Azhure Darkstone
Feb 24th, 2002, 07:37:00 AM
::She touched it for a second, wondering if she should open it.
What if he found her there...?
The door opened and subscribing to it she stepped into the room. Her footsteps echoed in the room and her eyes wandered, looking for a sign. Stupid woman! Of course he isnt Dante, what are you doing? He got murdered a long time ago...and what did you do? Revenge came into your mind before rationality. She hadnt let her mind think about him for a long time, how long had she spoken his name purposely? not for four years. Not for eternity. Not since the only family she had known was destroyed.
Ever since she'd seen this Matthias at the bar it had made her think, opened up something inside that didnt want to be revealed, made her temporarily lose control of herself.
She touched his pillow, almost smelling a familiar scent.
Tears formed in her eyes, tears that had been waiting for four years to come out. tears that hurt, that didnt heal but hurt you more that you could physically hurt. Ones that made you wary of people. Her throat formed the word purposely for the first time::
Dante...
::Closing her eyes she let the feeling pass, swallowing the emotion again, putting it into a little bottle for later use. Shaking her head she stood up and walked out of the room as if something horrible had touched her. How come this man had to come and open old wounds again, how did he have the right to do that? How come she let someone shake her like this. Coming too close to someone reminded you of too many things that had been and too many things that never had been.
"Why did you come to the jedi then?" her mind asked her nastily "Why not go to the sith, they make anger and self-ignorance a weapon".
Azhure hurled a nasty insult into her mind and sighed, putting her face into her hands for a moment. Because she wanted to make a difference instead of making mistakes and making others miserable. Because she wanted to show someone she could do something good. She was worth more than thieving and worth more than a dancing girl and night entertainer... A lot had happened since Dante had died and what she had been was gone forever. But even before then wounds had been cut deep, the only person who had kept her sane had been her brother. Perhaps she had also come here to find a place where she could find a place to exist and to smile not just genuinely, but with pure happiness.
Looking back at the door she wiped a tear that had been running down. Finding friends to trust had never been easy, what made her think it'd be any easier here? Becoming a friend had to work from both sides, the problem had always been her and the lessons that had been drummed. Her brother had taken those lesson very differently, a happy go lucky larikan who made anyone and everyone smile and always looked at life positively even when someone tried to beat him down. Funny how life beat down and destroyed the innocent ones. He had been much stronger than she, but she had been the ruthless surviver. A nice match that worked well.
How could she be a jedi with this? What made her think she'd succeed? Stupid hope. Hope that destroyed you in the end, hope that made you smile, laugh and maybe even see something bright in the long dark, seemingly endless tunnel.
Even with the purpose to want to do good, to help those in need and to want to be pure and good, could you do it? Determination gets you far and she'd use that, but what if that wasnt enough?
What she needed right now was a miracle, something to shed a little light. Not that that had ever come her way..
She found herself standing at his door, just staring at it. Probably looked like a lunetic, not knowing how long she had been doing that.
Sighing and regaining her minds sanity she turned to walk back to her ship, time to repair a little more of the stubborn junk. This is why horses or your own feet were better.
Dude, this girl needed healing and what makes you think your going to find it here? Jedi heal physical wounds, not emotional.::
What if he found her there...?
The door opened and subscribing to it she stepped into the room. Her footsteps echoed in the room and her eyes wandered, looking for a sign. Stupid woman! Of course he isnt Dante, what are you doing? He got murdered a long time ago...and what did you do? Revenge came into your mind before rationality. She hadnt let her mind think about him for a long time, how long had she spoken his name purposely? not for four years. Not for eternity. Not since the only family she had known was destroyed.
Ever since she'd seen this Matthias at the bar it had made her think, opened up something inside that didnt want to be revealed, made her temporarily lose control of herself.
She touched his pillow, almost smelling a familiar scent.
Tears formed in her eyes, tears that had been waiting for four years to come out. tears that hurt, that didnt heal but hurt you more that you could physically hurt. Ones that made you wary of people. Her throat formed the word purposely for the first time::
Dante...
::Closing her eyes she let the feeling pass, swallowing the emotion again, putting it into a little bottle for later use. Shaking her head she stood up and walked out of the room as if something horrible had touched her. How come this man had to come and open old wounds again, how did he have the right to do that? How come she let someone shake her like this. Coming too close to someone reminded you of too many things that had been and too many things that never had been.
"Why did you come to the jedi then?" her mind asked her nastily "Why not go to the sith, they make anger and self-ignorance a weapon".
Azhure hurled a nasty insult into her mind and sighed, putting her face into her hands for a moment. Because she wanted to make a difference instead of making mistakes and making others miserable. Because she wanted to show someone she could do something good. She was worth more than thieving and worth more than a dancing girl and night entertainer... A lot had happened since Dante had died and what she had been was gone forever. But even before then wounds had been cut deep, the only person who had kept her sane had been her brother. Perhaps she had also come here to find a place where she could find a place to exist and to smile not just genuinely, but with pure happiness.
Looking back at the door she wiped a tear that had been running down. Finding friends to trust had never been easy, what made her think it'd be any easier here? Becoming a friend had to work from both sides, the problem had always been her and the lessons that had been drummed. Her brother had taken those lesson very differently, a happy go lucky larikan who made anyone and everyone smile and always looked at life positively even when someone tried to beat him down. Funny how life beat down and destroyed the innocent ones. He had been much stronger than she, but she had been the ruthless surviver. A nice match that worked well.
How could she be a jedi with this? What made her think she'd succeed? Stupid hope. Hope that destroyed you in the end, hope that made you smile, laugh and maybe even see something bright in the long dark, seemingly endless tunnel.
Even with the purpose to want to do good, to help those in need and to want to be pure and good, could you do it? Determination gets you far and she'd use that, but what if that wasnt enough?
What she needed right now was a miracle, something to shed a little light. Not that that had ever come her way..
She found herself standing at his door, just staring at it. Probably looked like a lunetic, not knowing how long she had been doing that.
Sighing and regaining her minds sanity she turned to walk back to her ship, time to repair a little more of the stubborn junk. This is why horses or your own feet were better.
Dude, this girl needed healing and what makes you think your going to find it here? Jedi heal physical wounds, not emotional.::