Gav Mortis
Aug 8th, 2001, 09:20:17 PM
Stop. Take a moment out of your day, whenever is most appropriate, to simply stand aside from your life and the identity you have forged over the years. Allow time - perhaps mankinds most prized possession - to pass by, like that old, wretched landspeeder you couldn't help but watch as it idly trudged past on its awkward way. Watching it, the untrained eye would quickly lose interest and its attention would be easily diverted. However if you take a closer look and peel back the artificial layer which wraps tightly around our very existence, you might just begin to see what I see. For in every second; I am reborn, experience a new life and die just as suddenly; having it all cruelly ripped from my desperate grasp.
My living quarters - onboard a sufficiently large vessel (http://pub2.ezboard.com/fswvstitanicfrm13.showMessage?topicID=302.topic) capable of taking myself and my disciples; Jeseth and Seth wherever we wish - were small in a secure, cosy way in which I take great comfort, sitting here, in the corner of a room which is otherwise dark apart from the illuminating blue and white which cascaded in through the window; spiralling and swirling over the plain mattress of my bed and the featureless wall behind it. I find myself enthralled by the dazzling brilliance of hyperspace outside, whilst I sit safely in my chair like the fearless, hardship-enduring Sith Master that I am. My attention is diverted momentarily and I notice I have received a priority four message by the small yellow light which is flashing at my comm-termial across the room, it can wait. Before turning back to the view outside I notice how the light cast upon my wall looks something similar to the light delicately reflected from Lake Porelli under the moon in the still Corellian night.
Once again, I am pulled into the swirling colours like the naive fish to a hook and with my gaze lost in the visual marvel, my mind begins to drift. Together, my apprentices and I have a long three standard months ahead of us and the questions still haunt me, "Do I know what I am doing? And am I doing the right thing? Or are these two more lives I have already laid to waste?" All degrees of control dissipate when the doubt comes flooding back and it troubles me to think that even now I am still afraid. What has the future in store for me? Naturally I, as a Sith, find the uncertainty of the future is an exotic cocktail of fear, excitement and wonder. It is invigorating to ponder on what lies ahead on the path of Darkness and if it ever will come to an end.
"Lord Mortis, did you receive my message?" initially the voice was distant and quiet until once I was dragged back to my quarters I turned in my seat to see a dull gunmetal droid on his small view screen above the comm terminal. Knowing that I should've been more considerate to read that message I made my way over to the terminal and after punching a series of buttons begin to read the message from Commander CO-B8 - or Commander Cobate as he is more commonly known - it was about a change in course. Apparently, due to unusually strong gravitational readings it is feared that some sort of a spacial anomaly might occur on our course and as a result we have to detour through the Xa Fel system.
"Very well Commander, will this have a significant impact on our journey time?" I asked being sure to acknowledge the patiently waiting droid with an authoritative nod.
"Unfortunately so. We will also have to stop at Xa Fel for a day to refuel as we are unable to enter hyperspace in that system."
"So be it. When will we be arriving at Xa Fel?" There was no point in complaining about matters that can't be changed.
"We will be in orbit of the planet in eleven hours sir."
"Thank you Commander." I terminated the transmission and as the screen went dark I returned to my seat.
Sitting down, I lean forward and slip off my loose, canvas sandals and neatly slide them under the bed. Suprisingly I feel light-headed, perhaps the effect from suddenly standing and moving over to the comm-terminal after drearily sitting down for so long. Heavy eyelids begin to close voluntarily and I yawn reaching upwards feeling all the muscles in my shoulders and arms, taught from training yesterday, stretch and it was most satisfying.
Although thin and silky, my bed sheets were enough to keep me warm in the night and were remarkably comfortable; I enjoy the feeling of cool, fresh sheets against my body, clammy and exhausted from intensive training earlier - to be honest, I am starting to worry that all this training is beginning to become unhealthy for my physical condition, I don't ever remember getting this tired so easily - alternatively I might just be pushing myself harder. No. I must stop thinking about training and anything else related, why can't I just settle down and relax? Rather than suffering from another sleepless night, tormented with worry and thoughts about all the complications in my life. I really am beginning to sound like a miserable, old biggot.
With a sigh I happily remember that I will have the opportunity to take a quick break from the unchanging, mind-numbing procedure that is my life. Tomorrow I can spend a whole day and night alone on Xa Fel - no disciples, no children, nothing except me and my shadow - it should be an interesting day.
My living quarters - onboard a sufficiently large vessel (http://pub2.ezboard.com/fswvstitanicfrm13.showMessage?topicID=302.topic) capable of taking myself and my disciples; Jeseth and Seth wherever we wish - were small in a secure, cosy way in which I take great comfort, sitting here, in the corner of a room which is otherwise dark apart from the illuminating blue and white which cascaded in through the window; spiralling and swirling over the plain mattress of my bed and the featureless wall behind it. I find myself enthralled by the dazzling brilliance of hyperspace outside, whilst I sit safely in my chair like the fearless, hardship-enduring Sith Master that I am. My attention is diverted momentarily and I notice I have received a priority four message by the small yellow light which is flashing at my comm-termial across the room, it can wait. Before turning back to the view outside I notice how the light cast upon my wall looks something similar to the light delicately reflected from Lake Porelli under the moon in the still Corellian night.
Once again, I am pulled into the swirling colours like the naive fish to a hook and with my gaze lost in the visual marvel, my mind begins to drift. Together, my apprentices and I have a long three standard months ahead of us and the questions still haunt me, "Do I know what I am doing? And am I doing the right thing? Or are these two more lives I have already laid to waste?" All degrees of control dissipate when the doubt comes flooding back and it troubles me to think that even now I am still afraid. What has the future in store for me? Naturally I, as a Sith, find the uncertainty of the future is an exotic cocktail of fear, excitement and wonder. It is invigorating to ponder on what lies ahead on the path of Darkness and if it ever will come to an end.
"Lord Mortis, did you receive my message?" initially the voice was distant and quiet until once I was dragged back to my quarters I turned in my seat to see a dull gunmetal droid on his small view screen above the comm terminal. Knowing that I should've been more considerate to read that message I made my way over to the terminal and after punching a series of buttons begin to read the message from Commander CO-B8 - or Commander Cobate as he is more commonly known - it was about a change in course. Apparently, due to unusually strong gravitational readings it is feared that some sort of a spacial anomaly might occur on our course and as a result we have to detour through the Xa Fel system.
"Very well Commander, will this have a significant impact on our journey time?" I asked being sure to acknowledge the patiently waiting droid with an authoritative nod.
"Unfortunately so. We will also have to stop at Xa Fel for a day to refuel as we are unable to enter hyperspace in that system."
"So be it. When will we be arriving at Xa Fel?" There was no point in complaining about matters that can't be changed.
"We will be in orbit of the planet in eleven hours sir."
"Thank you Commander." I terminated the transmission and as the screen went dark I returned to my seat.
Sitting down, I lean forward and slip off my loose, canvas sandals and neatly slide them under the bed. Suprisingly I feel light-headed, perhaps the effect from suddenly standing and moving over to the comm-terminal after drearily sitting down for so long. Heavy eyelids begin to close voluntarily and I yawn reaching upwards feeling all the muscles in my shoulders and arms, taught from training yesterday, stretch and it was most satisfying.
Although thin and silky, my bed sheets were enough to keep me warm in the night and were remarkably comfortable; I enjoy the feeling of cool, fresh sheets against my body, clammy and exhausted from intensive training earlier - to be honest, I am starting to worry that all this training is beginning to become unhealthy for my physical condition, I don't ever remember getting this tired so easily - alternatively I might just be pushing myself harder. No. I must stop thinking about training and anything else related, why can't I just settle down and relax? Rather than suffering from another sleepless night, tormented with worry and thoughts about all the complications in my life. I really am beginning to sound like a miserable, old biggot.
With a sigh I happily remember that I will have the opportunity to take a quick break from the unchanging, mind-numbing procedure that is my life. Tomorrow I can spend a whole day and night alone on Xa Fel - no disciples, no children, nothing except me and my shadow - it should be an interesting day.