FanFic: A Family Cursed

[Mara L Jade]

Another one - unfinished so far. I'll add to it whenever I have the chance:

» Chapter 1 «

Luke Skywalker was pacing the room.
His wife, Mara, was watching him with growing frustration. Several times so far had she tried to ask him what was troubling him, but she might as well have asked a stone for information. Luke wouldn't answer. Fine, she thought; if he thinks he can find the answer to his problem like this, then I won't stop him from it. But I certainly won't leave it at that - if he won't tell me what is wrong, then I'll go and find out elsewhere.
Mara left him to his brooding, and searched the empty corridors for her sister-in-law. She finally found Leia outside in the swimming pool, relaxing on an inflated cushion.
Mara could see, however, that, whatever was troubling her husband, was also troubling his sister in some way. Because Leia's brow was furrowed, and she wore an anxious expression on her face; the same as Luke had worn for the last few hours ever since he had come home from his trip with Han to Talon Karrde's new base of operations.
"Leia?" Mara asked cautiously.
Leia's eyes popped open, and it took her a few seconds to focus on the person standing next to the pool.
"Leia, what's wrong? Ever since Luke and Han came back, Luke and you have been in a strange mood, and he won't even tell me what's troubling him."
To Mara's surprise, tears started to flow down Leia's face. She paddled slowly over to the rim of the pool, and raised herself up on the firm ground. But when she tried to stand up straight, her knees seemed to shake, and Mara had to grip her under the arms to stop her from falling.
Really concerned now, Mara led her sister-in-law over to a chair and sat her down. She took the chair opposite, and took Leia's hands in her own. "Leia, what is it? What has happened?"
"Mara, Karrde has managed to find information on the whereabouts of our mother!" Leia had trouble keeping her voice straight.
"What? How?" It came as a shock to her - how it affected the minds of Leia and Luke she couldn't start to imagine.
Under tears, Leia started telling her: "He says he found an old datacard on Jedi Knights in the library that Car'das has given him. When he tried to access it, it would refuse his commands, but instead asking for a password. So he left it for a while. The only other information he could find on it was a small label saying Tatooine. When Luke and Han got there, on Karrde's request, Luke had a look at the card, and noticed that the writing on it was the same as the one in Ben Kenobi's notes. It was Ben's Card, and some sort of last will of his. How it came into the possession of Car'das no one knows, but it is there, and Luke was able to access it somehow. It was made out to him!" Leia's words came out broken and slowly. "It contains a code to be inserted in Artoo, for him to tell us everything about our mother and father. To find out now, that the knowledge has always been there, all these years, while Luke spent so many hours searching for her, turning every sand corn in the galaxy over to find her!"
Leia broke out in sobs, and it took a while for Mara to quiet her down enough to tell more: "Now we don't know if it would be such a good idea any longer. We spent so much time searching for her, so much pain; maybe we should just leave it be. maybe it would be better that way. To find out why father..." Leia's voice broke once more, and she erupted in tears again, but she spoke on. "...how father turned into the monster he later was; to face all the old terrors again! I don't know if it would be a wise decision - it took us such a long time to accept it the way it was, and now..."
Mara's mind was racing. Luke has to be torn apart inside, with all the questions he has had for all these years bottled up inside. To have the opportunity now, to find all the answers - and to leave them unanswered? That wasn't only foolish, that would be down-right stupid. I wouldn't even have to think twice!
Mara knew that Luke's situation was different though; he might want to know, but it was mostly Leia who didn't want to, who had fought so hard to accept those truths about her family, about her father - and now she would have to accept other truths again. Luke would not make the final decision on his own, he would have to take Leia's wishes into consideration.

In a not too far-off room, two ‘droids were conversing. One was a blue astromech ‘droid, and the other his golden-plated counterpart, a protocol ‘droid.
"Artoo, I don't know what you should do. I told you before, there is nothing you have to feel guilty about - we are ‘droids; we have been programmed not to say anything about this matter, unless the correct code is used. We can not go against our own programming."
Artoo bent his barrel-shaped ‘droid body slightly forward, in an almost ashamed manner - were that possible for a ‘droid to show. "TweEP-bee-dEEp-bweep!"
"What? No, I don't think so at all - why should we have told them about it before?" Threepio was slowly loosing his patience. "Oh – all right! Maybe we should have told them that you are holding the information inside you, after that last search at Obroa-Skai. Master Luke was very disappointed and cast-down for all those months afterwards...But then, nobody asked us about it, and we were told never to give away that information to anyone. So there you go!"
Artoo beeped. He stuck out his pincer and grabbed the mug of hot chocolate he had been preparing for his Master. He wondered if there would ever be a time when Threepio wouldn't try to rationalize everything, just to make it sound better in his own ears!
Be that as it may, he felt very guilty. He was causing his Master a lot of pain at the moment, and was likely never to be forgiven for it. The last time he had checked on Luke, the Jedi had sat in his bedroom, silent, without a move - like being in one of those trances he used to go into all the time back on Yavin, before he had turned the Academy over to Streen that one time and gone off with that Fallanassi woman in search for his mother. Luke hadn't even acknowledged his presence in the room, not even once.
Artoo was very disturbed - what if his Master would never again forgive him, cast him off; maybe even give him a complete memory-wipe? But no; Master Luke wouldn't do that. He would snap back into reality, and make the best out of it. Or the worst.
He wasn't too sure at what end of the equation he would be.

Mara silently entered the bedroom she shared with Luke, and found him sitting at the edge of the bed, staring into nothing. She sat on the ground in front of him, and took his hands into hers.
She was having trouble reading him. Usually the understanding they had of each other through the Force was so strong that they could read each others feelings and thoughts, so deeply as if they would be one person not two. But this time Luke was holding something back, and whenever he did that, she wouldn't dare interfere.
So she just sat there, holding his hands. Studying his face, and trying to imagine what was going on behind the closed eyes. Trying to imagine what personal hell he was living through in his mind. Because she knew of it; he might not show it openly, but there were things from the past that kept re-surfacing, old doubts and horrors, feelings of guilt and remorse. A Jedi might not dream like a normal person would, but nevertheless she had received stray thoughts from him during some restless nights, and she had been appalled by some of them. That the great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker ever felt remorse and guilt, helplessness and pain - that was something that no other person besides her knew. Well, maybe his sister wasn't that far off the mark either, but Leia seldom confided in her.
She doesn't know , the thought formed itself in her mind, and it wasn't her own. She looked up, and watched Luke's face.
She told you, didn't she? You know now what's troubling me. I would have told you as well, if you had waited a bit longer. But you had to know, so you found out somewhere else.
It sounded like he was mildly annoyed, but she knew it wasn't that. It was a part of her character, to have to find out things, she couldn't stand it when there was an unsolved mystery. "Yes, she told me." said Mara. "What are you going to do? You don't really consider not taking this opportunity, do you?"
"I can't decide that easily. There are things involved that have to be carefully considered. Like what we are going to gain by finding out now."
Don't kid yourself, Luke, Mara thought at him, what your opinion is in this matter is fairly clear. You want to know, you have always wanted to find out, but Leia doesn't want to. Mara felt a growing anger rise in her husband, but it was quickly replaced by frustration. She continued. All those years you have been searching for clues, and you haven't found any. You rushed after every stray hope, always thinking this might be it. And it never was. Sure Leia has her own problems with it, but she is stronger than you think. She can handle the truth. She has had to learn how to, often enough. Don't worry what she thinks you should or shouldn't do. Isn't it enough that she has stood in your way about this often enough?
Luke opened his eyes and looked at her for a long time, but still he was holding back his emotions. "That's the way you think about her? I thought you would understand her point of view. After all, you have refused to learn about your own past yourself, although I offered you to search your memories often enough."
Mara looked at him reprovingly. This was something she didn't even like thinking about, and Luke should know better than to try to talk about that now.
Luke continued, unfazed by her look. "But that aside, you think I should go ahead?"
"It's your own decision, Luke. But you have to consider what you are going to do with the information. No matter what you find out, maybe it is best just to accept it as it is, and leave it at that. No more further research." Mara said.
Luke's eyes gazed once more into nothingness. Very quietly he muttered more to himself than directed at her: "You think there's still a chance she's alive...?"
I don't know, Luke, I don't know. Maybe it would be good if she weren't. With this information you will likely find out more to understand what happened between her and your father, and whatever else she could tell you about it, would only make things worse. You have your own interpretation of things, to which you came years ago. Do you think it will be so easy for you to learn the real truth after all these years and accept it as such?
Luke closed his eyes again, sank down on the ground before her and pulled her into a close hug. I love you, the thought filled her mind, as he kissed her tenderly.
But at the edge of his mind, Mara sensed, there was something he kept back, something he wasn't telling her yet. That can wait - he will tell me when he is ready to do so.

Artoo trundled up the corridor towards Luke and Mara's suite, but as he reached the door, his sensors told him that both of them were inside. Maybe better not to disturb them. He didn't want to end up in a situation like 3PO had a few weeks ago when he had thoughtlessly disturbed them while...ah, better not to get into details. Besides, even if there was nothing like that happening behind that door, he still wasn't too sure what Master Luke would do to him. As much as he was sure that Master Luke wouldn't do anything to punish him, there was still a chance of 1/374 that something could happen.
So he turned around with the steaming cup of chocolate in his pincer, and slowly rolled back to where he had come from. Once back there, he was surprised to find his counterpart there already. 3PO had been summoned by Princess Leia only a few minutes earlier, but she must have changed her mind.
Upon closer inspection, R2 noticed that Threepio was what he called "fidgeting”, and in a highly agitated manner, if that was at all possible for a ‘droid. He beeped at him questioningly.
"Oh, Artoo!" replied 3PO in that prissy voice of his that so annoyed Artoo. "The Princess...and General Solo have the most distressing argument. When I came upon them, he was shouting at her, and when she saw me, she threw that Corellian statue at me, that the General likes so much. I did not have time to find out what it was all about - the only logical left was to leave. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. What did I do wrong? Did Master Luke tell you?"
Artoo replied in the negative. Nonsense, his logic circuits told him, that statue was probably never intended for Threepio - she must have gotten momentarily distracted by his entrance, when she was about to fling it at the General, and missed. But what has set them off? It was certainly not usual for the Princess to react in such a strong way, even though their fights were never very quietly conducted.
"Artoo! I am talking to you! Why isn't anyone ever paying any attention?"
If you wouldn't be such a big annoyance all the time, maybe they would, Artoo "thought".
Before he got the time to reply in any way to Threepio's prattling, Master Luke called down the corridor for him. Relieved that his Master was still talking to him, Artoo sped up the corridor as fast as his short legs could take him.
Threepio stared after him in a mildly annoyed manner. "I don't know what is wrong with Artoo these days - I'm sure that little bucket of rusted bolts could do with a good overhaul to sort out his faulty innards!" he said more to himself than anyone else - completely forgetting that there wasn't anyone else to talk to.

Meanwhile, in Leia and Han's living quarters, things had started to get really unpleasant. They had had a lot of arguments and fights in the past, and some of them hadn't exactly ended peacefully, but this one was different.
Leia could sense that her husband was really raging, and she herself wasn't very far from doing the same. Sure, that vase she had flung at him earlier on wasn't exactly a gentle way of voicing her disagreement, but she was feeling much angrier now than before.
"I just don't understand your point of view!" Han was saying, sweeping his thumb across his furrowed brow in irritation. "I know you have had problems accepting Vader as your father---"
"Anakin! Not Vader! I told you often enough not to mention that name around me!" Leia cut in.
"Anakin - if it makes you happy! That's something else that isn't logical at all: You spent years fighting with yourself to accept Anakin as your father, because of what he did when he was Vader, and when you finally get to accept it, you ignore that part of him. Couldn't you have done that from the start?" She glared at him, but for once she didn't cut him off. "I know you are afraid that you or the children might turn out to be another Vader, because of what is in you, but you're not going to stop it from ever happening by ignoring it completely. And I told you that often enough."
Leia glared at him venomously. "That's the only way I can deal with it - and I'm not going to endanger the children by learning more about what made the evil that was Vader!"
"You can't stop them from finding out. Actually, I'm fairly sure the twins know all about Vader, and who he originally was - Jaina asked me about it recently---"
Leia cut him off once again: "And you just told her? Oh, I suppose that was only fair, letting her know what secrets her mother is keeping from her! The two of you seem to have sworn against me anyway!"
"I did not tell her anything! I don't know where or how she found out, but she asked me why Anakin had become Vader, and why you had never told them about it. I told her to go and ask you about it. You see? I wouldn't interfere in your educational methods for your children, however much I think it's wrong." Han replied furiously.
"Who's asking you? I never asked for your opinion about this matter. Go think it wrong as much as you like, but I'm standing by my opinion. I don't want to know about my parents past, and that's it. If Luke wants to know, he can go ahead, but if he ever says one word to me or the children about it, he's going to live a very lonely life from then on. Because he can forget about his darling little sister and her family then. I'm not going to talk to him any longer."
And with that, she turned around on her heels and walked out of the room, with an angry stride in her steps.
Like he would do anything without consulting you first, Han thought; he would never go against your own wishes, no matter how much he wants something else himself.
Maybe there is a better way for everybody to find out about that information, one that doesn't involve any hard decisions - with the news spreading through the whole family, Leia couldn't do anything about it, because it wouldn't be Luke's fault.
But how could he arrange to get that information, without his involvement in the whole affair being detected? For if Leia would find out about it, he might as well jump on the Falcon and fly out of this galaxy, out of Leia's reach.
Maybe I should have a long talk with one of the droids.

Leia regretted her little outburst as soon as she had left the room with Han behind. Sometimes she didn't even know herself why she felt the way she did about Vader, or Anakin, or whatever he had been. Thinking about him didn't make things any clearer. And it was something she tried to keep to herself.
Years ago, she had had the courage to announce her parentage to the whole Galaxy, without even batting an eyelid. Of course, it had taken most of ten years to get to that point, but once she had made up her mind, and admitted her past, there had been no way around it, even if it was to keep her integrity as a politician and senator. Back then, it had caused great uproar amongst her enemies and friends alike, and she had nearly been forced to resign as Chief-of-State.
Back then, she had come to look at the matter as something she simply had to accept. She had forgiven Anakin for his faults, had come to accept that the man who finally gave up his own life in a sacrifice for his own son could not be as evil as Darth Vader had been; she ultimately had come to accept him for what he was. It wasn't easy to admit having a monster for a father, but sacrificing and redeeming himself in such a manner were aspects of Anakin even she hadn't been able to ignore. When Luke had told her all that happened in that final hour on board the Death Star, she even felt sorry for a second - sorry for herself, but even more so for Luke, that they would never be able to get to know more about their father, to find out why he had made the choices he had made. But it only lasted for a second, and then she had been horrified at the thought. Afraid of it. Afraid that by wishing to know more about Anakin's choices she would get into territories of thought and actions that were dangerous. And she didn't want to find out, didn't want to face the same choices.
For ultimately, she thought now, I am afraid that whatever reason my father had for choosing the path he did, I would end up making, too - maybe that's the curse of the Skywalker's.
She had carried three children strong in the Force, watched them grow up, from early age embracing their Jedi heritage in a way that neither Luke nor she herself had done - and it had made her even more afraid for the future. They showed the typical Skywalker tendencies; tendencies Yoda had told Luke he had possessed as much as Anakin: impatience and stubbornness. Being stubborn wasn't so much of a danger, but impatience was, from what she understood about Jedi training. And if she could judge from her own life, and from what Luke had been like ever since he had become a Jedi, she feared there were traits in both of them that were as dangerous as any other. Luke had been trying to save the whole world, and never noticing how close to the Dark Side he had gotten because of it.
I guess he felt like he had to make up for what father did to the galaxy. And very nearly become like him.
Is that what happened to father? Did he think he had to atone for some evil? Did he try to save the Galaxy in a desperate attempt to prove he could do just that?
At times she wished she could know, wished she could have all the answers. Know everything and be able to use that knowledge in the right way. To keep her family safe. To keep the Dark Side away - away from her children, away from her own thoughts and fears.
Because her fears - old and new - had her in a tight grip. Fear for her children - what if she couldn't watch over them in the right way, and one of them would go over to the Dark Side? Fear for her husband, for her brother, for Mara - who all had their own emotional weaknesses that others could so easily exploit if they would just find out about them. But most of all, fear of herself. Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke all had said that Fear is a great enemy, Fear would lead to the Dark Side. By being so concerned about others to fear for their well-being and life, couldn't that fear lead her to the Dark Side? Because she knew she had some aspects to her character that made her very different from Luke: She knew that while he was so passive and gentle that only some great threat to others could bring out a more aggressive side of him, that he never consciously went on the offensive, that it wasn't the same with herself; knew that she would, and had, used her own anger to get her somewhere, even if it meant only in the political arena; knew that she was more aggressive, was more on the offensive than Luke.
The biggest fear of all: that she would succumb in some way to the Skywalker weakness, to Anakin's weakness, and take the easy way out, to embrace the Dark Side. The temptation lay in trying to control everything, to impose her will upon others, to make things better for others because they can't do it themselves - that was a path that lead inevitably to the Dark Side. And she so needed to be in control of things, to make things better. So, was not being able to resist that, a sign that she was falling? That fear lurked in every thought, and it was the reason she started to hate Anakin again. For he had started it all.
If he hadn't been so week, how might the world be different? How might I be different, for that?
So now she was back at the point she had been twenty years ago. Anakin she had to accept for what he was, even if she hated the thought of it, of having to admit to have such a weak-willed - for that is what he was for sure! - monster for a father. So he had been redeemed, had finally plucked up enough courage and faced his own fears, but he was still to blame for everything that happened to her, to Han, to Luke, to the whole Galaxy. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, he had still been Darth Vader - the Darth Vader that had kept her imprisoned and had set the Imperial Interrogator 'droid on her. The Darth Vader who reminded her of what she herself, of what Luke and of what her children might become if they gave in to their weaknesses. The Darth Vader whose history she would take great pains to conceal from her own children, until a time when they would be strong enough to be able to deal with it. And for all that she hated her father, no matter what others might say.
And I don't want to find out more about him, about the woman that was my mother, about their story. Because ultimately, it would just lead to more suffering, more fear - I would have to face my own weaknesses; face the fact that I'm no different from him. And I can't do that, can't afford it.


(next chapter tomorrow)

[Mara L Jade]

» Chapter 2 «

The console in the wall next to the entrance to Luke's suite pinged several times before anyone noticed. Mara and Luke were discussing some aspect of Jedi training outside on the balcony. This was a great relief to Artoo, as that meant Master Luke wasn't angry enough with him to forget his other concerns. Maybe it also meant that his Master was over the first shock, and would no longer be so very worried.
Artoo had been called inside by his Master a short while ago, to finish some minor programming on the Attendant Droid T-X2 Luke had acquired for Mara when they had moved to this apartment. Extoo had the same stature and programming as Threepio had, but that was as far as the similarity to the ever-nervous, cowardly, prattling protocol droid went. With a little additional tweaking of the droid's personality coding, Artoo had high hopes that Extoo would be less of a nuisance, and a bit more helpful - not only to his Master and Mara, but also to himself. The new droid was already a big help around the house, lending a helpful hand with repairs, and had proved himself a lot more courageous and intelligent than Threepio had ever been. Needless to say, Threepio didn't like Extoo one bit.
With Threepio off to do his duties as secretary and translator to Princess Leia, and Artoo on duty on Board the Jedi Academy Ship Chu'unthor (the same one that Master Luke had found on Dathomir, and had had repaired and made space-worthy again) when Luke and Mara were off recruiting and training new Jedi Students, Extoo's presence wouldn't be much of a problem in the future, as he would accompany them on their travels - out of Threepio's way.
The console pinged several times more. Artoo left Extoo on the workbench, rolled over to the console, and jacked into the console outlet. The screen on the console came alive.
An image came up of the red Alliance Crest, against a black backdrop. The crest was circled by golden symbols spelling out "Jedi Academy - For peace and justice in the galaxy" in an archaic Jedi Script - one that was now widely acknowledged and taught alongside the Basic Aurabesh. In the center of the crest, a vertical lightsaber blade cast a golden glow as it sparkled with energy. This was the new Jedi Academy Crest Tionne, one of the Jedi Knights, had created for the Academy's 10th anniversary.
The Crest diffused, and in its stead appeared the head of a human male, dark hair softened by greying strands here and there. This was Corran Horn, Jedi Knight, who had led the Chu'unthor Jedi School in Master Luke's absence, ever since he retired from Rogue Squadron after the Peace Treaty with the Empire a year ago. He smiled at Artoo.
"Hello, Artoo! Nice to see you." Corran said. "Is Luke at home?"
Artoo beeped, and the computer relayed the information to Corran, who read it of his screen.
"Good. Would you let him know that we're back in Coruscant's orbit? We'll be down with you in two hours. Or is this a bad time?"
Obviously, Corran knew something was amiss. Artoo didn't wonder how he would know that - Jedi had a knack for knowing things other people don't. He was used to it. The astromech droid considered for a second if his Master would appreciate a meeting with Corran and Mirax (whom Corran had meant when he used "we", as Mirax served as the School's Secretary and Supplier when time allowed it) at this troubled time. But Corran and Mirax were close friends of his Master and Mara, sharing good times and bad times alike, so Artoo didn't think it would be a bad idea.
Artoo uttered a streak of beeps, twitters and chirps, inviting Corran and his wife over.
"Trouble brewing, eh? I hope everyone is okay down there."
Artoo chirped in what sounded like a worried way.
"We'll find out soon, anyway. Don't let it worry you so much. He'll be fine."
The droid beeped inquisitively.
Corran grinned. "Sure - Whistler is here, too. He said to tell you he found a few more Personality Codes in his databanks you might want to use. What mischief are you up to now?"
Artoo beeped a blue streak. Whistler was Corran's own astromech droid, who had worked with him back when he was still in CorSec. Because of that, Whistler had some rather peculiar notions in his head, but had also a few helpful modifications in his programming.
"Tell him to keep his databanks shut to people it doesn't concern?" Corran's grin broadened. "Why don't you tell him so yourself? He'll want to meet you - we'll bring him down with us. Is that alright with you?"
Artoo twittered affirmatively. Corran signed off.
And Luke and Mara stepped inside.
"Who was that, Artoo?" Luke asked, as he walked over to the console.
Artoo sent a short command to the computer, which then re-played the conversation with Corran he had just had - the short version. No need to let Master Luke know that Corran already knew something was wrong, or let him hear any of that talk about Whistler. Master Luke was troubled enough.
Corran's visit would not be a bad idea at all.


Luke was indeed very troubled. Not so much about finally having been given the possibility to find out about his family, nor about Leia's reaction to it, but about the way she had reacted. About some of the things she had said, and the things she had left unsaid.
He had known ever since he last tried to talk to her about putting her into another trance to remember the past, that she had felt uncomfortable about finding out more. Her reaction then had been a strict refusal, not only of the trance, but also of any more help with that matter. She hadn't wanted to know, and that had been that.
Maybe he had assumed then, that it had something to do with the pain she had to be going through, again and again, at the memory of losing her mother. That she was sure that it was futile, that nothing more could be found out by putting her into a trance. He had even admitted to himself back then, that it was probably a hopeless search. It had been made worse by the realisation that others, like the Fallanassi woman Akanah, had played to his desperate attempts at digging up his own history, by offering empty clues, false leads. And that he had clutched at those false hopes like a shipwrecked man at the last shreds of sanity, the last attempt to survive.
He had never thought that Leia was afraid for herself, for her own soul. That time, when Akanah had given him the false hope that his mother might be with the Fallanassi, Leia had angrily told him that she preferred having something good to tell her children about their grandparents, if anything at all, and that she knew all she wanted or needed to know about them. He had believed she was concerned about the children, and even about him. Back then, she had told him to stop trying to invent a normal childhood for her and him; that the truth, once he had found it, might not be to his liking. And he had admitted afterwards, that she was probably right about it.
But he had never questioned her real motives behind her refusal.
She had always been so strong, for all of them, most of all for the children. Leia had been the head of the family for all those years, the one who had guided them all through one chaos after the other. She had been able to accept her parentage, to forgive Anakin, to embrace her new-found Jedi skills as best as she could with what little time she had on her hands; she had had the courage to come for him when he himself had fallen for the Dark Side, had weathered many storms in her political role of Chief-of-State, survived attacks on her life and on her political role; she had brought up three wonderful children strong in the Force, children who looked up to her as a role-model and took their courage from her.
So why is she now not able to face the past?
The children all knew what there is to know about their grandparents. All of their grandparents, real and adopted. How could they not, when one of them had even been named after their grandfather? By giving him that name, she had placed a certain obligation on Anakin, her own son. An obligation to stand up for himself, maybe, even to redeem the name that Anakin Skywalker had cast in the shadows with him.
Had she thought she could keep the unpleasant past from them all? Just so they could live a better life? Unsullied by what the past has put upon all of us?
Luke hadn't told Mara anything about it yet, but he feared that his sister was slipping into something she probably didn't know how to counter. To say she was falling to the Dark Side would be saying too much, but the way she now completely refused to find out more about her own past, her unspoken hatred towards Anakin that nevertheless surfaced in her thoughts no matter how hard she tried to keep them suppressed, made Luke feel afraid for her. Leia was dangerously close to the edge, and she probably didn't even realize it.
He didn't know what to do about it. Was he supposed to interfere in her life? She was his sister, his closest family, but she was slipping away from him as much as from everything else. Maybe even slipping from sanity. He had wanted to talk to Han about her, but ever since they had gotten back to Coruscant, and gotten Leia's reaction to the news, Han seemed to keep to himself, brooding over some mechanical problem on board the Falcon - which was Han's way of dealing with trouble.
I have to go and talk to him. Soon. As long as something can still be done about all this. Before it's too late.

"Did he say what was wrong?" Mirax asked her husband, as they were strolling down the street towards the Alderaanian Embassy in which the Skywalkers' and Solos' had their home.
When Leia had resigned as Chief-of-State, and the Bothan Senator Borsk Fey'lya had taken over that post from her, it also meant leaving the apartment in the Imperial palace that was reserved for the Chief-of-State. She had moved her family into the Alderaanian Embassy. She still was a member of the Council, still held a high office, and it was enough to grant her a place in her own nation's embassy. And once firmly ensconced there, she had insisted that Luke and Mara would make their home there, also.
The Embassy was a tall building, not far from the Imperial Palace. Every suite and office had its own balcony; every balcony had a jungle of plants on it, overhanging, climbing-up, spreading in all directions. If seen from further away, it looked like a living green tree of immense proportions; if seen from nearby, it appeared as a huge many-terraced garden.
Mirax felt moved by its beauty every time she saw it. It was almost the only building that had been left virtually un-harmed by all of the wars that had taken place on Coruscant - even when Star Destroyers had fallen out of the skies onto the city like rain, after Thrawn's defeat and the following Imperial riot, the building had miraculously gotten away without a scratch to it.
Corran looked at his wife as she let her eyes wander longingly over the edifice. He wished he could make that particular dream of hers come true and move all their belongings into an apartment in the embassy. Unfortunately, neither of them had in any way a claim on Alderaan, and the apartments were not for sale or rent to anyone else.
"No, he didn't. He didn't say there was anything wrong. But I know there is. It's like… something's in the air, but it's difficult to describe." Corran explained to his wife.
"Jedi thing, huh?" Mirax looked sideways at her husband. "No need to explain. Still, I wonder what it is. Do you have any idea?"
Corran turned around to see if Whistler was keeping up with them. The droid was only a few steps behind. He walked on, considering all the things Luke had told him over the last few communications he had had from him.
"Not sure, but I don't think it's stepping on Mara's toes this time." He thought back to the last time that had happened. Mara had sprained her ankle in training, and Luke had become a little overprotective, telling her, instead of asking, to rest for a few days - which Mara hadn't taken very well, and had started a long argument about the way he tried to live her life for her. It had been nasty.
Mirax grinned. She remembered only too well. It had been her who had "negotiated a truce between the opposing parties", a task she was only too well acquainted with when it came to smoothing the ruffled feathers after Corran and her own father, Booster Terrik, had one of their "misunderstandings". Compared to that, she preferred a fight between Mara and Luke any time - Jedi or not.
"From what Luke told me, I think it might have something to do with Karrde, but I don't know how that could upset Luke so much." Corran said.
"I don't know. Karrde has a talent for coming up with the most shocking things at the worst times possible." Then she remembered something. "Although he's been known to be the bearer of good news from time to time, too."
Corran smiled to himself. Years ago, back in Rogue Squadron, they had been shot down by one of the warlords' TIE Squadrons, and held in secret by Ysanne Isard, while being assumed dead by the entire Galaxy. Whistler had been able to break free and make his way to Karrde, who had brought the news of Corran's survival to Mirax on board her father's ship. They had been friends with Karrde ever since.
"We'll find out. Maybe you'll get another chance at negotiating another peace treaty."
Mirax giggled.

I won't give in. No matter what they all say. This is my life, my past, as well as theirs. I don't want to know, and that's it.
Do the children know? Has anyone told them? Has Han told them? What right does he have? They are my children! I brought them to life, I have to protect them. They can't protect themselves.
What will they do if they find out? Jacen and Jaina - will they turn against me more than they already have? Will they realize what terrible powers, what terrible responsibility they have been given by being so strong in the Force? How can they know what to do? How can they expect to do the right thing if they've been set such a terrible example?
And Anakin - have I doomed him by giving him that horrible name from the past? Will he turn out like his grandfather? Will he try to make up for his grandfather's wrongs? Will he try to redeem his own name? By doing so, maybe will he try to take control, too much responsibility, force himself upon others just to make things right, and end up like his grandfather?
He is as strong as him. Maybe even stronger. Anakin shows skills in the Force that none of the others seem to have.
How can I have taught them well, if I myself am flawed in my thinking? If I myself am falling?
Leia walked stiff-legged down the corridor, with glassy eyes and a vacant stare past Corran and Mirax, who called out her name. But she neither saw nor heard them.

Mirax looked at her husband with a quizzical look. "What is wrong with her?" She let her eyes follow Leia as she took up the pace, started running, until she finally vanished around a corner of the building. "You think I should go after her? Find out?"
Corran also stared after Leia, and to his surprise, felt a shiver run down his spine. Something felt very wrong… The sense he had gotten from Leia had been strange, not like herself - clouded, in a way, or shrouded, for that matter. Why was she acting like that? Leia was usually one of the most open-hearted and honest people he had known - a trait that had made her what she was in the past. So what has happened to make her act like that?
"Don't." he advised his wife. "There's something very wrong, and don't think it's got anything to do with either Luke or Mara this time. She was almost …" but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was something elusive, for now. Maybe he would know later.
Mirax eyed him. "Something what?"
"I don't know. I can't tell. Not yet, anyway." He shook his head, as if to shake away an unpleasant thought. "Come on, let's find out what this is all about."
Corran took his wife's hand and they walked on to the Skywalker's apartment. Whatever it was, he was suddenly feeling fear, which he tried to suppress, but he didn't quite succeed.

[Mara L Jade]

» Chapter 3 «

Han was sitting in the food processing area, hugging a mug of caf, and was slowly loosing his patience, restraint and mind. Or so it felt.
For the last hour - but really it felt like a lot more than that - he had been sitting in this spot, trying to talk Threepio into giving him some more information. But the golden droid hadn't given him any chance to even as much as broach the subject. Instead, Threepio had been nattering on about feeling left out, dis-respected, ill-treated and all sorts of other things. The list was long, and apparently they had all sworn against the droid. Han really didn't want to have to listen to all this, but he had sworn to himself that he would get more information, no matter at what cost. So if it took him to play confidante to an annoyed droid, then that's what he would have to do. Like it or not, it was the only way Han could expect any reward.
" …So Artoo talked Master Luke into acquiring another droid for Mistress Mara, and Master Luke didn't even think twice about it. Why no one ever thought about asking me, is something that is utterly beyond my logic. If Master Luke needs someone to perform household duties for Mistress Mara, why, that should be my duty. After all, why does he need a Protocol Droid to perform those duties, when he already has one? But no one asked me. Not that I don't respect Master Luke's decision to put me in Princess Leia's employ, or yours, General Solo, but I have always believed that I would remain in consideration for any of the family's business. Did I do anything wrong in all those years of service in this family? I just don't understand…"
And so on, and so on. Han wished that he would have had better sense than to think that he could just ask straightaway. He should have known better.
"…And once that new droid had arrived, Artoo just takes it over and starts reprogramming it. As if a protocol Droid needs any more programming. If you ask me, this is completely unnecessary. But there is no talking sense in that rusted can of bolts. All he would say was that it was about time there was one droid with a bit more sense in the house. Well, that is the rudest thing I have ever heard him say. General Solo, how can anyone say I have no sense? Have I not saved his life time and time again? If it wasn't for me…"
So Artoo was secretly reprogramming Luke's new droid? That was something worth knowing. Han wondered what specific traits Extoo would show once properly activated. He could understand why Artoo would do something like that - he wouldn't be the only one glad not to have a second version of Threepio running around. 'Wonder if I should tell the kid about this, he thought. He could be in for a bit of a surprise.
"…To think that Artoo could do something like that to me, after all those years. Didn't I always look out for him? And now he just decides to cast me aside, replace me with another droid - one that suits his own ideas. I would not be surprised at all if that abomination of a droid would turn out just as rude as Artoo can be. What will Master Luke do with him then?"
Han decided that he had had enough. He used the break in Threepio's monologue to jump in.
"Threepio, I need your help with something."
The droid's head jerked around, to look at him. "What is it, General Solo? I will be glad to help. It is good to know that someone still appreciates me."
"Threepio, of course we still appreciate you. I'm sure Artoo is just trying to help Luke and Mara - they'll need someone to manage business on that ship of theirs; they can't do all the work themselves. And you know you are irreplaceable at Leia's side." Han hoped he sounded convincing enough when he said that.
The golden droid visibly straightened up. Until that minute Threepio had made quite a convincing impression of hunched shoulders, a sad demeanour - depressed, even, if that was at all possible to say of a droid. Threepio's photoreceptor "eyes" seemed to brighten up a shade, too.
"How may I be of assistance, General Solo?"
"That information you have about Luke and Leia's parents - are you able to talk to me about that?" Han knew that the droids had been put under an obligation not to disclose any information to any other than family members, but he wasn't quite sure if he would have been counted as a family member, in this case - he was not strictly a member of the Skywalker family. "Or is this for Luke's and Leia's ears and eyes only?"
"I am very sorry, General Solo, but I am only allowed to disclose information to the progeny of the Skywalker line. This, when the entry was made, did not include husbands or wives of members of the Skywalker family."
Han thought about this for a second. It was more or less what he had expected, but not quite worst case scenario. "Threepio, correct me if I'm wrong, but if I understand correctly this means the only people with access to this information are Luke and Leia? What about the children?"
"The children, General Solo?" Surprise leaked through the droid's words.
"The children are theoretically descendants of the Skywalker family. Anakin Skywalker is, after all, their grandfather. Doesn't that count?"
Threepio cocked his head, running this through his logic circuits. "Why, yes, General Solo. I had never considered this. They are his progeny as well."
Han knew that he had to proceed carefully from now on. It wouldn't do to raise the droid's suspicions. He would have to manipulate Threepio in such a way that the droid would think this was his own decision - if anyone were to question him later, it would not be good if they would find out that it had been Han's plan originally. Leia would have his head for that.
"Well, Threepio, don't you think they have a right to know about their family's history?"
And Han slowly began steering the golden droid into the right direction…

Artoo was just re-attaching the breast-plate of the silver protocol droid - now not so much protocol anymore, and with a little help from Whistler, soon to be even less so - when the emotionless computer voice announced Mirax and Corran Horn.
His Master and Mara went to welcome their friends at the door.
There was a frown on Corran’s face, and Mirax looked slightly puzzled, but both their expressions changed to smiles as they greeted Mara and Luke. Behind them, Whistler came trundling in, and rolled over to where Artoo was working. The two droids retreated to a corner of the apartment.
Corran immediately came to the point. “Is something wrong with Leia? We met her downstairs in a corridor, and she rushed right past us, without a word.”
“I called out to her, but she didn’t even see us - just ran on,” Mirax added.
Luke looked at Mara with a puzzled frown. “We’ve had a bit of a disagreement.” He led his friends into the living area. “But please, sit down, and I’ll explain.”
Two minutes later they were all comfortably sitting on chairs, with steaming mugs of hot caf before them.
Luke cleared his throat. “Corran, Mirax, you both know about the Skywalker family’s history. You know I’ve been searching for information about my parents for a long time now. But there seemed little hope, and during the last few years, I had all but given up on the search.”
Corran’s eyes widened. “You’ve found something?”
“Yes. Through Talon Karrde, we found an old datacard labelled ‘Tatooine’, and it didn’t take long to de-crypt it. The card belonged to Obi-Wan Kenobi, and has a message for Leia and me. It contains two codes to be fed to Threepio and Artoo, which will enable them to access information stored in them by Ben and Yoda, perhaps even our parents.”
Mirax gasped. “The droids knew? They’ve known all the time? And they never said a word?”
Out of the corner, Artoo beeped guiltily.
“Sithspit, that’s terrible! If Karrde had never found it, you would never have known! How did he manage to get his hands on it?” asked Corran.
Luke sighed. “Karrde had an old business partner, Jorj Car’das, who had been gathering all sorts of information for years. Car’das once told Karrde that he had been to Dagobah, to see Yoda, and somehow, that datacard must have come into his possession there. Ben must have given it to Yoda, who passed it on to Car’das. Unfortunately, Car’das went into hiding until a few years ago. I would never have known.”
Mara smiled at her husband. “That’s not true - there was a trail leading you to Car’das. Do you remember that Hyperspace Transmitter you found on Dagobah? That belonged to Car’das.”
“I never knew that,” Luke said to her.
“You should have followed the Force - eventually it would have led you to him.”
“Well, there were a lot of other things happening at that time,” Luke said, ruefully.
“So what’s the information?” Mirax asked.
“That’s the problem we’re facing. Only Leia and I can access it, and there are some specific instructions to that. It seems each droid only has one half of the information, with the codes being voice-activated; Threepio answers to Leia, Artoo to me.” - Mara slipped her arm around his back - “And Leia refuses to use it.”
“What?” Waves of surprise rolled off Mirax.
Luke tried not to show his disappointment too much, and was grateful as Mara continued for him.
“Leia doesn’t want to know. She told me about it this morning, but since then, we haven’t been able to get another word out of her. Ever since she has told everyone she doesn’t want to hear another word of it, and even Han isn’t allowed to say anything about it.” Mara said, ripples of anger washing off her. She couldn’t understand her sister-in-law at all.
“And Leia knows well enough that you would never do anything in this matter without her approval.” Corran said, thinking about it. “On one hand, that’s very much like her, but on the other, it isn’t - she’s unfair, and selfish, and she never struck me as either before.”
“I don’t know - I haven’t been friends with her long enough to know her that well, but she never seemed to have any kind of problem with he heritage before. So why is she acting like this now?” Mirax asked, shaking her head in disbelief.
“That’s because she keeps things like that very private,” Luke explained. “I’m not even sure if I know what she’s thinking about this. I always more or less thought that she had accepted our father for what he was, and had even come to forgive him. But that seems to be wrong, or else something changed her mind. I always thought that she only wanted to protect her children from their heritage, but now I’m not so sure if it hasn’t gone beyond that.”
Mara frowned. “What do you mean?”
Luke got up and walked over to the transparisteel window overlooking the cityscape of Coruscant. With unseeing eyes, he stood there, reflecting on his thoughts. “I think she’s afraid of herself,” he said, more to himself than to the others. For another long moment, he stared out over the busy city below, before he turned around again to face his friends. “I think she is afraid that once she gets to know the real Anakin, she would find she has too many things in common with him.”
The disbelief in Mirax eyes wasn’t getting lesser. “But that’s ridiculous!”
“That maybe, Mirax, but she might see it like that. We don’t know what caused Anakin to fall to the Dark Side - he might have thought he had a sound reason for his actions and just got carried away. Those were hard times our parents lived in, with the Clone Wars, and hundreds of Star Systems all over the Galaxy breaking out into Civil Disorder. Sometimes it is very hard for a Jedi to set aside fear and anger, and an action that might have had a peaceful start, might turn into a personal crusade.”
Luke paused. In the past, he himself had been unable to resist temptation to act in such a way, thinking it was for the best of reasons, and had in the end only to be redeemed by his sister, rescued by Han, and Mara. If it hadn’t been for them, he might not be here now. And Leia isn’t safe from making the same mistakes.
He continued. “I think Leia is afraid to find out what caused Anakin to change. She remembers what Ben, Yoda and Uncle Owen told me - that I was impulsive, reckless and impatient, just like my father - and she fears that she also is like him in too many ways. And that her children are.”
“She’s afraid she might turn into him?” Mara asked. She knew Leia well enough to know that that could be right. That would explain her recent behaviour. “Maybe that’s it. But take it one step further - Leia is the one in this family who has accumulated the most political power over the years. She still has enough of it to be able to influence a lot of people. If she took one false step, let her actions be led by the wrong kind of ideas, then she could cause a lot of trouble. I think that’s what has her scared.” She knew where all this was leading to, but she didn’t want to voice her opinion openly. Not yet. It didn’t have to come from her.
Mirax eyed her suspiciously, obviously understanding Mara’s reasoning - and what it lead to. Luke, still standing at the window, and Corran, sitting on the chair with the mug of caf in his hand, both were deep in thought.
“Yes, but she’s had that sort of power for a long time. She never took advantage of it in such a way. So why would she be afraid of it now?” Mirax asked, more to Mara than the others. “ And she’s known this all along, so if that’s what she’s scared of now, I don’t think finding out the truth would change much of it. It just doesn’t make sense.”
Luke turned around to her, with a sad smile. “Well, she can be a bit unreasonable sometimes.”
Corran looked up from his mug, a hardened expression on his face. “All that doesn’t explain her behaviour to us earlier on. She was troubled, alright, but there was a whole lot of anger mixed in with that. What’s she angry at? Or who? …I don’t like this at all.”
Mara threw a worried glance at Luke. What Corran had just said, confirmed some of her fears. Do you think she’s---- She didn’t have to finish what she was thinking, knowing Luke knew full well what was going through her mind.
Luke stood by the window, unsure of what to think, what to do - how to help his sister. It was clear that there was a lot more behind this than he had originally thought, but the answers had to come from Leia herself. And it was also clear that she wouldn’t let him ask for them. But something has to be done.
“Mara, maybe you could go after her and try to talk to her? She was willing to talk to you before, so maybe she will do so again,” he asked his wife. It was more a plea than a question - a plea for help.
Mara nodded. You’re sending me because you hope I might be able to deal with the situation better than you can - because I’ve seen it happen before; not just because she talked to me before. And because, with the Force, I might stop her before she goes to far? You don’t have to voice your fears, Luke - I know them well. “I will go.”
Without further talk, she left.
Then Luke turned to Mirax. “Mirax, I don’t like having to ask my friends for help in this matter, but I need to know what Leia said to Han. Could you please go to him and ask him to join us?”
Mirax walked over to him, touched her hand to his arm. “Luke, we are your friends. If we weren’t there for you to help, who would you ask?” She smiled at him. “I’ll go and find him. Shouldn’t be too difficult - he’s bound to be around that rusty crate of a ship of his.”
She went back to her husband, bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek, and walked to the door. But before she left, she turned around again to Luke. “Do the children know about it? Their family’s history, I mean?”
Luke nodded. “Of course they do. Leia may not think so; but they’re not stupid - they found out soon enough. It was inevitable, with all the stories circulating on the HoloNet.”
Mirax smiled and left the apartment, leaving Corran and Luke behind.


“Did dad say why we have to go to the Falcon first before going home?” Jacen asked his twin sister, Jaina, as he was carelessly throwing clothes into his travel bag.
The 13-year-old Solo twins were still on the Jedi ship Chu’unthor, together with their brother Anakin, a year younger than them. They had been training hard on the ship for the last three months, and occasionally helping out Corran and Mirax around the ship. It had given them a chance to travel around and see other planets, meet new students, make new experiences. For the first time really away from under the critical eye of either their uncle or one of their parents, it had been a new and not completely unwelcome experience. Corran hadn’t been exactly turning a blind eye to their exploits, but still it had been a freedom of sorts, which they weren’t usually accustomed to. Their training had progressed, and Jaina and Jacen had been allowed to build their own Lightsabers - which was something their younger brother was still sulking about, as he had to wait at least another year.
But now it was time to return home, at least for a while, as the Jedi Training Ship had to undergo extensive upgrading and repair. They had looked forward to the time at home with mixed feelings, not quite happy to give up their short spell of freedom, but now that they were actually on-planet, it felt good again to be home.
“No, nothing, really. Maybe he has a surprise for us.” Jaina eyed her twin with a reproachful look, and when he returned her look with a questioning expression, she pointed to his bag full of crumpled clothes. “You’re planning to go home with your stuff packed like that? Mom is going to fume out of her ears when she looks into your bag!”
Grumpily, Jacen turned his bag inside out, and started re-packing it. As Jaina kept standing next to him, watching his progress with a critical eye, he had no choice other than smoothing out crinkled clothing and folding them up a bit more carefully. “You know, if you keep up with this, you’re just going to be like her.” That was a thought that Jaina, as he well knew, didn’t cherish; no matter how much she loved and respected their mother.
“I am not!” Jaina grabbed a pillow from Jacen’s bed and whacked her brother on the head with it.
That started a small pillow chase, during which they managed to knock over most of the furniture, empty out Jacen’s carefully packed bag again, and rumple the beds. They stopped for a moment to look at the turmoil around them, and started to giggle. At that point the door opened, and Anakin peered inside.
“Hey! What are you ---“
Whack! Jacen flung a pillow into his younger brother’s face. Anakin didn’t need another encouragement. He grabbed the pillow, and started after Jacen.
For a while they chased each other around the room, blissfully enjoying their last minutes of freedom, before having to go home and act all grown-up and responsible again. Finally, after the two brothers had managed to corner their sister and smother her with pillows for a while, the romping stopped. Exhausted, the three of them sank onto a bed and looked at the carnage around them.
“Oh Sithspit!” Jacen said, finally.
Jaina giggled at that. “You’ve been around Corran too long - you’ll have to stop using all those swear-words when we’re home, or dad will take you aside and have that long talk with you he’s been meaning to.” She had a good idea what that talk was all about, and so had Jacen. It was like their father not to think that they were far ahead of him. He probably still thought of them as babies. Jaina giggled again.
Jacen grimaced. “Yeah, yeah, just wait until mom finds out that you’ve been spending your time stalking that good-looking guy we picked up on Chandrila.” He grinned. “Or when she hears about your little night-time trips to the storage room, to snog him.”
Jaina poked her brother in the ribs. “If you tell her that, you’ll have something coming the next time we have ‘saber practise!”
Jacen looked chagrined for a second, then he remembered something. “Ha! I’m not afraid of that! If Uncle Luke keeps his promise, we have to chose our Masters this time, and then we’ll be split up, and there won’t be any more ‘saber practise.”
“If he keeps his promise,” Jaina said, knowing fully well that he would, but said it anyway, just to annoy her brother.
“When hasn’t he ever kept any of his promises?” Jacen said.
“Uncle Luke never lies,” Anakin defended his uncle.
He didn’t quite know what they were talking about, but he wouldn’t let them say things about his uncle. He loved his Uncle Luke. It annoyed him just a little bit that Jacen would probably end up training with Luke on his own, and go off with him, and Jaina with Mara, and he, Anakin, would be stuck on this ship for another year. There wouldn’t be anyone around then he could have pillow-fights with, or play tricks with on the ship cook - all the others were just babies, or grown-ups. What good were a brother and sister that weren’t there anymore? He thought it was highly unfair. But there wasn’t anything short of a miracle that could change the situation.
Jaina reached over behind Jacen’s back, and rumpled Anakin’s hair. “We know, Anakin. It was just a joke.” She knew what he was thinking - she would miss him, too.
For another moment, Anakin looked sulkily around him, then it was all forgotten. “Huttspit, how are we going to get this mess sorted?”
Jaina looked at Jacen; they burst out laughing. “Anakin! Where did you learn that sort of language?!”
“Same place as you did,” Anakin said defensively, then he giggled, too. “Dad’s gonna roast us!”
Finally, Jacen got up, and looked around. “Come on, we better hurry up. Dad’s not going to wait forever.”
“What about the mess?” Jaina asked.
Jacen turned to her with a feral grin. “We cheat.”
And that was that. For the next few minutes, furniture picked itself up, beds got smoothed down by unseen hands; a fine display of their combined Force skills - although neither Corran nor Uncle Luke would have been altogether very happy to know what those skills had been used for.
Five minutes later, they were on their way home.

[Director Isard]

that's it for now. haven't had more time to write on with it. I will, though - soon.

So any comments about it?

[Darth Tholuem]

I only wish I'd have the time to read all this :(
I don't...