Angst, Anger and Confusion

[Live Wire]

Live Wire strode purposefully into the the Bar and Grill. Instead of being shrouded in her cloak as she normally would have been she was dressed as one would see her walking through the palace of TSO, her boots making soft taps against the floor and her long hair drapped carelessly about her shoulders. The anger one expected to see on her face was not there, nor was any other emotion. The chill in her glaze would have frozen water on Tattooine and she tossed a large duffle bag onto a table as the patrons began to stare in her direction. Her first reaction when she had heared the news was to search out Morgan and gut him like a fish and then toss his lifeless carcass to Shenraun to use as a chew toy. But then, when it came right down to it, she knew her anger was just a reaction to how hurt she was. Trust and the desire for love had always been her one weakness and what drove her to the dark side to begin with. And this, this was more then a jedi attempting to convert sith. This was personal.

No doubt news of her presence had reached his ears and she knew he would come. She calmly sat down and almost carelessly propped her feet up on the table. She had left all weapons in her ship which was in and of itself unusual. But today she came on personal business and what she had to say could be done without weapons.

[Morgan Evanar]

The past few days had been bittersweet. One would have thought that things were on the up and up, but there was a gaping hole in things for Morgan. He lay very still as the steady breeze began to pick up, making the leaves of the tree hiss. He sniffed, smelling more moisture in the air, and a bit of ozone. A distant rumble puntuated his conclusion of a thunderstorm. Morgan sniffed again.

Aye, shes a big one.

His nose had provided the second opinion, and it was time to find shelter. He swung his feet around, and dropped the twenty feet from the treebranch, landing in stride.

He began to brood more as he walked.

She wasn't a part of his life anymore, and he almost felt hollow. He knew what he was, who his mother was, and was back amoung the Jedi, but he had no love, nor woman's touch for she was upon Correllia.

Why must everything require a sacrifice? Why doesn't the universe allow somone to be happy?

Is misery a requriement for existance?

He sighed, and wished he was affected by very stiff drinks as he pushed the door open to Yog's.

[Live Wire]

She sensed his presence before she heared him enter the B&G. With a small inward sigh she closed off her mind to him. There had been no thought given to how she would feel when she saw him but she knew it wouldn't be easy. She didnt bother to turn around as her back was to the door. The duffle bag was tossed over her shoulder and landed at his feet.

"You left some things at my place I thought you'd like to have back"

[Morgan Evanar]

Morgan's claws swung into position from laying flat on the back of his hand as his fists clenched, the six three inch talons locking into place. He didn't notice as he reached up to rub the back of his neck with his fingers, when the claws bit in.

Ow. He immediately brought his hand back down, and relaxed the muscles that controlled the recently grown talons.

He was in deep trouble. Deep, deep trouble.

"Thank you." Morgan murmured softly as he looked at the black duffle back on the floor.

[Live Wire]

She took her feet of the table and leaned back in her chair. Using the force she pushed the chair opposite her away from the table sighed.

"so are you going to sit down or not?"

She could sense his hesitation. No doubt he was wondering if she was here to kill him. Of course had that been the case he would already be dead.

"dont worry Im not here to kill you.

Her eyes remained down cast as he slowly made his way around the table and sat down.

"surprised to see me?"

[Morgan Evanar]

Morgan exhaled, he had been holding his breath, half wishing that she would kill him.

"Yes." He mumbled as he took a seat, and stared at the table. It was strange. It pained him to look at her, feeling rotten to have caused her distress.

Yes, she was Sith, and many would say that this made her worthy of contempt. But it wasn't the same when you loved someone in an absolute unconditional fashion. It was love, whether they were rich or poor, scum or the most upstanding citizen. It was the sort of thing were you were numb and tingly all over at the same time. It made you stupid and brilliant at the same time.

Morgan was feeling the stupid and scumminess a lot more than the brilliant and the upstanding.

"Sorry." Morgan said quietly, his eyes glued to the middle of the table between them.

[Live Wire]

She found the courage to look up at him. Instead of the smug look of triumph she expected to see she was presented with what almost seemed remorsefull. Somehow it made her feel better and worse all at the same time. She bit her bottom lip forcing herself to stay composed as her emotions threatened to run away with her.

"You're sorry?" Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "You know Evanar, for a jedi you sure know how to use and manipulate people" She spat the accusation at him.

It was easier for her to express her anger at his lies then it was for her to come out and say the real reason she was here. He had made her love him and now she had to know if that was a lie too.

Her fists clenched and she leaned forward. "I actually fell for it. I actually believed that you wanted to be there, that you wanted to be with me. I shared my feelings with you. You shared my bed! And it was all a lie?"

She shook her head. "I hope you're proud of yourself Evanar." He was silent as she ranted at him. But if he had nothing to say for himself she was wasting her time and she slowly got up to leave.

[Morgan Evanar]

She got ten steps before he spoke.

"The only lie was me wanting to be there. And when I was with you, there was no lie. My cause was contrary to yours, but any act of compassion was absolutely sincere." His voice trembled slightly as he spoke, and his insides felt like he was going through a paint mixer.

"Do you know how many times I nearly gave myself away when I was with you? Too many to count. Any of you would have happily rended my heart from my body."

He looked up, and met her deep eyes. "I wasn't going to leave like this." Morgan lifted his hand up, palm facing her, and closed his hand to a fist. "But sometimes," his claws swung up and locked in place,"things beyond your control happen."

[Live Wire]

She walked back and pounded her fists on the table in frustration.

"So only half of everything was a lie. Okay so you had a job to do. But you made it personal! I loved you!"

She sat back down and laughed cause if she didnt laugh she probably would have cried. Looking at him reminded her of everything they had shared and it made her bitter inside. A one night stand was one thing, hell she'd had her share of cheap affairs, but this....this was different.

"Why target me? Why make it personal?"

[Morgan Evanar]

Morgan shook his head.

"Because I found that I loved you, and turning you was the only way we would be together with everything else intact in my life. But I was ready to throw away being a Jedi, for you. I'm sorry I had to lie, but my life was at stake. I'll miss you, Catherine, with my mind, soul and heart."

She looked down at the table, staring into the woodgrain. A tear drifted his face, and he sniffed. Reaching into his pocket, he closed his hand around something, and set his hand down in the middle of the table.

"After I found out who my family was, I was going to go back, but things got complicated. The doctor who explained things told me he wanted to run some "tests". I basically woke up and started to cough blood, and when I went to ask him what was going on, he had died of joy. Whatever he did worked, I guess, but when I got back to the Tea, I was pretty much dying. My ship's computer decided the GJO had the best medical facilities. I ended up here soon than I planned on."

[Live Wire]

It would have been easier for her if she could just disregard everything he had just said. But one look at him and she knew he was being honest with her. Part of her wished he had just said it was all a lie and he had never loved her. Then it wouldnt have hurt so much. Life had torn her away from love before and now it was happening again.

"I dont know what else to say Morgan." Her face changed and she calmed down. Now all that was left was a quiet saddness that was going to gnaw at her for awhile. "Im not even completely sure why I came here. I guess I just needed to know if you really did love me."

[Morgan Evanar]

He sniffed again, both eyes wet now.

"Life hasn't been kind to either of us, and always throws plans into havok."

He opened his hand, and there lay a thin ring of silver, topped by a ruby, polished but imperfect in cut, yet there was some sort of raw, natrual beauty that a perfect stone would have never possesed.

A tear dripped off his face and onto the table.

"I was going to give this to you. I still want you to have it anyway." Morgan closed his eyes and set the ring on the table. He slowly stood up, tears streaming down his face.

[Live Wire]

She closed her eyes and bit back tears. How he could leave her feeling so used and yet she loved him so. Taking the ring in her hand she stood and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. She was torn as she never had been before. She knew what it would take for them to ever be together but didnt know if she could make that sacrifice, or if she even had it in her to make it.

A tear silently slid down her cheek and she embraced him, laying her head on his shoulder. "damnit, why do I have to love you this way?"

Part of her was telling her to just turn and walk away and not to look back. But the other part of her was telling her to do anything to be with him. Their teary eyes met and she found herself kissing him. The familiarity washed over her and she pulled away...she loved him but what price would she have to pay.

More tears in her eyes she whispered, "I dont want to lose you. But I dont know what to do."

[Morgan Evanar]

"Do what your heart tells you." He kind of attempted at smiling, but his eyes told the truth of someone terrified of loosing something he held most dear.

"I'll be here, whenever you are ready." He wrapped his arms around her, hoping she would stay, or at least return soon. He sniffed, taking her scent in.

"Gods, I didn't mean for it to happen like this."

[Live Wire]

"I know you didn't. I wish it wasn't so complicated but it is."

Regrettfully she pulled away from his embrace and it left her feeling empty and cold. As many reasons as there were for why they should be together, there were just as many emphasizing why they couldn't. The universe conspired against her happiness, there was no other explination.

Tears welled up behind her eyes again as she looked down at the ring she held in her hand. It was so beautiful. She took his hands in hers and kissed him on the cheek.

Opening one of his hands she placed the ring in his palm and closed his fingers around it. She tried to smile as he looked at her questioningly.

"Keep this safe for me and I'll be back for it. I promise."

As much as she wanted to stay with him she knew that right now it would be impossible. But she wasn't willing to leave and never look back either. Having him in her life felt so right and she wasnt going to give up on it. Having the odds against her was something she was used to and she would just have to deal with it again this time. After all she never broke a promise and he knew that.

Finally she tore her eyes from his and with one last tear streaming down her cheek she turned to go back to her ship.