Evaluation Bandwagon, Woo!

[Captain Untouchable]

I'm pretty sure I made a bandwagon joke last time we did a slew of these, and you all know how much I like recycling the same jokes over and over, so here we go.

I have quite a few (^_^;) characters, so I'll only be drawing attention to the ones I'm writing as / hoping to write as at the moment. Feel free to weigh in on others though, particularly if you want to see more of them: here (http://www.sw-fans.net/forum/showpost.php?p=377682) is a full list.

Star Wars

Vansen Tyree - He started out as pretty much a one-dimensional character, but I've done a lot more writing with him lately (and his younger self). Does the new direction I've been taking work, or does it feel like I've saccrificed too much of the concept just to make him more writeable?

Inyos Aamoran - This guy was supposed to be a one-shot for those Montegue Origins threads that I did, but I ended up keeping him around because I had a soft spot for him. Once the current threads with Wyl and s'Il are done though, he's pretty much at a loose end; and he's certainly been a loner until now. He's getting a padawan at the moment; but does anyone have any thoughts on how else I could integrate him better in to the Jedi?

Jaden Luka - This guy feels really flat to me. He feels like Apollo but without the angst and the daddy issues: just a generic pilot who is a bit of an uptight ass at times. What should I do to make him into a bit more of a compelling character?

Amos Iakona - He was created as a concept, and then I had one of those "Balls... what do I do with him now?" situations. He needs to do get his training going properly, and I have one or two half-ideas for him; but as with Inyos, any thoughts on how I could make him less of a lone wolf?

Torrsk Oruo'rel - Another character created for a specific role. However, since we're a little light on aliens around the place, I'd be interested in doing more with him. Should SpecForce's leader and Bothawui's representative be reserved just for mission briefings and political events, or do people want to see him sticking his nose into other stuff? Perhaps providing a politically-themed antagonist for the Wheel?

John Glayde - He also feels pretty flat. He seems to be a character largely defined by his relationships with others, and doesn't (to me, anyway) seem to have much of his own personality. Anything I should do, or should I just concentrate on surrounding him with more people to bounce off?

Regan Altink - Shameless rip-off, yes; but that's what he's there for. Would people prefer to see him develop a little more, or is he best left as a comic relief cliché?

Muridaemus-musculus & Trip - I'm enjoying writing them... but are they fun to read, or just annoying?

Mutants, Unite

Tom Harriman - He's definately had a surge in activity lately, and is a lot more important in the grand scheme of things than I was expecting him to be. Plan A was for him to pursue his vigilante/Orion exploits with a little Treadstone/X-Force on the side (kind of a Wolverine), but now he seems to have wound up as more of a Cyclops. Should he concentrate on Brotherhood-type threats, or mix in some gang stuff? And more broadly speaking, what would you like to see from Treadstone/X-Force as they start fleshing out?

Kat Harriman - I wasn't expecting to play her in the US at all, but now she's here. She seems to alternate between Baby Sister and Brat Sister; I'm not really sure what I'm doing with her, to be honest. Ideas would help!

Hurucan - How does this guy seem to you? Is he evil? Is he insane? Is he a massive electric douchebag?

Orcus - I've only done a couple of posts as him, though he's cameo'd in other threads. Like with Hurucan... how does this guy seem to you?

Heidrich Alderman & Marcus Godfrey - Very new characters without much done yet, but who I'll be writing as a fair bit. First impressions?

[Vince]

Payment in kind, good sir; you gave some awesome comments on mine, and now I have come to make good!

Inyos - I've not read much of him, but I've read a bit, and I think what he needs is what's happened. He stuck me as the sort of Jedi who needs a padawan like Obi-Wan needed Anakin; without Anakin, Obi-Wan would have been a hell of a lot more stuffy, and much less with the quips and epic sacrifice at the very end. Perhaps some missions with his padawan will allow him to become more fleshed out and dynamic.

Glayde - Given his interaction with Onashi, what could help you with him is to add some idiosyncrasies to him. Onashi is made to be a flat character. He endures plenty of conflict, but none of it really changes him. Glayde is somewhat difficult as he (and Onashi) are part of a section where things happen fairly routinely; they join a unit, do a mission or two, and then leave, or the unit falls apart. If you add some potential background or give him something to wrestle with off the battlefield, it could go a long way.

Regan - I want to see him evolve from a simple cliché to a cliché who develops. Comic relief is something I think can be overdone (I think I've overdone it plenty), but it's better and more stimulating to try for it, while making him something more. He's got the basics of a good relatable character, that is, quirks and such; if you let him run with them, especially in an arena where he's bouncing off different characters, they can develop pretty quickly into an awesome character.

Muridaemus & Trip - Muridaemus is one of those characters who seems dynamic, but also flat. He's energetic, and got plenty of quirks (sword and speech for the obvious), but it's quite a challenge from where I'm typing to try and render him as a character in his own right and not just a flat supporting. I'd say attach him to another character, and do a fair bit of fleshing out over a thread or two.

I'd say keep writing Trip because I think no one else is actually RPing a droid, and as such you deserve a badge, sir. Trip's pitfalls are largely like Julian's in the Mutant setting. How do you portray such an inherently different character, and one that doesn't technically speak? How do you do it engagingly? I feel bad asking those questions, because I don't have many good answers, or any answers at all really, and no one should ask questions without having an answer, or just part of an answer, or even a guess.

Mutants

Tom Harriman - José's been dealing with this guy for a while now, and he's got all the hallmarks of a good hero; and I'm especially glad for the fact that he's doing that research stuff with Dahlia and at Treadstone, because a great superhero story isn't really told about the hero, but his alternate identity. As for who he should focus on, and what he should be doing with X-Force and Treadstone, I think you should do whatever seems like a good story. I'm folding Hurucan in here, too, because a villain is nothing without the hero. Villains are different, because their stories are always the heroes' stories. Give him action against Tom or simply have him move and enter into conflict with Tom (or other mutants), and he could be a class A villain.

[Dasquian Belargic]

I don't have a critique of any particular character, but I do have an observation about your writing as a whole. One thing I have noticed lately, when we've been posting together, is something that you yourself have mentioned with regards to the characters being flat. (This is something I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of too.)

I don't find your writing flat to read, but I have noticed that the tone of your writing doesn't always vary from character to character. That might be because I'm interacting with characters of similar positions like Glayde and Jaden, who are both military men in leadership roles. I feel like you write them in... your voice, if that makes sense. That's not a bad thing necessarily, but from personal perspective if I can't find the right individual tone/voice for a character, I have trouble writing them at all.

[John Glayde]

Yeah, that's pretty much my feeling on those two.

Glayde is pretty much defined by his relationships. When I was writing stuff with Charlotte - where there was a pretty strong relationship, of a sort - it was easy, because there was plenty there to work with. While his mild frustration with Onashi is fun, it's not as extreme a reaction... doesn't give as much to work with. I've been toying with a Montegue: Origins style thread for Glayde; maybe that will help work out what his voice is, or somesuch.

Jaden on the other hand just isn't... anything. He was cooked up to be a pilot, and without actually doing piloting he's a bit defunct. His voice is dogfight voice.

Is it a problem limited to just those two, or are any of my others getting a bit like that?

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Regan's got potential to kind of develop a preference for how he runs things and makes things work, and I've relished the idea at having him kind of be an antagonist to Cirr in some small regard. That you're having him conspire with Lyanie as a diplomatic go-between is even more awesome. Keep it up, because I think that's a great way to give him stories and things to do.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I like Tom a lot. You've spent a lot of time on his backstory and fleshing out his family, and it shows. Whether you use it in an RP or not, he's got a complexity to him from all these past and present relationships. I'm excited for how Die Hard is going to turn out. Allies or enemies? Or a little of both?

The other family characters around Tom are supporting characters only in my mind. Kat certainly seems to only exist to act upon Tom as a character. There is nothing wrong with this! Hurucan and Orcus are sort of the same to me in that they exist only to provide conflict for Tom. If you want to focus in them more as characters in their own right then you'll need to establish relationships between them and other characters.

For example - Hurucan is in the Brotherhood? I don't recall a thread where he is interacting with Brotherhood members (at least not recently and not in LA - I may have missed it). A thread with him and Jane would be fun and help establish that Hurucan has stories to tell that don't involve his vendetta against Tom and his family. Or maybe he doesn't have such stories! Keeping him in supporting cast territory is fine, and more than understandable because you have like a billion characters.

Since you have so many it is important to prioritize. Have 'main' and 'secondary' characters and use your time accordingly. Just a thought/suggestion - and one you probably already follow.

Heidrich is new, but leaps off the page in his one RP. His interaction with Chartis is pretty creepy. Creepy mcCreeperson! I can't wait to find out what his deal is. :)

[Orion]

Rather than mains and secondaries (in the Mutants setting), I'm actually trying for a more "ensemble cast" feel. My focus is on having interwoven arcs and interconnected backstories, and characters will be as prominant or as background as they need to be in order to fit with that. It's something I absolutely love about comic books, so I wanted to try my hand at it for a bit of a change.

It makes things weird, because while from an outside perspective Hurucan looks like a B-list character that is only there to antagonise Tom, he's actually the spider sitting at the middle of a nefarious web of scheming and secrecy. In the same way that Darth Vader is the crucial character in the Star Wars trilogies, Hurucan is crucial for my arcs... we just haven't had the duel on Cloud City or the Prequels yet. Tom on the other hand is more like Luke: he's important in driving the narrative forward now, but a lot of the story happened before he was even born.

*

As for the "is Hurucan Brotherhood" question... yes he is, but it's complicated. He was originally going to be the cell leader in LA way back when we first started the setting, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. His whole personality and character is built around being a charismatic and intelligent leader... not a great CV for part of a cell. Since he's been a mutant terrorist since before Saladin's rise to power, Andrew suggested that maybe he's either a cell leader in his own right, or a free agent who goes where he's needed. I haven't managed to wrap my head around what that would mean in terms of interacting with Jane, which is why I haven't explored that angle at all yet. :uhoh

[Ruz'im]

If Hurucan's a lot more like Vader than I thought (though from the way you describe him, he strikes me as being more of a Palpatine-esque character), he definitely needs some air-time to show him as such; Vader was shown to be a very intimidating and dangerous antagonist even before Cloud City.

Orcus strikes me as being much more Vader-like than Hurucan. If that's the case, then by all means continue as you have with them, because the lead-up should be amazing then.

The problem with an ensemble cast sort of narrative (especially those of comic books, or say television shows), is that its narration is necessarily different from writing a short story or novel, which I feel is closer to what we do here. I like the idea, and think it deserves the effort you've been putting into it; and I'm not saying that one can't write an ensemble narrative in a short story or novel.

The problem that we get with that is the potentiality becoming like a Dostoyevsky novel, or perhaps like the show Lost; we'd need index cards to keep track of all the characters, and if we miss something, we end up having to go through a lot of story to find out what we missed. It doesn't mean it can't be good (I love Dostoyevsky), but it's difficult to pull off.

[Ceto Rübezahl]

You just think Hurucan is Palpatine because he shoots lighting out of his hands. ;)

The Vader comparison was more to do with the fact that over the course of the story, you find out more about him and eventually discover that he isn't who you thought he was in the first place. Both Hurucan and Orcus will go through that sort of revelation transition.

But point taken: Hurucan and Orcus need more screen time. And your warning is sorta why I've been so slow expanding on characters: I don't want to do a mass info-dump a la Lost, so I'm trying to limit things to one or two revelations per chunk of story, so that there aren't too many new faces to cope with. I've actually scripted things out on paper as if it were a season of a TV show, to work out how my pacings should work. Hopefully that will help. :uhoh