Home?

[imported_Taja Loraan]

"Oh hell ... I'm lost."

Even as she said the words, Taja cringed. The Hobgoblin had not been guarding the gates of the Bast as was usual, and so she had found her own way in. Which was just as well, since the being wasn't all too fond of visitors and was certain to have seen through this manifestation, if their last encounter was anything to go by. She wrapped her arms around herself as a futile defense against the ubiquitous cold which never ceased to pursue her; a fight would prove nothing save how weak and pathetic she was at the moment.

That was the thought that made her feel most uncomfortable. She was a facet of Taja's conscience, after all; no, she was Taja. So why did it worry her that her brethren here at the Hand might refuse her now? The Dark Jedi they had known had behaved and conducted herself in a wholly dissimilar manner; but in truth, she was no different. She was capable of any task Taja had accomplished in the past ...

"Anybody out there?"

... except maybe to find her way around this place. Every hall resembled the last, every bolted door as the next. In her frustration, she lost sense of time, but it seemed hours since she had arrived and still there was no sound other than her echoing footsteps, reverberating against the walls. The walls did indeed whisper and tell sad tales, but they succeeded in nothing but to confuse her further.

Taja's steps came to an abrupt halt. Another dead end, and this time, she had actually managed to not walk straight into it. In sheer exasperation, she cried out into the deafening, suffocating silence.

"HELLO?!"

[Maester Wargrave]

He sensed the presence. Something like him was walking his way. Taylor Millard was just beginning to work on his new identity with The Black Hand. After the encounters with Helenius Q'Dunn and Nathanial Nore, the Imperial Grand Admiral and Dark Jedi thought it best- for the immediate future (and for the interests of those around him who he cared about) a new name should go with him when he did anything that might jepardize both The Black Hand and The Empire.

But as Maester Wargrave (a name he found in the records on Balmorra as an old relative and war hero), Millard was ready to confront whatever this new presence was.

The Black Hand member kept himself in darkness, as he slinked up behind the woman.

"How may I assist you?" he said, keeping his face cloaked as he spoke.

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Well, that was stupid.

Taja clenched her fists, cursing under her breath. Her only intention had been to locate her quarters at the Bast and avoid confrontation as best she could. To do that, she needed to try and adopt her old self's mannerism, and that meant being as inconspicuous as possible and attracting attention in the least. Her sudden exclamation had defied any such practice.

And now, she could sense someone approaching. After that, who wouldn't? Her assimilation into the Hand without arousing suspicions was destined for failure if the others were in doubt of her sanity. Lowering her hood over her eyes, she prayed, Go away, go away, go away ...

"How may I assist you?"

Now you've gone and done it.

Biting down on her lip, she slowly turned. Sure, she was in desperate need of assistance, but asking another Dark Jedi where her own chambers were was probably the worst way of blending in with the crowd. During her dual affiliation with both The Black Hand and The Sith Empire, she had resided primarily at the latter. That, together with the old Taja's reluctance - or inability, to be precise - to make friends, resulted in her being familiar with very few of her peers.

Though his face was shrouded, memory and her perception dictated that this wasn't someone she had come across before. This could work to her advantage; perhaps now she might somewhat amend Taja's estrangement from the rest of society and consequent ignorance on so many matters, and what better time than the present? Besides, she didn't want to make herself appear all the more clueless.

"Uh .. sorry about that, I was just a bit ... confused. My name's Taja Loraan. I was - er, am - a Dark Jedi, but I don't think I've seen you before. You would be .. ?"

The not-acting-naive thing definitely needed some working on.

[Maester Wargrave]

"Taja Loraan," Wargrave recognized that name. It was a member of The Black Hand who'd been missing ever since he joined. Taylor kept his face shrouded, unsure what all this Loraan knew.

"Pleasure to meet you. I can lead you to the main chambers if you wish," He turned, preparing to lead her to the Black Hand entranceway, "Come, I will show you the way.

"And if you wish to know. The name is T..Maester Wargrave."

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Maester Wargrave. No, she didn't recall having met anyone by that name. Taja sighed inwardly; he had refrained from making any strange inquiries, and had answered her unvoiced plea for guidance. Then again, that sort of disinterest was dubious in itself, but she was far too relieved to pursue the matter any further.

"It is an honor to make your acquaintance, Lord Wargrave, and I thank you for your kindness."

Nodding slightly in gratitude, Taja adjusted her cloak and followed the Dark Jedi. She could understand his wariness of her; careful not to put too much emphasis on the question, she queried, "Pardon my curiosity, Lord Wargrave, but what brought you to the Hand?"

[Maester Wargrave]

"Please, Maester Wargrave is just fine," Millard spoke as he led her down the dark corridor, "I joined the Black Hand for knowledge, to learn more about the universe and the Force itself."

The corridor split now: one leading down, towards the deeper dungeons of Bast Castle. The other led up towards the main gathering area, where the Black Hand met.

"Tell me Lady Loraan, why have you come back to The Black Hand?" Wargrave asked as he took the second corridor, "What is it you hope to accomplish by returning?"

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Come back?

This was awkward; she had not departed formally, let alone considered it as an option. Instead, she had severed her ties with TSE and limited her loyalties to only the Hand - a decision Jedah would never let her forget. Not only because of the fool he had made of her before her own Master, but also for it had triggered Taja's mental collapse and gave rise to this version of herself. And, in that significance, she wasn't a member of the Black Hand to begin with ...

"Actually, sir, I have always been a member here, to some degree. However, my progress was impeded, and thus I was unable to give the dedication required to fulfill the duties ordained by both the Dark Jedi and my Master. My absence was .. crucial, in order to make the necessary amendments."

As vague as it was, that much was true: as she was a part of Taja, she was involved in all her past undertakings. She frowned; ambiguity would only act as a complication in the future, yet how could she clarify matters further? How could she tell him the person they had known had suffered a mental breakdown, and had resulted in the being Maester saw now? It made little sense even to her.

Dalethria had understood, perhaps for she had been subjected to an imprisonment of a similar kind, constantly warring for control over the body in which she was held captive. Now that she had achieved that control, it was only logical that she should try to succeed where Taja had failed. But how could she make Maester see that .. ? She had never been very good with words.

Taja stopped walking, and he too paused to glance at her inquiringly. "Maester ... may I show you something?"

[Maester Wargrave]

"Of course," Wargrave nodded at Loraan's question. He hadn't planned on taking her to the main chambers directly. In case their was any duplicity in her mind, Millard would have led her to a point, if anything happened, Loraan would have been unable to cause any damage at all.

Wargrave paused, then waited for Loraan to show her what she wanted to show him.

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Physically handicapped though she was presently, Taja's mental vigilance and attunement to the Force remained acute. As such, she could understand the thoughts and emotions of others much as if they were her own; right now, she needed to convince Wargrave that she harbored no ulterior motive, no covert threat. For that, he would have to see for himself, much as Dalethria had witnessed all that time ago.

"This won't take long."

She raised a gloved hand to the Dark Jedi's forehead, eyes closed. Words disappeared with the wind, but images spoke with an entirely different tongue. Immediately upon touch, Wargrave's vision obscured, fading rapidly into black. A cold permeated through into his psyche, subtle enough to weave past the outer rind of his conscious, drifting between his every thought until they were all numbed. Taja focused, channeling: he would feel what she felt, what she experienced within her confines.

There then laced into the dark tendrils of a different kind. These were voices. They all screamed, and Maester realized that he was just one of them. They gathered around him in their deafening cacophony, each hoping to engulf him into yielding to silence. For he cried too, only his shouts were lost in the chaos. He was drowning in that ocean of despair, suppressed in an enclosed space that twisted and distorted, writhed in frustration. Struggling for release, only to be dragged down, submerged deeper into the bottomless sea where still others awaited to unleash their songs of misery ...

Taja opened her eyes and studied his subdued form; his eyes were glazed, the glacial shadows veiling them refusing to part: a mirror reflection of what she was for so many years. But her demons had not disappeared; they would still haunt her, only now she was determined not to surrender to their calls.

Drawing back her hand, she whispered, "That's where I've been all this while."

The icy blanket evaporated from his mind as quickly as it had settled there; Taja had not shown him enough for there to be any lasting effect. She hoped it would, however, be enough.

For the first time, she pulled back her cowl and stared impassively into Maester's face. "Sir, I didn't come here to beg you to trust me, and I know there is no reason yet for you to do so. All I ask is that you believe me."

[Maester Wargrave]

Wargrave's eyes flashed cold blue, as he slowly recovered from what Taja had done to him. The voices surrounding him had cut his link to the Force, sending him into confusion and pain. Although he channelled most of the energy away, keeping his concentration on the task at hand, the energy had overwhelmed him, sending him spinning.

His vision cleared and he stared back at Loraan.

Millard stared into Taja's eyes, wincing still from the affects of the millions of voices which surrounded his being. One of the voices...had been his brother, crying he'd died in vain and Taylor should be dead instead. Millard knew it was not true, Trent had died in defense of his brother, but it still haunted him.

He let out a long breath, "What is it...you want then? Audience with the Black Hand? I can give it to you. Or does something else drive your reasons for being here?"

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Her display had burned a more forceful impression than had been intended, as was with most dealings of the mind. It was inevitable that healing scars and charred memories were set aflame with the same bitterness and pain of fresh wounds; that much was beyond her control. Sorrow was an emotion not easily quelled, and could only be buried so deep. Its shadow always lingered, stalking and feeding off its host's new grieving and resentment, fuelling its own vehemence.

Nonetheless, it worked, and he had asked a question. A good one. What did she want?

"I first sought the Hand not to be accepted into their ranks, but for it had been instructed by my Master. Jeseth Cloak's offer came later, at a time when it was all too befitting: my cravings for power and senseless carnage were not quite up to standard with the rest of TSE. I am a wanderer, but I found my path under the guidance of Dalethria Mal Pannis. Only, that path did not coincide with that of the Sith, but instead directed me here."

There was no longer any point in feigning her way out of confessions. Taja blinked; the sadness painted in Wargrave's eyes was becoming unbearable.

"I have never, in all my experiences with the Dark Jedi, dishonored your name. Nor have I done much else. My reasons for returning now? To ask forgiveness - not for what I have done in the past, but for all that I failed to do. And to beseech that I be allowed to compensate for this in time.

"As for what I want ... I wish to learn where I stand in the eyes of the Black Hand."

[Maester Wargrave]

"Master Cloak has not been seen for some time. He apparently is out on the Outer Rim with Master Darkserpent, searching for remnents of Sith Technology," Millard pulled his hood a bit farther on his head.

"I will have to speak with the rest of the Black Hand to discover your status. I fear I joined the ranks of The Black Hand, after you left. I will have to discuss with them about the matter.

"Is there anything else you wish to say, before I speak with them?" Wargrave raised a cloaked eyebrow as his blue eyes stared at Taja.

[imported_Taja Loraan]

"No."

Taja pulled the cowl over her head; the cold was settling in again. She had anticipated an answer of the sort, but not her own relapse. The only other place she could seek refuge was on Meras, but the journey would only cause further damage.

"Actually... would it be possible for me to stay here, until a decision has been reached?"

[Maester Wargrave]

"Yes, I believe we can allow you to stay here. Unless you have another place you would like to stay?"

When Taja said nothing, Wargrave continued.

"Very well then. I can lead you to your quarters. I would suggest though, you remain there for the time being. It is for your safety."

The two began a trek back towards the living quarters.

"Tell me, Madame Loraan," he spoke presently, "What were your experiences with our group? It is farily obvious confusion reigns your mind right now. Do you remember your experiences here? Or are they a bit...jumbled as well?"

[imported_Taja Loraan]

Taja laughed icily. "'Jumbled' doesn't quite describe it. It's not that I lost my memory, just that it prevented me from doing pretty much anything. I first came to Vjun to further my training, as my Master, Dalethria Mal Pannis, was at the time a member here. The experience .. resurfaced ... certain aspects of my past, and that combined with the reception I received on leaving The Sith Empire caused me to, in short, collapse. I returned ( http://www.meras.org/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2077) some time ago, and here I am now."

She shrugged in response to the blank expression on Maester's face. "That's about it, I'm afraid."

They continued down the passage, and all the while Taja chewed on her lip. The voices were discordant; she couldn't tell what it was, but something he had said didn't coincide with what she heard.

"If you don't mind my asking: who are you exactly?"

[Maester Wargrave]

Wargrave's eyes narrowed, "I am Maester Wargrave. That is all you need to know."

He paused, as if he was hearing something himself. His cold blue eyes blinked, then he nodded.

"Wait here. I will return shortly."

Fifteen Minutes Later

Wargrave was back, but this time his cloak was not shrouding his face.

His face was regal, showing a man in his mid-fifties who appeared to have fought more than just a 'few wars'. His blue eyes were clear and shone the clearness of a man years younger.

"Congratulations, Madame Loraan. You have been accepted back in to The Black Hand if you wish to return.

"I believe I can now remove my disguise."

[Taylor Millard]

"Taylor Millard at your service, my lady," he bowed in greeting.

"But the question still remains...Do you wish to return to our ranks?"

[imported_Taja Loraan]

That explained the dissonance.

"Greetings, Lord Millard." Taja bowed low. "I would be honored to once more serve The Black Hand."

[Taylor Millard]

"Admiral Millard please," Millard nodded, "Welcome back to The Black Hand. You may now enjoy all the benefits of our group."