Part one/two of new, untitled story(OPINIONS WANTED)

[ReaperFett]

NOTE: GO DOWN FOR PART TWO

OK, heres part one. I hope to update this quite often, and improve earlier parts too. Next part tommorow hopefully. Here goes nothing:

----
Diving over the counter, the man threw a thermal detonator behind him, sending the entire bar into the blaze of a fireball.

"I was offered a holdrama once" Fett said, taking a drink of his drink.

"What, about you?" asked Kyt, adjusting his position on his seat.

"Yeah. Big company, lots of credits behind it. Tempted, but turned it down"

"Why?"

"Two reasons. First, the script was nothing like something Id do. Id want something that didnt do anything bad for the Jedi, something where they come out with more respect. Insead we got a planet was under attack, I arrived, saved some innocents, blew up buildings filled with civillians because there were a couple of attackers inside, argued with the local law and it ended with me living happily ever after with the hugely attractive daughter of a world leader" Fett replied, smiling. The complete far fetchedness of it still made him laugh now. Fett didnt save planets single handedly, he didnt deliberately hurt innocents. And sadly, Fett never got the girl.

"And the second?"

"Holodramas arent what they used to be. Back when I was a smuggler, I could go on the Corellian black market, and get quality holos like this one. Action, story, all merged in beautifully. Now, its just about how much they can pump into advertising it, or how much they can show off some spinning view effect"

"Thats true, very true"


The pairs remenissing was interupted by beeping noise behind them. Getting up off his chair and putting down his drink, Fett stopped watching Gun Master 2000 for the thousandth time, and pressed a button on the wall. a screen lit up, revealing a weathered looking man, with well kept hair and a better kept uniform. Fett gave a slight salute to the man, and tidyed himself up a bit.

"General Kaan" he said

"Ah, Ash. Goos to see you again"

"Pardon me sir, but Im guessing you arent making a social call" Fett replied, causing a slight smile to form on the Generals face

"Sadly correct. I have a job I need doing. I decided you were the best man for the job, so came to you. Will you accept?"

"Yes General"

"Excellent. Get down to HQ as soon as possible, so I can give you a full brief"

"Right away" Fett replied, shutting the screen down.

"Going now?" Kyt called out from his chair

"Yeah. Ill call you when Im done" Fett responding, stepping out of Kyts apartment into the corridor below.

-----


Stepping into the Generals office, a cleaned up Fett took a seat, and was immediately handed a photo.

"Do you know this man?" Kaan asked

"No"

"His name is Jut Immel, a Dark Jedi. Intellegence had given us reports that he had been looking for something, an aretefact of some power. We want you to stop him"

"Any idea where hes heading?"

"Yes. We picked up his ship heading out for Endor. We know of a ruined temple, long since overrun by various things. It is most likely he will be there. All the information is in here" Kaan said, handing Fett a datacard

"Ill report back when the jobs done" Fett said, rising from his chair

"You do that. ANd hurry, time is of the essense"


Within the hour, Fett had prepared his equipment, and taken off in his supplied X-Wing. Moving th chair back as far as it will go, Fett leaned back, and tried to get some sleep. It was a long way to Endor, and it was known for people to go insane on sleepless hyperspace jumps in X-Wings he thought to himslef, smiling as he shut his eyes

-----

[Gurney Devries]

You have a fast paced nature with which you go about things. Not a bad thing, really.

[Nichos Marr]

Excellent! It's your best one yet. I really like it.

[Hart3584]

I think that blew.

[Teka Kenobi]

Nice.

[ReaperFett]

thank you Hart, care to be more constructive? :)

[Coira]

OOC: Well, if you really want an opinion, here's one. It was kind of dry. The content is good, but you need to create a clearer picture. You know, more "scenery". Oh! And it would read smoother if you tried not to use the same words to much in the same sentence. i.e."takes a drink from his drink"

:)

[ReaperFett]

oooooh. constructive. Thanks, you've just helped no end

[ReaperFett]

PART 2

-----


Kicking the door down, Fett walks to the end of the table, facing a middle aged man sitting accross from him. Pulling a small knife of his belt, he threw it at the man, which hit in in the shoulder, pinning him to the chair. Unphased from the mans yelp of pain, Fett then pulls abnother out, and pins the other shoulder too. Slowly but purposefully, he walks down the table, past all of the mans antique vases and priceless paintings, and sits on the edge of the table, right in front of him. Slowly, Fett pulls a pistol oh his belt and lies it beside him, slowly spinning it. He looks up at the mans face, a picture of agony if there ever was one.

"Ahh, Mr Malloy. I've been looking for you for some time. Hard person to find. Can I just say by the way, this room is beautiful! All this artwork, from so many places. Truely impressive. Shame you got it all from Spice Dealing, eh?" he said, looking round the room. Malloy tried to protest his innocence, but the pain all over his body meant all he could do was whine.

"Don't even try to deny it. We have records. We knew what you were doing. Now, seeing as this is your funeral, I suppose I should ask this. Theres two ways you will die today, and believe me, you will die today. You can either go by bleeding to death from those two wounds, or I can shoot you in the head, and the pain ends now. So, whatll it be. Shooting?" he continued. Malloy carried on panicing for a short time, before slowly calming as he realised it was pointless, and nodded. Getting up, Fett walked behind Malloy, and placed the barrel of the gun against the back of his head. Closing his eyes, Fett began to chant.

<FONT COLOR= RED>Nemo Non Talus
Vester Tempus Nunc
Grando Ad Rex Infans
<font color= white>

Fett pulled the trigger, and slowly opened his eyes to reveal.....nothing. Malloy had gone. The chair, the table, the furniture, all gone. Looking round, Fett found he was the only one, nothing but blackness around him. All Alone...


Fett woke up with a start, causing Nacho, his faithful R2 droid, but begin to chatter in panic.

"Its OK Nach, just a bad dream" he told the droid. Not just any droid though. The same dream he kept having. It replayed one of his hits, and then.....darkness. The dreams troubled Fett. He had never found out what it meant, and wasnt sure if he wanted to know either.

His thoughts were interrupted by a siren noise behind him, indicating Endor was close. Slowly pulling a lever back, the blue turned to lines, and then to Stars, with Endor dead centre. Looking down at his Navicomp, he decided to land on a small rocky outcrop. Reports from the planet had said that nothing dangerous lived up here, meaning his X-Wing was safe. ANd Nacho could always pilot it to a better place if neccesarry.

Fett felt the craft begin to shudder slightly, as they entered the atmosphere. Easing up on the controls a but, he brought it down perfectly on the rocks. Taking off his helmet, he got out of the X-Wing, and took off his flight suit, revealing black trousers and a shirt. Fett stowed the flightsuit in the stoarage section, and pulled out a box, opening it. He first pulls out his belt, and puts it on. Reaching back into the box, he then pulls out a DL-44 blaster. A rugged gun, it had saved his life more than once. He put it into a small holster on the back of his belt, before taking out with KLMK-23s. His brand new slugthrowers, Fett had found them an excellent weapon. He spun them in his hands, before putting them in two holsters, one strapped to each thigh. A small vibroblade was the next thing out. Although rarely used, it was a great tool for when a lightsaber was impractical. Putting it into one of his boots, he closed the box, and put it back. Reaching into the cockpit once more, he pulled out his final weapon for this mission. His lightsaber. Turning it on, Fett heard the familiar snap-hiss of it ignighting, the comforting hum as he tried a few practice swings. Testing all the extra features on it, he deignited it and clipped it to his belt, content with his own readiness. Closing the cockpit, he began to walk away, saying his goodbyes to Nacho. He didnt know how long hed be, he just hoped he wasnt too late...

-----

[Selena Kyle]

Hmmm nicely done.

You are descriptive in the thread as far as details about the actions, but I saw what Coira meant about the scenery. Ya know like the room was "dark and murkey like an old cantina" something like that.

But again..very nicely done :)

[Coira]

OOC: I concur with Selena. But it was a whole lot better than the first one! Good Job! :)

FYI:
Did you know that when writing, most guys tend to focus on describing actions, while gals tend to focus on being more descripitive with "how things look"? I just learned that from my Prof. Pretty interesting, huh?

[ReaperFett]

actions speak louder than words :)

[Gurney Devries]

Coira: That's a bunch of hogwash. (:

[Master Yoghurt]

I loved the story! Best I have read so far! :)