A time of reflection..........

[Shade Magus]

Shade sat at a table near the bar and pondered about his life since he had come to the Greater Jedi Order. He slouched in his chair as he thoguht about all the mistakes he had made. He closed his eyes, and focused on the moment. He could see himself about a year ago, before he had any desire to become a Jedi Knight. He had been wild and free, a warrior who knew nothing but to fight for survival. Oh how he had changed. Now he was quite and calm. His anger was quick to raise, but he was also quick to quell it. He sat the meditating what his next move in life would be. Would he actually become a Jedi Knight or just another no body? He did not know. He studied all the paths laid out before him. He glanced around the bar, looking at all the people who walked around. Would they suceed where he had failed so many times? He hoped so.

[verse dawnstrider]

::Verse walked in the bar. He sat beside the younge padawan. He didn't need the Force to tell him what wason this boy's mind. Verse had seen many a person come and go through the doors of GJO. The stories were all the same, just different people playing the lead role. Such was life's grand play.::

"This seat taken?"

::Shade shock his head no. Verse order an ale for himself and one for the padawan.::

"You want some advice? Don't worry about it. When you are worried then you are not ready for what you are thinking about or what you are about to face. Life is like a test. When you study for it, you don't worry or brag about it. You don't tell the world. You just do your thing and get it done. When you don't study, you panic and worry. Sometimes you brag so others thing you are ready."

::Shade looked at Verse strange. Verse paid no mind and kept talking.::

"You could say it is like a race as well. A true winner is ready. You can tell two ways. How he acts and talks. He doesn't brag or draw attention. If he does then people will think something is up. He just gets ready and does his thing. He doesn't care what others may think. He just does what he sets out to do. When the other people see that he was ready, they tell him. He does boast. He lets what he does do the talking for him. He may get second in the race. He doesn't cry and pout or protest. He simple says "I wasn't ready. I was close though. Next time will be different."
The one not ready makes people think he is by talking. Or he may kept to himself but be worried to death. The one who brags makes excusses when he gets second. The one who worries tears himself down more. The title of winner is not given to a person. It is urned. You may win a hundred races, but fall short in the long run. That is what being a Jedi is about. You worry about others. Not yourself. You strive to help. When you are ready you will know. Others will also know. The title of Jedi Knight is just that. A title. If you think you deserve it, then you don't. A Jedi is humble. Also if you worry about it, you don't as well. That means you have no faith in yourself."

::Verse took a sip of his ale.::

"Hope what I said helps. i have never been good with words."

[Shade Magus]

Shade looked at Verse and smiled.

"Yes you are correct. I was thinking about the same thing actually. For the past few days I have been thinking about them and how I could incorprate them into my training. I know that a few of the newer Padawans come to watch me practice. They also read some essay's that I write. I have been coming up with ways to show students my mistakes and teaching them not to make them as I have."

Shade then sipped his ale and closed his eyes once more while continuing to talk.

"To tell the truth....I myself know that I am not yet ready to be a Jedi like my father before me, but prehaps one day I will be. Until that day I help continue to train and help others to the best of my abilities."

[verse dawnstrider]

::Verse took yet another sip of his ale.::

"An old phrase comes to mind. 'God helps those who helps themselves'. Seems to me your heart is in the right place. You head just isn't. You worry way to much. Just let what will happen...well....happen. I am not sayin' to just sit on your ass, I am saying don't try dam up a river. Just let it flow. Train. Train how you feel you should. Don't analize how you think you should. Just do. Let the Force guide you. Some things need to be thought out. That is the purpose of a Jedi Master to train you. You can't do it all yourself. If you could, then people like me would not be here. You are taking on a mighty heavy burden by yourself. Like you said, others come and watch you train. That means they want in. The Jedi are a team. talk to other padawans and your Master. Hell, talk to me if need be. Life is What you make it. You can live it all alone, or bring others with you to help out. You are dating my Padawan. Why not get her to listen to you?"

::Verse took a long gulp. He reached the bottom of the bottle. He ordered another one. He thinks he may have found the root to his problem.::

"Seems to me you have somethin' on your mind. Some problem that needs to be fixed before you ever wish to advance further in life."

[Shade Magus]

"My problem goes down to the depths of my soul and beyond......it deals with my family and freinds. For a very long time I thought my father was dead..but now I have news that he is alive. The only problem with that news is that it comes from my brother...a Sith. I have never been one to not trust him..but recent events have lead to me not to. He has betrayed me for his own benefits, and I don't want him to take advantage of our family ties again...I have become a lot stronger since our last fight, but still I can feel his prescence and it frightens me. I feel his power growing daily."

Shade opened his eyes and looked at Verse. He wouldn't hide anything, not anymore.

"I have feared for him my entire life because he has always been outgoing....and I took after him, but after I came here I calmed down considerably. He also came here for awhile, but left because he could not be calm. He could not listen to the voice inside. I have thoguht all my life of a way to settle his blood-thrist, and I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way. It is for my father to return, or for me to die. Either way I would be willing to give the ultimate sacrifice for my borther to come bak to the lightside."

[verse dawnstrider]

::Verse took the drink the droid gave him. It was goin' to be a long night. It would be worth it though.::

"My own son runs beside your brother. I know how it pains you. I would also give my life to bring him to the Light. I know one thing though. He is where he wants to be. He finds some amount of happiness there. Twisted yes. Also, one can only help those who wished to be helped. Yurza may be a lier, but he is your brother. One day he will remeber that. When he is ready to come back, if ever, then you will know. As for your father, I was thought to be dead. One never knows. All you can so is check it out. Just don't let your guard down."

[Shade Magus]

"I would check it out...but I feel I am not ready for this type of journey. Therefor I have to leave it in the hands of others until I am strong enough to accept full responsiblity. I wouldn't want to go running blindly into a volley of blaster bolts."

Shade smiled for the first time that night at his little joke, even though he knew it would not be a joke if it ever happened.

[verse dawnstrider]

::Verse took a swig of his drink.::

"Maybe, but it is about your family and friends, then you need to do it yourself. If you are not ready then let it sit till you are. If it needs to be done, then take the bull by the horns."

[Shade Magus]

"I would let it just rest....but I fear that time is growing short, and soon none will be left. I have no regrets and no remorse of what has become of me. I accpet what I am and what I must do now. It is just that I cannot help, but wonder what I have done to help the ones that have helped me."

[verse dawnstrider]

::verse placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder.::

"Son, I think that seeing you live you dream, and helping others is all the thanks they could want."

[Shade Magus]

"Thank you sir."