Auditions

[Live Wire]

Okay well seeing as LV and Darth Vader are getting hitched we're gonna need some entertainment for her bachelorette party. Theres no set date at the momement but we decided it would be a good idea to audition the perspective entertainers. The party will be held at the sith ladies lounge so whoever makes the cut gets access inside the place. Something no male has ever had before. :D

You get two posts in which to wow the judging panel. So be creative, be originial, and write like you've never written before! The ladies are watching. ;)

[Integra Hellsing]

What a day I have picked to arrive. :D

May I help judge?

I assure you that my standards are quite high.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Oooo! I'll just watch and go into a daze! :angel Nice idea. :D

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I am ready to judge! Bring on the meat! Er, I mean, men!

[Lady Vader]

OOOOOOO!!!!

*Jumps up and down clapping*

I get final saaaaaaaayyyy!!!! :D :D :D

[Live Wire]

umm...who are you? are you a sith chick?

[Integra Hellsing]

My alignment, whether good or evil, has yet to be fully determined.

[Marcus Telcontar]

I'm a Jedi Male Stripper.


What else needs to be said?

[Lady Vader]

O_o O_o O_o O_o O_o

hey! look! They're iN SYNC! :lol:lol:lol:lol:lol

[Lilaena De'Ville]

DT, was that your first post? Because, my intrest is piqued.

[Live Wire]

Nope buddy you got to audition just like everyone else. No favors here. We have to see if you're good enough for this exclusive engagement. I'll be nice and not count that as your first post.

In your post please introduce yourself with name, rank, and organization and then begin your original piece.

[Mortaniuss]

http://learndifferent.clanpages.com/n/coven/mort.jpg

Need I say more?

[Integra Hellsing]

Oh how I detest those of the undead persuasion. :p

[Lady Vader]

Not really... but still do as LW suggests... for the fairness of it all. :)

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Cirrsseeto arrives at the audition, wearing his traditional green jacket and loose-fitting jumpsuit underneath. He carries a small disk, which he inserts into the audio player. A voice comes over the sound system.

Well now. We call this the act of mating. But there are some very important differences between humans and animals you should know about.

A rhythmic tempo begins to play. The large felinoid begins to dance to the beat, hips gyrating, feet shuffling, and ice-blue eyes fixed on the judges. The beat stopped suddenly, as did Cirrsseeto's dance. His lip curled over a long canine, as he mouthed a line in a lip-sync.

I'd appreciate some input.

The music started up again, and in a guttural growl, the Cizerack unsheathed his claws, shredding apart the jacket and jumpsuit, leaving only ragged tatters, tiger-print briefs, and an immaculately-chiseled physique, decorated in his cream and tan stripe pattern.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

I don't know... I kinda of like the long white stringy hair and the undead pasty look about his skin... :lol

[Live Wire]

::Watches the cizerack male and scribbles on a score card::

hmmm...nice physique. Those claws do add something extra to his performance dont they. A felinoid does seem appropriate somehow.

::continues to watch::

[Lilaena De'Ville]

oooooh...

[Integra Hellsing]

Thus far my vote goes to the felinid. So much warmer than the albino undead. >D

Cats are cute and snuggly too. :D

[Lilaena De'Ville]

*snaps out of it* Well, I would have to say that his performance was...exquisite. Perhaps I should arrange a private second autition in a soundproof room, just me and him... ;) :p

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Cirrsseeto danced about fluidly and powerfully, pulling each tattered strip of fabric off his body piece by piece as he did. His hips swayed back and forth as he circled around the judges, the tiger stripes of his undergarments seeming to blend with his actual skin tone in the blur of motion.

Sex baby, Sex baby, Sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about.
So put your hands down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.
Yes I'm Siskel, Yes I'm Ebert, and you're getting two thumbs up.

Approaching De'Ville, the felinoid's ears rose up, a shaking purr proving its own kind of bass to the music, as he danced against her. A large clawed hand guided her hand and pressed it to his bare chest, sliding down his abdomen, and toward those tiger undies. As she got near, his face neared hers, sharp teeth snapping in a teasing air-bite. He plopped the Sith Mistress back in her seat, returning to his action.

You've had enough of two hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of bounds.
I want you smothered, want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns.
Coming quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex, like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like daylight saving's time.
Do it now!

Cirrseeto dropped to his knees, back arching as he splayed his hands behind him to support his frame. He began to bounce up and down, and all attention was fixated on those striped unmentionables.

You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals
So lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now.
You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals
So lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin horny now!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I will say one thing now, and save my official opinion until after the audtions are over.

Cizerack males are very good at what they do. :mischief

[Live Wire]

Very nice performance Mr Cirrsseeto. ::Jots down more notes::

You will hear our final decision once all applicants have performed.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*goes into that daze she spoke of as she watches this guy. She doesn't even have to be one of the judges to enjoy this!* Oooo.... :D

[Marcus Telcontar]

For the chance to be in a room full of hot women clamouring over me on some hen's night what would I say,,,, hmmm...... what would I do......


I know.


I would Go somewhere else. I'd much rather the homely girl in the corner by herself than the sexiest Sith ever. Cause I'm the type of Jedi who believes that if you want to treat a man as a piece of meat, that's what you'll get. Meat. Nothing more.

I'm the type of Jedi that knows how to dance... and not that type of dancing that makes you look like someone having a fit - proper dancing, with style and substance, that takes your breath away. I'm the type of Jedi that you could look into my eyes and get lost in them, that makes you sit there and listen to me, dreaming of my voice as it almost makes love to you with it's tones. The type of Jedi, whose first words in the morning are not "Goodbye", the type of Jedi that believes that there no hell I would not go through for someone I care for. I would rather look at your face and see you for what you are, rather than your bust size. I know how to make you laugh.

I know about truth and honesty and the importance of a hug before bed. I know that flowers are not a form of foreplay. You either take me or leave me, cause I'm not your plaything and I never will be.

So if you want flesh? Look somewhere else.

You want something one hell of a lot more? That's up to you. Because that's what I am and always will be. I have a code of honour that can and will never be broken and for proof of that, you can ask Lady De'ville what happened on our first meeting.

Basically, I'm not what your looking for. Which is completely fine with me. But I do make one mean cocktail and if your looking for a chaperone or a dance partner for the night.... I'm the best there is.

Bar none.

[Loki Ahmrah]

LMAO @ Cirrsseeto!

Quality, just quality! :lol:lol

[Taylor Millard]

Originally posted by Lilaena De'Ville
I am ready to judge! Bring on the meat!

Did someone say, "Meat?"

http://www.gerweck.net/seanstipich.jpg

[Loki Ahmrah]

>_<

Don't pollute threads with pictures like that!

:x

[Live Wire]

okay lets keep the thread moving. I know there has to be more guys out there willing to audition. Dont forget the ones we pick get access to the coveted ladies lounge!!

[Neejaarri Saaneessorr]

Afterrr, Cirrsseeto's audjitjion jI am afrrrajid to trrrjy mjy hand at dancjing.

*Cowers in shyness.

[Jehova Eaven]

I'll audition somewhere else, I believe SWFans should stay PG-13.

[Setzer Aistal]

He walked to the center of the room, a chair in hand. Setzer normally wasn't up to these kinds of things, but hey there was a first time for everything, right?

Once in the middle of the room, he turned the chair around backwards, and leaned against the back of it. Turning his head to the side, he nodded to someone in the back, as music began to fill the hall.

I love myself I want you to love me
When I feel down I want you above me
I search myself I want you to find me
I forget myself I want you to remind me

As the music played, he sat there in his chair, looking all around at the judges, all the while a smirk on his face.

He then started to move slightly to the beat of the music, letting his jacket slide down his arms slowly, further and further until it was just about ready to fall to the floor, when he stopped, jumping out of the chair.


I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Ooh I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me come running
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine



The music was now in full force. Setzer was moving gracefully to the music, keeping perfect beat to the music. Then, he truned, looked directly at the judges and winked before turning again, his back to them. The jacket began sliding down his arms, and then fell to the floor. He turned back to face them, his shirt half button, revealing his well muscled chest.

He walked over to the judges, stopping first in front of the Lady Live Wire. THe music played on, as he bgan dancing in front of her, completely oblivious to the others in the room. He moves solely for her, his hips moving seductively to the music. The smile on his face was definately a mischievious one in nature. Setzer reached out slowly touched her face lightly, and then pulled back quickly, walking back to the center of the room.


I close my eyes and see you before me
Think I would die if you were to ignore me
A fool could see just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees I do anything for you

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Ooh I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no


Setzer turned on his heels, so that he was facing the judges again, his shirt now fully open, hanging on his shouldes. His abs seemed to be chisled in rock, they were so defined. It was a popular misconception that racers didn't have to be in shape, when quite the opposite was true. Setzer prided himself on the amount of work he'd done on his body to have it so well defined.

Setzer danced in the middle of the room, his hands coming up over his chest lightly , making thier way to his head. His fingers ran though his hair, until both his hands were on top of his head, while his hips gyrated to the music.


I want you I don't want anybody else
And when I think about you I touch myself
Ooh, ooh, oo, oo. ahh

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Ooh I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no


His hands ran back down over his chest, over his pecks, and then to his sides, coming to the waistband on his pants. Slowly, his hands moved around them, his body still swaying to the music, the smile still on his face. The whole time he moved, he watched the judges, looking into each of their eyes.

He swung around, so that he was now back on the chair, the music slowing and fading some. he leaned on the back of the chair, as the final note echoed through the room.

( ooc - there's my two posts in one)

[Live Wire]

*makes notes*


Very nice. Thank you Mr. Aistal please wait for our final decisions.


Who's next?

[Mu Satach]

:: comes in and sits in a corner ::

I like to watch.
:smokin
;)

[ReaperFett]

*slides into the room*

hiiii.....

*realising his shoes have no grip, is helpless as he slides into a window, flying out of it*



(BTW Cirr, I remember the last time you sung that song. The thread closed :))

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*snickers as Fett flies out the window*

How graceful.

[Live Wire]

*laughs*



should we count that as fetts first post or not?

[Darth Viscera]

Jeez, would I even want access to the Sith Ladies' Lounge? Is there any amount of thinly veiled female homoerotica there? A peck on the cheek? Or is this something where fantasy exceeds reality, like the Playboy Mansion buffet table?

Hmmm, a peck on the cheek. Anyone seen the trailer for Kissing Jessica Stein? That'll be better than But I'm a Cheerleader! and the Aussie movie with the iconoclast.

Bah, you're all crazy :p

[Jehova Eaven]

contact me on AIM, my SN is Jehova Eaven.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Originally posted by Live Wire
*laughs*
should we count that as fetts first post or not?

:D If you find klutziness sexy, then by all means count it. I think that was adorable!;)

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

*watches all the performances with interest, but keeps her arm around her own male Kit's waist to keep him from trying out*

[Lady Vader]

*Holds up an 8.7 for Fett's fall out the window.*

Well, you have to admit, it was rather, um, unique. :lol

[Lilaena De'Ville]

;) I'd like to see more from Fett. A lot more. :D

And...did the temperature rise in here or something?? *fans herself a little* :D:D

[Sith Ahnk]

"YOU WANNA SEE DANCING? YOU WANNA SEE DANCING?"
(Ahnk struts out in front of the gathered panel of ladies.)
"Well, ladies, I got something y'all ain't never seen! It's tag team time time time!"
(From the washroom stumbles an obviously pissed Frank Harrigan.)
"All right ladies... hit the music!"
(From somewhere in the bar, the Crystal Method track "Get Busy Child" hits, and Ahnk starts out with some rudimentary steps fore and back, getting into rhythm. The track picks up, and Ahnk teases dance manuevers, while Harrigan's drunken version of the Robot is entertaining.)
(The music starts kicking ass, and Ahnk goes to his hands for one spin and a spring. He lands in the splits and kicks his way up in spinaroni, adding the little head shake afterwards before standing and breaking back in steps. It's Harrigans turn.)
(The big man lurches forward, and begins grinding and swinging his Robot at high speed. He bends and swings until he vomits all over the inside of his helmet, and steps back to do his normal slow paced version.)
(Ahnk slips in onto his hands, twisting twice before coming up with elevated splits. He swings twice on that before jumping up and does a flawless three kick backflip on the wall. Themusic stops and Ahnk takes a bow. Harrigan continues to dance.)
"hey Frank... come on man, number's over..."
(Harrigan shakes his head.)
"No man... they ain't seen nothing yet..."
(Ahnk laughs.)
"Naw, I think they saw enough..."
(And harrigan lashes forward with his fist, sending Ahnk bulleting out the same window as ReaperFett before him.)
(And the Robot resumes.)

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Well... that was interesting... Could have done without the vomiting. :lol

[Live Wire]

I give Fett an 8.5 I'll give him a 10 if he does it again with a rose in his teeth and leopard print undies.

*makes notes*



yeah sure.......ummm...
Now this thread needs the can.


NEXT!

[Integra Hellsing]

Proceeds to shoot Ahnk in the head, then blows down the still smoking barrel of her 9MM.

And now let the show continue.

[Lady Vader]

Tough judging! This is worse than the Olympics! :lol

[Live Wire]

naw if this were the olympics we would have conferred about what score to give him and had it decided before he even thought about posting in this thread!:D


okay now we're off topic again.

Bring on more men!

[Darth Viscera]

for shame!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

I think the men are shy. :D We don't bite... Well... I don't at least.:angel

[Garrett Blade]

"Ladies!"

The doors slam shut behind Garrett as he enters wearing a deep purple tuxedo, pink, purple and blue checked trousers, a golden silk shirt, sky-blue waistcoat and navy-blue cravatte, topped off by a dark purple, silk beret. His face has been powdered white, his hair dyed green and his lips red and wide. A cane could be seen in his hand, with the top of the shaft adourned with a pair of bright red, lucious lips!

"Lets broaden our minds! Live Wire!"

At that cue, Live Wire pressed play on the CD player. A hefty baseline began to beat at a steady pace. Then, the baseline was accompanied by a piano executing a perfect vibrato piece. as it did, Garrett began to spin around on the spot. He removed the purple jacket from his torso and began to twirl it around his head. He then flings it towards the judges - thankfully Dredd was nowhere in sight so he couldn't be charged with five years for indecent exposure. One of them caught it in both hands. That's the jacket - not Dredd. Remember, he's not here! As the jacket left his hands, trumpets and horns began to sound. The brass section seemed to appear from nowhere behind Garrett. All the players were dressed similar to Garrett, except the pigmentation of the hair, lips and face was normal.

All hail - the new king in town!
Young 'n old gather round!!!

Garrett's eyes widened with horror at the thought of being attacked by a group of pensioners with small children. But he relaxed and carried on.

Black and white, red and green
The funkiest man you've ever seen!!!

Garrett began to sing along with the vocals. He held his hand out and beckoned Lady Vader forwards with his index catalogue. She stood up out of her chair and walked over to him. He took her by the hands and spun her around. As she whirled around him, he stuck a foot out across the floor. She half-sliped, but he caught her...

"Tell U what his name is!"

He then began to dance with her. Twirling her, Spinning her. Lifting her up and throwing her into the air. Had he not been telekinetic she'd have cracked her head open by now.

Party Man!
PARTY MAN!!!
Rock a party like nobody can!
Rules and regulations, no place in this nation!

Garrett began to gyrate his hips in time with hers. he thrust his crotch into hers, not caring for what the other half had to say about it. Garrett only had to steal his giant inhaler to sort him out afterall.

Party man!
PARTY MAN!!!

Party people say it now!

As Garrett yelled this, the entire panel of judges jumped up out of their seats and stood on the tables, waved their arms in the air and screamed at the top of their lungs with sheer ecstasy...

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! OH YEAH!!!!!!!

Somebody holler if U wanna party!!!

Again, the women in the room screamed in response to Garretts requests.

I rock the party, I rock the house.
I rock the whole world north, east and south.
In the west, seventeen horns blowin'!


Garrett tensed up. His clothes tore instantaneously. He discarded te tattered garments to show his muscular torso, bulging biceps and titilating triceps, revealin' his concealin's - a pair of bright yellow smiley pants. And hidden beneath the shirt, now exposed to all, was a golden yellow smiley tie to complement the pants.

ALL HAIL THE NEW KING IN TOWN!!!

He removed the smileys and placed it over Lady Vader's head. He made sure not to remove the pants though! It just wasn't that kind of party! Then, the two resumed the dance of madness. Finally, he hoisted her up onto his shoulders and spun slowly for all to see the bride to be...

YOUNG AND OLD!
GATHER ROUND!
EVERYBODY HAIL THE NEW QUEEN IN TOWN!!!

[Live Wire]

*blinks*

how......ummm....colorfuland yeah well okay. :D


Thank you please wait for final results.



*is beginning to wonder what in the world she has gotten herself into.*

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

Originally posted by HaeLari Draevyn
I think the men are shy.

???? Men shy? lol.....whatever......

[Rothmar Dujek]

OW! I have a vivid imagination Garrett! That was obscene!!!! :lol

[Live Wire]

shush you! No commentary!

[Laran Katern]

Laran walks into the room decked out in his white polyester suit, and a disco ball in his hand


"Someone say dance auditions?"

[Live Wire]

*is quickly beginning to think this was a bad idea*

yeah auditions. If you can deliver what we're asking for then go ahead and try out.

[Lord Gue]

Enters the room, eyeing all the judges in a row. He reaches down, ripping his shirt and tearing it off. Crossing his arms over his chest he stands in front of them.
In reference to my physique, see any Vin Diseal movie

[Live Wire]

so let us see you move!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

:lol:lol

How many openings are they auditioning for? One ?

[Live Wire]

naw Im thinking probably three? At least two.

[Lady Vader]

Uh, thank you... Garrett. That was indeed colorfull.

*She disembarks from his shoulder and walks back to where LW is, and leans in to whisper in her ear.*

How much longer?

:lol

[Live Wire]

lol! Just a little while longer LV.

Who's next?

[Neejaarri Saaneessorr]

*Nervously pokes head in...

A-HEM

*Piano starts playing

If someone stood up in a crowd

And raised his voice up
Way out loud.
And waved his arms


*Waves arms

And shook his leg.

*Shakes leg

You'd notice him
If someone in the movie show yelled

FIRE IN THE SECOND ROW!!!!

This whole place is a...powder keg.

You'd notice him. And even without clucking like a hen (Bwa-kawk!)

Every one gets noticed...now and then. Unless of course that, personage should be...

In-visble. In-consequential.

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ah.

*All of a sudden, throws his arms out and starts dancing.

Cell-o-phane. Mister Cell-o-phane Shoulda been my name
Mister Cell-o-phane, 'Cause you can look right through me. Walk right by me. And never know I'm there.

I tell ya. Cell-o-phane Mister Cell-o-phane shoulda been my name
Mister Cell-o-phane. 'Cause you can look right through me walk right by me. And never know I'm theeeerrrreeee.

*Gets all nervous, but keeps singing.

Suppose you was a little cat.
Residin' in a person's flat. Who fed you fish and scratched your ears.

*Scratches right ear then falls to the ground.

You'd notice him.

Suppose you was a woman wed. And sleepin' in a person's bed. Beside one man for Seven Years.
You'd notice him.

A...human being's made of more than air. With all that bulk you're bound to see him there.
Unless that human being next to you.

Was...unimpressive...undistinguished.

YOU

KNOW

WHO!!!

*Throws arms out and starts dancing again.

Should have been my name
Mister *Spins Cellophane
'Cause you can walk right by me. Look right through me.
And never know I'm there....

Never...

Even....

Knnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow...

I'm....

There.....

*Music ends.

*Looks around, realizing where he is....Runs away.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

That was adorable. :) *throws flowers out for Neejaari*

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

*watches the performance* now that wasss djifferrrent......

[Lady Vader]

That was indeed different, but very cute. :)

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Cheek pinchable cute!

But let's see some more! :D

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

meh, cute jisssn't all that fun......

[Live Wire]

why do I feel like I should pat him on the head and give him a kitty treat?

[HaeLari Draevyn]

lol And maybe taking him home and give him some kitty milk. :cat

[Lady Vader]

o_O

You know... the mental image that line brought... *shakes head* |I :lol

[HaeLari Draevyn]

O_o Oooo! But the question is would I mind?:angel

[Live Wire]

lmao!! Thats just sick and twisted! I love it!

[HaeLari Draevyn]

Muwahahhahaha. Now what's he into...:spank :cat :cat

[Assaurreei Cassarreessa]

Well jin mjy experrrjience he ljikesss pajin. :D

[Neejaarri Saaneessorr]

jYesss, hjit me agajin Mjisssssstrrressssss... ;)

[Sasseeri Reeouurra]

:lol

[HaeLari Draevyn]

LMAO! That's a bit too much even for me. *blushes*

[Pierce Tondry]

Hm. To try out, or not to try out.

*Speculates.*

[Lady Vader]

*LV whispers.*

Pssst... try out. ;):lol

[Live Wire]

*waves hand*

you WILL try out!

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

:lol

[Lord Gue]

"You know, in a revelation, I am not just some peice of man meat you can toss around with your discresion"
He burst out laughing"Nevermind.."[i]Wrapping his thumbs around his belt loops he ripped his pants from his body, exposing a pair of bikini underwear. He then turned and left with what dignity he could muster.

[HaeLari Draevyn]

*sneaks after Gue, gives him a hug before her leaves then goes back to her seat, taking what dignity he did have left with her since she took his shirt with her* :D

[Gav Mortis]

Just checked up on this thread and noticed two posts just after Garrett's attempt:


*blinks*

how......ummm....colorfuland yeah well okay.


Thank you please wait for final results.

*is beginning to wonder what in the world she has gotten herself into.*

and this:


Uh, thank you... Garrett. That was indeed colorfull.

*She disembarks from his shoulder and walks back to where LW is, and leans in to whisper in her ear.*

How much longer?


I didn't notice any other responses to anyone elses auditions in such a manner, I know you probably think it's all good fun but that's not.

If you're gonna offend him when he made the effort to audition for something you requested, hence doing you a both a favour, then I suggest not asking for auditions in the future. If there's one thing I can't abide, it's being impolite.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Pierce....audition?? *goes home to empty house and cries and cries while baby Jax is confused and fatherless*

;)

And *I* liked Garrett's audition. Of course, he danced with LV, not me.. :( *pouts*

[Lady Vader]

Dude, Gav, please calm down.

I did like Garrett's post. Very much so. And I especially liked it how he involved me. My post was to indicate how taken aback I was by his post. It was meant in a good way.
And the last part was a joke to LW. It wasn't meant to offend anyone. I was being sarcastic when I said "How much longer?". I am having fun with these auditions and enjoying them.

And I know for a fact LW's post was also not meant to offend or disrespect in any way.

I'm sorry if you misinterpreted our words.


These auditions are quite serious under all the fun-filled words. We are looking for a "few good men" to be able to have as guests and entertainment for LV's bachlerette party. As soon as a date is set for the wedding, a date will be set for the party. And those that we choose will be notified. Of course, in the end, all will be welcome to come to the wedding, but we'll be sure to send out or post one gigantic invitation.

[TGE Naval Officer]

*Major-General Stanley steps forward, accompanied by three aids who will act as the chorus. He takes a sip of water, and begins singing.*

GENERAL STANLEY:
"I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse."


AIDS:
"With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse."

GENERAL STANLEY:
"I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General."

AIDS:
"In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General."

GENERAL STANLEY:
"I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

"I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore."


AIDS:
"And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore."


GENERAL STANLEY:
"Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General."


AIDS:
"In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General."


GENERAL STANLEY:
"In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee."


AIDS:
"You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee."

GENERAL STANLEY:
"For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General."

AIDS:
"But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General."

<embed width="128" height="128" src="http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/pirates/p13.mid"><noembed>GET QUICKTIME and a good browser!</noembed>

*Major-General Stanley bows, as do his aids, and exits the scene*

(You NEED the Quicktime plugin to hear the MIDI music that accompanies this. Otherwise, it's just a crazy man singing. If you can't see the plugin, here is the link to the midi music:
http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/pirates/p13.mid)

[Aurelias Kazaar]

I was expecting you t'sing, "He is an Englishman. He remains and Eeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnngggggglish man!" ;)

[HaeLari Draevyn]

It takes forever to load that. lol

[Lady Vader]

Very nicely sung. *claps* :)

[Taylor Millard]

Thank you. Does that count as double points? ;)

[Lady Vader]

:lol

No, it doesn't. It just counts towards that character. :)

[Taylor Millard]

Oh very well...

*Gets ready to sing, "Thong Song." ;) j/k

[HaeLari Draevyn]

lmao! Hm... *gets ideas of costumes for that song* ;)

[Darth Viscera]

Thank you, thank you :)
I have points!

[Shawn]

Whee! I haven't gotten the QT plugin since my last reformat.... which means no more embedded midis for me!! WOOHOO! :D

[Lady Vader]

:lol

[Seerrasseei Tsseerra]

:lol

[HaeLari Draevyn]

What's the name of that song? I'm tempted to download it......... LOL

[Darth Viscera]

I hereby offer my "Tryouts" movie as an audition :)