiled, looking at the grass blow softly in a passing wind.*

He left on good terms, and he's welcome back any time.

*She looked back at sasha.*

Sometimes there are some ith just just need space... some time alone. And that's what he felt he needed.

[SashaKovalev]

He nodded as he listened to her. It had seemed that he and LV had been on friendly terms, but he never knew how much of it was an act on both their parts - not just from them, but from anyone, it seemed. You just never knew.

Like Mu Satach. She'd seemed perfectly friendly, and not at all threatending to him when he'd met her at the wedding ceremony. And then she had scared the hell out of him when she'd stopped by his room one afternoon. Not that he'd ever tell anyone.

He looked to Lady Vader, hesitation written all over his face for a moment. He had been comfortable with his choice - felt that the Sith Order was the right thing for him, but lately he'd been experiencing and learning of more and more about the darkside. Some of it intrigued him, was like a drug and an addictive one at that. But there were other aspects that had surprised him, and would perhaps take some time to get used to. It was about these things that he wondered.

"When you first began your training....were there things about the dark side that..." He chose his words as carefully as possible, "That surprised you...and not...in a good way?"

[Lady Vader]

*LV was silent for awhile, trying to remember that far back.*

I wouldn't go so far as to say it didn't surprise me in a good way. I knew there would be some things I would question, as it is through out life.

But I knew I must listen to the teachings of my Master. I was also young and brash, always wantign to please my elders and to gain rank and admittance into the fold.

But as i grew older and became my own Master, I became more wise when it came to certain "rules". I still keep the Sith faith, so to speak, but I make sure there is purpose behind everything I do.

[SashaKovalev]

He wanted acceptance more than anything. And certainly, he did want to please his elders, particularly his master, and Lady Vader, with whom he had had several conversations, and admired.

She was wise and powerful, and she had been very patient with him. He was grateful to her, for she had made things much easier with her honest answers to his questions. And she always seemed to be there when he was having a difficult time. He not whether it was accidental, or she was looking out for him - it didnt matter at all her reasons - but it did matter to him that she was there.

He wanted to be sure she knew he wasnt questioning rules, or the Sith ways. He had more just been a little surprised by things, for perhaps he hadnt been fully aware of just how dark the world was that he had gotten himself involved with.

He was a good kid at heart, and time, certainly would tell how he would change, or would not change. It was likely that with experience, these things would no longer surprise him, and they would become a way of life with him, as they were with the older Sith.

And while he hadnt planned to tell anyone, it was now that he felt the need to explain to LV why he had asked his last question.

"My Lady, Im not questioning the rules or the ways at all." He began in earnest.

"I have no doubts about being here." He added, determination in his violet eyes. "I want more than anything to be recognized here as one worthy of the Sith Order."

"There's just a lot that I need to learn." He admitted, Mu's words about how innocent he was ringing through his head.

"And more and more I'm realizing that Im not going to learn these things from books." He added, referring not only to his failed attempt at constructing a lightsaber from a book, but Mu's words of treachery among the Sith - a lust for pain in others so strong that it could make one sith turn on another. As he had experienced first hand with Mu's attack on him. Her attack, combined with the other Sith's words were slightly overwhelming.

He was sure LV could read his thoughts, for as they had come to his mind once again, his feelings of anger and loss of innocence were difficult to restrain.

[Lady Vader]

*She couldn't read his thoughts word for word, but the images the feelings rolling off him that came to her mind were explaination enough; the boy was restless.*

I know you want to be a part of the Order, Sasha. I can feel that much in you. But at the same time you fear what the future holds.

When you are alone and meditating, the future will come to you, not so much in clear images, but feelings. You must use your feelings, that which is in here...

*She poked his chest gently with a finger.*

You have to trust your gut, because in the end, though there may be a few that you trust, you yourself will be the ultimate one that only you will trust. And if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

*She sat back, flicking absentmindedly at a blade of grass.*

It is true the only way you will learn is from experience. And though you can receive much knowledge from books, and spoken words, the only way you learn is through your own actions and their consiquences.

*She looked at him.*

Just don't be in too much of a hurry. That's when you'll get into trouble. And I don't know if I will be able to help you at that point, for you may become closed off. And I'd hate to lose such a strong and bright lad. I do forsee you becoming a wise Sith.

*She smiled.*

Just keep looking forward to that.

[SashaKovalev]

It was true. He was restless, and maybe it came with his age - being too old for some things, yet not quite old enough for others. It was an awkward, in between stage,and he hated waiting to be old enough or experienced enough to be out of it.

And she hit the nail on the head. He was afraid of what his future held. And he hadnt wanted to admit it, for it seemed to him a weakness, and he knew weakness was not tolerated.

But her advice to him, as she poked his chest, to trust in himself and his feelings was something he could grasp. Something he could work on. Something he didnt need to learn from books or from others. And it was something that he liked hearing. He wrote often in a journal, though it was something he did in private, away from others, as he didnt like people knowing. And when he wrote, things often became a bit clearer. He hadnt written recently, for he'd been busy, or hadnt wanted to think about how he felt. Hed wanted to shut it away, because it seemed easier. But he would take her advice, and meditate, and let his feelings come to him.

He seemed to relax as she spoke with him, for his problems and concerns of before had been put into a context that he could understand and deal with. The only tough part was not having it all, everything he wanted, right away. She had warned him not to move too quickkly - this was something she had cautioned him of in the past as well.

He looked to her, his expression thoughtful as she spoke of him becoming a wise sith. He even smiled a bit bashfully. Him? Wise? He liked the sounds of those words as she spoke them.

"Yes, My Lady." He replied as she suggested he just continue to look forward to that time, rather than rush its actual happening. He couldnt help but grin, though, for her encouragement had lifted his spirits.

"Thank you." He added, his grin fading and his violet eyes looking to her with appreciation.

[Lady Vader]

*She looked at the young man and smiled.*

You are most welcome, Sasha. If ever you have any questions, feel free to come ask me. My door is always open.

*She looked back out across the training grounds as the sun began to dip past the walls, splashing the horizon with a brilliant orange.*

[SashaKovalev]

He still doubted that he would dare to go to her, not yet, anyway, for compared to the real problems others had, his fears and concerns seemed inconsequential. He would not bother her with them. But he liked that she'd told him he could. It made him feel moreand more that this place was actually a home to him. A place were he belonged, and would always belong.

As she turned to face the sun, he too watched. The horizen was a briliant orange.

He sighed contentedly.

"Im lucky to be here." He commented quietly.