ReaperFett
Sep 1st, 2001, 08:24:33 AM
www.bbc.co.uk/films/2001/08/28/kim_newman_8_article.shtml (http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2001/08/28/kim_newman_8_article.shtml)
Lets analyse his points, shall we?
Jar-Jar Binks
Was funny
Ewoks - was this a Lucasfilms attempt to copyright teddy bears?
No, they were meant to be an alien species who are ingeius. And it worked
Wholesale wastage of British acting talent.
Oh, now you just sound Xenophobic. Only British matters? People like him make us look bad
"Return of the Jedi". The whole film.
Was great
Did we mention Jar-Jar Binks?
Yeah, and it proves you have no brain, using something twice
Pre-acting classes Harrison Ford, never more convincing than when frozen in a block of solid goo.
well, not moving is convincing when frozen. And ESB was his best performance
Bun-like ear muffs as a female hairstyle, no more flattering for Natalie Portman than Carrie Fisher.
I think baldy is jealous(look at his pic) :)
Dialogue along the general lines of "travellin' through hyperspace ain't like dustin' crops, boy!"
And the problem with this is...?
That special edition re-release with the dodgy CGI Jabba the Hutt spliced in.
And that makes SW rubbish?
Establishing the law that the biggest box office goes to the stupidest films.
And that you write the stupidest articles
Jar-Jar Bloody Binks!
You arent funny!
Wholesale wastage of Samuel L. Jackson.
This was more a cameo. Wait till EP3, then tell me that
Fast-food merchandising tie-ins.
Oh no! Lucas is a businessman!
The cluttering up of the SF shelves at your local bookshop with worthless tie-in junk passed off as novels.
Which are loved by millions
Princess Leia's slave girl outfit in "Return of the Jedi" aside, the remarkable lack of sexiness. There's more steam in ten minutes of "Flash Gordon" than in all four "Star Wars" films to date
Then go rent a porno!
Anyone remember "Caravan of Courage: The Ewok Adventure" and "Ewoks: Battle for Endor", episodes seven and a half and eight and a quarter?
No, but you apparently do. Strange for a non fan
Not including a proper death scene for Peter Cushing.
What, after the Death Star blows up, we should see him die? Get real
Delaying Mark Hamill's discovery of a true career as a voice-over artist playing comic book villains (he's the best-ever Joker).
Nicholson was better. And without SW, he wouldnt have made it
Murderous syntax of the contrived and annoying wise sayings Yoda comes out with.
Alien he is. Speaks like this he does. Stupid you are
George Lucas's persistent attempts to persuade people that children like Jar-Jar Binks and they're who he made the film for in the first place, bless him.
But I know I found Jar Jar funny. So did all the others who liked him
Passing off an embarrassing plot device as a religion
You are on drugs, right? Or, have you even seen the films?
Cute comedy relief robots.
I never considered C-3P0 cute. You need help
What was the name of that kid in "The Phantom Menace", you know the one? Yes, Haley Joel Osment. No, wait a minute. Jake Something. He was dreadful.
Better than your moustache. Then again, what isn't?
Taking up a ridiculous amount of neurons in Kevin Smith's brain that could more profitably be used making his films better.
Or losing the best parts of them maybe?
Press conferences and news stories trying to get excited about the title of a sequel - anyone care what they call "Alien 5" or "Lethal Weapon 5"?
You seem to have been interested. Myabe you should blame yourself?
Still, this had one good thing. If you ever think you are unintellegent, or a moron, just read this. Then, you can realise, there's always someone worse
Lets analyse his points, shall we?
Jar-Jar Binks
Was funny
Ewoks - was this a Lucasfilms attempt to copyright teddy bears?
No, they were meant to be an alien species who are ingeius. And it worked
Wholesale wastage of British acting talent.
Oh, now you just sound Xenophobic. Only British matters? People like him make us look bad
"Return of the Jedi". The whole film.
Was great
Did we mention Jar-Jar Binks?
Yeah, and it proves you have no brain, using something twice
Pre-acting classes Harrison Ford, never more convincing than when frozen in a block of solid goo.
well, not moving is convincing when frozen. And ESB was his best performance
Bun-like ear muffs as a female hairstyle, no more flattering for Natalie Portman than Carrie Fisher.
I think baldy is jealous(look at his pic) :)
Dialogue along the general lines of "travellin' through hyperspace ain't like dustin' crops, boy!"
And the problem with this is...?
That special edition re-release with the dodgy CGI Jabba the Hutt spliced in.
And that makes SW rubbish?
Establishing the law that the biggest box office goes to the stupidest films.
And that you write the stupidest articles
Jar-Jar Bloody Binks!
You arent funny!
Wholesale wastage of Samuel L. Jackson.
This was more a cameo. Wait till EP3, then tell me that
Fast-food merchandising tie-ins.
Oh no! Lucas is a businessman!
The cluttering up of the SF shelves at your local bookshop with worthless tie-in junk passed off as novels.
Which are loved by millions
Princess Leia's slave girl outfit in "Return of the Jedi" aside, the remarkable lack of sexiness. There's more steam in ten minutes of "Flash Gordon" than in all four "Star Wars" films to date
Then go rent a porno!
Anyone remember "Caravan of Courage: The Ewok Adventure" and "Ewoks: Battle for Endor", episodes seven and a half and eight and a quarter?
No, but you apparently do. Strange for a non fan
Not including a proper death scene for Peter Cushing.
What, after the Death Star blows up, we should see him die? Get real
Delaying Mark Hamill's discovery of a true career as a voice-over artist playing comic book villains (he's the best-ever Joker).
Nicholson was better. And without SW, he wouldnt have made it
Murderous syntax of the contrived and annoying wise sayings Yoda comes out with.
Alien he is. Speaks like this he does. Stupid you are
George Lucas's persistent attempts to persuade people that children like Jar-Jar Binks and they're who he made the film for in the first place, bless him.
But I know I found Jar Jar funny. So did all the others who liked him
Passing off an embarrassing plot device as a religion
You are on drugs, right? Or, have you even seen the films?
Cute comedy relief robots.
I never considered C-3P0 cute. You need help
What was the name of that kid in "The Phantom Menace", you know the one? Yes, Haley Joel Osment. No, wait a minute. Jake Something. He was dreadful.
Better than your moustache. Then again, what isn't?
Taking up a ridiculous amount of neurons in Kevin Smith's brain that could more profitably be used making his films better.
Or losing the best parts of them maybe?
Press conferences and news stories trying to get excited about the title of a sequel - anyone care what they call "Alien 5" or "Lethal Weapon 5"?
You seem to have been interested. Myabe you should blame yourself?
Still, this had one good thing. If you ever think you are unintellegent, or a moron, just read this. Then, you can realise, there's always someone worse