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Marcus Telcontar
Feb 26th, 2002, 10:06:41 PM
AKA the FORCE ACME LABS :)



Cartoon Law I =============

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware
of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He
loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to
look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per
second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II ==============

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid
matter intervenes suddenly.

Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon
characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a
telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of
motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III ===============

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the
specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of
reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit
directly through the wall of a house, leaving a
cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony
often catalyzes this reaction.


Cartoon Law IV ==============

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater
than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the
ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it
unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V =============

All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to
propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky
noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion
upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the
crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or
the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground,
especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI ==============

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of
altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is
common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.
A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication only at
manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the
velocity required.


Cartoon Law VII ===============

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble
tunnel entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at
least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's
surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into
this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall
when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately
a problem of art, not of science.


Cartoon Law VIII ================

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine
lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced,
splayed, accordion- pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they
cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity,
they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.


Cartoon Law IX ==============

Everything falls faster than an anvil.


Cartoon Law X ==============

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies
to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the
relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AMENDMENTS TO THE CARTOON LAWS OF PHYSICS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Cartoon Law Amendment A =======================

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually
a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up,
with great velocity.


Cartoon Law Amendment B =======================

The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool"
characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously
nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For
instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express
himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C =======================

Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.


Cartoon Law Amendment D =======================

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a
canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin
to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches
its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to
stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the
canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it
strikes the ground.


Cartoon Law Amendment E =======================

Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in
which Cartoon laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe
which postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a
space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite
quanta are quite large (stick-sized) and unstable (lit). Such
quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of
distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a
special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to
their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and
energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big
bang indeed.

Sith Ahnk
Feb 26th, 2002, 11:06:35 PM
As both a physcasist and cartoon watcher I must say...


meep meep!
*runs away*

TGE Naval Officer
Feb 28th, 2002, 02:26:16 AM
Cartoon Law Amendment F =======================

An object of great density (aka, an anvil) may suffer a termination of all kinetic and/or potential energy, given that it impacts against an object of far lesser density (aka, a pillow or umbrella).

The process is unique to Cartoon physics, and can be explained quite easily: Energy cannot be directly transmitted in any form in this realm of physics, unless it is called upon by the aforementioned "cool" character to do so. Thus an anvil dropped onto the head of a "cool" character may be easily repelled by a finger, foot, toe, umbrella or pillow. In contrast, an anvil dropped by a "cool" character onto the body of a lesser character will retain all gravitic energy ordinarily expected of it, and result in the immediate compression (albeit not fatal) of the victim.

Lord Gue
Feb 28th, 2002, 08:06:37 PM
Dont forget this important one:

Any Item bought from ACME will always inadvertantly backfire on its user

Falcon Gyndar
Mar 1st, 2002, 03:05:23 PM
Don't forget that, in the case of holes in the ground, they are ALWAYS attached to all the other holes nearby not previously shown until such character that jumps down one hole pops out of the other hole. All rabbit holes and manholes are attached.