Lost and Gone

[Reshmar]

Reshmar Stood Looking out over the waters of his home world. It had been nearly three years since his last Visit home. Re-organizing 3rd Fleet for Commerce raiding had been a more complex and stressing endeavor than he every expected. Now he needed some time to relax and recharge for what was next.

He stood watching Sea Skitts diving for fish in the distance. The water seemed so peaceful, but he knew better. Many dangerous predators filled the azure waters of Dac. The ocean seemed to mirror Space in his mind.. He had spent more of his life in space then planet side. He knew it better; slept better; was happier; and for the most part missed it more, now that he was on Dac; than he missed Dac when he was in space.

The door to his room opened and his wife walked in. She had seemed distanced this last trip home. Reshmar knew life was rough for her. His son was gone now, serving as an aide for a member of Dac's government. He was to life bond soon and Reshmars wife felt more alone now. Not that she had ever not felt alone. He had never been much of a husband of father. He had tried to connect and visit them as often as he could. Even when he had retired and working on the shipyards over Dac he did not know how to connect. He and his wife had been close when they were young. He remembered the birth of his son and how happy they both were. Soon after the Empire invaded Dac and he had been sent to the shipyards.

He would like to think the years he spent working for the empire had destroyed his family, but he knew better. After he joined the resistance and fought the empire a fire ignited inside him that eclipsed any feelings he felt for his wife or son. He looked upon every star as a new chance to fight for freedom and more importantly against the Empire. How young he had been, how naive. All the battles and death he had seen in his life now seemed so barbaric when he looked out over the oceans and at his wife walking to stand beside him.

"Have you Had Dinner?" His wife looked at him with eyes as dark as coal. He saw no life in her now. It was as if she were a shell for what was left of the woman he knew some many years ago. He took her flipper in his and smiled.

"Have I been gone so long all you feel for me is gone?" She looked at him and returned the smile. "I knew when I bonded with you what you were. I will forever love you but life without you has become normal." She released his flipper and her smile faded. "I will make you dinner if you want."

Reshmar nodded and watched as she went into the Kitchen and began to prepare dinner. He had no idea what to say or how to approach her. All he could do is enjoy what time he had and try not to think of tomorrow and leaving Dac once again.

[Reshmar]

“Come sit down Resh, and eat.” He walked over to the small dinning table between the front door and the kitchen. Laid out on the table was a plate of fried khasva and drejil. He looked at his wife and smiled. It had been ten years or more since he had been served khasva. And he could not remember the last time he had it fried with drejil. He sat and waited for his wife to join him. She poured a him glass of water and sat.

“Is it to your liking?” His wife smiled and nodded at his plate. He had forgotten how good of a cook she was. After eating years of fleet rations and navy chef dinners he had forgotten how good food could be.

“Yes it is wonderful, I have not eaten like this in many years.” Her smile broadened and they began to eat. The food was amazing. He now had something he knew he would miss once he left. So much time had passed and the life he had long ago was gone but here and now they shared a meal and both enjoyed the time they had.

“This is wonderful Tuek, Thank you for cooking it.” He finished his plate and drank the last sip of water in his glass. “It has been many years since I have had a dinner as fine as this. Where did you get the drejil, is it not out of season?” Tuekpa finished her meal and took his plate. “I have been working in South Manton City. They have a longer fishing season there. I made sure I got some for you when I got the message you were going to be here.” She stood and excused herself from the table. She watched the expression on Reshmars face change as she turned and walked into the Kitchen. Reshmar sat for a moment and let what she had said sink in.

“South Manton City, why are you working so far from home?” Reshmar knew it was really none of his business how she made a living. He was gone and she had to support herself. The military didn't pay spousal benefits, they have not paid anyone in awhile, not even Reshmar. The money was used to finance the war. She came back out of the kitchen, and stood in the door way.

“I am working at a lab studying the migration patterns of keelkana.” Reshmar sat back and took in what she was saying. “Are you sure that's safe?” Tuekpa made a disgusted sound and rolled her bulbous eyes in a way only a Calamari could. “No more dangerous than you riding a hunk of metal into a firing squad.” She turned and left the room. He knew he had crossed a line. He knew when he crossed it he was in the wrong. He stood and walked out of the dinning room and into the kitchen after her.

“Tuek, I did not mean to upset you. I know I have no right to worry about you, but I do. I have been gone for so long. I feel like I have lost a part of my life by not being here.” Tuekpa turned and looked at Reshmar, “ That is because you have Resh.”

She looked at him and waited for his reaction to her words. She saw the man she loved long ago, the man he could have been. The longer she looked, the deeper her memory went into the past. Her mind ran through the last ten years and slowly the man she loved became what he was now. The man who left her to raise a son and support herself while he flew around finding fight after fight to get into. She knew what he was doing was noble, and his sacrifice kept her and their son safe. So did that mean his sacrifice warranted less respect than hers. She knew he did not mean anything by his words and actions but she was just angry. She knew she should not be, but she was.

He was here now looking for a life that he left behind.. A life he knew he left behind and expected to wait for him while he was off shooting at star destroyers. That life was gone long ago, she had adapted and moved on. Now she had a life that did not include him. A life outside the glitz and glamor of being the wife of a war hero. A life she loved and had wanted for so long. He had made his choice long ago, her choice just took longer to make.

[Reshmar]

Reshmar had no idea what to say. She had been right in everything she said. He Left and she and his son were left to scrape and do what was needed to survive. It was easy to forget that most of the galaxy were not solders.

Tuekpa walked over and hugged Reshmar. She noticed the barbels on his face had nearly doubled since the last time she had held him. She knew he did not know what to do in this position. He had never been the hugging type. He was a warrior down to his core.

“Resh It is OK. I never expected more from you than you gave. My father had been an explorer just like yours. I grew up not knowing him. But he was a good man and I respect him. I just get tired of always hearing about you and everyone bringing you up when they see me. It has been years since Jakpal or I have seen you and when you decide to return, I have to hear about it from strangers.”

Reshmar wrapped his arms around her. It was an uncomfortable feeling. It always had. This was another of his regrets. He wished he had been more interested in them. He did not mean for their lives to be complicated by him and who he was. They were a galaxy away, his thoughts were best spent on more important things. He guessed that was the problem. To him they would never be as important than the fleet. They were not even second he thought more of his men than of his family. How do you tell the woman you love that she is not as important than a million men and women serving in your command. He released his wife and turned away from her.

“Tuekpa, This is not easy for me. And I know it is not fair for you. I have been very unfair to you, and I have not given you the life you needed. For this I am sorry. I can not apologize for others. I do not want to be popular on Dac but that is how it is.” Tuekpa put her hand on his shoulder.

“Resh It is ok, really. Seeing you has just stirred up all the pain I have endured these last few years. Will you be visiting Jakpal while you are in. He misses you Resh.” She took her hand off his shoulder and sat in the nearest chair. Reshmar turned and sat on a couch cross from her. How could he face his son. He did not know him. He would be a stranger and his son had to feel as Tuekpa felt.

[Reshmar]

Reshmar could not sleep. His mind still playing the night with Tuekpa over and over. She had left just before Midnight standard Dac Time, and returned to South Manton City. She no longer needed him, not that she ever really did. Even if she had he never gave it much thought till now. So much had been left undecided, so much hanging in the air between them. He guessed that is the way it will always be. He would go fight for freedom she would forever survive in his shadow making the best of what ever she could.

Dawn came quickly and His night was finally over. Still exhausted and confused, he had to prepare for the meeting with his son and his inspection of the new shipyards. He had no idea what to say to Jakpal.
He thought about canceling the appointment but he felt he should give his son a chance to say his peace as Tuekpa did. Reshmar finished packing what little he had carried with him and called his aide from the hall.

“Lieutenant please ready my transport.”

The tall Calamari officer nodded then walked out of the apartment. Reshmar looked over his itinerary and the day ahead of him. Meetings with fleet command, Shipyard Inspections, holo meeting with 3rd fleet command staff., and his meeting with his son.

As his day slowly progressed all he thought of was the meeting with Jakpal. Very little was discussed at the Fleet command Offices. He had already met with them twice since arriving in the Daca system. The shipyards had slowed production to manage the amount of resources the Alliance had and keep everyone working. Two new MC-80b cruisers filled the majority of the slips. They would finish the six ship production line. Soon a new Cruiser design would be taking the place of the older ships. For now the 80b's were the best ships available to the Alliance navy.

His meeting with 3rd fleet command went as they always do. General Forlon did not bother to send a video feed and was audio only. Admiral Holt said very little outside normal introductions and answering questions. The there was Redic Scott. He did most of the talking as always. Most of the other attending officers just stayed quiet. Now he was in his transport heading to his office to meet Jakpal. He had decided to let his son say what he wanted and be done with the meeting. He was running late and independence was ready and awaiting him to depart.