The TV show!

[Moltar]

Prolouge:

*Moltar sits at a table, drinking some coffie browzing the local Holonet feed.*

Wow, theres nothing on out here... And this Coffie is cold!

Dang it, if theres one thing I hate more then no TV, it's cold coffie. Figures I'd go out here looking for some hopefulls, and theres cold coffie. Well then I'd guess I need to complain about this..... And I can do it on TV! Why not, this town could use a sensational Talk show!.

*A waiter approches from the left and wispers.*
Uh this planet is the city..
*Moltar looks at him.*
Oh, hay I can get a larger raitings share then...



End Prolouge

Live from the Imperial Seneit Building on Coursant, it's the Moltar Complaint Forum *A scuffling is heard in the background and a very cruel voice is heard*Oh come on, you prounced Senate wrong!*Suddenly a blaster is heard firing and the announcer steps back up tp the mike. I'll say it any way I want to say it!

Moltar: Greatings I am Moltar, and I'm here today to complain about, uh hold on a sec... Blast it I lost my notes so Just who are you guys?

[Admiral Lebron]

"I'm an Imperial Admiral bent on living a life of power and glory. I am a scorpion, enjoy long walks on the beaches and like pets. Turn ons: Cheerleaders, Women in uniform, and warm water. Turn offs: Mud, Garbage, and men. " The Admiral takes a breath, "I come from Kamaar and have my own Tech industry. And I am on this show somehow." Looks around confused and bewildered.

[Moltar]

So your not a Senator here? Say where is the Senate anyways?

[Admiral Lebron]

We have a senate in the Empire?

[Moltar]

I guess so..
*Moltar takes out a small peice of paper entitled "Guide to Coursant."*
Lets see
Imperial Senate building: Once used by the Old Republic and the Empire to house their ruling body. It has fallen into dissarray since it's dissbandment.

Wha..Disbandment! No wonder there is no one here and I had to break in. Well who am I supposed to complain to now?

[Admiral Lebron]

Admiral Khendon Sevon, CO of the Couruscant sector?

[Moltar]

I guess, but who are you?

[Darth Viscera]

"Pa killed the senate."

*Tries to step forth from the shadows but a spotlight shines on his location, ruining his omnipotent snake-like advance.*

"Oh, drats. I'll remember this when your I-2 forms are tabulated."

*Looks at his cards*

"I'm the most powerful and influential man in the galaxy, and enjoy manipulating my lessers by the bushel. My turn-ons are intelligence, romance, honesty and courage. My turn-offs are Ignorace, lack of class, lies and weak personalities. My ambition is to be successful at everything I do -- public relations, modeling and being a good mother."

*Looks awkwardly at his cards again*

"Being a good mother...my last name is not Bernaola. Damn you, Joshua! You are a horrible speech writer and very, very fired!"

[Admiral Lebron]

Admiral Lei Lebron, Bastion Sector.

[Moltar]

O_o

A mother?

Wha??


So who do I complain to again?

[Darth Viscera]

Complain to anyone and you'll be shot on the spot for sedition!

[Admiral Lebron]

Psst! Give him a planet and you can have him distracted!

[Darth Viscera]

I'm not giving him a planet!

[Admiral Lebron]

No moltar give you a planet.

[Darth Viscera]

What part of a 59th planet will distract me?

[Khan Surak]

:: Appears from a glass vase on Moltar's desk, because all Talk Show people have desks... somewhere ::

What about Eroticon VI? That's a nice planet.

[Admiral Lebron]

How 'bout Sluis Van?

[Khan Surak]

That was uncalled for..


*cries*

[Admiral Lebron]

I'd say I'm sorry but my publicisit says thats bad press. So I won't.

[Moltar]

A planet. Naa I'd just blow it up or have it destroyed...

And why you all introduce yourselves like the Admiral did?

[Admiral Lebron]

Cause we are?

[Moltar]

Uh, sure... I guess.. So Viscera is a mother, The guy from my desk lives in glass bottles, and this Senate is empty?

Next your going to be telling me that some unknown person is going to walk in here and claim to be the ruler!

[Admiral Lebron]

That's the mother. She's incharge. I need sleep!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*HaeLari stumbles in with her clothes a mess, gagged and looking basically like she's been held hostage for far too long*

I'm the ruler!!!!!!

[Darth Viscera]

No you're not, I am! And how did you get past security? If you snuck aboard that shipment of fava beans from Carshoulis Prime, kitten food will be the entree tonight.

[Arya Ravenwing]

*sits in the audience, unsure of whether to clap, cry, or laugh at this talk show* :\

[Sith Ahnk]

(A hamster ball rolls across the stage, smacking into Darth Viscera's foot before dissapearing again into the back.)

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Actually, the guards were pretty easy to get through. A bat of the eyes and they lowered their guard like there wasn't any tomarrow. But that odd producer was another story....

*HaeLari pulled the ropes off of her wrists*

But I took care of him... ;)

[Darth Viscera]

Ow! My foot!

That's impossible! All our guards have been neutered!

[Admiral Lebron]

I swore you were joking when you told me to have them neutered.

[Han Skywalker]

*Han stood, and threw a chair at Visc*


" MOLTAR, MOLTAR , MOLTAR!!!!!!"

[HaeLari Draevyn]

You mean neuter, not castration. So, it's possible...

[Admiral Lebron]

Ick! Castration is evil! Very evil! Boo castration!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Don't give me ideas now.:D

[Darth Viscera]

Neutering is far more humane than castration!

[Admiral Lebron]

Since when is the empire human?

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*HaeLari grabs a pair of scissors off of a table behind the camera and heads towards Lebron and Viscera, grinning like a maniac*

Well, while neutered you can still do the "duty". I'm going to be so inhumane to you two that they'll have to go to a commercial to prevent this show from going Rated R.

*HaeLari is only kidding.... or is she?* >D

[Darth Viscera]

*Uses the force to reverse HaeLari's right kneecap, breaking several bones in the process and sending her sprawling to the floor in agony. The scissors go flying off into the audience.*

The Empire is always human. Did the term "sub-human" that we use in regards to alien scum not clue you in?

[Khan Surak]

They're so human in fact, that they have a..

Human Society.

Get it? Haw!

:: Sits down in a chair and sips Batorine Blood Wine ::

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*HaeLari winced and fell to the ground, but didn't show any real pain although she felt it. Instead she clenched her teeth and remained where she was..*

[Sith Ahnk]

(The hamster ball returns. This time it smacks Darth Viscera in the shoulder at eighty kilometers an hour, and then deflects into the crowd, smacking Han for good mesaure as well.)

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by HaeLari Draevyn
*HaeLari winced and fell to the ground, but didn't show any real pain although she felt it. Instead she clenched her teeth and remained where she was..*

Her stance inverted :lol


(The hamster ball returns. This time it smacks Darth Viscera in the shoulder at eighty kilometers an hour, and then deflects into the crowd, smacking Han for good mesaure as well.)

Effectively shattering every bone in the hamster ball several times over.

[Sith Ahnk]

It's a Quantum Christiline hamster ball Viscera, and inside is cotton

[Darth Viscera]

the only quantum chrystalline in the galaxy comes from the empire's cache, which was mined on yavin prior to our abandonment of the planet. Sorry, it's not for sale!

[Sith Ahnk]

I stole it with the help of Captain Picard

[Darth Viscera]

uh huh.

[Sith Ahnk]

Transporters are a beatiful thing.
How I got onto Coruscant too.

[Darth Viscera]

uh huh.

[Sith Ahnk]

I'm Worf's lover

[Darth Viscera]

riiight.

[DarthDarkCloak]

*Another man in black robes wanders onto the stage. He stops when he hears the noise of the audience and feels the spot light on him. He steps back, and the light follows him. He steps foward a few steps and the lightstays tight on him. As the sweat pours down his face, he faces the audience.*

"Ummm, I guess I made a wrong turn somewhere back there."

*Cloak pauses and then looks to Moltar*

"OHH, your Moltar. I'm on Moltar? Wow!!!!"

*fixes his robes*

"Hi my name is DarthDarkCloak. I am a Sith Knight slash Rougue slash Imperial Officer slash Military dictator of a non-existant planet. I enjoy betraying empires, long extremely bloody saber duels, kidnapping trusted friends, dissapearing for long periods of time and killing my long-lost twin brothers. My turn-ons are firey women in huge dark robes, war and nice toes. MY turn-offs are technology and Italian soda. I'm from a galaxy far, far away. Ohhhhh, and I have a whole bunch of scars wanna seeeeee????????"

*See's Viscera and waves*

"Hey!"

[Admiral Lebron]

Aww look... You hurt her Viscera.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*HaeLari shrugs and pops her knee back into place with a sickening pop*

Eh, I hate it when that happens.

[Admiral Lebron]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! !!!!!!


Sweet! Do it again! Again!

[Khan Surak]

heh, hamsters.. *sips wine*

Say, Moltar. Could I be your co-host?

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*HaeLari shrugs and kicks her leg out, a bunch of cracking heard from her knee*

But that's a lot grosser... Now you should see what I can do with my legs. I can dislocate them and pop 'em back in.

[Darth Viscera]

Ack! I'm the co-host!

[Sith Ahnk]

(Viscera is beamed directly to the brig.)
"Go ahead Mr. Surak."

[Admiral Lebron]

No. I am the co-host. I have the inside scope.

Legs are cool. So are legos. And waffles. Yum.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Legos? I remember a guy that built a life size toilet out of legos... Hmm...

[Moltar]

Wow, I didnot think that this many people had complaints against Coffie?

Anyone care to share a story or get involved in a fight about it?

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Coffee?! Coffee is evil!

[Sith Ahnk]

(Throws a pot of coffee on Moltar... a small pot mind you, as Ahnk fits into a hamster ball.)

[Admiral Lebron]

I built a 9 foot long (3 meters or so) Star Destroyer of generally white legos. It was hard. It had a lego crew of like 50 people with 1 landing craft an two fighters. I did it over the summer in my spare time with the help of friends. It was great!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

And I bet Ahnk there could fit into it, right?

[Khan Surak]

Coffee is good. Damn good. It's so good, even my...*trails off*....................*returns to speaking normally* and that's why bananas are called yellow fatty beans.

[Sith Ahnk]

"They are?"
(Scratches head.)

[TheHolo.Net]

[dictator mode]
Sorry, but I cannot see any reason to justify why this topic should remain in the RP forum. It started well enough to remain, but has become something that just doesn't fit with the topic of the forum.

I don't wish to take away from anyone's fun, but this thread isn't an example of what I, or other members of the staff, consider role play any longer and belongs in the OOC forum now.

Thread moved.
[/dictator mode]

[Sith Ahnk]

Welcome to the thread Mr. Dot Net!

[Laran Katern]

You're talking to the King of Coffee addiction. I regularly go through at least 4 a day. simply must have it...

* shakes cause he doesn't have one now *

[Darth Viscera]

I like starbucks bottled frappucino!

[imported_Firebird1]

OOC: becaues he doesn't want to log in a Moltar

Ok then lets play Soccer!
*Kicks the hamster ball*

[Xanatos Etanial]

::Xanatos walks out of a cooridoor, as a flushing sound is hear, proceeds to walk past the whole group, effectively ignoring them.::

[Admiral Lebron]

GET 'IM! *Points at Xanatos* GET THE WEE ONE!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

You have toilet paper trailing behind you on your foot.

*points to Xan's right foot.*

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

*bats hampster ball around like a cat would*

[Admiral Lebron]

*Sees the female feline and is not sure wheather to run or say hi.*

[Khan Surak]

Khan constructs a rocket and places the hamster ball in the rocket. The rocket launches and is plunging directly for the sun.

WHAT WILL OUR HERO DO?! IS THIS THE END?!?!

[Darth Viscera]

Go rocket, go!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*blinks and watches the hamster ball fly out towards the sun*

And it's going...going... GONE?!