A little beyond Arithmetic (Loki)

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira sat in the spartan training room, quietly sipping tea. The sun had just come up, and it would be another two hours before his Padawan would arrive. He had time to relax, and reflect on the upcoming day ::

[Loki Ahmrah]

Loki always did enjoy this time of morning, especially if the weather was comfortable and encouraging. First thing in the morning, once out of bed, washed and smartly dressed, the Padawan Learner would make his way straight to the Bar & Grill where he would see to it that all the plants were sufficiently watered before sttling down to a filling breakfast.

After breakfast, he'd take the time to sit and chat with Natia, Estelle, Taataani or Xazor for about fifteen minutes until he would leave to meet up with Anbira at his appointed meeting place. Today they were back at the boring old training room, but regardless of the location, the lessons would always prove invaluable and the little boy had taken it upon himself to keep a diary of what he does in each lesson, taking notes and attempting to recall what his master had told him earlier that day.

The Force was such a deep concept; juxtaposing the philosophical, spiritual and phisical properties of the natural environment, branching off into convoluted avenues which more often than not leaves one confused and lost. Luckily, he was keeping on top of his game and always made the time to go over what he had learned in his most recent lessons and attempt to apply it to his everyday life on Arcan IV.

On his way to meet with Anbira, Loki pondered over that which he had learned so far and the direction in which his path was taking him. Most importantly, he was learning to let go and put his trust into the hands of the Living Force and listen to it intently. He could feel himself growing as a boy, an individual, a Jedi.

"Good morning, Master Hicchoru!" He announced pleasantly, stepping into the training room. He walked over to Anbira, quietly seated where he usually does, solomnly listening to life around him; such a figure of peace, if only the likes of Dark Jedi could take a page out of his books a realise how wasteful it is to live such a corrupt way of life.

"How are you feeling, well?" He asked with a smile, after bowing his head in respect.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

As well as I can be.

:: Anbira smiled, and quickly tossed a small, bright-colored marble from within his pocket, to the young padawan. ::

[Loki Ahmrah]

Although unexpected, Loki quite easily managed to snatch the small object from the air. He held it in front of him, examining it curiously.

"What is this?" He asked, turning it in his fingers, taking in the mixture of white, green and blue, the three colours were smoothly combined, forming swirling formations of bright colours.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

What were you thinking, just now?

[Loki Ahmrah]

"In all honesty," He began, "Nothing other than as to why you would toss me this marble."

He had learned not to keep asking "Why?" As sometimes, there is no need for such a question, the answer would usually reveal itself in time. He trusted his master's ways, even if he didn't fully understand them at times.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

Loki, there are times to think, times to question...and there are times to abandon both to instinct. You must be wise to be a Jedi, but if you ponder in the heat of the moment, it could be your undoing.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"But master," He began, not agreeing with what Anbira had said, "I thought if we allow ourselves to be, even for a moment, ruled by our basic instincts and primal urges, that may lead a Jedi into darkness."

he thought for a moment, regardless of what his master had said, now was definately the time for thinking, Anbira would always catch Loki out on things like this; no matter how much Loki thought he had learned, he found himself un-learning many things to reveal new truths.

"I guess the wisdom to know when to think, when to ask and when to act is what makes a Jedi. Yes?"

He was about to wait for Anbira's answer when he argued against himself, still not grasping what the aged man had said.

"But still, I just don't see the logic in relying on instinct; it may lead to foolish actions and could also result in a Jedi's demise. To think in a time when immediate action is required, to pause and think could be one's undoing but on top of that, to act foolishly in such a time could also prove lethal. It is such a doubled-edged sword to wield, very dangerous to wield and to those around it."

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira smiled at the boy's argumentative intuition. ::

Now is the time for such questions, young padawan. It is a time to learn of the Jedi ways. To learn of balance, peace, and everything we stand for. It will be foremost and paramount in your mind...and its wisdom will be apparent without the need for pondering thought. A trained Jedi, with the Force as his ally, has instincts and intuitions as clear as crystal.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Oh well," He let a sigh escape, "I guess it's one of those things that will become clearer to me as I grow as both a person and a Jedi"

There were times when he felt so frustrated at himself, but he had to remember Anbira understands things that will take him years of dedicated training and conditioning. Loki had patience but there were a great deal of things he wanted to understand and be able to discuss with the older, wiser Jedi, including his master, but he wasn't able to do such a thing.

"Master," He began, climbing up next to Anbira, seating himself, "I often find myself wondering lately: 'What does the future hold for me?' and 'Why am I doing what I am doing now? What is my purpose?'" He paused, looking down at his feet, thinking quietly, "But I am only nine years old, I know I want to be a Jedi, but I sometimes worry that I will make the wrong decisions, not make the most of my gifts. I know Jedi are protectors and as much as I want to do that, I sometimes feel inadequate, like I cannot help or contribute as much as I'd like."

This was the part that worried him somewhat, this feeling he had, but he trusted Anbira and could confide in him.

"But it's best that I tell you this. Unlike anything else I've ever learned, training to become a Jedi and learning the ways of the Force cannot be looked up in a book. I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to grasp certain concepts and I don't know why, but I find it very difficult to look to the future, to envisage what I see myself as being; it's not that I see something other than me being a Jedi, I just can't imagine my own future yet. I need to feel like I am doing something right, but I think I am too young to understand it all."

He was even at this time, finding it difficult to choose the right wording for what he was thinking but he knew that his master had to knwo these things, and he was sure he'd understand. But Loki had hardly ever talked about his fears before, but he felt a little relieved that he could. He looked up to Anbira's face with a curious look.

"What did you think you'd be when you were my age, master? Did you see yourself as being a Jedi? And what was it that made you realise that you wanted to be a Jedi? Did you ever find it hard?"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

When I was your age...

:: The smile faded as Anbira's face became rather distant. He recalled, rather unemotionally, the nightmarish horrors of his childhood. Horrible things that was fortunate no longer to feel. However, it made the present task at hand a difficult one. ::

...perhaps we'll save that tale for another day.

:: With effort, Anbira's smile returned ::

Loki, the future is not an easy thing to see. There are Jedi, wiser than myself, who cannot always see it. It is always in motion, and can be clouded by many things...including the Dark Side. Because you cannot see your destiny, it is not a cause to lose hope over.

:: Anbira closed his eyes, placing a hand on his padawan's shoulder ::

Even now, I cannot see all. Your destiny is to be a Jedi, this is plain to see...but beyond that is a question, and one I hesitate to search upon.

:: He patted Loki's shoulder twice, as he opened his eyes ::

You must also understand. To know the future, and one's full destiny, is as much a burden as it is a boon. Do not fret what you cannot see, young Padawan. It will either be revealed in due time, or you do not need it at all.

:: Anbira smiled, reaching to his belt, and unclipping his lightsaber. Gently, he handed the silver cyllinder to the boy ::

Its time for more lessons.

[Loki Ahmrah]

Loki frowned a little when Anbira decided to leave the question about his childhood for "another day." This would no doubt leave the little boy curious about his master's past; "I'll have to look into it..." He thought to himself.

Nevertheless, the words of his wisened teacher helped to put his mind at ease, if even the greatest Jedi are unsure of their own future, then how can a Padawan expect to be certain of anything?

"In which case, I shall try not to dwell on what lies ahead and focus on the present, that is what is important. I shall focus on my train-" His voice trailed off for a moment as Anbira handed him his lightsaber, he stared at it with wonder, "-ing."

He handled the resonably weighty object carefully, fingering it with intrigue. His hands dropped slightly, the weight of the weapon was awe inspiring in a strange way, like it represented the power embodied within a Jedi Knight, power and control. The young Padawan felt neither powerful or in control, he was worried, this was the first time he'd held a lightsaber and he'd seen how lethal these things could be.

"It's time..." He said, looking up at his master, "...for my first lesson in lightsaber combat?"

"How do I begin?"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira smiled ::

First, put aside your fear. A lightsaber, weapon as it may be to a Jedi, is but a thing, a tool, that cannot be put to ill use without your own consent. It is an extension of yourself.

:: He glanced at the device ::

There is a thumb trigger, three centimeters from the emitter. Press it to activate.

[Loki Ahmrah]

Now Loki felt safe, for he had no ill intentions whilst wielding such a dangerous yet from what he had seen, very beautiful weapon. In both hands, he lifted the heavy cylinder in front of him clumsily and cautiously, his thumb neared the button not far from the top of the object - the same button he had seen his master press many times before - perhaps one day, this little learner would wield the lightsaber with the same professionalism as Anbira.

"Here goes," He said, still a little uneasy with the thought of handling such a weapon. He pressed the button and closed his eyes.

He jumped a little, he could almost feel the weapon jerk in his hand as it activated with a burst of sound, a unique combination of a buzz and a fizz almost immediatly dying away to a gentle hum. Loki's firm grip about the metal loosened as he opened his eyes with suprise, after having expected the weapon to become marginally heavier, but it didn't.

The boy's eyes crept open and soon enough were open wide in awe at the spectacular sight of the imaculate white light before him. For a second, everything else around was silhouetted by a backdrop of darkness behind the brilliant white blade, after a moment his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the weapon, still emmitting it's relaxing low hum. Loki sighed and with a bit of courage took one hand away from the weapon to test the weight of the lightsaber he held, suprisingly it wasn't that heavy, in fact all of the weight was in the hilt. The blade itself seemed weightless, and that felt strange to hold.

"It looks increadible!" He marvelled with a wide grin, not taking his eyes away from the weapon, he continued, "I never expected it to be so light. How can one use such a weapon so masterfully; what with the brightness of the blade and the strange feel to wield?"

Once he'd judged the distance between himself and Anbira, he took a step back, and with the hilt in both hands, he slowly swayed the elegant blade from side to side. Naturally he was rather clumsy in his handling of the lightsaber, it was the first time he'd ever held one but he'd be lying if he said he couldn't get used to it.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira carefully stepped close, leaning down, and turning a small knob on the saber, shortening the blade length to something more suitable for Loki's stature. He smiled at him, producing a small helmet, that had an opaque front shield that hung over the face. He genty slid it onto Loki's head. ::

[Loki Ahmrah]

"This is odd!" Thought Loki as Anbira slid a helmet on his head, he was unable to see anything and it was the last thing he'd expected. He dared not to move the weapon in fear of catching his master with it.

"What is for?"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira smiled, knowing the feeling of uncertainty all too well ::

It keeps you from using your eyes, and encourages you to reach out with your feelings. Take three large steps back, Loki. You don't need to see where you are. Feel, use your instincts.

:: Anbira reached into his pocket, removing a round droid, with many shiny facets. The droid hovered silently in the air, hissing occasionally as it maneuvered around Loki. After a few seconds, it let loose a stinging electric pop at the boy's shoulder ::

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Ah jeez!" Loki cried as he felt a sharp, stinging sensation in his left shoulder. He had almost dropped the lightsaber in shock, but it was the fear of a lightsaber out of control that made him keep firmly hold of the weapon.

"What was that? What's going on?" He protested, about to remove the helmet when he suddenly felt the same sharp pain to the back of his leg. He jumped with a yelp, turning to face that which had attacked him.

The boy had no idea what was going on; all he knew was that he couldn't see anything, that he was holding a weapon that made him feel very nervous and was being shocked by something circling him and just when he thought he had pinpointed it's location, witha whoosh it was behind him and hit him in the back.

As opposed to relaxing, he was becoming tense and the raised levels of stress hightened his senses and his alertness. Unbeknownst to the little Padawan, but as the exercise went on his stance and posture improved vastly. He held the lightsaber with more confidence and control, not because that was what he was aiming to do but because that was what came natural to all living things when placed in a stressful situation. He had read about it in the past, it was known as Operant Conditioning and this particular type of conditioing was often referred to as negative reinforcement: "The subject instinctively reacts to the distress experience and reacts in an effort to intercpt or circumvent the source of distress."

In this case, Loki's natural instincts were very quickly being conditioned to react to the sound of the droid and soon enough, and unsurprisingly, he was facing the droid everytime it fired at him. At least his instincts were improving as he hopped about, pivoting around to face the whirring, little device. However he was still unable to anticipate the shocks from the annoying device and soon he was once again becoming frustrated with himself.

"Master, what am I doing wrong?" He cried out in between shots, "I'm trying to fargh!" Hit again! "I'm trying to focus, trying to visualise whatever is shooting at me, but I don't have enough time between it's attacks to calm myself!"

Immediatly after, he jumped up in fright, feeling a sharp, stinging pain in his rear; he'd let that one slip his attention.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

Hold up.

:: Anbira spoke, to both Loki and the droid. He retrieved the training droid, working with its controls to lengthen the time in between shots. As he did so, he spoke to Loki. ::

Do not be frantic...and do not be frustrated. Clear your mind, and focus. You will know in your heart what to do. Do not dismiss it as a guess. The Force acts on your inner intuition, if you are open enough to hear it.

:: Anbira smiled, and once again, released the droid ::

[Loki Ahmrah]

As per usual, Loki had a question to ask and was about to when he suddenly heard the hiss of the remote being released once again; that pesky thing. He remembered his master's words and unsurprisingly, the way in which to go about accomplishing what he wished to do was to do as he had always done; begin with a clear, calm mind.

With a half sigh Loki exhaled, clearing his mind of his questions and relaxed, for a moment not even thinking about the droid hovering around him. He closed eyes, not that it would make any difference except the fact that he had his eyes open yet could not see anything was distracting. He steadied his breathing, ignoring the sound of the droid and began slipping away to that place he had visited frequently. Little did he know that he'd actually been shocked once already, but he had unconciously been able to shut out the pain until he was ready to react.

Now he was in a frame of mind in which he didn't feel like he was holding anything, his posture felt completely natural and once again that feeling of almost weightlessness returned and the room temperature seemed to fall slightly so that it was cool and refreshing. For a moment, he stood still and it seemed like an eternity of silence when suddenly he sidestepped a shot from the remote without knowing it.

Still once again, he waited and like before he sidestepped a shot rather suddenly, he didn't know he'd avoided a shot, it was almost like he had little awareness of what he was doing yet he felt very relaxed and in control. There was something he didn't realize either, as he had sidestepped the second time, he had altered the angle of the lightsaber so that a third attempt was this time deflected. This pattern continued for some time until several minutes had passed when he finally spoke out.

"Master, when is this thing gonna take a shot at me?"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: Anbira laughed in spite of himself, at his padawan's question, deactivating the target droid as he did so. ::

Loki...you have done well. The droid fired two dozen times. You dodged or blocked them all. Could you feel it?

:: Anbira carefully removed the saber from Loki's grasp, deactivating it, and pulling the helmet from his head ::

You see? It happened without thought or planning.

[Loki Ahmrah]

When Loki heard Anbira laugh, he frowned a little, thinking that his master had played a trick on him and the droid was turned off or something. Then once he was told that it had fired over two dozen times, he was somewhat shocked and the suprise was evident on his face when the helmet was removed.

"Really?" He asked, "Feel it? Could I feel it?"

He repeated the question quietly, thinking back, then in retrospect his eyes widened with sudden realisation and he smiled a broad, proud smile.

"Yes! Of course, I could feel it. But at the time I didn't think I could feel it, it sounds odd, but I'm sure you know what I mean. It happened very naturally, I...I allowed it to happen; I allowed the Force to guide my actions."

He was very pleased with himself, switching his weight from foot to foot, swaying slightly, eager to try it out again. But by the look of things, his master wanted to leave that for another day. Calming down, Loki thought back to the question he wanted to ask Anbira at the start of the exercise.

"Master," He began, the curiosity evident when he spoke, "I wanted to ask you earlier, before the exercise and now after it, the question is even more tantalising: 'Does a Jedi have control of the Force or does the Force have control of a Jedi?' Y'see, I always thought it was the former of the two but now, after that experience, I'm beginning to think otherwise."

[Anbira Hicchoru]

It is a relationship, young Loki. Neither controls the other, but both work together as one. The force speaks to a Jedi who's mind is open, and can be crucial to guiding his path. A Jedi can also call upon the force, to succeed in whatever problem confronts him. The most important aspect of a Jedi's discipline is peace of mind. To give in to greed, to hate, and to want for power...and you only serve to enslave the force, and in turn, become a slave to the Dark Side.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"I understand," Loki confirmed, now settled down somewhat, "I find that whenever I learn a new skill through the Force, I have to start at the same place, with a clear, calm frame of mind and then everything else seems both natural and simple."

He went quiet for a minute, something troubling his mind; the incident back at the Bar and Grill, led by a Jedi Master, Sage Hazzard. Seeing so many Jedi divided in their views was disconcerting.

"Master, remember the incident at the Bar and Grill?" He asked rhetorically, "Well, I can't help but think after seeing so many fellow Jedi eager to go into battle that maybe sometime, in the future, there may come a day when I will have to confront someone who was once a good friend of mine. That worries me dearly."

He looked down to his feet, quietly for a moment, feeling a little uneasy.

"I have never had the misfortune of being confronted by either a Dark Jedi or a Sith yet I know that there will come a time when I will have to and, well, I'm just a boy! What could I do? A Sith would slay me in an instant outside the walls of the Bar and Grill, when I saw you fighting those Dark Jedi in Yoghurt's establishment, well, I felt so helpless. Have you ever felt like that? Or ever had to confront someone from your past?"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

Those feelings are natural, and I know them all too well. Jedi are allowed to have feelings, but there must always be control. To lose control is to lose yourself, to the Dark Side.

:: Anbira sighed a bit ::

I cannot say for certain why Master Hazzard did what he did. He believes all evil must be stopped. From a certain point of view, he is correct. Yet, there are more ways to stop the wicked than at the end of a lightsaber. It is difficult to fight evil. It is more difficult to forgive.

:: He smiled ::

Do not doubt yourself, Loki. You must be assured in your actions, and your skills. The size of a Jedi matters little, but the size of his heart is paramount. You are but a learner now. In due time, you will be a Jedi Knight. With your mind at ease and the Force as your ally, your size will be irrelevant.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Then I know what it is that I must strive for." Loki suddenly answered with a sudden realisation, "If I am to face the evils of the Dark Side, then I want to be prepared both here," He pointed to his head and then brought his hand down and pointed to his chest, "And here." Enthusiastically, he continued.

"A bit like the Calanic Monks I guess, if what you say is true then my real strength lies inside and with the Force I can both harness it and control it as a Jedi. I think these followers of Universal Balance have a code, something like: 'Body of a Warrior, Mind of a Scholor and Spirit of a Priest.' I want to be just as strong as even the greatest Jedi Master, on the inside. I want to be so that even the most manipulative Sith mind cannot sway my perspective; if I am going to be a Jedi Knight, I want to make sure I want to be uncorruptable if any Dark Sider ever tried to allure me with their malicious words."

He went quiet for a bit, then asked, "How would I go about doing that? I may be only a Padawan but already I feel when I am around you like I am standing next to an unshakeable mountain; you seem to have an iron will, as do some other masters here. Have you-" He cut himself off, shaking his head and then smiled.

"I am a fool, I was about to ask you if you'd ever been tempted by the Dark Side. But that's a ridiculous question, I know." He chuckled.

[Anbira Hicchoru]

:: The light seemed to fade from Anbira's eyes as his smile drifted away. He placed a knowing hand on Loki's shoulder. ::

Too many times. Too many entirely.

:: Returning his attentions, Anbira continued ::

It is not wrong to face temptation. It only becomes wrong when you succumb to them.

:: Anbira smiled again ::

You speak of the Calanic Monks. My son, Jubei, is a student of their teachings. It is a good guide for a Jedi, though in the end, naive. A Jedi strives for peace, but they must also know when to fight, and when not to fight. And when and when not to take life. There is evil in the galaxy that cannot be persuaded. Unfortunately, they can limit our options to a singular course. It is undesirable, but a difficult decision that must be made wisely.

You must find the right path in your heart. I cannot guide you in that direction. I can only provide insight and example.