Gosford Park is AWFUL! Man the Academy sucks

[JonathanLB]

I thought Monster's Ball was bad, holy crap! Gosford Park is three times worse! I'd give it no stars [edit: I changed from 1/2 to none; it just wasn't deserving of 1/2 star because Amelie was a better film and got 1/2]. I was thinking it had a chance at 2 stars, but after ONE FREAKIN' HOUR AND A HALF passed without a SINGLE THING happening, I figured it was destined for 1 star or less and sure enough, it made it there no problem.

CMJ, I believe you said you didn't care for this as much, well your advice should have been taken more seriously because this movie SUCKED!!!!!!

Monster's Ball started out very good and I thought it showed promise, it just sucked after that, but this sucked the entire film!! SUCKED, SUCKED, SUCKED.

I have never seen such awful trash. I liked Amelie better than I liked this stupid, inane, inept, poorly directed, poorly made, useless, boring, moronic piece of filth!

Robert Altman is terrible. He can kiss my butt. First, he's stupid. He was quoted as saying "Hollywood is responsible for the 9/11 attacks," must be nice for him since he is a stuck up British filmmaker. What reason would a British filmmaker have to be stuck up? Not a single good movie ever comes out of that country. Hell even France has made Brotherhood of the Wolf, so France: 1, England: 0, USA: 10,000 or whatever.

lol, of course Hollywood makes more bad movies than the rest of the countries in the world because we make like 500 times as many movies too!!!

I am beginning to yearn for the mediocrity of big budget duds like Queen of the Damned and Rollerball. Sure, they were not good movies, but they are 100 times better than anything I've seen at an art house theater lately.

I give all of these movies a fair chance and time after time, I do not let one bad independent movie ruin my attitude about trying to see all of these films, but time after time they just disappoint me by entirely sucking. You know, Memento, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, those are wonderful independent movies, what the hell happened to getting films like that?! Instead I am subjected to absolute drivel like Gosford Park and Amelie, and let's not forget the 0 star effort Mulholland Drive, or how about that POS Monster's Ball.

So let's see, between those FOUR movies they got a collective 2.5 stars, which is exactly what I gave Rollerball interestingly, LOL. What a load of crap.

I can safely say that Gosford Park was one of the ten most boring movies I have ever seen. 2001 would make my list too, but I think Gosford was MUCH more boring. Anyway, 2001 wasn't a bad movie, it was just boring. As a movie, it was a solid 2 star effort, I'll see it again though before I rate it for sure. Hell, HAL9000 was a killer character, gotta love HAL and he has some great lines, plus 2001 has some nice visuals here and there for sure, so even though it's slow, it's by no means a bad film.

Gosford Park, however, is horrible.

Have I used every possible bad adjective on this film yet? If not, they all apply.

Let's see, where do I start with this movie? Oh yeah, perhaps the fact that NOTHING HAPPENS until 1.5 hours into it, and yes I do know because I wear a watch and I made note of how much time passed before the first event took place.

So you may ask, "What do you mean by that? Are you being sarcastic?" DON'T MOCK ME!!! I am not sarcastic here. NOTHING F***ING HAPPENED UNTIL 1.5 HOURS IN, GOT IT?! LOL. The damn film goes on and on without anything happening at all. The characters all talk to each other, we learn a little bit about the servants, a little bit about some boring "important" people, yet nobody is interesting at all, the dialogue is ordinary and boring, not funny, not insightful, just boring.

I cannot imagine this film being any worse. You know, I'm a good writer, but I'm not nearly the comedian that this critic is whose review I am reading now, so let me just post a bit of what he says. This is from NeedCoffee.com and I agree with every word he says in the review, but he had me laughing my ass off:

"Ultimately, it's the pointlessness of the film that's the most debilitating (and making one in need of serious alcohol). Somebody dies, nobody in the house cares, so we sure as hell don't care. Hell, I had forgotten the dead person's name. I think a score card is needed for attempting to watch this film. In fact, make it a Yahtzee score card and go play the game instead of wasting your time on this unrelenting snoozer. You'll thank me."

Or how about: "I believe in this film we've found the ultimate cure for insomnia, because the most suspense you get out of the thing is whether you can stay conscious through the grueling two-hours-plus running time."

YES! I know some people here will be like, "Yeah, sure, whatever, right," but I went with my mom and the guy behind me was SNORING DURING THE MOVIE! I couldn't even believe how boring this film was.

Gosford Park is one of the worst films of 2001, it's a total piece of trash. I hope that nobody else goes and wastes their time on this drivel. I want those two hours and 30 minutes back badly. I really hate this artsy crap, I feel like going and destroying something after having seen that movie. It has just pissed me off thoroughly.

[Champion of the Force]

Looks like you're having a lovely run with these films aren't you? :)

[JonathanLB]

Dude, it has been rough lately, so many bad films in just a few weeks!

Two weeks, a TON of crap.

If you take the average review I gave before I was a critic trying to see everything, it would probably be like 3 stars. I tried to see only good films, so I gave tons of 3's and 3.5's and a few 4's, then the occassional 2's and 2.5's. Now when I go see EVERYTHING, my average has fallen to 2 or maybe just below 2 even.

[JonathanLB]

Of the last 25 movies I saw in theaters, between January and now March, my average rating is 2.14 stars. Ouch, and a lot of those were Oscar-nominated films. Then again, a few of them were like Crossroads, Super Troopers, Snow Dogs, etc.

These were the rare well reviewed films of those 25:

The Count of Monte Cristo: 4 (2002's BEST film!)
Black Hawk Down: 4 (what happened to nominating a GOOD movie for best picture?!)
Brotherhood of the Wolf: 3.5
The Royal Tenenbaums: 3.5
Orange County: 3.5 (an MTV film! Wow!)
Collateral Damage: 3
The Mothman Prophecies: 3

That's it. The rest were below 3...

[CMJ]

LOL, I knew you weren't gonna like it Jon. :P A few quick comments from me.

You're right I didn't care for it too much, however I did find oprtions of it pretty funny. Maggie Smith was hysterical...she "almost" made the movie. Overall I didn't think it was BAD like you..just nt good. It was VERY marginal.

Oh yeah...Robert Altman is not British...he's American. I just thought I'd point that out for ya. :)

[ReaperFett]

Jon, don't worry! Blade is out in but twenty or so days!


Not a single good movie ever comes out of that country
So now you get insulting. Snatch? Zulu? The Italian Job? Get Carter(NOT the Stallone one:))

Still, funny that you got all insulting for no reason :)

So, I take it you have problems with Oliver Stone too then, being as he said the US wont find Bin Laden because Oil Companies pressurise the US not to? Going to insult the British for that too?

[Jedi Master Carr]

That is why I wouldn't go see it because it just isn't my kind of film. It reminds me too much of stuff like A Room With A View and boring movies like that. I also don't care much for Altman, most of his films just bore me, maybe its just me I don't know. I also don't like how he bashes Hollywood for being so commericial, which makes me wonder if we will win best director, since Hollywood basically votes on the Oscars.

[Master Yoghurt]

Not a single good movie from Britain? Have you heard about Monty Python? :)

[JonathanLB]

I was just joking, just mad about having to see such a lousy film, Gosford Park.

No, I do not care for the Monty Python movies, sorry, I'm in the severe minority of moviegoers who just do not find them very funny. A little bit funny, yeah, but they don't do it for me. British humor is very dry, very subtle, and I don't much like it. I hate Austin Powers (the second was better though) and the Monty Python films are not my style.

Snatch is a good film, hehe, but mostly they are just making fun of England. I.E. here is the country that supposedly invented English and nobody there can speak a word of it! Haha, I loved that line, "I haven't heard a word of English since I've been here." The food really sucks too, I wonder if people in the U.K. try to ignore/downplay that. I've heard nothing but awful things from every single person about how terrible the food is in England, which is too bad because it's great in Italy, France, and a bunch of other European nations. England, though, is notorious for its horrid food.

Blade 2 will rock, I cannot wait until that comes out, but more immediately I'm very excited about The Time Machine tomorrow, because at least that's something.

CMJ: Maggie Smith was good in it, yeah, she was given the half dozen or so good lines, as one critic said, but ultimately when you have 23 main characters, there's no time for development of any of them and really you can't become attached to them at all.

I would have said Gosford Park is marginal, except that I believe if a film does nothing for two hours and 17 minutes, then it deserves what it is: nothing. No stars. It wasn't technically speaking a bad film in the way that Godzilla 2000 was a bad film, although I enjoyed Godzilla 2000 because it was SO AWFUL that it was good. I gave it no stars also, but it was a darn good no star film, haha. I was just waiting for the next opportunity to make fun of that movie and start laughing, so even though it sucked I found myself mildly entertained. Yet with Gosford Park, it was so utterly boring that I simply couldn't stop turning in my chair and squirming around, lol. I felt like I was being tortured.

Altman really is a lousy director, at least in that film, but from what I hear of the rest of his movies I'd hate them too. He just seems terrible.

I think it's funny that these actors/actresses are all supposed to be so great and acclaimed, yet in all honesty I've never heard of anyone in that movie except for Maggie Smith (seen her before) and Ryan Philipe and he's not British. The rest of them may be big shots in England, but they aren't anything over here. I watch 50+ movies per year in theaters, see everything major, and I rent a ton of movies too, yet I've never heard of any of those names and if I have seen them, they weren't significant in whatever they were in. I guess if I watched more art house trash, I'd know who they were perhaps. *shrug*

CMJ, please tell me that In The Bedroom is actually worth seeing... I still do want to see it, but I'm beginning to lose faith here, haha.

[ReaperFett]

I hate Austin Powers (the second was better though)
Thats not our humour :)



The food really sucks too, I wonder if people in the U.K. try to ignore/downplay that. I've heard nothing but awful things from every single person about how terrible the food is in England, which is too bad because it's great in Italy, France, and a bunch of other European nations. England, though, is notorious for its horrid food.
First, I hear a lot of good. Second, if you're going to keep country bashing, I'm not even going to bother acknowledging your posts.

[CMJ]

Well Jon I liked "In the Bedroom"..of course we disagree about half the time so take it anyway you'd like. ;)

BUT I honestly think you'd think "Bedroom" would be okay. It might move a bit slow for your taste...but I think you'd think it was marginal at the very least. :P

Personally I thought it was great. :)

[Jedi Master Carr]

I think he means cuisuine, honestly I have never heard anything special about English Cuisine but I haven't heard anything bad either so I have no idea what it is like, I think the other European Countries (mainly France, Italy) just have a monopoly on cooking and come out with the more famous foods.

[JonathanLB]

"First, I hear a lot of good. Second, if you're going to keep country bashing, I'm not even going to bother acknowledging your posts."

No, no, I did not mean for it to come across that way, I apologize. I would not want to insult you either, you're a cool guy :D

I just haven't heard anything good about English food, I keep hearing how awful it is over there, hehe, it was not a diss on your country, just the food. Anyway, most Americans are fat bums, hehe, every country has its stereotypes and sometimes they are true.

I think there is a great deal to be said of American work ethic and how hard people strive to move up in society, but there are a lot of fat, lazy bums in this country too who have no respect for the freedom people died to give them...

[Dutchy]

Jonathan, even though I totally disagree with you on In the Bedroom, or in general, actually, and even though you're going, as usual, way overboard on the bad adjective side, I basically DO agree with you on Gosford Park. For me also definitely one of the most boring movies ever. I can't say it was bad, but it was SO not interesting.

It's one of those movies where you go like "Woohoo!" when the end credits start rolling in. :)

Oh, I do agree with CMJ on Maggie Smith. Well, not that she was hysterical, but she was definitely the best thing about the movie.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Dutchy agreed with Jonathon!!!

* shock *

[Champion of the Force]

Dutchy agreed with Jonathon!!!
The earth will shake ... :p

[JonathanLB]

Dutchy, I only go overboard with the adjectives when I really really do not like something. In my actual movie reviews I would never do that :) It's not too professional, haha, but this isn't professional it's just a forum, so... I like ranting, but you know that.

"It's one of those movies where you go like "Woohoo!" when the end credits start rolling in."

No kidding man, good lord. What a boring movie! As you said though, it's seriously not that it's BAD, not in the way that Event Horizon is bad or the way that Devil's Advocate is bad, but it's just SO BORING that you cannot stand sitting there any longer. I was twitching and moving all around in my seat after about an hour even.

CMJ and Dutchy are both right about Maggie Smith though, my mom really likes her and yeah she was the best part of the movie. She has some witty, pretty funny, dry dialogue. Definitely the highlight, but that cannot save the film.

[Dutchy]

Originally posted by JonathanLB
Dutchy, I only go overboard with the adjectives when I really really do not like something. In my actual movie reviews I would never do that :) It's not too professional, haha, but this isn't professional it's just a forum, so... I like ranting, but you know that.

I don't see a difference between a review or forum. An opinion is an opinion. Maybe you'd use less harsh words, but you'd still have the same opinion.

[JonathanLB]

Of course, my opinion does not change, but in a review I obviously take more time to express my opinions and of course I would never put as much time into each sentence on a forum as I would for a professional article or a review that I intend to be of professional quality.

[Dutchy]

Originally posted by JonathanLB
in a review I obviously take more time to express my opinions and of course I would never put as much time into each sentence on a forum as I would for a professional article or a review that I intend to be of professional quality.

Why?

I don't see a difference. Just because you get paid for it you put more time in it? So much for passionate writing then, I guess...