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View Full Version : First poem; comments welcome



Garrett Blade
Jun 11th, 2001, 12:16:37 PM
<FONT FACE="galant" COLOR="red" SIZE="4">

First chance, last chance</FONT>
<FONT FACE="galant" COLOR="red">

I've watched the movies about lovebirds
I've read the books about young romance
I've seen dating all around myself for so long
I never thought it would happen to me

I've always been a dreamer
Too scared and too shy to taste the fruit
I've been put down by those around me
And I've been put down by myself

But now I have succumbed to a contagious disease
I always though I was somehow immune
But this disease doesn't make you ill
It eats away at your heart and soul...your very being

A magical sunset over a grassy field
A glistening lake in the midnight glow
All these things are truly beautiful to behold
But there's only one true beauty that I'd care to hold

The TV says that life is made up of one to ones
Some of the stuff they throw on that box is utter drivvel
I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with an commercial
I am whole when I talk to her

I find her now as life truly begins
Only to lose her and life suddenly ends
I feel like I am in my own drama
Except like my future occupation will involve

I plan to change the script!</FONT>

Gav Mortis
Jun 11th, 2001, 12:24:00 PM
Really good indeed. I like your style a lot. Keep up the good work Peter! :)

Jedah Lynch
Jun 11th, 2001, 02:44:49 PM
Nice.

Keep it up.

Seth Darkserpent
Jun 11th, 2001, 04:42:38 PM
<font size=5><marquee>GOOD WORK!!!</marquee>

Admiral Jyener
Jun 11th, 2001, 05:39:44 PM
Whoa.. Sounds exactly like me..

FightingChance
Jun 11th, 2001, 07:29:28 PM
That might not be good.. Good poem!

Force Master Hunter
Jun 11th, 2001, 08:40:44 PM
I dont understand poetry, so I cant comment. Not as in cant understand the words, but I cant understand the concepts. I read the words and they are good. Apart from that, I just cant comphend it.

Admiral Jyener
Jun 12th, 2001, 07:16:48 AM
You need to be depressed and have issues to understand poems, so don't feel bad.

Gav Mortis
Jun 12th, 2001, 12:31:49 PM
Or have any type of emotional creativity. :)